As the song goes, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T”. Turns out “RESPECT” is a common theme for generations for fighting various social issues. Be it the slaves, Susan Anthony, Mahatma Gandhi, Rosa respect-in-ivfParks, Madiba, Dr. King, Edie Windsor, and so on. Gautam Buddha had said that desire is the cause of suffering. Is a child a need or a want (desire)? Is having a child a right or privilege? Can we RESPECT the rights of a child? Is IVF/Surrogacy to help only infertility/dysfertility of adults OR does the IVF/Surrogacy child have rights? Infertility is very traumatic, laws are lacking when it comes to helping people without a “genetic link” with a child, so the best way is to circumvent these laws and lie, cheat, fraud and SPLIT innocent, voiceless IVF/Surrogacy siblings? Their innocence should not be ignored, rather protected. Their voicelessness should not be a cause for denial of rights, rather ensure equal rights. We want RESPECT and EQUAL rights for innocent, international IVF/Surrogacy children. If a US Citizen father can be united with his son after years, why can’t another son be united with his father and siblings? Is lack of laws for international IVF/Surrogacy children and families a disability which deserves attention?

Where is the RESPECT?

  1. We gave more respect to an intersex person than what the laws give. We gave more respect to an intersex patient than what medical professionals give. We gave more respect to an intersex immigrant than what the laws give. We gave more respect to an infertile person than laws give. We gave more respect to an infertile, intersex, immigrant than what laws give and more than what their own family gave. Where is the respect for an IVF family including innocent children? Abandoning and splitting our innocent IVF siblings is the best answer?
  2. If infertility is a disease, can the cure be to split innocent IVF/Surrogacy siblings? Where is the respect for the rights of the children?
  3. Is IVF/Surrogacy a disability due to lack of laws and the wild west approach? We need a ramp in terms of laws and allow us basic human decency and respect. 
  4. When two children are born exactly the same way through international IVF/Surrogacy, one is lied about to circumvent the lack of laws while the same limitations in the laws are cleverly manipulated and used against the other IVF/Surrogacy sibling to abandon them while leaving them in legal limbo and thus splitting the innocent siblings. Where is the respect for children and their rights?
  5. While the one child who is lied about gets to the US circumventing the laws, the other is land-locked in India due to the same lack of laws. The laws need to be applied consistently, either allow both in the US or allow both in India and the result is the innocent, voiceless siblings are UNITED. The intent was to have children and raise them lovingly together, SPLITTING them was never a goal. Inconsistency in application of the laws is discrimination. Where is the respect?
  6. Is the message then that if an infertile person lies, cheats, breaks laws, they deserve compassion and crimes will be overlooked? Where is the compassion for an innocent, voiceless IVF/Surrogacy child who is abandoned and SPLIT from their sibling? We must respect women, can we start with respecting the rights of an innocent, abandoned IVF/surrogacy girl child?
  7. If a non-genetic person gets custody of an IVF/Surrogacy child they should also be held equally responsible and accountable for an IVF/Surrogacy child they consented to in the best interest of the child, surrogate and the left-behind parent. Having a “check and balance” system both provides justice to innocent and serves as a deterrent to prevent crime in the first place.
  8. When an IVF/Surrogacy child is abandoned, one ALSO abandons the compassionate egg donor and surrogate. Would they have agreed to help if they were told the resulting child would be abandoned? Who protects their rights and respect them?
  9. When an infertile person pretends to have given birth to a child which biologically they cannot, are they disrespecting the truth and the compassionate contributions of the donor and surrogate AND are they disrespecting other IVF parents who have to suffer due to lack of laws and for being truthful (like waiting years to get their IVF/Surrogacy child a legal identity)? Is this the kind of respect to teach the IVF/Surrogacy child? And how do these lies help change the laws so that others don’t have to lie and split siblings in order to have a child at any and all costs?
  10. When an intersex person pretends to have given birth to a child which biologically they cannot, are they disrespecting the trauma and abuse of the spouse AND other intersex people who continue to suffer due to lack of laws and them wanting to live truthfully? While all may not understand this, but an intersex person understands that lies are the worst culprits as they have been subjected to it for decades. Why continue a “different” set of lies onto innocent IVF/Surrogacy children and expect different results? And how do these lies help change the laws so that other intersex people don’t have to lie to have children by splitting them?
  11. One can understand the desire to have a child at any and all costs but should it be a trade of “child for a child” and splitting innocent siblings? Where is the respect in that?
  12. An intersex, immigrant, IVF parent survived despite the extreme trauma, where is the respect in his contributions and those that of his family specifically in raising the IVF/Surrogacy infants under extreme trauma and stress?
  13. While people and LAWS are still debating on “equal rights” for intersex, IVF/Surrogacy children and families, we have already been there and done that, now what about rights of our innocent IVF/Surrogacy children who are deliberately SPLIT? Where is their RESPECT?
  14. Right answer will never be splitting siblings or breaking laws, right answer is petitioning for updation in laws for intersex, IVF, immigrant children and families so that people don’t feel threatened by laws to actually conspire to willfully abandon and split IVF siblings.
  15. Children have rights too, yeah? Even if they are voiceless, yeah? By stating facts, we are stopping the lies and abuse while also respecting the innocent, voiceless IVF siblings for who they are. RESPECT, give some, get some.

No one is claiming intersex or infertile or IVF/Surrogacy parents or children are wrong despite what the laws claim. It is the LIES which are wrong. Especially lies which circumvents laws and risks innocent lives of others. Like everything else, there are always a few bad apples and a few bad apples should NOT ruin it for others. However, we need to build a system of checks and balance so that the innocent are protected and victims rights are ensured from the few bad apples. Criminals lie to hide facts. How do we deal with criminals and the lies? Reward or punishment? Innocent children are neither criminals nor did they lie. How do we deal with them? SPLIT them or UNITE them? R-E-S-P-E-C-T in 2015?

2 thoughts on “R-E-S-P-E-C-T”

  1. You bought into a sales pitch by a big industry that wants couples to believe that donor gametes con be used by couples to have their own child. Come on you know that is not true. You keep saying your spouse consented to the creation of these children and should be on the hook for abandoning them but your spouse did not consent to the creation of a child. Seriously go to your files and look it up look at who actually consented to reproduce who signed the forms agreeing to have the fertility treatment? I’m not talking about consenting to pay for it but only two people reproduced. Whatever the third person was doing it was not conceiving or reproducing. Why should anyone just let them pretend to e a parent

    1. The issue is inconsistency! Either apply the laws equally for all IVF/Surrogacy children born the same way where a non-genetic parent gets equal rights or not. The fact is NO CONSENT, NO CHILD. In fact, there is a jingle…NCNCRA (No Consent, No Child comes with Responsibility and Accountability) which can be sung to the tune of either John Lennon’s “imagine” or Bob Marley’s, “No Woman, No Cry”. The idea is adults (fertile or infertile) need to be held accountable for their actions and automatically innocent IVF/Surrogacy children will have their rights protected and not be abandoned. Sure its a few bad apples but we need legal solutions. If you look at the world population, pedphiles are a “few bad apples” but we still have laws to protect us from pedophiles, where are the laws to protect innocent children from IVFphiles and IVF terrorists?

      As an intersex, immigrant, IVF spouse, we were just stumbling along in secrecy (none of the facts were to be told to anyone because you know, lies is how the society has handled these multi-taboo subjects). Am convinced had we been allowed to share the truth with anyone, someone would have stopped us and innocent children would have been spared a life of lies and secrecy. And of course, we would have been allowed to RESPECT our children for who they are.

      Did you know that the bio parent was forced to MISS the first father’s day because we had to lie about the first IVF child’s birth to show the infertile spouse gave “birth” to the child. Where is the respect for the egg donor and surrogate? Is this what we want to teach our children? We had rather celebrate the compassion shown, it is what makes us human. The icing on the cake is the ex- LIED to the court in the divorce filing that her mother’s day was NOT celebrated when there is evidence to disprove that but then again as most people will tell you, if you lie to any court, its perjury but if you lie to family court, its OK. Perhaps the bio IVF father should have dressed up as a woman looking 6 months pregnant (reflecting the facts) in the US court while the IVF//Surrogacy child was still in term in India to send a clear message of the facts. Rarely, a man and his “pregnant” child is left-behind and abandoned after giving joint consent and IVF/Surrogacy presents this. Have the laws caught up with the technology in the best interest of the child? If a child were left-behind by a man, they would have rights but an IVF/Surrogacy child has no rights? Thought a “child is a child”, right? How is this respecting an IVF/Surrogacy child? It is worse than human trafficking, it is worse than child trafficking, it is IVF terrorism which deserves NO respect. And we need laws to give respect to innocent children and stop discriminating based on “birth type”. All this may be “new” but that does not justify disrespecting innocent human life. It is NO cloak to hide behind. RESPECT is all we ask. First for our children. Respect women, start with an abandoned girl child.

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