Living in the Present

After living a decade of secrecy and lies, there is nothing we wish than to move forward. The trauma and live in the presenttragedy will NEVER be able to be captured in words. In order to move on, we need a PRESENT and a FUTURE. Having a STATELESS child is our present. Having a brother and sister who have NEVER met is our PRESENT. Being able to LIVE FREE and WITH TRUTH is our PRESENT and FUTURE. After being left for dead in an IVF holocaust, it is a miracle to have survived through the love and support of family.

Continuing to live in secrecy and lies is NOT going to get our STATELESS children their RIGHTS. Continuing to suffer in SILENCE is NOT going to arouse CHANGE for the FUTURE. Continuing to live as a VICTIM is NOT going to breed HOPE for the future. Some intersex parents have been taught to teach their intersex children to LIE which BREAKS laws and violates human rights of others is NO way to achieve SOCIAL JUSTICE. In a few years when the IVF brother and sister are adults and meet, instead of sharing their childhood pictures and videos of growing up separately, we would like them to be together in the same pictures and videos.

The PRESENT

One man, two IVF children, six women – thats our PRESENT. International IVF, immigration laws, invisible in the eyes of the law – thats our PRESENT. All marriages (whether legal or illegal) have issues and quite a few end up in divorce but they DO NOT SPLIT siblings – brother and sister. Thats our PRESENT – SEPARATED SIBLINGS. Does a son have a right to grow up around his only known biological family? His primary care provider? His sibling he dreamt of? His fast-aging grandparents? Does he have ANY rights? Will the son, a MALE, learn to be compassionate, truthful, loving, caring, etc? And what are the BENEFITS of it – like his father, be separated from his son? There are fathers who do NOT have primary custody of the children but at least have practical joint custody and can actively PARTICIPATE in their child’s life after a divorce. Living in forced EXILE on a DIFFERENT continent with NO ACTIVE PARTICIPATION in our child’s life – thats our PRESENT. Good fathers do NOT have primary custody because they LIED, CHEATED their spouse. Do LIARS, CHEATERS, FRAUDSTERS get primary custody of CHILDREN? During the “baby scoop era”, double standards were used against “single mothers” to SPLIT their BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN from them. Today of course, single motherhood is celebrated. Is there a REPEAT of double standards of SPLITTING BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN from their IVF parents – if not deliberately then inadvertently due to lack of laws? What is definition of CHILD ABDUCTION?

If you consent to international IVF as a couple, are BOTH responsible and accountable for the IVF child? And what are the rights of the IVF child if the IVF pregnancy is ABANDONED midway when one person changes their mind? Does that mean an existing IVF brother LOSES the RIGHT to have a sibling? What are the human rights and child rights of the IVF child? Should the IVF child be condemned to become STATELESS because of an abandoning adult? What about the DREAMS that the IVF father and son SHARED to enjoy a sibling together and kept trying for three years? Are IVF children humans with basic human rights and same needs as traditional born children? Is the ONLY way to ensure IVF child has ANY rights in an international (immigration) IVF if your egg, womb or sperm is used in an IVF cycle? Sadly, children inherit RIGHTS from PARENTS and IVF fundamentally changes this basic assumption of “LEGAL PARENT” – thats our PRESENT.

The FUTURE

We want to MOVE FORWARD. Being stuck in several episodes of “Twilight zones” combined into one, it is IMPOSSIBLE to move forward. Witnessing the rights of innocent, voiceless children being violated with NO relief for VICTIMS and NO DUE PROCESS makes it IMPOSSIBLE to move forward.

The bigger question is what is the future of rights for IVF children and families? Is the strategy to use secrecy and lies which has failed in dealing with other traumatic conditions? We are already seeing glimmers of EQUALITY when in 2013 gay immigrant families are allowed in the US. If this were true for IVF children and families in 2009, the innocent IVF brother and sister would NOT have been separated.

During the baby scoop era, mothers were coerced, lied to, and forced to give up their child for adoption only for governments to apologize later. In dealing with intersex for decades, a concealment based approach was used with a complex web of secrecy and lies including fraud medical records. Both have been REJECTED and dealing with TRUTH is accepted. Is history repeating with IVF children and families where a complex web of secrecy, coercion, lies, fraud legal documents, breaking the laws is being FORCED? Like other cases, truth will prevail and secrecy and lies including fraud records and documents to SEPARATE children from biological families is a failed approach. 

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