Should we lie to our children or should we teach them to lie or are children smart and learn from our lying? The conventional wisdom is one should not lie to children, say the truth but in an age appropriate manner and most certainly without breaking any laws. However, do all parents adhere to this? By lying to children we are creating a whole new generation of WRONG.
1) Trauma or No Trauma?
An intersex person is born this way naturally but yet the secrecy and lying make it some “unnormal” condition. One intersex person may claim their situation is very traumatic, another may take offense to the word, “trauma” and would rather see it as just is. What about someone who has to DEAL with all the issues of intersex in secrecy and lying while breaking the laws? If its NOT TRAUMATIC, then what would be the need to create false and fraudulent medical records?
Some people may try to play a spin on it and claim, well that’s just the way we have dealt with the condition for decades – with secrecy, lying and fraud medical records. Right, and ask the intersex person who was the victim how they feel about it? Just because we have been committing crimes as an institution for decades, it still remains a CRIME. Even if the “institution” claims it is not a crime, how does robbing from a child using lies make it “right”? In a first of its kind case, a court in the US recently admitted a case that claims the intersex surgery on innocent children is unconstitutional. Lying to children, lying to parents, is WRONG. Times are changing…is it WRONG to lie to spouses of intersex also?
2) Lessons learnt – TRUTH or LIES?
The lesson learnt is CLEAR. Lying to children in WRONG. Parents of intersex children who were either lied to or were forced to lie to their intersex children is also WRONG. Empowering with TRUTH is the right answer. The right answer is to get equal rights for intersex and discuss the issues that face intersex families and get laws. As canaries in the coal mine who miraculously survived, lying to children does not help the child. When the child grows up into an adult, they may NOT like their parents who lied to them. Worse, they may also LIE and hurt others. It’s a vicious circle.
Should we LIE to IVF children? Should an IVF parent be forced to LIE to his IVF child? The society, the doctors, the laws all want the IVF parent to LIE to his IVF son. Should these LIES be used against the innocent, voiceless IVF child to separate him from his siblings and family? And how exactly will that HELP the innocent, voiceless IVF child? The right answer is to discuss the issues of international IVF children and families and get laws. It maybe a lifelong fight but its the right fight.
3) The Right Fight for a Parent
Just like an intersex person will always have close ties to intersex issues, IVF children and families will always have close ties to IVF issues. We are BORN THIS WAY. What’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. Understanding and sympathizing with desperation of an intersex person is one thing but to REPEAT the secrecy and lies with a whole new class of children and creating new victims due to secrecy and lying is different.
An intersex parent may have been lied to or were taught to lie to their intersex child. How has that helped? Why REPEAT the same with another class of minority – IVF children and parents? How will that help? How do you get justice and relief as victims using secrecy? For a parent, it is one thing to be slapped BUT to have your innocent child SLAPPED is more than a school yard fight. Because this SLAP is about dignity and respect for basic human rights and NOT treat innocent, voiceless IVF children like “property”. Its a SLAP that NO other IVF child or parent should have to endure or experience. Having experienced intersex, IVF, immigration, lies, breaking laws, secrecy and beyond, it is time to STOP and place children FIRST.
A Canadian couple had opted for IVF in India but due to an accident at the IVF clinic in India, the sample got swapped and thus there was a DNA mismatch. As per prevailing immigration laws, the IVF child could NOT immigrate to Canada without a “biological link”. The non-biological IVF parents gave up everything in Canada and moved to India for 6 years and fought for 6 years to have the IVF child legally taken to Canada. It is NOT about the biology, it is about LOVE and TRUTH and while they had 6 horrific years they never planned or imagined, their prayers were answered because they spoke the TRUTH. In the end, what’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong.
In another IVF case in India, the non-biological parent from the US never came to India on an IVF child’s birth and thus abandoning her. The IVF child is still languishing in LEGAL LIMBO and STATELESS after 4 years of innocent life. Why bother commissioning IVF if this is the horror to level on an innocent, voiceless child? Where was the non-biological US parent?