Why We Need IVF Crisis Centers and What Is Their Impact?

Would the same children have got justice if a husband had abandoned them? Would the cry of a helpless intersex, immigrant, IVF father for his children be heard if crisis centers existed?  There is nothing stereotypical about an intersex, immigrant, IVF parent. What is worse is their children cannot get justice? Is that right? If there are rape crisis centers, why are there no IVF crisis centers? Rape is a terrible crime and for decades if not centuries has been either shoved under the carpet and worse no justice for the survivors who instead are re-victimized using a “blame the victim” approach. We can take some learning lessons on how we have dealt with this? Rape can also include sexual, emotional, financial and social rape. If IVF crisis centers existed, would innocent IVF children  and families get justice they deserve? What is the impact of crisis centers?

1. Legally, an intersex, immigrant, IVF parent cannot exist without violating some laws. This means when you approach a court for relief, you will first be intimidated, threatened with dire consequences because laws have been violated and are complicit to the crimes, the result is the parent is denied justice and implicitly are the innocent children. Slavery was legal but still wrong, “Jim Crow” laws were legal but Rosa Parks was right for taking a stand against the prevailing laws. What should an intersex, immigrant, IVF father do because cheating, lying, abuse, abandoning an innocent child will always remain a crime regardless of decade or century.
2. In any war, the innocent and children are spared. Then why aren’t innocent children spared in the war on fertility? With complex international case of IVF severely lacking laws, what if someone with full knowledge of laws (or lack thereof) misuses them for personal benefit while denying rights to innocent children. Who protects them? A crisis center can help separate facts from fiction and help innocent.
3. If a person is raped, a heinous act, they cannot change that but crisis centers can provide moral, emotional, legal, financial support. They get to meet other survivors of rape. They also get an opportunity to seek justice through proper channels with access to proper tools. Courts, police, evidence, justice system, etc. They also have a support group including medical professionals, lawyers, police, other survivors who encourage them to share the truth and not doubt OR ask them to be hushed and forget the heinous crime ( as was 100 years ago).
4. Now imagine a repeat of this for an IVF parent. Worse, imagine not getting justice for innocent IVF children? Without a crisis center, all the tools are absent and inaccessible and justice is denied and a survivor is victimized again using a “blame the victim” approach. Is helping an infertile person a crime and will it be so forever?
5. If a rape survivor is not given proper support, that does not mean the rape did not occur and they still want justice. Without proper tools, they will try to collect evidence, testimony, etc on their own just so that they can file a legal case. A rapist is neither a good person nor void of other crimes meaning when a rape survivor tries to collect evidence on their own, they may be exposed to other bad elements of society including more crimes and possibly risking their life and worse exposing them to be raped again. But the thirst for justice is so high that these risks seem miniscule.
6. Now imagine an IVF parent trying to seek justice for his IVF children. They are also exposed to criminals who are white collar criminals and more dangerous because they use education as the weapon of choice to lie. How is that justice for abandoned IVF child and an alienated IVF child?
7. People want to believe we live in an “equal” world. The reality is we would like to live in an “equal” world but are working towards it. This is a fact and acceptance of the problem is the first step towards a solution. If world was equal, intersex marriages would be legal. If world was equal, parents could immigrate with children without a genetic link (highly relevant legal criteria in international IVF). If world was equal, breastfeeding an infant would require one to have milk and not whether you are male or female, mother or father. In IVF or adoption cases, it is not uncommon for the intended parent to breastfeed even though the birth mother is a different individual.
8. The idea is simple – truth can only help, denying it can only create more victims. And justice often is synchronous with truth as it seeks facts. When truth is denied, justice is denied and the future is not helped because no change occurs as we are still in denial.
9. As the recent medical report about Adam Lanza revealed that it was the “appeasement approach” including the mother and the so called “experts” which led to his demise and other innocent. The weapon doesn’t always have to be a “gun“, it can also be false records with equally devastating effect on innocent children and victims. When the “experts”/ “system” teaches a person to lie whether through appeasement or directly, it can have disastrous consequences creating innocent victims including children just like for intersex, immigrant, IVF families.
10. Change is constant and its often encountered with opposition at first leading to secrecy, lies, false allegations, persecution, etc. As it stands today, an intersex, immigrant, IVF person cannot take an IVF child born in India to the US if all laws are followed, does that mean one should lie, cheat, fraud and deny rights of others including innocent children? The right answer is accepting facts, changing laws and moving forward. Denial is not a solution.