When Lies Ruin Lives and Break the Laws

There is severe trauma and depression for intersex people. That’s what the medical professionals tell us. There is severe depression and trauma when an intersex person has surgery and goes on hormonal therapy changing every way imaginable. They deserve every bit of compassion and support but also LIES which breaks laws? The same person is allowed to be a primary care provider of an infant under the same diagnosis without any medical help? Can’t have it both ways or can you? Rather than continuing to lie and making this case about rights of a biological parent Vs non-biological parent OR rights of an intersex person Vs non-intersex person AND so on, what about rights of immigrants, infertile, IVF children and families? For the record, why do intersex people do not have equal rights to marry or immigrate based on marriage or have reproductive rights to non-biological IVF children born outside the US? Are these issues of the spouse of intersex and IVF father trying to help or a human rights and legislative issue? The truth is this is about a person who relentlessly lies, breaks laws, teaches others to lie resulting in victimizing unsuspecting innocents including children. And when one lie gets caught, there are a set of thousand more lies to hide one lie which dehumanizes people including innocent children. This is about someone who is a criminal and the lies have caught up. If it were about compassion, then where is the compassion for an innocent, abandoned IVF child who is in legal limbo? By continuing the lies, are we suppressing the abuse on innocent children and unsuspecting spouse? Will lies achieve a solution or accepting the truth, however bitter, lead us to move forward and provide a practical solution for all victims?Are the lies ruining lives or helping lives prosper?

It is a fact that intersex marriage is not allowed as per prevailing laws. If you are intersex or a supporter of intersex, is the right answer to demand for equal marriage rights or lie and fraud unsuspecting victims into a fraud marriage? Regardless of whether a spouse of intersex believes in human rights of intersex, the fact that they have been lied to is what constitutes fraud. No marriage can be based on a foundation of lies. Certainly, it cannot be entertained as “love for the spouse” if at all, it is love for thyself. Divorces happen, but do innocent siblings get SPLIT? If a man married a woman, had biological children with her, and then later announced he is gay leading to a divorce, will the children of the marriage be SPLIT? Will the children be taken away from the mother who was the silent spectator to the discovery? Did the mother do anything wrong? Did she cheat? Did she fraud?

It is a fact that US Immigration laws did not allow “same-sex” couples to sponsor immigration for their spouses nor could they marry legally. Law abiding citizens waited, some even over 40 years to be allowed to marry legally – making it a very emotional story because truth is involved. What if an intersex person immigrated to the US based on marriage before 2013, is that legal? More importantly, can other intersex people repeat the same or are they being encouraged to break the laws also? When one takes help of lies, it only ruins lives and certainly one cannot talk openly about the facts and truth because laws were broken. How is it a greater good?

It is a fact that intersex people are infertile. They can either adopt or have children through IVF. In countries like India, intersex people are legally recognized as a “third gender” and can neither adopt or opt for IVF/surrogacy. Then how can an intersex person have custody of an IVF child without breaking any laws? More importantly, can another intersex person repeat it without breaking laws? Isn’t it better to instead demand for equal rights like Edie Windsor or Tony Briffa for the greater good? More importantly, just like the relationship with the spouse of intersex was based on foundation of lies which ruined lives, why repeat a strategy of lies with innocent IVF child, separate him from his siblings and biological family and expect a different outcome? So an intersex person successfully lied, frauded, cheated their spouse whom they claim to “love”, next they got US immigration through marriage before “same-sex” immigration was legalized, next they had an IVF child and claimed it as their own biological child because the law would not support them otherwise, next they abandoned an IVF child and sent the biological parent on a IVF horror story from hell involving, gender, biology, immigration and IVF discrimination…and now want utter silence from the victims? And they expect the IVF child will grow up with no issues once the truth is learnt? Had the spouse of intersex LEFT like majority of men do and not dealt with the complex issues on the plate, well for one, there would be no IVF brother and sister to be UNITED and this conversation would never happen. However we have someone who is a victim of nature Vs someone who is a victim of human actions including innocent children, where do we go from here? “All I am saying is lets give truth a chance.”

It is a fact that about 1 in 6 couples experience infertility. It is a fact that 100% of intersex couples are infertile or dysfertile. Shouldn’t we be advocating for equal reproductive rights for all? That is possible only if truth is allowed. Within the minority of infertile couples, some opt for IVF/surrogacy – the ones who can afford it. In even a smaller minority, some couples divorce during an ongoing IVF pregnancy or known as IVFphiles. What about the rights of the IVF child as an individual? All ongoing natural born pregnancies have to be reported to the court during a divorce in the best interest of the child, why not “equal” laws for IVF children? Are IVF children LESS of a child or have LESS of needs for their welfare and well-being? Even if inadvertent, the negligence treats the IVF child like “property” and denies them the “basic respect and dignity as a human being”, if not equal. The inaction only continues the abuse, injustice and denial of rights. If there are safe haven laws for natural born children, why not the equivalent for IVF children? And how does one deal with international IVF and immigration laws are involved?

Why should an innocent, voiceless child have to suffer and be punished by placing them in legal limbo without a legal identity for crimes they did not commit? Enough is enough.

• First lies to cheat and fraud an unsuspecting spouse of intersex.
• Next the abuse while undergoing severe medical treatment during marriage.
• Next the inability to cope both as a “parent” and a “severe trauma and depression patient” and the resulting abuse on innocent child.
• Next when threatened by a split and the spouse wanting to say the truth for his own sanity, the criminal realizes they may never be able to have a child again. So let us abandon an innocent child, split the one child from his siblings and primary care provider – another genetic male, and alienate the child systematically from his only known biological family.
• The medical treatment works but it also takes time and the intersex person today may not be the same person a decade ago when under severe trauma and depression. But did that come at the price of ruining lives of the spouse and IVF brother and sister? Does that mean the crimes did not occur? Does that mean the laws were not broken?