Use, Abuse, and Discard – Intersex, IVF, Immigration

There are always TWO sides of the story in any relationship. If the relationship is healthy, there is no break-ups. If the relationship is unhealthy, there are break-ups. How a break-up occurs reveals the TRUTH in an unhealthy relationship. If children are involved in a break-up, it says a lot about the person on how much they love themselves Vs their claimed love for children in the relationship. In a healthy break-up, the children get to see both parents and have the opportunity to live freely. In an unhealthy break-up the abuse continues in the form of parental alienation, secrecy and lying and restricting free will and freedoms of an innocent child. The slavery to secrecy and lies continue. There may be violations of the court order but thats OK. There may be gross violations of laws but thats OK. Depending on which side of the coin you are, you got USED, ABUSED and DISCARDED. Thats OK for an adult (is it?), is it ALSO OK for innocent, voiceless children? Are SIBLINGS important?

“This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court. For those who support status quo, we did maintain status quo and look what happened – two innocent and voiceless siblings, on two continents, in LEGAL LIMBO. Let us NOT repeat status quo, let us ask for CHANGE and MOVE FORWARD. What is different about an intersex relationship between immigrants who do international IVF to have children? Is it “unconventional” for a male to ask for rights of a child, just wait for a few years now that gay marriages are being legalized, gay divorces will follow and it will become “conventional” (meaning laws will be formulated) but it may be TOO LATE for the innocent brother and sister. This case is from the FUTURE but the strategy of secrecy, lies, fraud, manipulation of systems, breaking laws are consistent with a criminal.

1) Intersex

Lot of complex issues and breaking the laws for starters. One has SPLIT two kids on two continents. Legally there is shared custody of child but NOT practical custody. Ironically, IVF is done due to infertility of intersex and now the biological parent has to deal with legalizing a STATELESS IVF daughter while SPLIT from his son. We have gone beyond USED, ABUSED, and DISCARDED. It is one thing to ABUSE an adult (actually a male) but it is totally different to ABUSE an innocent, voiceless child. It is one thing to SLAP your spouse/partner, it is totally different to SLAP an innocent child and DENY them basic rights as a human being. Legally, intersex are either invisible to less rights to no rights. Does the spouse inherit the same unequal rights by association and dealing with the effects of intersex? Intersex are victims of nature and unsuspecting spouse of intersex are victims of _____? What is worse – victim of nature or victim of a criminal? Any loving relationship (spouse, parent-child, friends) based on a foundation of LIES is not LOVE. It is pretending to get what you want including breaking the laws. US President Obama has no patience for lack of gay rights. What about lack of immigration rights for LGBTI and IVF children and the folks who still have to deal with those effects with two kids on two separate continents? Intersex is very traumatic, wait till you meet infertility.

Even FDA recalls drugs after learning the TRUTH – the same drugs that it once deemed safe and effective when they approved it. That’s the power of truth – it allows an opportunity to fix once truth is known, it offers a SOLUTION.

2) Infertility

Thankfully to some great medical research and work, we have an opportunity to use techniques like IVF to have children and deal with infertility. Unfortunately, IVF is not affordable by everyone and IVF is a journey. First there is the money issue. Next there is the matching of the donors, surrogate issue (depending on your case). In an IVF between two genetic males, one needs both an egg donor and a surrogate – a scientific fact. Then there is the stress, the anxiety, the uncertainty, the ups, the downs, the valleys, the hills, and for some lucky folks, the end of the roller coaster ride blesses you with a lovely IVF child. The first trauma is missing the birth of your child or celebrating it due to secrecy and lies. Despite “conventional stereotypes”, the father becomes the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for the infant because the intersex person is still undergoing medical treatment and is in a transition phase. There is an inseparable bond between the son and the father as a result. Feeding is an issue for IVF children as the surrogate may not be around depending on the case. Formula is a good alternative to breastfeeding. But what if a genetic male wants to take hormones and attempt breastfeeding? How many mothers come home after child birth and ask the fathers of the child to breastfeed their child? huh? How many gay parents bring home an infant and attempt to breastfeed by taking hormones to lactate? Yes, after the roller coaster of IVF, one has to endure watch their innocent, voiceless IVF infant be abused at failed attempts of breastfeeding and going hungry. Intersex is very traumatic, then you meet infertility, now wait till you meet international IVF and immigration laws for immigrants.         (Hint :                     ) <- attempt to show “do not exist”….

3) International IVF and Immigration

We do NOT have consistent LAWS internationally. So an international IVF by immigrants can create some very UNIQUE and RARE circumstances. Only someone with intimate knowledge of the facts can use it to MANIPULATE to their advantage. It is one thing to say that you know better to an immigrant in an intersex marriage, we should NOT have done international IVF because laws do NOT support it. Does that mean infertile immigrants should remain childless including intersex immigrants? However, two lovely IVF brother and sister are BORN, now what? If a building is illegally constructed, either break it down or legalize it assessing penalties. The IVF children are illegal, should we “break them down” or legalize them? This is HUMAN LIVES we are discussing.

Immigrants do NOT have same rights as citizens. Thats a legislative issue. What happens when this is used disparagingly against the male and worse against innocent, voiceless IVF children? And yet go on to claim they LOVE a child? Alienating a child from the parent is abuse yet common. But alienating a child from a sibling takes a WHOLE NEW LEVEL of ABUSE. Moreover, placing the sibling in LEGAL LIMBO for their personal interests takes VIOLATION of human rights and child rights to WHOLE NEW LEVEL. Do you think its a very selfish way to show LOVE for a child? If we are going to allow to have IVF children be born with NO responsibility on the commissioning adult, what’s next? Human cloning for personal benefits?

4) BONUS: Caregiver

Intersex is very traumatic, then you meet infertility, now you have met IVF and immigration. Most intersex people have surgery done to them without informed consent. It is so traumatic and torturous that the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to this. Rarely, the same surgery is done DURING a marriage. Typically the parents are the caregivers of intersex and have help and support. If a spouse has cancer or mesothelioma, a caregiver spouse is allowed to share the truth and get help and support. What about the spouse caregiver of intersex? Should they be forced into SILENCE under threats? Is that abuse? Where were the parents of the intersex after the surgery? Now meet all at the SAME time – intersex, infertility, international IVF, immigration, caregiving. Result is Secrecy and Lies  under THREATS rule while innocent, voiceless brother and sister are being punished for crimes they did not commit. Does not sound like JUSTICE, does it?

The issue is NOT whether an intersex person can be a parent, or a non-biological person can be a parent,

the issue is when a person is suffering from severe trauma and is undergoing medical treatment, how can they be a PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for an infant? And what about the abuse endured? And when the medical situation has stabilized, they have USED the caregiver, ABUSED the spouse and now DISCARDED the spouse and the IVF child leaving them in LEGAL LIMBO because it NO LONGER SUITS them. We can accept situation is traumatic for which LIES need to stop and TRUTH needs to come out – first for the sake of innocent, voiceless children need RELIEF as VICTIMS if not justice.

Its a fact we need equal rights for intersex, IVF children and families, caregivers. If no one speaks up, we will NEVER get started and NEVER get the equal rights. We did the Intersex, IVF, Immigration journey in secrecy and lies, NOW it is time to ask for equal rights with education and awareness – if not in our lifetime then at least in our children’s lifetime. TRUTH is the solution, secrecy and lies are disastrous – one gets USED, ABUSED, DISCARDED in a whole NEW LEVEL. This is abnormal behavior. There are intersex people who are living with the TRUTH, have legally ADOPTED kids, are good parents. They do not PREY on unsuspecting people and break the laws and commit crimes. These are traits of a criminal regardless of sexual orientation or gender.