Trauma for Intersex, What is the Trauma for Spouse and IVF Children?

Its 2014 but intersex is a taboo subject and not many people know about it. As per NIH, intersex is a medical condition that affects about 1 in 2000 births and some more rarer form of intersex are 1 in 20000 births. Historically it has been dealt with secrecy and lies somehow thinking that is a “good solution”. Shoving issues under the carpet is not an answer especially involving innocent, voiceless children. Due to decades if not centuries of repeated lies and secrecy, there has been little education or awareness about the subject. As a result, there are NO laws to address the rights of intersex people and families. In addition to the medical condition which is dealt with secrecy and lies, intersex families also have to deal with remaining “legally invisible”. This fosters an environment of social and legal ostracization which is formalized and legalized. Due to the dual complications of the medical and legal secrecy and lies, there is severe trauma, depression, stigma, etc. If this is true for an intersex person, what is it like for a spouse of intersex and his IVF children of an intersex family? Have the lack of laws and medical issues compounded? Is it a “linear” or an “exponential” compounding meaning have the complications quadrupled or is it sixteen times more complicated? Secrecy and stigma are the biggest culprits.

If an intersex person deserves basic rights then where are the laws to support the statement? If an intersex person deserves basic rights then do immigrant, IVF fathers deserve them too? Do immigrant IVF children of immigrant, IVF fathers deserve rights too? How many laws and people’s rights have to be violated in order to hide a lie?

Wanting children is a human right but having children is a legal issue. Wanting to marry whom you love is a human right but having all marriages recognized legally is not. Wanting to provide human rights when laws itself fall short is good but having relief for victims or any sense of justice is not. How can one pray for relief if there are no laws? It is barbaric just like barbarians existed when no laws were there. If an intersex person suffers from severe trauma, what are the needs of a spouse of intersex who has been abused and forced into silence under threats and what are the needs of IVF siblings who have never met each other because LAWS do not exist for them? Legally, intersex people cannot marry and biologically they cannot have children while US immigration laws require a “genetic lick” between a US parent and a foreign born child like an IVF child. Legally, a spouse of intersex spouse who has an IVF child during an intersex marriage, the child is considered as “child born out of wedlock” – there is a deragatory word for it in the English language. Is there a marriage? Should the spouse NOT have remained in the marriage? Does this mean that any intersex spouse who attempts to have a child in an intersex marriage will end up labeling their child as “born out of wedlock”?

It is important for a child to be born during a marriage from a legal perspective as they are protected and have access to services and provisions under the laws. The society we have created works on “norms” and an immigrant, IVF, intersex family in 2014 is anything but “normal”. If a child is NOT born during a marriage, they are placed in inadvertent legal limbo ruining several lives. It has long-term and lifetime implications for the innocent child. Is this the intent of bringing an IVF child into the world only to place them in legal limbo? The right answer is NOT banning IVF technology, the right answer is NOT banning intersex families, the right answer is NOT banning immigrants, the right answer is NOT punishing innocent IVF children who have committed no crimes, the right answer is NOT to use the voicelessness of innocent children into SILENCING them, the right answer is NOT to abandon innocent IVF children and denying them the basic human dignity and respect, the right answer is NOT continuing to lie, fraud and break the laws, the right answer is to discuss and pass EQUAL rights. If anti-IVF laws did not exist, could someone have used them against innocent IVF siblings to split them just so that they can have a child? Having two IVF children on two continents and siblings who have never met due to no fault of theirs is barbaric. How do we move forward from here – continue to be abused in silence or speak up and ask for a change in the best interest of the children?