Top 10 things Learnt by an IVF Parent from Parents of Intersex child

1. Secrecy and lying are the real culprits and being born intersex or IVF should be a non-issue. If a parent of intersex can speak up for their intersex child, does an IVF parent have equal right to speak up for their IVF children? Having met other intersex and IVF families, IVF or intersex are not culprits, people who lie and break laws for selfish benefit are the criminals.
2. One would imagine that a parent of an intersex child would want to find a spouse who is compassionate, be willing to marry out of love for their intersex child despite the laws not yet ready, be willing to either adopt a child or go for IVF and share their biological child with their intersex child who happens to be infertile and have a happy family for their intersex child despite laws NOT allowing it. But to abandon innocent IVF child and knowingly SPLIT IVF siblings takes a twisted turn of selfishness and has nothing to do with intersex or IVF issues rather has more in common with what criminals do and not what compassionate humans do.
3. The reasons why siblings and parents of an intersex child are recognized for care and support are the same reasons why spouses and children of intersex should be recognized. Shoving issues and truth under the carpet will help no one and more importantly, lies will not help us get to a solution, truth might.
4. Just like Dr. John Money was wrong, ignoring the experiences and facts about a spouse and children of an intersex marriage who had intersex surgery during marriage is also wrong. What is wrong is the intersex surgery should have not occurred just as the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP. Making lab rats out of unsuspecting and compassionate humans will not lead to solutions rather victims.
5. Sadly there are people in this world who believe and propogate that the Holocaust never occurred. There are two main issues here. By not acknowledging facts, there is no justice for victims and second it continues to victimize and abuse the traumatized including the specter of reoccurrence. By not acknowledging the impact of a torturous intersex surgery during an intersex marriage and its impact on unsuspecting, innocent spouse and children. Second it continues to victimize innocent IVF children and families and a specter of reoccurrence. Regardless of how this story is spun, the fact is when someone respects human rights of others where laws/government itself falls short, there is no justice for them – worse it is such a heinous act that their innocent children should also be punished – is that a reminder of barbaric times where innocent children are punished for actions of their parents? The only thing to teach our children is that truth prevails.
6. Breaking laws instead of changing laws is the right answer as per an intersex family. In the quest of giving a child to your infertile child, its ok to endanger welfare of others including innocent children and siblings.
7. An intersex child can have siblings but not an IVF child. Apparently, splitting siblings knowingly is called love. Abandoning a child to have another child is called love. Or is it fertility terrorism and IVF terrorism? If males who are in love and happen to be gay and are allowed to have feelings for their child, why is it an IVF father who happens to be straight not have same feelings for the child? Or being straight and fertile is a bigger crime and showing compassion for fellow humans where laws also fall short is so heinous a crime that his innocent IVF children should be punished for crimes they did not commit. We can call it a lot of things but “love” and “best interest” of the child does not resonate.
8. Secrecy and lies including threats are a better weapon than truth and compassion. By using tools of secrecy and lying in some twisted way they are helping rights of intersex people when in fact laws have not changed. Only peaceful protests and speaking the truth will deliver equal rights for intersex.
9. Injustice skips a generation meaning fighting complex issues like intersex and IVF takes a long time – the parents are discriminated and persecuted first and then justice is served to the children.
10. Running a defamation campaign against anyone who says the truth is ok even if it continues to victimize and abuse innocent victims including voiceless children.

Fighting for rights of a child is great – intersex or IVF – the difference is do you fight with truth or lies and do you fight with dignity, civility and humility with truth and compassion OR do you do it with secrecy, fraud, breaking laws with lies while abusing innocent, voiceless children?