To Kill A Mocking Bird – Revisited in IVF

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” – To Kill A Mockingbird

The year is 2013. We are still living in a world with unequal rights for IVF children and families. World has
witnessed women suffrage, civil rights, freedom from colonialism, apartheid, interracial marriages, single parenthood, baby scoop era, gay rights and we are onto the next frontier – intersex rights and rights for IVF children and families. Each issue is about fighting “social acceptance” of its time. Is 2013 a good time to start having a discussion of equal rights for intersex and IVF children and families or are we too early? Will there be others who benefit from having equal rights for IVF children and families and equal rights for intersex families?

As a left-behind parent of an abandoned IVF daughter and watching her turn 4 years, every moment has been worth it. We celebrate her existence and learn from the sacrifices why every human life deserves equal respect and dignity including her. There are no winners here but to punish innocent IVF children who are the most undeserving victims for the crimes they did not commit are the biggest losers. As adults, we must bring their rights as an individual to the forefront. I have a dream that one day it will not be the gender of a parent but the love and character of a parent which will define parenthood. More importantly, innocent siblings will not be judged or discriminated based on the gender of their parent.

For those who claim its a minority and tries to somehow justify the unequal laws, is that what you would say and teach your child?

For those who claim its one bad apple and let it go, is that what you would say and teach your child or teach them to stand up for their rights and others rights?

For those who claim just let it be, letting it be would mean accepting the dehumanization and disrespect for basic human dignity and that too our own child, will you as a parent let it be if your child was the victim?

“The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.” – To Kill A Mockingbird

What we are seeking is a solution to the catch 22 situation we are in as an immigrant, IVF family in 2013. We have been deliberately placed into this situation due to lack of laws. Most other people just “give up” and go on in life or are unaffected by the lack of immigration laws for IVF children because the child and parent are both in the same country like the case of a California surrogate who is raising the IVF twins the biological parents abandoned – but they are all within the boundaries of the US. Inspiration comes from a Canadian couple who moved to India for 6 years before they were allowed to bring their IVF child to Canada – power of staying UNITED and saying the TRUTH. After waiting for 6 years, they were miraculously granted to take their IVF child to Canada on “humanitarian grounds” and an “exception” to the law was granted. So there is a chance?

Why cannot two IVF siblings be UNITED based on the same “humanitarian grounds”? Why cannot the two IVF siblings be taken out of the “catch 22” situation which has been created by clever manipulation of the US laws or rather lack thereof. If gay rights existed in the US in 2009, the two IVF children would NOT be separated.

As per a June 2011 US government report, the right answer is for the laws to catch up with IVF technology then isn’t this the perfect example why? Two innocent IVF siblings are being punished even if inadvertently for crimes they did not commit. What would be the disadvantage of having equal rights or having a discussion on immigrant IVF rights?

A lot of countries like India, Nepal have long recognized the “third gender” and so have laws that are specific to issues that affect families of third gender. In 2011, Australia and later New Zealand, started allowing “I” or “O” as an intermediate gender for intersex. In 2013, Germany will become the first western Europe country to recognize the undetermined gender for intersex. When will US offer the same? More importantly when will US change the laws to address the specific issues that affect intersex families and children of intersex families like IVF children?