To Intersex, IVF and Beyond

Buzz Lightyear came a few years before my first IVF child was born in 2004. Infinity and Beyond is something I always imagined sharing with him. When Toy Story 3 was announced, I looked forward to seeing it with him in theaters in 2010 but we NEVER got to experience that together due to an unprecedented and vicious divorce and parental alienation. The heart is still in the same place, except the theme has changed – to intersex, IVF, immigration and Beyond. Just like sometimes a hunter becomes the hunted, sometimes a fertile person becomes infertile due to the trauma and experiences of IVF even though biologically they may be fertile.

The Beyond

As Buzz lightyear would say to INFINITY and beyond, we are to intersex, IVF, immigration and BEYOND. Someday, we will be blessed to see Toy Story series together with all the children as a family. I miss my son and love him deeply. I miss my son missing his siblings. The second IVF child was his dream to have a sibling. For those who think the IVF child is happy, how do you know he cannot be HAPPIER with his siblings and family? Has he been allowed an OPPORTUNITY to experience that? The ones who are trying to SILENCE the TRUTH are EQUALLY culpable in the CRIMES committed. Silence will NOT get new laws and equality; TRUTH will. Silence will NOT get relief for victims and justice;TRUTH will. By requesting SILENCE, are you implicitly implying NO JUSTICE or RELIEF for victims – the innocent, voiceless children – brother and sister? Infertility is very traumatic, lack of laws to assist infertile families is MORE traumatic. For the record, we did try SILENCE for a decade; the result is in front of you…still want to IMPOSE SILENCE?

While others are talking about EQUAL rights for intersex, the spouse stayed married in an intersex marriage despite the fraud. While others are talking about EQUAL rights for non-biological parents, the biological parent SHARED his child with a non-biological parent. While others are talking about EQUAL immigration rights for LGBTI, the intersex spouse immigrated based on an intersex marriage long before it became a law. The result of incessant lying, breaking the laws is PUNISHMENT for innocent, IVF children. What would be the point of staying silent? If saying the TRUTH is a crime, we are guilty. What is lying, creating and using the fraud documents, breaking the laws; are those crimes? While others are still fighting for equal marriage rights and equal immigration rights, and next will come equal “fertility or dysfertility” rights (impact of legal gay marriages), we have gone BEYOND it and are living it.

Slaves to Secrecy and Lying – Break Free with Education and Awareness

Had we relied on TRUTH, none of this would have happened. Had the two IVF siblings been UNITED, none of this TRUTH would come out. Given the legal complications of the case and FACTUALLY not in favor of immigrants, intersex, non-biological IVF parent, does that JUSTIFY abandoning an IVF child, AND DENYING an IVF child their legal rights AND making them STATELESS AND placing them in LEGAL LIMBO? The intersex person who filed for divorce in US did NOT mention the ongoing IVF pregnancy in India they agreed to. The intersex person NEVER came to India to take the IVF child to the US to “fool” the US Immigration laws. What if the intersex person came to India, take custody of second IVF child and return to the US and then filed for divorce, would the PREVAILING LAWS have been in their favor? Would the IVF father have mounted a LEGIT defense and got DUE PROCESS to ensure his IVF children STAY UNITED? If laws have been broken, have CRIMES been committed? Has DUE PROCESS been given to innocent, voiceless IVF children and family?

Whether the IVF siblings are united or not, the FACTS will NOT change. The lesson learnt is innocent children get punished for crimes they did not commit. No more LYING. As an IVF parent, thats the worst thing is to have the lies, fraud, abuse REPEATED on your children.  Is an IVF child a “property” to be treated as “leverage” to hide facts and break laws OR does the IVF child have RIGHTS? Does the US condone behavior to place “orders” for IVF babies by their residents and then have NO legal responsibility or accountability? As a fellow US Citizen, thats NOT the country I know. We stand up for what’s right and we give a voice to the voiceless.

Intersex people deserve equal rights and there is a legitimate way to do it (ask Edie Windsor) for benefit of all. Hurting innocent, voiceless children CAN NEVER be the answer on the path to EQUAL intersex rights. Ironically, intersex children also have been victims of secrecy and lies and now so are IVF children. And how will secrecy and lies help this time? If intersex are a minority, what is a spouse caregiver of intersex AND an immigrant IVF father – a minority within a minority?

LOVE – Spouse and Child

The intersex spouse underwent an unprecedented medical treatment for intersex during marriage. There are intersex people who undergo the same treatment either in childhood or puberty or outside of marriage as an adult. It is a controversial treatment which the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP in 2013. What are the effects when an intersex person undergoes the same controversial torturous surgery during marraige? Are the medical professionals equipped to DEAL with the issues when performing this surgery during a marriage or are they CLUELESS? Are their CLUELESS treatments HURTING innocent, unsuspecting intersex couples and families and their children yet to be born even if inadvertent? Doctors should NEVER LIE which involves breaking laws, period! What is so complicated to understand? Were we used like canary in the coal mine?

Due to the ongoing medical treatment of intersex under secrecy, lies and fraud, the TRUTH was NEVER revealed. FACTS were ignored. ABUSE went unreported. The father became the primary care provider for his IVF son developing a deep bond and love between PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER and CHILD. Socially its recognized as a “father-son” relationship which has multitude of issues including alienation of a child from a father is legalized.

The million dollar question is NOT status quo or strategy of it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission. The million dollar question is the best interest of the IVF child. Can someone show us the LAWS where an intersex person can legally marry in 1999 in India (in 2013 its still illegal), immigrate to the US based on the marriage (same-sex immigration was legalized in 2013 in the US), have an IVF child born in India immigrate to the US legally (suppression of facts, lies, fraud), have a same-sex divorce legalized in Texas in 2010 (same-sex marriage still illegal in Texas), ….the list goes ON. By ignoring these FACTS and maintaining status quo, how will we get EQUAL rights for intersex, how will we get EQUAL rights for IVF children and families, how will we get EQUAL rights for caregivers?