Steel Magnolias – Before The Dawn

2013 has been a great year of changes. Especially if you are someone living a life of secrecy and lies as an immigrant, IVF parent, and as an intersex family – a lonely survival. And we are NOT even done with the year yet, so looking forward to this year. Let us have an open discussion about intersex families, the legal issues, the social issues, the financial issues, the international issues, the immigration issues that they face in 2013 and before that. Its the Steel Magnolias for infertile families where we can have an open discussion to get to a solution. Some issues are coming out in the open and so there is no need to LIE any longer and some are unresolved and so LYING continues with a secretive past – before the dawn. Dealing with infertility and lack of laws in 2013 is the night before the dawn for infertile families. After going through the trauma of infertility, multiple failed attempts, financial losses, social losses, job losses, and so many emotive and humanity issues, the least we expect from the government is EQUAL laws. Whether that requires classifying infertility as a “disease” or classifying it as a “disability” or classifying it as a “special need”, thats not the point. The point is a minority can only get EQUAL laws with support of the majority in a democracy. The current status of lack of laws is a long night of darkness and trauma for some infertile people.

1) In February 2013, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture (SRT) called for a STOP to unnecessary surgeries on intersex people. So if someone is lying about such an intersex surgery, will we have to wait another few decades for the truth? And is it torture on the person who knows the truth but is being defamed as the liar? And the UN decision shows there was torture and are dealing with the issues of the intersex people, when will we start understanding and addressing the issues of the caregiver of the intersex? If second-hand smoke is banned in public places after all these decades, what about the “second-hand effects” of this unnecessary surgery?

2) In June 2013, the US Supreme Court struck down DOMA paving the way for thousands of federal benefits to LGBTI (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex) spouses and families including immigration rights. Does this mean if immigration rights were granted before 2013 based on a LGBTI marriage are valid or were laws broken? More importantly, does this mean that other LGBTI immigrants have the SAME access or should they also be taught to lie, cheat, and fraud? Campaign to change the laws or break the laws – what is the message we want to send?

3) There are still NO laws for international IVF/Surrogacy children and families. We still have a lot of work to do ahead. In the interim, what about the rights of the innocent, voiceless victims – the IVF children?

4) If there was no second IVF child on the way – a SIBLING, the entire case would NOT have happened. But there is a SECOND IVF child – what about their rights? Again, what is the message we want to send to other IVF families – change the laws or break the laws?

5) The International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC) launched the Yogyakarta Principles including Intersex in 2010. If this was done a decade ago, would a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex who PRACTICED the Yogyakarta Principles before their existence get any help and support for his human rights?

6) The lesson learnt from people like Edie Windsor, Tony Briffa and several other LGBTI people is say the TRUTH. They may be inadvertent activists but it first starts out as a PERSONAL case. With TRUTH, they help themselves and others and future generations. It is about freedom from slavery to secrecy and lies.

If you think dealing with issues like

being a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex for an unnecessary surgery AND

being an IVF parent AND

being an immigrant AND

forced to SPLIT the IVF siblings AND

being a minority within a minority AND

living in secrecy and lies AND,

AND, AND is too complicated, try living it!

Even though left for DEAD, we are still alive and here to say the TRUTH…the only thing that prevails. Being intersex is very traumatic and we have witnessed and experienced it, what about other members of an intersex family? The issue here is NOT intersex, the issue is relentless, incessant lying including breaking laws. The secrecy, abuse, torture, inhumanity, breaking of the laws. It is one thing to do these to an adult, it is totally separate to do this to innocent children.

We cannot wait to see what rest of 2013 and the future ahead brings? Because if all these laws existed BEFORE, innocent brother and sister would NOT be growing up separately.

The irony is that the medical community provided non-circumspect care for decades labeling it as the best interest of the intersex child as the UNSRT has called for a STOP to the torturous unnecessary surgery. NOW, does anyone care about the best interest of the IVF child and others in an IVF process or is about the “PAYING ADULT”? By REPEATING the lies, the RESULTS will not change – try TRUTH. Maybe in a few decades, we will have a REPORT from some “QUALIFIED” agency which will CLAIM the heinous and torturous condition of IVF children and others in an IVF process should be REGULATED so there is an opportunity for JUSTICE and RELIEF for VICTIMS. Alas, the innocent childhoods will have been lost by then and all we will have are apologies.