Rape and IVF – Passing of Time

Each group – rape survivors and IVF survivors have very different experiences but the treatment from society and the laws (or rather lack thereof) and the lack of justice is common to both. Maybe in some years people and more importantly the laws will understand why it is wrong to split an IVF parent from their IVF child, why it is wrong to silence an IVF parent, why this behavior is offensive and does not lead to a solution. In our hearts we know the right answer is to pass laws and not punish innocent IVF children for crimes they did not commit. Whether we learn this over a few years or a few decades or a few centuries is up to each one of us.

“The biggest disease of today is not leprosy or tuberculosis but rather the feeling of unwanted.” – Mother Teresa

Knowingly and deliberately abandoning IVF children with no responsibility and accountability is a heinous crime against the humanity of the innocent, voiceless child. Rape is horrific and is condemned. It is about what happens next, does the victim change to a survivor, does the victim commit suicide, does the victim die due to the horrific rape, is a case filed, are there laws to protect the innocent, is there stigma and silence or is one encouraged to speak the truth, is there a path to justice? Some of the very same issues plague IVF children and families today. It was barbaric in 1800 and 1900s to neither have laws and silence victims. Today the same is true for IVF children and families in 2014.

“Women are not just eye candy” and totally agree with the statement. In fact, in the hopes of having a better future for an IVF daughter, it’s extremely relevant. Similarly, men are not just sperm givers but also loving fathers and parents. Be all you can be both as a woman or man – the traditional stereotypes are hurting innocent children. It’s 2000s and an IVF parent can relate to a rape survivor from 1800s or 1900s and the legal impediments they face to get justice they deserve. Sadly despite the laws, rapes still occur but there is hope for justice. IVF families haven’t gotten that far yet. Here is how a conversation may go like:

1) I was raped in 1800s
A: it’s ok darling, forget about it, we have no rights and no laws exist.

I am an IVF parent in 2000s
A: it’s ok darling, forget about your IVF child, we have no rights and no laws exist.

2) I was raped in 1800 or 1900s
A: no one cares, just shut up before you shame yourself and the family. Shoving issues under the carpet is a great solution and harms no one’s rights.

I am an IVF parent in 2000s
A: No one cares, just shut up before you shame yourself and the family. Continuing to shove things under the carpet violates no one’s rights.

3) I was raped and am pregnant, should I abandon or abort the child?
A: It will bring lot of stigma and will be difficult to raise the child given societal norms.  What is the fault of the child?

I am an IVF parent with an Abandoned Ivf pregnancy, should I abandon or abort the child?
A: Well, you cannot abort because the child is not in your womb. You can also abandon like the other consenting adult but what is the fault of the child? And how dare you compare your feelings of abandoning a child you did not carry in your womb? Being a gay father or a single father or intersex father or IVF father somehow means you love your child LESS.

4) I was raped and am pregnant, what are the rights of the child?
A: no one will give legal identity to your illegal child, both you and the child have to suffer

I am an IVF parent with an abandoned IVF child, what are the rights of the child?

A: abandoned Ivf children have no rights, there is no responsibility or accountability on an adult who consented to Ivf but abandoned it. Use and discard of innocent human life who is a voiceless child is legal and not a crime.

5) I was raped and the slightest hint of trying to say the truth, I am called offensive names and silenced with no hope for justice.
A: life is not fair, sometimes we live in a barbaric world which lacks laws

As an IVF patent, I am called offensive names when trying to speak the truth and silenced with no hope for justice. It is one thing to deny justice to an adult but also to his innocent kids because their only fault is being born IVF?

6) I became a single mother in 1940s to 1970s, can I keep my child whom I love?

A:No, being a single mother is socially unacceptable and the state will forcefully make you give up your child for adoption and then apologize decades later. The only fault of your child is to be born to a “single mother”. Its called the baby scoop era.

I am an IVF parent in 2000s but the laws are based on biology and gender forcing me to split up from my IVF child. The laws have not been updated because IVF parents are not socially acceptable. Is the only fault of the child to be born IVF? Will there be a governmental apology decades later when they can save innocent childhoods today?

Fast forward a 100 years and now there are laws against rapes, there are rape crisis centers, there are support groups and resources, there is education and awareness but sadly rape still occurs. But at least if you speak up, there is an opportunity to get relief for victim, there is opportunity for justice. Imagine still living in barbaric times when rapes occurred but there were no laws or sense of justice. That’s the world for IVF children and families today. How does one ask for legal rights for a person who does not exist legally? If that person happens to be an innocent child, how does it make you feel as a parent?

Are there safeguards and protection for people who provide human rights to people where laws itself fall short? If anti-IVF laws did not exist, could someone have taken advantage of the laws to split innocent, voiceless IVF siblings and their loving IVF parent?