Parent of Intersex or IVF – The Fight for the Greater Good

If you were a parent of intersex, what would you teach your child? Say the truth or lie? October 26 is intersex awareness day and here is a real life story about a dysfunctional intersex family of 2000s falling victim to the anti-intersex, anti-gay, anti-IVF laws. Sure while millions of intersex people do not have equal rights to marry legally, an intersex person can lie and fraud an unsuspecting person into a fraud marriage OR fight for EQUAL rights for all the intersex people. Sure while millions of intersex people are infertile and may want a child, one could lie and break the laws to have a child and place the innocent children in LEGAL LIMBO or fight for EQUAL rights for all intersex and infertile people to have children legally. Sure an intersex person who is a parent can claim to love a child and lie to them and ironically, an intersex person has a deep understanding of the effects of lies OR say the truth to the child and not have a cycle of secrecy, lies and fraud be repeated on innocent children.

As a left-behind parent of an abandoned IVF daughter and watching her turn 4 years, every moment has been worth it. We celebrate her existence and learn from the sacrifices why every human life deserves equal respect and dignity including her. There are no winners here but to punish innocent IVF children who are the most undeserving victims for the crimes they did not commit are the biggest losers. As adults, we must bring their rights as an individual to the forefront.

Parents are faced with all kinds of issues with their children – autism, cystic fibrosis, ADHD, self-esteem issues, IVF, donor-conceived child, and so on. Would your love as a parent become any LESS by saying the truth to the child and helping them deal with the issues caused by the fact they have autism, or CF or ADHD, or IVF? Do you empower the child with the truth or do you teach them to lie? As a parent, what would you teach your child?

1) Hi, I am intersex, probably a 1 in 2000 or 1 in 20000 births (a rarity) due to current laws I cannot legally marry nor can I have children due to infertility and nor do I have equal immigration rights. I love children and would love to be able to adopt or have a child legally. Will you please support equal rights for intersex?

OR

2) Hi, I am intersex but I will not tell you, I will continue to lie how I have been taught by the medical community and parents and marry an unsuspecting victim fraudulently. I will teach them to lie as well and we will lie to have an IVF child (not to mention the lies are breaking laws). I will split the IVF child from his  primary care provider and siblings by claiming them as a “biological child”. Oh the laws have NOT changed and so the IVF child is in LEGAL LIMBO due to the laws I broke.  Don’t care about equal rights for intersex and equal rights for IVF children and families, I got mine. Will you please have sympathy and forgive me?

As a parent, what do you want to teach your child – option 1 or option 2? Where is the humanity?

For those who claim the victim is being shallow or urging him to let go, they fail to capture the victim has taken a few leaps ahead. It is like saying rapes occur because women dress promiscuously but then how do you explain rapes of 3, 4, 5, 6 year olds? It is like saying sexual abuse inside the family occurs but we should let it go and not report it to save “family honor”, how will we raise awareness and bring change? Where is the “family honor” in abusing someone in your own family and forcing them to be silent? It is like saying an infertile person deserves a child at any and all costs, what does the child deserve? If you are going to ask a spouse caregiver of intersex and an immigrant IVF father who has lived in silence and abuse with denial of rights to have the SAME REPEATED on his IVF children, what does that make you? Knowing and understanding of facts is a must before passing any judgments. There is nothing “traditional” about this case.

The claim is that there is a risk of testicular cancer in intersex patients if they do not remove the testes and have the intersex surgery. What is the risk profile? In IVF children due to the fertility treatments, hormones, the induced egg harvesting, the frozen samples, a study claims IVF children are a third more likely to have cancer, they are at 65% risk of having leukemia. If an IVF child needs a bone marrow to live and is forcibly separated from his biological family using fraud documents, who will save his life? What is in the best interest of the IVF child?

A child simply does not need food and education, or school and sports, or career and life to grow and become a positive contributor in the society. A child ALSO needs morals, values, a strong foundation based on love and truth. Any love based on LIES is not love for the child but love for the self. When going through life as an intersex family and its related issues – trauma one after the next, there was no script to follow on what to do, it was the abyss – the unknown. Today its clear – regardless of the situation, follow the truth and stand up for your rights – like Edie Windsor and one may get rights for a greater good in their own personal fight. That is the final analysis.