Noble Intentions, Ignoble Outcomes

“When you are going through hell, keep on going. Never never never give up.” ~Winston Churchill~

What started out as lies and unsuspecting caregiver resulted in victimization of caregiver and worse, victimization and abuse of innocent children. The intentions were noble but the secrecy and lying have caught up inadvertently placing innocent children in legal limbo left to deal with ignoble outcomes. Secrecy and lies are a failed approach, truth is the only way forward. The issues are far bigger than a few individuals. Whether one is pro- or anti-IVF, or pro- or anti-intersex rights, such humans exist and have to deal with existential issues and rights, what solution do we have – truth or lies?

Is the only way to become a “mother” is by abandoning an innocent infant girl – a woman? Loving parents go to any length to save their child including using IVF to have a sibling to save their child. Is that different than “creating” an IVF child only to abandon them and using the innocent IVF child as a decoy and suppression of facts to take custody of their IVF sibling? It is offensive to deny basic human rights to an innocent child. It is more offensive to dehumanize people including innocent, voiceless children with no repurcusions. Is this the world we want for our children? Is saying the truth and stating facts to get help allowed?

If it was only about the lies of an intersex person, one may let go.

If it was only about an intersex person having a controversial intersex surgery during marriage in secrecy, one may let go.

If it was only about dealing with the effects of the controversial surgery in silence and abuse, one may let go.

If it was only about medical fraud and records placing innocent unsuspecting people in harm’s way, one may let go.

If it was only about being in a fraud intersex marriage where laws fall short, one may let go.

“This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

If it was only about lack of immigration laws for intersex, one may let go.

If it was only about dealing with infertility and having to lie about it, one may let go.

If it was only about raising an IVF child as a primary care provider in secrecy regardless of traditional gender stereotypes, one may let go.

If it was only about staying silent about the abuse on the innocent IVF child by non-biological parent, one may let go.

If it was only about giving up an IVF child to an infertile person even though there is no “I” in infertility during marriage, one may let go.

If it was only about lack of immigration laws for IVF, one may let go.

If it was only about raising an abandoned IVF child with no help or support from other parent, one may let go.

If it was only about staying silent and have the secrecy, lies and abuse REPEATED on your innocent children, CAN ONE LET GO?

If one lets go, it is accepting the dehumanization of IVF children and families and the lack of laws to catch up with technology.

If one lets go, is the “baby scoop era” being repeated on a new category of “socially unacceptable” children and families?

If one lets go, what do we teach our children? Does crime pay? Do multiple crimes pay? Should we teach our children to respect the laws or break the laws? When laws fall short, should we teach them to demand equal rights democratically or break the laws for personal benefit?

While the case deals with multiple complex issues in their own merit like intersex, IVF, immigration, the fact is we are dealing with a criminal who is a pathological liar. There are several intersex people but they do not lie or break laws especially with a person they claim to love. There are several infertile people but they do not lie or break laws especially with a person they claim to love. There are several illegal immigrants but they do NOT knowingly and deliberately DENY immigration rights to people especially innocent infants by abandoning them.

The issues are far bigger than a few individuals. We need equal rights for IVF children and families, equal rights for intersex families. People can continue to lie and hide the facts but that is not a good long-term plan nor is it for the greater good especially when it involves breaking the laws and placing innocent people including children in legal limbo. By staying silent will other intersex people get the right to marry legally? Will other intersex people get the right to immigrate legally? Will other intersex people have an IVF child legally? If you love an IVF child, would you want all IVF children to have equal rights? All this is possible ONLY if one speaks the TRUTH. Simple. Any love based on a foundation of lies is not only hypocrite but may also involve breaking laws which become crimes.

If the IVF child is raised right, what will he be taught more than book education? Morals, values, to help fellow human beings, show compassion, show love, show respect for diversity, and the whole nine yards? And what will be the outcome? forced separation from his only known biological family and loss of job and career and an abandoned IVF child? No, it is better to empower with truth and demand rights than to live with secrecy, lies, abuse and victimizing unsuspecting compassionate people. Thats the “education” an IVF child abducted away from his only known biological family should be getting that secrecy, lies, abuse, breaking the laws eventually catches up and crimes do not pay.