National Fatherless Day – Absentee Parent or an Abused IVF Family?

I love my son very much. I cannot participate in my son’s life because raising his sister he wanted is equally important. Both my son and daughter are born through IVF and as an IVF parent, I am married to IVF for life because the anti-IVF laws are hurting innocent IVF children and families like mine and so many more. IVF is dealt with secrecy and lies and so not many people speak up when there are issues with it, that does not mean it did not occur. When one parent is living in exile to raise an IVF child while being forced to be separated from his other IVF child, is he an absentee parent or an abused parent? Is the child fatherless or been alienated? More importantly, the two innocent IVF siblings have never met, is that abuse against the children? The innocent children are in legal limbo, is that abuse against the innocent IVF family? This is the Abu Ghraib of IVF, it has occurred due to anti-IVF laws. Speaking the truth is not being unpatriotic nor inhumane. Asking for basic human rights and child rights for IVF children and families is the right way forward. Showing basic human decency to the most vulnerable is the right answer, abandoning them or alienating them from their biological family is not. IVF is the new black, the new gay, the new orange. When will it be time for IVF rights? My lovely children are not fatherless, he has been made fatherless due to lack of laws and secrecy and lies. I have faith that the US will correct the course and fix its IVF laws, in the meantime, what about people who manipulate the IVF laws for personal advantage that places innocent IVF children at risk and in legal limbo? It makes them FATHERLESS knowingly. 

Its not what you say, but its action that counts. Had I not gone for IVF, there would have been no IVF children. Had there been equal laws for IVF children and families than a person could not have taken advantage of it by lying, suppression of facts to SPLIT innocent siblings. There would have been NO case of fait accompli in a heinous act of the perfect child abduction AND the perfect child abandonment. An individual can choose to become a Rosa Parks or Edie Windsor or Ariel Castro or Ann Pettway, that is ACTION, not words. If you are infertile, join us, because if equal laws existed then innocent IVF siblings would not have been SPLIT.

In the ancient Indian culture, there are several references to women having a child “magically”. But none ever abandoned a child to have another child. But none was successful in splitting siblings. Maiyya Yashoda raised two lovely brothers together and despite not being a biological mother is revered even today with heaps of praises for doing the “right thing”. While Kaikeyi, a biological mother, tried to SPLIT his son from his brother and take over the kingdom in her son’s “best interest”. The son neither took the kingdom he was given nor did he get along with his biological mother. So it is NOT about the “genetic link” as US laws demand to define good parenting, it is about LOVE and CHARACTER and time always supports TRUTH.

Dearly Beloved….

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to celebrate IVF. We are gathered here to celebrate the goodness in humanity like the compassionate donors and surrogates and the “village” which helps create IVF children and care for them when IVF parents are not around. Had it not been for the compassion of egg donors and surrogates, I would never have had two lovely IVF children. Regardless of how they are born, they are my children and I love them.

Is there  a difference between a sperm donor Vs. father? Is there a difference between an egg donor and mother? Is there a difference between gestational carrier and mother? Is there a difference between no sperm, no egg, no womb and being a parent because of your love towards the child?

The beauty of the US is we can openly discuss and petition our government for change without the fear or threats of being persecuted. Change may take time like abolishment of slavery, women suffrage, civil rights, gay rights, transgender rights, maybe someday IVF rights.

If a woman who uses her own eggs but due to medical reasons, uses a surrogate, is she a mother? As per US laws, yes. If a man uses his sperm but due to medical reasons, his wife can neither provide eggs or womb, is he a father? As per US laws, NO. As per US laws, the innocent child is deemed “born out of wedlock” and thereby stealing all the rights of the innocent IVF child afforded to “children of marriage”. If a woman becomes a “gestational carrier” but uses donor eggs due to medical reasons, is she a mother? Until January 2014, as per US laws, NO. Is this the US we dream of?

As an IVF father forced into exile to raise a daughter rather than abandon her and in the process losing effective custody of his IVF son is nothing short of Abu Ghraib, perhaps worse since innocent children are involved. It is torture. It is not short of an intersex person having to go through a senseless intersex surgery which the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP since it is torture. Was it wrong to help a fellow infertile human being? If the US courts give a decree which is globally enforceable, shouldn’t they consider the global facts of the case at least in the best interest of innocent children?

If the US courts are so concerned about best interest of the child and justice, then if they can consider a person a parent with no genetic link, why don’t US Courts petition the US Government to change the laws to reflect their social activism instead of splitting innocent siblings? Or if a person is a parent  by virtue of giving consent to an IVF child then given the same logic shouldn’t the person be held accountable and responsible when they abandon an IVF child AFTER consenting to it? Do the benefits of IVF go to the infertile parent but the abandonment and its consequences is the responsibility of the left-behind fertile parent? Let us be very clear, the fertile parent wanted to HELP a fellow human being who happens to be infertile and having his innocent IVF children being used as “property” or rendering them in legal limbo IS NOT part of any deal. Children must have rights including IVF children, including innocent children in Thailand who have been victims of US citizens who have been prosecuted an convicted or same for Afghan child victims or Iraq child victims. Then why is there NO JUSTICE for IVF child victims in India from US citizens who have abandoned the innocent child for selfish motives with no responsibility or accountability? Do innocent IVF children in India who have been abandoned have any rights?