Looking Ahead…

Infertility is very traumatic but is it so traumatic that you victimize others for it? Infertile people are victims of nature while innocent children and their biological parents who are separated are victims of humans. Humans who choose to lie, cheat, fraud, commit crimes at any cost because they are desperate for a child. It’s a cycle of abuse.

Parents of infertile children should not teach their children to lie instead help them deal with infertility in an honest and open manner.

Parents of intersex children should not teach their intersex children to lie instead help them deal with intersexuality with truth, especially with their spouses. If an intersex person wants to keep their issues private, they should not victimize other humans by lying, cheating and frauding them.

Parents of intersex children and intersex people should advocate for equal rights of intersex to marry instead of lying and getting married illegally. As a spouse of intersex, we have to deal with repurcusions of an illegal intersex marriage.

Our IVF children have LESS rights. If you follow legal process, parents of a natural born child or legally adopted child have proper legal paperwork including birth certificate, passport and all other related identity documents. Most importantly, because they have legal documents, they have a legal identity, they have legal rights. When a child is recognized legally only then their child rights and human rights can be protected. How do you protect rights of a child who is NOT A LEGAL ENTITY?

Victims in an lying intersex family are left in a no mans land of laws. Neither here, nor there. As Tony Briffa (a honest and truthful intersex person) puts it, feels neither man nor woman. If you are honest like Tony Briffa is, one cannot abuse, victimize others. Lying, cheating, fraud creates victims and that too voiceless children. Tony Briffa has also adopted children legally because he is honest without making defamatory, false statements against the biological parent or alienating the innocent child from his parent and sibling.

Recently, Mr. Castro was caught in a complex crime of kidnapping and apparently has also fathered a child with his kidnapped victim, Ms. Berry. If an opportunity presents, it would be interesting to know how Ms. Berry felt that the father of her daughter took interest to take the little girl out to the park or for walks like “typical” parents do. Looking after the little girl’s needs like food, shelter, clothes, toys, education, development and so on. Does that make him a good parent?

What is hidden is the lies and a thousand lied to hide one lie. And regardless of love for the child, a foundation of lies only reveals the hidden abuse. Worse, an infertile parent may even claim abuse by the fertile parent if they feel insecure about losing custody of the child. Sadly, this is an easy way to manipulate the legal system and wrestle the child away from a male parent. Even worse, an infertile parent may even separate a victimized child from his only known biological family including the sibling the child wanted. What are the rights of the innocent, voiceless children? What are the rights of an innocent spouse caregiver of intersex and an IVF father? Are they victims of lying intersex or are they victims because they tried to help an infertile person? Intersex and infertility are victims of nature, what about innocent IVF children and spouse who are victims of lying intersex?

I have a dream that IVF children like mine and all others have EQUAL rights, we have a legal status. Is that normal to want for any parent? If children with Down’s syndrome, Asperger’s syndrome, cystic fibrosis and others have advocacy groups, why can’t IVF children have an advocacy group to have equal rights? How can we spread awareness and educate others if we are not allowed to share the truth and facts? In a democracy, a minority like ours can only get equal rights with help and support of majority which is through sharing the facts. Are we allowed to say the truth to get equal rights or will be silenced? And before we are silenced, please review our achievements in one year of coming out which is a greater good for all. We know we are looking ahead, we just need to convince others that secrecy and lying is a failed approach and is selfish. Truth and sharing helps build laws and equality for the future – values we can inculcate in our children starting with innocent IVF siblings.

Whether an intersex person wants to come out or not is their choice. As a spouse of intersex, we want equal rights for intersex like marry legally. A spouse of gay is gay and spouse of lesbian is lesbian who have freedom and equal rights as their spouse to advocate for equal rights, then spouse of intersex should have equal rights too? Or was it a crime to marry an intersex person? And the punishment is continued silence and abuse and victimization with no rights. We are very happy that Ms. Berry, her daughter and the other two victims were rescued from their cycle of abuse, silence and trauma after a decade. We are hoping it’s not another decade for us and our IVF children before being freed from a vicious cycle of abuse, silence and trauma.