Living Your Dreams

If freedom is a fundamental birth right of every human, is wanting to live your dream a fundamental right of every human too? Our dreams are influenced by several factors including the world around us. Inherently, we all want to “change” the world somehow. And usually this “change” has a theme to it and while the working mechanisms of this “theme” may keep changing over time, the overall theme remains the same. A hard lesson learnt is don’t try SOCIAL JUSTICE at home – it puts innocent at risk. It is one thing to attack the mind, body, and soul of me but completely different when you attack the mind, body, and soul of an innocent, voiceless child.

The issue in this case is neither intersex nor infertility or IVF. The basic issue here is of compulsive lying and BREAKING the laws. And now we are dealing with EFFECTS of those crimes which includes intersex and IVF – both areas dealt with secrecy and lies. It is time to discuss the facts openly to get to a “workable solution” in the best interest of the children. While the decisions to break the laws were “personal”, not having the laws is a public policy issue and so the facts have to be discussed openly. Social justice is about open discussion of facts with civility, humility and dignity.

Greater Good is to break the laws or change the laws?

Prevailing laws do not allow for thousands if not several hundreds of thousands LGBTI people to sponsor their binational immigrant partner for immigration to the US. Then how do we reconcile the fact that an intersex person got their US Immigration through a “marriage”? Laws may have been broken and facts may have been suppressed but how does that help the other thousands of LGBTI people wanting to be united with their binational immigrant spouses? The CHANGE shall continue to keep asking for EQUAL rights for LGBTI families.

If LGBTI marriages are NOT recognized as per prevailing laws, what are the rights of their binational immigrant children? Most likely the children will be IVF children. Again, one can fraud and break the laws but how does that help the other several thousands of infertile or dysfertile IVF families? The CHANGE is to ask for EQUAL rights for IVF children and families.

In love and marriage, is there a difference between “Hello, I am intersex, will you marry me”? Vs. lying. While the LAWS see people as “intersex” or “gay” or “straight” or whatever else when it comes to marriage, for a loving spouse it is about love and trust and about living with EFFECTS of intersex marriage. There is NO world where LYING is synonymous with LOVE. Well maybe you LOVE yourself but not LOVE your partner because if you truly loved your partner, there is NO room for lying or cheating or fraud.  The CHANGE is to ask for EQUAL marriage rights for all so that people do not have the need to lie, cheat, fraud unsuspecting, innocent victims into marriage. People like Tony Briffa and Imogen Callaway who are publicly intersex are showing the world how to live with truth and honesty and that goes a long way. Being in an intersex relationship is “personal” but “intersex marriage” is a public policy issue and has to be discussed. More importantly, the effects of intersex for the best interest of the children has to be discussed.

Looking Ahead – Message for the Children

Out of all, what do I tell my children? Follow your heart, it is NOT wrong.  Had I NOT followed my heart, I would not have had wonderful children like you. It was NOT wrong to stay and help an intersex person in a marriage even after the fraud was discovered, it was NOT wrong to be their caregiver during marriage, it was NOT wrong wanting to have children as a man. Be Human, believe in humanity and doing good for humanity. Only word of caution, if you break the laws, do it for yourself. If you break the laws for others, they may use the lies against you. If you break the laws for yourself, you will be rewarded rather than prosecuted. If you break the laws for others, you will be punished. It is a TOUGH lesson to learn. What is even more tougher is your actions will be used against your innocent children to punish them. Respect the laws at all times and when the laws fall short, ask for change in laws but do NOT break the laws.  Report crimes and abuse instead of listening to the abuser. Enter into a LEGAL marriage because effects of an ILLEGAL marriage are insecurity, secrecy, lies and SPLITTING of your children. Two gay people who love each other dearly have waited for decades to marry LEGALLY rather than frauding the system with an illegal marriage certificate. That is the RIGHT approach. Whatever you do, do NOT break anyone’s heart and if you must, do it so gently. While there are NO laws banning “breaking a heart”, its effects on the mind, body, and soul of a person are for a lifetime. And ALL social justice LAWS involve a requisite “thinking from the heart”.

Above all, live honestly and respect the laws. Live free and ability to live with the truth is freedom. If the laws fall short, do NOT attempt to take social justice in your own hands in secrecy, instead publicly ask for change in LAWS like the gay rights movement and several others before them. My dream was to have a professional career and in parallel champion social causes. Because of secrecy and lying, failure to report crimes and abuse, today I am being punished and WORSE, my IVF children are being punished. The dream has NOT changed but the mechanism has; forced upon by the realities of the world we live in. We continue to strive for change even if marginal.