Lessons from Rosa Parks, Edie Windsor, Jim Obergefell and Others

I respect diversity. I respect women starting with my abandoned daughter, abandoning her would also mean disrespecting the compassionate donor and surrogate among so many other women. Let our actions speak for themselves.

My kids will not be silent victims like I was in the name of sensitivity. My kids will not make the sacrifices I had to make in the name of sensitivity. We are humans too and deserve our own sensitivity as an international IVF family and the lack of laws it poses. Being born intersex and infertile is natural meaning its not the person’s fault. But we are victims of actions of human which is very different than being victims of nature outside one’s control. We tried everything that a human can possibly do, we are spent. We gave forgiveness multiple times only to be taught that instead we should have filed legal cases for fraud and cheating. So this time, we are fighting for justice, fighting for truth and refuse to accept that compassion is evil because it is compassion what makes us human. At the very least,  as humans, we deserve basic human dignity and respect rather than the inhumane treatment received thus far. 

As history as our witness before justice arrives, a person is first villified, defamed, falsely accused, etc. and then finally granted respect and equal rights. Whether it be slavery, racial discrimination, women rights, civil rights, apartheid, LGBTI rights, interracial marriage rights, and so on. The system is slow AND the people asking for respect and equal rights are NOT wrong. When will we have a world with equal rights for IVF/Surrogacy children and families? The intent is to treat a “child” just as a “child” instead of the “legal adjectives”. Creating stateless children is NOT why one does IVF/Surrogacy. Let us LOVE our children as intended.

If a fertile person can SHARE a child, can an infertile person also SHARE a child? If “dowry” is called “help”, is willfully splitting innocent IVF siblings called ” compassion and parenthood”? We all have skeletons in the closet, but what if that happens to be of an innocent girl child and a sister of the son you claim to love? Not all infertile people are like Ann Pettway but they still do exist. With the new 21st century, have such people taken a new strategy? There is no doubt that laws are lacking for intersex, immigrant, infertile people but is the best solution to SPLIT innocent siblings? An intersex, infertile, immigrant is more threatened by the laws than the spouse and thats why has blocked any attempt to present facts to court under veil of secrecy and sensitivity.

Well the lies and sensitivity are hurting innocent IVF siblings. There is honor in truth even if it goes against prevailing laws. Like Rosa Parks showed, like Edie Windsor, like Jim Obergefell showed and ended up helping a greater good because they all were not afraid of the truth. Same is true for an intersex, immigrant, IVF father fighting to unite his IVF/Surrogacy children in 2000s across continents.

What is the harm in saying I am intersex, infertile, immigrant and I want rights to an IVF child? Is it the truth? It is better than having to lie, cheat, fraud, victimize innocent, demonize, villify, defame, falsely accuse, especially IVF children or having to abandon a child in India after having given consent so that due process is suppressed.

The question is what are the laws? What are the rights of innocent IVF siblings? Perhaps if ALL children were treated equally, abandoning a child even if in India by a US person were a crime, it would serve as a deterrent and not arrogance to victimize the innocent child, the donor, the surrogate and the genetic parent who are left behind to sort out the complex issues for the child. Accepting facts takes a village in not just raising a child but in case of IVF/surrogacy, it literally does take compassion of others to solve infertility and the best answer is to abandon them all and pretend it never happened?

Let’s keep it simple, if there were no consent, there would be no IVF/surrogacy child. The genetic parent, the donor, the surrogate, the IVF clinic were all diligently working to help solve infertility, where is the infertile person when innocent child is born? Why abandon them? Why make them stateless? The consequences of abandoning an international IVF/Surrogacy child are dire – the innocent child may become STATELESS causing loss of freedom and be stuck in an “IVF prison” for no fault of theirs. Why?

Intersex, infertility, IVF is not the issue, at issue is lying, lack of compassion, fraud, cheating, victimizing innocent with no remorse, like any other crime. Statistically, 83% of male spouses leave a marriage when faced with a traumatic condition for the spouse meaning most male spouses would have already left before experiencing the trauma and torture of an intersex surgery during marriage. It must be then the fault of the spouse of intersex to stay and care for his spouse rather than what any loving spouse do. The message is instead of showing compassion, the spouse should have reported the crimes and fraud as the law dictates. Is that what we want to teach innocent children? Sometimes laws do not keep pace but human compassion will NEVER be out of fashion. When will justice agree?