IVF and Beyond

As a proud IVF father, one gets used to the constant “questioning” of ability as a parent. Just like a typical parent, I want nothing more than a “legal status” for my IVF children because if you have legal status that means you have rights and if you have rights then they are protected. With legal status in limbo, how can we begin to even address the atrocities? It is one thing to victimize me because I dared to be different as a male but totally different when you abuse and violate my children, now you have woken up the lion in me or should I say the “lioness” in me to get the point across? Being abused as a male by a spouse maybe uncommon but failure to report the abuse and crimes by male spouses is common. Worse, a male parent may also fail to report the abuse and crimes against a child. That does NOT mean the abuse did not occur against the child or the male spouse. When I see my IVF daughter today, I know she saved me and NOT abandoning her was and is the right decision. She is NOT a “commodity” to be discarded like property but is a living, breathing human being with respect for basic human decency and her rights as a human. Her tender kiss and smiles also remind me to NEVER have this occur to anyone ever again. She is voiceless and innocent and does not understand that her legal status is in a legal limbo meaning her rights are at stake. But her living, breathing being full of smiles, energy and chutzpah is SCREAMING for EQUAL rights and just be treated as a “typical” human being with human rights and its protection. I used to play and “buzz” with my little IVF son, to infinity and beyond…our lives has taken us to a path of to IVF and beyond.

What is the Beyond about?

While several people struggle, may end up giving up, we are lucky to have been “successful” with the several IVF cycles and blessed with two lovely IVF children. Now what?

The “beyond” is about regardless of your stance on pro or anti IVF, or children MUST have legal mother to have EQUAL rights, or “socially acceptable” parents based on gender (read as women) and on and on, now the IVF children are born in this world, do they have EQUAL rights or not? Regardless whether they are born to gay men or single men or spouse of intersex. The ” beyond” is about acquiescing the facts that in the 21st century there will be more men whether gay, single, or spouse of intersex who will be equally loving of their children without a “legal mother”, will such children have EQUAL rights and protection as other children?

Why is it important to UNITE IVF siblings?

For the same reasons why separating innocent children from their biological mothers during the baby scoop era was wrong. The innocent children were forced into adoption because their only fault was they were born to a “single mother” which was “socially unacceptable” at the time. Have we moved the cheese now and is the only fault of IVF children being separated from their biological parent because the parent is a male which is “socially unacceptable” today? Sadly there are truth and reconciliation commissions today after decades seeking the truth and even apologizing but can the lost childhoods ever be restored? When will we move “beyond” this?

The standard gauge that prevailing laws apply is there violence and abuse of a child? Is the child getting food, shelter, clothing, toys, education, development? There is nothing standard about binational immigrant dysfunctional intersex family. The only consistency is secrecy and lies.

If the same “standard gauge” is applied then why are governments apologizing to the children and biological parents of the baby scoop era? Did the adoptive parents abuse the child? Did the adoptive parents not provide the “standard” things for a child? There is something bigger.

If the same “standard gauge” is applied then why was Sean Goldman reunited with his biological father? Were the biological grandparents not providing for the “standard” things for a child? There is something bigger.

Recently, a horror story came out of Ohio where allegedly Mr. Castro  allegedly kidnapped and raped and may have even fathered a child with one of the victims. He provided food, shelter, clothes, and even took the child to the park like a typical parent. As an IVF father, if I ever have an opportunity to ask Ms. Berry, I would ask her did Mr. Castro provide all the “standard” things to a child as a parent? Clearly it offends our humanity because there is something bigger here.

The something “bigger” in each case is simple – truth and doing the right thing.

Anything based on a foundation of lies hurts the child – simple. No matter how we try to justify or legalize to validate our actions, truth is above all that and far more powerful. Do the right thing.

Looking Beyond

Nothing against parents of natural born children but experiencing infertility or dysfertility and it’s associated trauma makes a mark on any human. Gender does not matter. Just ask any gay parent or single IVF parent or infertile couple. However, parents who physically look male are discriminated against because we are “socially unacceptable”. Worse, our children are discriminated because of a parent’s gender. Is it time to speak up for the sake of children?

As a proud IVF father, there are people who want to censure me or shut me up or disallow me to claim being an IVF father. Implicitly, they are also taking away rights of my IVF children and so many other IVF children yet to be born. In a world where my parenting is constantly questioned based on my physical appearance as a male, some women have even told me that the IVF child is better off with a person who looks female. I shudder to ask them what they think about gay parents or single male parents since there is NO “female” around? It also so happens that none of these women have experienced infertility. I get a very different response from women who have experienced infertility or dysfertility.

Secrecy and lies were used to abuse me and violate my rights. The same secrecy and lies is now being used to violate my IVF children’s rights. NO MORE. This is much BIGGER. The lesson today is that showing compassion was wrong and the secrecy is being used against us and our innocent children. If a human being does not respect their own human rights, how can they expect others including laws to respect their human rights? If IVF parents don’t respect our IVF parenthood, how can we expect others to respect it? And implicitly rights of our IVF children.

I Have A Dream…

I have a dream that someday IVF children and families will have EQUAL rights and NOT be a slave or hostage to infertility. Infertility is very traumatic, why continue the burden onto innocent, voiceless IVF children after they are born due to unequal laws? I have a dream that someday I will be able to say to my IVF children the TRUTH about their birth without any stigma or REQUIRING a court order to say the TRUTH. I have a dream that someday I will be allowed to CELEBRATE IVF with my IVF children instead of SUPPRESSING the FACTS and LYING and CENSORSHIP. I have a dream that someday the ONLY thing that matters is TRUTH.