Elephant in the Room – IVF and Proud

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room because if we don’t then its a disservice to the innocent, voiceless IVF children and everything that humanity stands for – respect and compassion. Through acceptance, we move to a solution. Through education and awareness, we move to a solution. Fear-mongering, silence, threats, lies, secrecy, intimidation does NO GOOD – just ask the innocent, voiceless IVF siblings who have been willfully split. One lie leads to a thousand lies. People do not realize the toll it takes emotionally, financially, legally just to have a child which most people take for granted. It is the love for innocent children that keeps one going. We have an unintended double whammy like MH370 and MH 17 – our double whammy is lack of laws for intersex and IVF rights – so the best answer is to lie, break laws and SPLIT innocent, voiceless IVF siblings like taking candy from a baby – what have you proven? Instead let us address the real issues (the elephant in the room) so people can stop lying and stop breaking laws and deny rights of the most vulnerable – innocent children.

No child grows up dreaming to become an IVF parent with no laws like an immigrant, IVF father.

Does an infertile child deserve to dream to have a child when they grow up despite lack of laws? What about the rights of a fertile spouse in an infertile marriage who is equally subjected to same lack of laws?

Does an intersex child deserve to dream to be married and have a family when they grow up despite lack of laws? What about the rights of an intersex spouse in an intersex marriage who is equally subjected to same lack of laws?

Are only those people criminals who kill or abuse people in broad daylight? Or are the real criminals also who are hiding and manipulating the laws and using others for personal benefit while cannibalizing the rights of unsuspecting victims?

Is showing compassion and giving human rights to an infertile, immigrant, intersex person a CRIME where laws itself fall short? Who protect their rights?

Do IVF children born during a divorce have any rights? IVF is all about compassion and the very least is to show compassion to an innocent, voiceless IVF child. There are lot better ways to give a child to an infertile adult rather than breaking laws and splitting innocent siblings.

If a woman uses IVF and has children through her egg, sperm donor and surrogate – are her IVF children siblings? Is the SAME TRUE if a man uses IVF and has children through his sperm, egg donor and surrogate – are his IVF children siblings?

In addition to providing food, home, clothes, education, etc., every parent likes to inculcate certain values in a child to make them a positive contributor in the society such as respect, compassion, honesty, respect for laws. Is it right to show respect and compassion to an intersex person where laws itself fall short? More importantly, if we demonize such individuals, what message are we sending to the innocent children, some who may also be victims of similar secrecy and lies like IVF children? IVF or intersex or infertility is NOT wrong, silencing and lying about it which breaks laws  and cannibalizes rights of others is, or is it?

In the future, intersex marriages will be legal, infertile people will be able to have a child legally without a genetic link, an IVF child and family will have rights, TODAY, this is already occurring for innocent IVF siblings who are split and denied rights under secrecy and lies blatantly violating prevailing laws. Who protects the rights of IVF children and families? Abandoning an innocent child will still remain a CRIME – whether natural or IVF, whether domestic IVF or international IVF – because it is the right thing to do protect the rights of the most vulnerable – innocent, voiceless children.

Being intersex, being infertile, being immigrant is NOT a crime, lying about it which breaks laws is. At an emotional level, lying is no foundation for any relationship including marriage or parenthood.

It is not about whether a genetic male with no ovaries, no uterus, no fallopian tubes (which is true for all men and fathers) is a “mother” or “father”, it is about being a good parent both to your own children and others’.

Being a primary care provider for your child is based on facts and not based on traditional stereotypes and gender. There is nothing stereotypical about an intersex, immigrant, IVF family. Why was an innocent IVF child taken away from his primary care provider without investigating the facts? What is its impact?

The spirit of Hague Convention on International Child Abduction is to serve the best interest of the child and NOT be separated from biological family. What has happened to an innocent IVF child who has been lied to and denied his rights to see his biological family. Has the spirit of the convention been followed?

Performing an intersex surgery is not wrong (or is it as per the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture who called for a STOP to such surgeries) but lying about it on medical records is, especially when these lies directly affect the well-being and abuse the spouse and children of an intersex marriage. If one did “nothing wrong” then why LIE about such surgeries? Criminals lie to hide facts for selfish benefit. More importantly, what atrocities and abuses have been committed against unsuspecting intersex spouse and innocent children? Since as per the “fraud documentation”, the “surgery” never occurred kinda like people denying the “Holocaust” never occurred and therefore there are no victims who deserve justice. Denial and silencing the truth will NEVER stand the test of time.

Calling anyone’s child ” illegitimate” is not just wrong but offensive especially when it has severe implications on an innocent child. It may have been OK to have this language in 1600s but its not OK in 2000s, its time for an update. Just like the British laws used language as “unnatural sex” centuries ago which propogated to its colonies is archaic today, similarly so is language like “child born out of wedlock”, ” illegitimate child” which hurts the rights of an innocent child rather than protect.

If IVF laws can be passed retrospectively to IVF parents, why can’t laws be passed to protect rights of IVF child and be treated equally? Why is abandoning an IVF child not a crime? It is one thing to be slapped the in the face as an intersex, immigrant, IVF father but to have your innocent IVF children be slapped in the face repeatedly is too much to take and its time to speak up against the injustice.

Laws will take time to change or may never change, but that does not mean one cannot petition their democratic government for change? As an internet enthusiast, there is a “product hype curve” which shows a hyperbolic peak to hype when something new comes up and then the enthusiasm gradually tapers off and for some products goes to negligible impact and others an equilibrium in the middle. Historically, social justice and human rights issues also follow a similar pattern where initially oppressed see denial, further oppression, injustice, intimidation, threats, lies, secrecy, fear-mongering, abuse, silencing, etc and eventually are given the rights they deserve. When will equal rights for IVF children and families become a reality?

If an intersex, immigrant, infertile adult deserves compassion, why not little compassion for innocent, voiceless IVF children? As a global citizen, one learns to pick the best of both worlds especially when those worlds happen to be world’s most powerful democracy and other being world’s biggest democracy – both representing equality in diversity. When will equal rights for IVF children and families become a reality?

Petitioning one’s democratic government for change is not “anti-national”, ask slaves of 1800s, Susan Anthony, Mahatma Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Dr. King, Nelson Mandela, Edie Windsor, and so on. It is part of nation building at the cost of personal sacrifices.

Is abandoning an IVF child with utter disregard and disdain a crime against the humanity of the  innocent child? Is it a crime of moral turpitude? Abandoning a “natural-born” child requires a parent to “physically” abandon a child, if an intended parent who did not giver sperm, egg, or womb, there is no physical connection and they simply give consent but NEVER show up to take responsibility and accountability for placing the “IVF Order”. Is that right? Is that how we want to see our society progress? Or should such acts be reprimanded and sent a strong message that regardless of circumstances, abandoning an IVF child is EQUAL to abandoning any other child and has consequences?

If an intended parent deserves EQUAL rights to their “non-genetic” child, then should they also be held EQUALLY responsible and accountable for a “non-genetic” child they “ordered” but abandoned? It is heinous, it is vicious and silencing the FACTS is not justice especially for the innocent, voiceless child. Treating them as EQUALS like any other child with equal rights is JUSTICE. Child is a CHILD including IVF child – are the laws in sync? We have to talk about the ELEPHANT in the ROOM, don’t we?