Disarming a Threat – IVF, Immigration, Intersex Issues of 21st Century

Anytime someone threatens you, it needs to be addressed. Ignoring a threat will only lead to worsening circumstances. The response must be balanced, peaceful and in our ever increasing litigious world, it must involve others whether authorities, agencies, credible individuals, etc. You need evidence of both the threat AND your response. The primary reason is to FIRST protect yourself. Just like in the instructions in a plane, if the oxygen masks were to be deployed, first place the mask on yourself and then help others including little children. Same principle applies when you face a threat.

We are NOT here to discuss intersex, IVF, infertility. We are here to discuss when there is lack of laws to deal with intersex, IVF, infertility, do these inequities affect both the intersex person and the spouse and innocent IVF children who have also inherited the inequities? And what is the right approach? Splitting innocent IVF siblings is not right in any book whether understood today or understood decades from now. The case is so far ahead that while most of the society doesn’t even recognize intersex but tries to hide, lie and be secretive (only causing more trauma and not leading to new laws).  Are threats the right way to approach the lack of laws situation or is it better to state the truth and ask for equal rights by peacefully petitioning the government? An equitable solution is needed while respecting all including innocent IVF children. Is a person who tries to help an intersex, infertile person also a victim of same lack of laws?

A threat can be someone pointing a gun or knife at you. The idea is to either disarm the gun or knife from them OR get away from the person. Then one has to make a report so that it does NOT occur again and appropriate steps are taken to address the issue.

If someone threatens you with words and verbiage. Same principle applies, get away from the person and make a report so that appropriate steps can be taken.

If someone threatens you with suicide. Same principle applies, get away from the person and make a report so that appropriate steps can be taken including medical help.

Succumbing to threats is no way to a solution. If a person is infertile and laws require a “genetic link” to bring a child born in India to the US, do not succumb to threats of suicide to help a person lie because it will only lead to disastrous consequences. You may also be held complicit to the lies and fraud for helping an infertile person to have a child where laws itself fall short. Is helping infertility (where laws fall short) the same or better or worse than abandoning a child? Lesson learnt is DO NOT help an infertile person to break laws. Shouldn’t the government instead be providing equal rights for infertile people so they don’t feel threatened and NOT to punish innocent victims like the spouse and children who are trying to help infertility? If a fertile person can SHARE a child with an infertile person, can an infertile person SHARE the same child with his siblings and family?

Succumbing to threats is no way to a solution. An intersex person is subjected to surgery which is now banned because it is so torturous. We are in agreement that the surgery should be banned, there is no proper medical evidence to force this surgery during a marriage under secrecy and lies. And if the “experts” feel they are right, then why did they have to lie on medical records, what are they trying to hide? If you are threatened to ALSO lie and live in secrecy, what are the effects on you? How do you go get professional help like psychological sessions if you are forced to lie to them? If the surgery is very traumatic for the patient, if the surgery is very traumatic for other family members like parents of the intersex child, what are the effects of the same surgery on a spouse and children when the surgery is performed during a marriage? But see you succumbed to the threats and therefore one can’t even get the help they need and neither can the innocent children.

It is a very SAD situation and something no parent wants to teach their children. A person who respects an intersex spouse where laws itself fall short, a person who SHARES a child with an infertile person where laws itself fall short, a person who wants to SAVE his innocent daughter from being abandoned is a compassionate person and respects diversity and thats what he would like to teach his children. Instead he has been taught that be SELFISH, LIE, FRAUD, CHEAT, BREAK LAWS because that’s the only way you get rewarded. Respecting diversity and respecting others is WRONG.

So as an intersex, immigrant, IVF father, who has managed to survive, the advise for children is to be SELFISH to survive in this world, sad but true. Let’s hope I am wrong because if I am right and had followed this advise, my innocent IVF children would not exist today including the compassion of the donors and surrogates.

While bringing a child into this world is a very emotional, bringing an international IVF/Surrogacy child into this world is full of land mines, lack of laws and only exasperated by the facts that in some cases, innocent IVF/Surrogacy children are left without justice. Making a mistake (lack of laws) is one thing but inaction is another and more importantly, denying rights to an innocent child makes things worse. Are abandoned IVF children humans too? And why is no action taken to protect and safeguard their rights?

The technology is new, the laws haven’t caught up with technology but is abandoning a child still a crime? If people resort to new and sophisticated ways of abandoning children, are the laws and authorities equipped to combat and protect the rights of the innocent children? Last I checked, child is still a child and deserves equal protection under the law. Making them into “casualties of the war on fertility” is not the answer. They are NOT the collateral damage, they are innocent and in any war, innocent children are always spared but perhaps the war on fertility is different? We need to have laws on both sides which are inclusive and give equal rights to both fertile and infertile people but innocent children should always come FIRST.