Cloak of Invisibility

As a child, I used to love dreaming about having a cloak of invisibility. Now that I have one, it feels terrible and unjust. In 2013, a young, male spouse caregiver of intersex and laws for them are non-existent. In 2013, equal laws for fathers who dream of having children through IVF are non-existent. In 2013, laws to protect men from domestic violence and abuse are non-existent. In 2013, EQUAL rights for IVF children and families are non-existent. When laws do NOT exist for situations not fathomed, the individual victims become “invisible” in the eyes of the law. It is one thing to be wrongfully convicted and other thing to get NO JUSTICE because laws do NOT exist for your situation. At least if you are wrongfully convicted, one had an opportunity to present their side and then leave it to the court to decide. In a situation where laws DO NOT exist, one NEVER gets to share their side of the story. The feeling of becoming “INVISIBLE” destroys a human being worse than water boarding or pulling nails out of the fingers or other severe forms of torture, especially when their children are made “invisible” and punished due to no crimes of their own. “Invisible” people do not exist and people who do not exist do not have any rights or laws.

The Sandwich Generations

We have come a long way in terms of social justice. From abolishing practice of Sati to Salem witch hunts to abolishing slavery to women suffrage to freedom and independence from colonialism, civil rights, and now we are transitioning through gay rights. As gay marriages are legalized, there will be possibility of having laws for domestic violence and abuse against men, EQUAL rights for IVF children and families where parent is male, end to social stereotyping and profiling that men are LESS of a parent, end to social stereotyping and profiling that men cannot be caregivers, there will be new laws for equal rights for family caregivers – men or women, laws to recognize the “third gender” which is naturally occuring, laws to allow legal intersex marriages. No one knows when the latter changes will arrive. A decade, a few decades, a century? This story BEGINS when intersex marriage is legal. Currently, we are in a sandwich generation and it seems being in an intersex marriage is a CRIME. Showing compassion is a CRIME. Respecting diversity is a CRIME. Worse, they are used as a weapon against your children to punish them.

There are gay couples who have waited over 40 years to marry legally. All this while they never separated, stayed in love like a couple and were honest to each other. They did not go to a foreign country, get married as Pat and Kris, come back to their resident country and claim “legal marriage”. They instead joined the fight to get equal rights for gays and waited over 40 years. In all those years, their love for each other did not falter and they remained true to each other. Lying, cheating , fraud occurs in several marriages but that does NOT mean a child is alienated from the parent or his only known biological family, or does it?

Medical Prognosis

It is already documented that intersex people when diagnosed with the condition may suffer severe trauma and depression. If they undergo the surgery (mostly forced or misinformed), the medications may further add to the severe trauma and depression.

Recently, a new study came out showing that IVF children born of surrogates suffer from depression.

Is there any study on young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex AND IVF parent separated from their child?

During the baby scoop era, children were separated from their biological mothers and often the adoptive parents did not know that. The adoptive parents raised the child lovingly. As the child grew up, they had questions and wanted answers and eventually seeked out the TRUTH. The children forced into adoption grew up well, have good careers but always wonder what if? What if they were allowed to grow up with their biological family, could they have achieved more? if they are happy, could they have been happier? Most importantly, instead of spending a significant time and resources on who they are and seeking the TRUTH, could they have better utilized the same time in getting farther ahead, maybe come up with an invention to help the whole world?

As a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex AND IVF father who has spent bulk of his life in invisibility and secrecy and silence, it is BEST to end this torture. Start speaking the TRUTH and get rights and laws based on TRUTH. Laws are NOT passed based on lies. The change is to become “VISIBLE” from “INVISIBLE”.