Charity Begins At Home, Change Begins At Home

“Arise, Awake, Don’t stop until you achieve your goal” – Swami Vivekananda

Dealing with two highly sensitive and women dominated areas of caregiving and infertility, the 21st century presents some unique challenges. This maybe a first but definitely NOT the last. Change is a very difficult thing for anyone. The toughest thing about societal change is changing oneself.

Looking for an Erin Brockowich or “Pam Landy” from the movie “The Bourne Ultimatum”. Anyone willing to give it ALL to uncover the TRUTH and provide relief to the VICTIMS?

Change Caregiver Rights

Think it would be safe to assume that we all agree that family caregiving is an altruistic calling and hard to capture in words. Parents are caregivers for their child but doubt if anyone ever considers it charity rather its a privilege. Children when they grow up will care for their aging parents but doubt if they want to monetize it as a paid event. Although, some aging parents do insist on paying their children for caring for them. Same thing but to a lesser extent is also true for sibling caregivers provided you are lucky enough to have siblings. What about spouse caregivers? While family caregiving is neither paid NOR charity, it does place the burden on us as a society to ALSO protect the basic human rights of a caregiver starting with truth and acceptance of facts. Just like family caregiving begins at HOME, the overarching societal change begins with oneself first (our personal HOME).

As a family caregiver like other 65.7 Million Americans and over a Billion+ across the globe, getting equal caregiver rights in the 21st century is a necessary change. Mothers who are perennial caregivers among others can attest to the toll their personal health takes but they do it regardless because of the biology with their child. If non-biological caregivers are paid for their services, should non-biological family caregivers like spouses ALSO be paid? Maybe not paid monetarily but at least have their RIGHTS protected? Because a caregiver is paid, if they experience any abuse, violence, injury, trauma while ON THE JOB, it is covered by workers compensation. But if the same things are done to a non-biological family caregiver like spouse, there is NO protection? What we are asking for is protection of basic human rights of a caregiver from a myriad of sources – patient, medical community, patient’s family, anyone else closely familiar with the situation. Just like NOT stopping to provide assistance to a VICTIM of an accident is a CRIME, why is NOT providing assistance to a VICTIM of caregiving not a CRIME? Most family caregivers become one by accident and due to the circumstances of the family. One simply does not leave a loved one alone. The “VICTIMIZATION” here is not the patient but a SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES beyond the patient’s control. The silence of the medical community, other family members who choose NOT to help, and so on. The FACT is there is a VICTIM, rather than discussing who the perpetrators are and playing a blame game, let us FOCUS on the solution which is to HELP the VICTIM. In most cases, VICTIM is both the patient and the caregiver. This is a necessary change based on human rights. Creating new patients out of perfectly healthy individuals is NOT healthy medicine.

Change Infertility Rights

For ages, bearing children has been the birth right of women. As a result, LAWS for a child are closely TIED to laws of a mother. Infertility is as OLD as being able to have children. As new fertility techniques started popping up, fertility treatments were RESERVED for heterosexual couples, then it was OPENED for single women. The prevailing laws for CHILDREN being TIED closely to mothers was still valid. Gays or single men or intersex were largely SHUT OUT from fertility treatments because of “societal unacceptance”. Now the CHANGE has come and gays, single men, intersex can opt for fertility treatments like IVF. However, the LAWS have still not caught up and rights of a CHILD are closely TIED to a woman. Should gays be allowed to have children through IVF? Should intersex families be allowed to have children through IVF? History will answer that. In the meantime, we need LAWS to catch up with technology like IVF in the best interest of the children. We NEED laws to support the rights of an IVF child with NO LEGAL MOTHER. It is NOT about taking away rights from a woman or mother, it is about protecting the fundamental and basic human rights and dignity of an innocent, voiceless IVF child. Unlike unwanted pregnancies where children may be abandoned, IVF pregnancies are very planned and deliberate. Why be forced to ABANDON an IVF child due to lack of laws?

Change with Truth and Compassion

One can NEVER be EQUAL to a mother. I know, I love my mother. By holding onto age old ideas about parentage, motherhood, infertility rights, are we withholding rights of an innocent, voiceless IVF child? The important thing to understand is that the primary care provider should be protected regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, or otherwise. From the perspective of the child, the only thing they understand is LOVE. There are women who have told me how dare I suggest about splitting the rights of a mother and a child? I shudder to ask them if they support gays or single men or intersex who may be equally loving to have children? The hardest thing about change is changing oneself. Change begins at home (oneself).

The goal is to accept change is constant and is inevitable. Are you ready for change in the 21st century?