Tag Archives: victim

Top 10 Reasons to be unEmotional

10. The justice system does NOT care about emotions. And we as law-abiding citizens have to live with the laws and not with emotions regardless of show-no-emotion-catch-no-feelings-feel-no-pain-ivfhow unfair the laws may seem.

9. The justice system will selectively care about emotions deeming it “best interest of the child” instead of recognizing the facts that sometimes laws fall short and natural justice should take over.

8. If you are emotional, it will take you LONGER than others to think things through…By that time, the opportunity to fight back may expire like the statute of limitations or people may tend to say let “bygones be bygones” without understanding that injustice is injustice – whether delayed or denied.

7. If you are emotional, people may lie, cheat, fraud you including breaking laws and committing crimes and maybe even forcing you to commit crimes.

6. If you harbor a murderer because they are “family” and you get emotional, it is breaking the laws even though you can justify it emotionally. Do not harbor a criminal, the right thing to do for their sake and other innocents in the society is to report them to the authorities for breaking the laws. Worse, do not become a victim of their emotional blackmail and commit crimes too.

5. When one lives in bad company where one partner/friend commits crimes, it rubs off on you and you also start committing crimes and emotions cannot save you from that.

4. Your innocent children can be held hostage and their individual rights are violated including crime against their humanity.

3. When you are emotional, people will try to spin a web from the “real issues” deeming one who is emotional cannot “think” clearly and are clouded. Fine, then let someone “unemotional” deal with the real issues like IVF, intersex, immigration because the issues still exist and someone does need to bring it to attention and provide a solution. What is worse – being emotional and bringing out the truth OR being conniving and brushing the issues under the carpet. What if it happened to you or someone you love (nah, thats emotional again…you see how it works)?

2. Ironically, got too emotional to pen this down.

1. Frankly, NO ONE CARES. The laws, the society, the system – its all lip service  and only you can protect yourself from the emotional trauma of injustice, unfairness, bigotry, hypocrisy. Protect yourself first.

As a survivor, NOT a victim, of IVF, intersex, immigration in the 2000s, there are a lot of lessons to be learnt. The first is DO NOT be EMOTIONAL. What an irony because if one were not emotional then they could have never become a spouse caregiver of intersex OR an IVF parent OR an exiled IVF parent. They could have perhaps earned 6 + figures in salary, have a great, comfortable, luxurious life with everything money can buy AND have a great professional career where their skills are appreciated BUT innocent IVF children would have been abandoned, violated, abused, tortured without a VOICE.

To the naysayers, all we have to say is that emotion is the very fabric of a human being…even animals like dogs, cats have emotions and they show it. Since when did it become OK to NOT be emotional as a human being especially when it comes to dealing with issues like intersex, IVF, immigration – emotions like compassion build such families while lack of laws break up families, innocent siblings.

The risk of not acting is greater than the risk of acting

The risk of not acting is greater than the risk of acting” – said US Secretary of State John Kerry.Syria-chemical-weapons-victims

Is the same true about the situation of IVF children and families? Especially cases that involve international IVF and the entire IVF ecosystem – donors, surrogates, parents and most importantly, the IVF children. Infertility is traumatic but should a solution come at the price of crimes, lies and denial of rights of other human beings?

When innocent, voiceless children are being hurt, being abused, maybe someone cares enough to take action and do something about it than just paying lip service. The current climate of lack of laws for international IVF/Surrogacy children is dire. There are international laws for child abduction and child adoption but how come there are no international laws for IVF/surrogate children?

In Syria over a period of two years since 2011, more than a 100,000 innocent civilians including children were killed. However, when about 1500 innocent civilians including children were killed in a chemical weapons attack, it calls out to our conscience in a different way, why? What is so heinous about a chemical weapons attack that killed about 1500 people somehow MORE important than the previous 100,000 innocent lives lost? Or is it a culmination of the last two years and the gruesome way in which the last innocent 1500 humans were killed that calls out to our morality and legality? Is it the final straw that broke the camel’s back?

A decade of secrecy and lies can also have a similar effect. When you lie about an intersex surgery and the effects it causes including abuse, when you hurry to have a child not knowing the effects of an intersex surgery, when you lie about the IVF child as being a natural born child, when you break the laws incessantly, when you get abused in silence, it is not the aggregate of all these events but the heinous way in which the innocent, voiceless IVF siblings were SPLIT – does it call out to your morality and legality to take actionIs it the final straw that broke the camel’s back?

If the people responsible for this heinous chemical attack are not held accountable, is the risk they will REPEAT this action or is it a GREATER RISK that someone ELSE will repeat these actions and have no consequences and denial of rights to innocent victims including children? Someone has to speak up and take action even if they are alone. What’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. It calls out to our basic human dignity and respect.

If an IVF child is abandoned causing DENIAL of rights and a state of LEGAL LIMBO, should the perpetrators be held accountable for this heinous act against the innocent, voiceless IVF child? Is the risk they will REPEAT this action or is it a GREATER RISK that someone ELSE will repeat these actions and have no consequences and denial of rights to innocent victims including children? Someone has to speak up and take action even if they are alone. What’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. It calls out to our basic human dignity and respect. Why does an IVF child need to be treated like “property” and go unchecked?

While the innocent civilians including children died an unnecessary and a cruel death – the ultimate crime…the innocent IVF children left in LEGAL LIMBO are living an unnecessary and cruel death – what is worse? Because when someone legal status is in limbo, they have no legal rights and hence no justice and no relief as a victim but instead are forced to LIVE in silence and become invisible. Their basic human dignity and respect as a human being is denied or deleted. Why?

Is the risk of not acting greater than the risk of acting for the sake of IVF children and families?

Adoption Vs. IVF

Infertility is very traumatic. There are lot of solutions to deal with infertility. What happens AFTER you have found On-Infertile-grounda solution? What is the best interest of the CHILD? Is the trauma of the infertile person GREATER than the best interest of the child? How many VICTIMS need to be created and be abused and violated to satiate the need of one infertile person? There are plenty of articles and information on whether to ADOPT or go for IVF/Surrogacy? This article will NOT focus on the “pre-decision” making process but rather rights of the “IVF child” and why are there differences in law? The best interest of the child remains the same regardless of whether adoption or IVF/Surrogacy, then why are laws NOT reflective of that? They say a child only knows LOVE and the biological link does not matter YET the laws are based on “biological link”. And when issues arise, the only thing one has to fall back on is LAWS. So it is important to discuss ADOPTION Vs. IVF/Surrogacy from a LAW perspective.

The laws for adoption are made with best interest of the child in mind FIRST. The best interest of the adoptive parents is secondary. Is the same true in IVF/Surrogacy?

0a) Adopted children are natural born and the science behind the natural birth of an adopted child is same as other natural born children.

0b) IVF children are born well through IVF. Scientific studies claim that because of the way IVF children are born, the hormones, the fertility treatments, the frozen samples or embryos, psychological state of parents using IVF (it is a very stressful time), etc. places IVF children at a “third higher risk of cancer” or “65% more likely to have leukemia” or “90% more likely to have brain cancer”.

1a) Adoption is well understood and regulated – both domestically and internationally thus providing a consistent, standardized way of dealing with adoption.

1b) IVF/Surrogacy Laws barely exist – from banned in some countries to allowance in others and there is NO international law for IVF/Surrogacy children creating situations where innocent, voiceless children are LEFT in a LEGAL LIMBO.

2a) If a 5 year old is adopted and taken away from his biological family, his biological family has a RIGHT to tell him the facts.

2b) If a 5 year old IVF son is taken away from his biological family, his biological family has NO rights to tell him the truth and are instead muzzled and silenced under threats.

3a) There is a use of subsidiarity principle in adoption where SIBLINGS are allowed to grow up together even though the parents may be non-biological.

3b) In an international IVF, IVF SIBLINGS maybe deliberately separated with NO legal consequences and there is NO regard for best interest of the children.

4a) In adoption, a homestudy by a licensed MSW or MA in Psychology is a MUST before a non-biological parent can adopt a child.

4b) In IVF/Surrogacy, anyone with MONEY can get a IVF/Surrogate child. There is NO requirement for equivalent of homestudy and somehow a “biological parent” already suffering from trauma of infertility is supposed to POSSESS the knowledge of a licensed MS or MA in Psychology. Even a pedophile can somehow take an IVF girl child legally.

5a) Adoptions typically take months to years and because of the heavy vetting process, a great deal is known about the future parent including any errant behavioral or psychological problems.

5b) In IVF/Surrogacy, MONEY talks. Once you have the money, get donors and surrogate lined up and place your order for a “baby” with NO vetting process. Heck, you could even place an “order for an IVF baby” and then later change your mind and ABANDON the IVF baby with NO legal consequences. What are the rights of the IVF child? What are the rights of the surrogate? What are the rights of the left-behind parent?

6a) Adoptions are highly and tightly regulated. In an international adoption, proper legal documents and paperwork needs to be followed including birth certificate and the corresponding passport and visas.

6b) IVF/Surrogacy has NO regulations and fraud documents can be secured with relative ease. After all, IVF is marketed as a “good thing” for the infertile parent and NOT as a “good thing” for the child. The paying customer for IVF industry is the “parent” and NOT the IVF child. Does the IVF child have a RIGHT to proper legal documents and proper LEGAL STATUS or are they also VICTIMS to their infertile parent’s whims?

In our changing world, it would  be NO longer correct to say that infertility is an issue only for women. How would we resolve gays having children? Even in heterosexual couples, there are cases where men are more caring than women due to various reasons. Are we as a society ready to accept the CHANGE? Then again, IVF/Surrogacy is all about CHANGE and is a 21st century issue, isn’t it?