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Bridging the Gap Between Morals, Ethics, Laws in IVF

Is there a difference between morals, ethics and laws? Or maybe the better question to ask is there a difference between immorality, unethical and ethics-morals-laws-ivfillegal? In most situations, everyone knows this happens and people are willing to let it slide. Maybe you saw someone misbehave with a lady and you let it slide or some people may not consider infidelity as unethical or immoral and it certainly is legal. While as adults we may let things slide as “none of my business” or “to each their own” or “I must do something”, as parents we have to ACT and teach our children the difference between right and wrong, the difference between morals, ethics, and laws. When it comes to children, should all three be the SAME? Or is that what the intent is for parents? Or should there be a “GAP” between morals, ethics, laws when raising good children – our future?

Historically, the morality gauge of a society changes first, then ethics, and finally the laws. Like over time people accepted gay rights to where there are laws. In the modern times it has taken a few decades for this. When will it be time to have social acceptance and equal laws for IVF children and families?

As per laws, a genetic link is required between a US parent and a child born outside the US. Therefore, an infertile US person cannot get a child (like an IVF child) born outside the US legally into the US. That would be breaking the law and is illegal. While finding someone who IS fertile, have an IVF child, get the IVF child into the US and then dump the fertile parent and alienating the innocent child from the biological parent is OK for the child? Is that immoral and illegal? Or what if a lawyer who helps an infertile immigrant pull this conspiracy off by abandoning an innocent IVF child in India who is the sibling of the child (that he wanted) the infertile person claims to love. Is that unethical, immoral and illegal from the IVF children’s perspective? A lawyer may have been “ethical” to their client but what about the fact that they helped in abandoning an IVF child and making them “legally invisible”? If a lawyer finds out their client has broken the law and especially where the welfare of a child is endangered, what are the ethics, morals and laws of disclosing that to the court and/or appropriate authorities? What is it to treat an innocent, IVF infant like a “tool”? What is it to use an innocent IVF sister as a “tool” against her IVF brother? Do innocent IVF children who are born have equal rights as other children?

We always hear “the best interest of the child”. What is the “best interest of children” in splitting two lovely innocent IVF brother and sister?

Is abandoning a natural born child different than IVF child? It should not be  but legally it is different. IVF children end up in legal limbo. What are the rights of the IVF child who was consented to by an adult but later the adult decided against it? What should one do with the abandoned IVF child? Unlike natural births, IVF births are deliberate and planned and comes with a more heightened sense of responsibility and accountability towards the IVF child, the donor and surrogate. When you abandon an IVF child, you are also abandoning the humanity of others including the donor and surrogate.

Are the needs of a natural born child any different than an IVF child? There shouldn’t be any difference but legally it is different. While it is a crime to abandon a natural born child, there is NO crime to do so with an IVF child (wonder if human cloning is ever allowed, is this what people will do?). While an adult will be held accountable and responsible for abandoning a natural born child, the abandoning IVF parent has no obligation towards the IVF child. Is that because the IVF child has been made “legally invisible”? It that ethical and moral and illegal against the innocent child?

Do the right thing – thats what we tell our children. Here are a few things done right:

1) DO NOT give human rights to others in private, be vocal and be public about it. The person receiving the “equal treatment” (where government itself falls short like gay rights, intersex rights, fertility rights, immigration rights) may turn it around against you. Is that immoral, unethical and illegal?

2) DO NOT break the laws for your spouse. Love, compassion, help are all one-way streets and those things are not returned to you. If you show love, compassion, help to others where laws itself fall short, when the lies are used against you, no one will help you and instead hold you “equally accountable.” Is that moral, ethical and legal? The only crime committed is not reporting the crimes which is not same as committing the crimes or intent to commit crimes.

3) DO NOT get blackmailed by liars and criminals who break laws. They will get in trouble and so will you. Worse, your innocent, voiceless IVF children may get in trouble too for no fault of theirs other than to be born IVF.

4) The RIGHT thing to do is to educate and advocate for equal rights and let the government do the right thing by passing equal rights and laws so you can also follow laws. Trying to do the “right thing” on your own like helping an infertile person have a child when it is not allowed legally, or being married to an intersex person when it is not allowed legally, or sponsoring immigration of an intersex spouse when it is not allowed legally, it will only get you in trouble and worse your innocent children in trouble. These crimes are so heinous that it pales the abuse, domestic violence and cruelty and suffering that one may have endured in trying to give equal rights to an immigrant intersex person.

Use, Abuse, and Discard – Intersex, IVF, Immigration

There are always TWO sides of the story in any relationship. If the relationship is healthy, there is no break-ups.Fight for truth If the relationship is unhealthy, there are break-ups. How a break-up occurs reveals the TRUTH in an unhealthy relationship. If children are involved in a break-up, it says a lot about the person on how much they love themselves Vs their claimed love for children in the relationship. In a healthy break-up, the children get to see both parents and have the opportunity to live freely. In an unhealthy break-up the abuse continues in the form of parental alienation, secrecy and lying and restricting free will and freedoms of an innocent child. The slavery to secrecy and lies continue. There may be violations of the court order but thats OK. There may be gross violations of laws but thats OK. Depending on which side of the coin you are, you got USED, ABUSED and DISCARDED. Thats OK for an adult (is it?), is it ALSO OK for innocent, voiceless children? Are SIBLINGS important?

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court. For those who support status quo, we did maintain status quo and look what happened – two innocent and voiceless siblings, on two continents, in LEGAL LIMBO. Let us NOT repeat status quo, let us ask for CHANGE and MOVE FORWARD. What is different about an intersex relationship between immigrants who do international IVF to have children? Is it “unconventional” for a male to ask for rights of a child, just wait for a few years now that gay marriages are being legalized, gay divorces will follow and it will become “conventional” (meaning laws will be formulated) but it may be TOO LATE for the innocent brother and sister. This case is from the FUTURE but the strategy of secrecy, lies, fraud, manipulation of systems, breaking laws are consistent with a criminal.

1) Intersex

Lot of complex issues and breaking the laws for starters. One has SPLIT two kids on two continents. Legally there is shared custody of child but NOT practical custody. Ironically, IVF is done due to infertility of intersex and now the biological parent has to deal with legalizing a STATELESS IVF daughter while SPLIT from his son. We have gone beyond USED, ABUSED, and DISCARDED. It is one thing to ABUSE an adult (actually a male) but it is totally different to ABUSE an innocent, voiceless child. It is one thing to SLAP your spouse/partner, it is totally different to SLAP an innocent child and DENY them basic rights as a human being. Legally, intersex are either invisible to less rights to no rights. Does the spouse inherit the same unequal rights by association and dealing with the effects of intersex? Intersex are victims of nature and unsuspecting spouse of intersex are victims of _____? What is worse – victim of nature or victim of a criminal? Any loving relationship (spouse, parent-child, friends) based on a foundation of LIES is not LOVE. It is pretending to get what you want including breaking the laws. US President Obama has no patience for lack of gay rights. What about lack of immigration rights for LGBTI and IVF children and the folks who still have to deal with those effects with two kids on two separate continents? Intersex is very traumatic, wait till you meet infertility.

Even FDA recalls drugs after learning the TRUTH – the same drugs that it once deemed safe and effective when they approved it. That’s the power of truth – it allows an opportunity to fix once truth is known, it offers a SOLUTION.

2) Infertility

Thankfully to some great medical research and work, we have an opportunity to use techniques like IVF to have children and deal with infertility. Unfortunately, IVF is not affordable by everyone and IVF is a journey. First there is the money issue. Next there is the matching of the donors, surrogate issue (depending on your case). In an IVF between two genetic males, one needs both an egg donor and a surrogate – a scientific fact. Then there is the stress, the anxiety, the uncertainty, the ups, the downs, the valleys, the hills, and for some lucky folks, the end of the roller coaster ride blesses you with a lovely IVF child. The first trauma is missing the birth of your child or celebrating it due to secrecy and lies. Despite “conventional stereotypes”, the father becomes the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for the infant because the intersex person is still undergoing medical treatment and is in a transition phase. There is an inseparable bond between the son and the father as a result. Feeding is an issue for IVF children as the surrogate may not be around depending on the case. Formula is a good alternative to breastfeeding. But what if a genetic male wants to take hormones and attempt breastfeeding? How many mothers come home after child birth and ask the fathers of the child to breastfeed their child? huh? How many gay parents bring home an infant and attempt to breastfeed by taking hormones to lactate? Yes, after the roller coaster of IVF, one has to endure watch their innocent, voiceless IVF infant be abused at failed attempts of breastfeeding and going hungry. Intersex is very traumatic, then you meet infertility, now wait till you meet international IVF and immigration laws for immigrants.         (Hint :                     ) <- attempt to show “do not exist”….

3) International IVF and Immigration

We do NOT have consistent LAWS internationally. So an international IVF by immigrants can create some very UNIQUE and RARE circumstances. Only someone with intimate knowledge of the facts can use it to MANIPULATE to their advantage. It is one thing to say that you know better to an immigrant in an intersex marriage, we should NOT have done international IVF because laws do NOT support it. Does that mean infertile immigrants should remain childless including intersex immigrants? However, two lovely IVF brother and sister are BORN, now what? If a building is illegally constructed, either break it down or legalize it assessing penalties. The IVF children are illegal, should we “break them down” or legalize them? This is HUMAN LIVES we are discussing.

Immigrants do NOT have same rights as citizens. Thats a legislative issue. What happens when this is used disparagingly against the male and worse against innocent, voiceless IVF children? And yet go on to claim they LOVE a child? Alienating a child from the parent is abuse yet common. But alienating a child from a sibling takes a WHOLE NEW LEVEL of ABUSE. Moreover, placing the sibling in LEGAL LIMBO for their personal interests takes VIOLATION of human rights and child rights to WHOLE NEW LEVEL. Do you think its a very selfish way to show LOVE for a child? If we are going to allow to have IVF children be born with NO responsibility on the commissioning adult, what’s next? Human cloning for personal benefits?

4) BONUS: Caregiver

Intersex is very traumatic, then you meet infertility, now you have met IVF and immigration. Most intersex people have surgery done to them without informed consent. It is so traumatic and torturous that the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to this. Rarely, the same surgery is done DURING a marriage. Typically the parents are the caregivers of intersex and have help and support. If a spouse has cancer or mesothelioma, a caregiver spouse is allowed to share the truth and get help and support. What about the spouse caregiver of intersex? Should they be forced into SILENCE under threats? Is that abuse? Where were the parents of the intersex after the surgery? Now meet all at the SAME time – intersex, infertility, international IVF, immigration, caregiving. Result is Secrecy and Lies  under THREATS rule while innocent, voiceless brother and sister are being punished for crimes they did not commit. Does not sound like JUSTICE, does it?

The issue is NOT whether an intersex person can be a parent, or a non-biological person can be a parent,

Life dealing with Intersex, IVF, Immigration
Life dealing with Intersex, IVF, Immigration

the issue is when a person is suffering from severe trauma and is undergoing medical treatment, how can they be a PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for an infant? And what about the abuse endured? And when the medical situation has stabilized, they have USED the caregiver, ABUSED the spouse and now DISCARDED the spouse and the IVF child leaving them in LEGAL LIMBO because it NO LONGER SUITS them. We can accept situation is traumatic for which LIES need to stop and TRUTH needs to come out – first for the sake of innocent, voiceless children need RELIEF as VICTIMS if not justice.

Its a fact we need equal rights for intersex, IVF children and families, caregivers. If no one speaks up, we will NEVER get started and NEVER get the equal rights. We did the Intersex, IVF, Immigration journey in secrecy and lies, NOW it is time to ask for equal rights with education and awareness – if not in our lifetime then at least in our children’s lifetime. TRUTH is the solution, secrecy and lies are disastrous – one gets USED, ABUSED, DISCARDED in a whole NEW LEVEL. This is abnormal behavior. There are intersex people who are living with the TRUTH, have legally ADOPTED kids, are good parents. They do not PREY on unsuspecting people and break the laws and commit crimes. These are traits of a criminal regardless of sexual orientation or gender.