Third party reproduction is when someone (married, single, straight, gay lesbian, intersex) has a “gestational carrier” (legal term) as a “third party”carrier to deliver a lovely baby. Commonly this is referred to as surrogacy. What are the effects of using third party reproduction and when sometimes laws fall short? What is the impact on the innocent child? Also, one has to differentiate between “intent” Vs. “state of laws and its effects”. The scenarios below can be any fertile person who wants to help an infertile person, this could have been you. That doesn’t mean infertile people are bad OR infertility is wrong, it just means just like everything else in life, there are a few bad apples and we need laws to both protect and ensure rights of innocent and provide a “check and balance” system so it can serve as a deterrent for a few bad apples to even contemplate something so heinous. How much enough is enough? Rosa Parks stood up against prevailing laws because it was enough. Seeing our innocent children get punished and hurt is enough for an intersex, immigrant, IVF family to speak up.
Legally, IVF children born through donor and surrogate who are not your spouse are deemed as children “born out of wedlock”. As offensive as it is (insenuates affairs, infidelity, etc) and deserves its own separate discussion, then how does an infertile couple have a child “born in marriage” legally? What are the legal implications on innocent children born this way? What rights do children have when born during a divorce? Are they legally non-existent and invisible? Why double standards in dealing with two IVF/Surrogacy children who are born exactly the same way? One was lied about while other was being truthful. Is the message that lies which happens to break laws should be rewarded? And how does this status quo help change unequal laws? The real threat is the unequal laws and so more unsuspecting, innocent fertile people (men or women) will be targeted and so will their IVF children “born out of wedlock”. Sadly our lives are ruled by laws (equal or unequal) and not ruled by compassion. Its ironic that compassion is lost in some cases because at the very core of surrogacy, its the compassion to help a fellow human being.
1) First, “surrogacy” or “third party reproduction” itself is controversial. You may find people who are strictly opposed to it Vs. those who find it necessary to have a child. Neither came to this decision overnight. What is right or wrong, who is to decide? What is unacceptable today may be acceptable 10-20-30-40 years from now. Regardless of which side of the discussion one finds themselves, rights of all involved including the child and surrogate should be respected and protected by laws. Lack of laws leads to denial of rights and denial of justice to the innocent like the IVF/Surrogacy child.
2) If a woman uses donor egg and donor sperm and using IVF gets pregnant and carries the children to term and gives birth, is she a “surrogate” or a “gestational carrier” or a “mother”? Her every intent was to have children and raise them lovingly. Lack of laws leads to denial of rights and denial of justice to innocent like the IVF/Surrogacy child.
3) If a woman uses donor sperm and surrogate and using her own egg has IVF/Surrogacy children, are the children “siblings” as intended and is she the “primary care provider” by actions and is she the “mother”? Her every intent was to have children and raise them lovingly together. Lack of laws leads to denial of rights and denial of justice to innocent like the IVF/Surrogacy child.
4) If a man uses donor egg and surrogate and using his own sperm has IVF/Surrogacy children, are the children “siblings” as intended and is he the “primary care provider” by actions and is he the “father”? His every intent was to have children and raise them lovingly together. Lack of laws leads to denial of rights and denial of justice to innocent like the IVF/Surrogacy child.
Rarely are siblings split. Even rarely, IVF siblings are split up. In fact, loving IVF parents go through great lengths to keep IVF siblings united despite the archaic laws. Then why are IVF children of an IVF father being split? Can we spare the innocent children?
Like any other technology, it can be used for good or bad. While a few bad apples may ruin it for all, it is the responsibility of government to provide laws which ensure and protect the rights of all and provide appropriate checks and balance in the system. If Commercial Surrogacy is banned within countries like US (some states), UK, Australia (some states), Canada, France, Germany, etc., one can imagine what havoc it can create when surrogacy is involved internationally especially with some areas operating either with no laws or laws are being broken, how does one get justice? It is a fact there are NO international laws for IVF/Surrogacy while we do have international laws for child abduction and child adoption in the best interest of the child. So who PROTECTS and ENSURES the rights of an international IVF/Surrogacy child? Or should people who manipulate the inconsistencies at the cost of innocent children denying their rights and surrogates be let off?
1) While rare, it may occur that a woman is raped and gets pregnant. Instead of making sense of the trauma of being raped, its a very sensitive time for her as she decides what to do with the child? Worse, she may be subjected to “blame the victim” approach during this horrendous time including name calling, false allegations, defamation, etc.
2) Sometimes a woman may have got pregnant with deceit where a male partner promises support for the child to be but only to abandon the child when born and the left-behind parent is left to pick up the pieces. If there was NO consent, there would be NO child.
In both these cases, there are laws to protect the victims and especially the innocent child. Is the same true for innocent children born through international IVF/surrogacy? Child is a child, right?
3) Sometimes, what if a male who is part of an infertile marriage and in order to help infertility, jointly with the infertile spouse consents to have an IVF/Surrogacy child. Using his own sperm and with help of compassionate egg donor and surrogate decides to have a child with joint consent alongwith the infertile spouse. Later, the infertile spouse decides to not take custody of the child and abandons them. Its rare for a male to be deceited in pregnancy, but that’s what new technology like IVF/Surrogacy presents in some cases. What are the protections and forms of relief that laws provide? If there was NO consent, there would be NO child.
4) What if both intended parents abandon the child, is the surrogate left in a very sensitive situation as she decides what to do for the child she wasn’t planning to raise? What are the rights of an abandoned surrogate? Who pays her? Who raises the child?
Its rare to get pregnant when raped, its rare to have an abandoned IVF child as a surrogate, question is what do you do when it happens? What are the protections and forms of relief through justice that laws provide?
What if a male partner who used his sperm and had a child with compassion of egg donor and surrogate but did NOT abandon the child, should he (rather his innocent child) be getting help from the laws or should there be a “blame the victim” approach against the left-behind IVF parent during this horrendous time including name calling, false allegations, defamation, etc. Is his fault NOT wanting to abandon the child or is his fault for daring to state the truth and for seeking justice for his innocent children? In the bigger sense, he helped infertility where laws itself fall short, what have others and the laws done to help infertility? It is one thing to want to solve world hunger and another to actually take specific actions to ensure no one sleeps hungry.
For any person, discrimination is hard to digest. We all would like to live in a discrimination-free world but reality is different. For a parent, as an adult, they learn to accept facts on discrimination of various kinds but to have their children be discriminated, its the straw that breaks the camel’s back and one has to speak up. Life is unfair, life is unequal but why should innocent children have to be the ones to learn it, shouldn’t it be something an infertile adult understands meaning shouldn’t they be petitioning for equal fertility rights rather than splitting innocent siblings?
A child is a child, having equal rights should not matter. Its 2014 and we have some archaic and barbaric laws which are hurting innocent children. It is HARD not to get your hairs raised both as a parent and as a human being. When will we get equal rights for IVF children and families? How stereotypes of the society and justice system are hurting and violating the rights of innocent IVF children?
“In the immediate aftermath of 9/11, we did some things that were wrong. We did a whole lot of things that were right, but we tortured some folks. We did things that were contrary to our values,” said US President Obama.
“it’s an incredibly sad story”. “I guess it illustrates some of the pitfalls involved in this particular [surrogacy] business,” said Australian PM Abbott on abandoned IVF baby in Thailand.
What should we say to abandoned IVF baby in India and knowingly splitting IVF brother and sister across the US and India? An IVF parent knows the facts but the “system/laws” have a long way to catch up…in the meantime, what should the IVF parent do to the IVF siblings? – Abandon them or fight for them or die from their own personal trauma – perhaps the real intent so that there is NO LEGAL challenger. While systems may be slow to catch up, people still commit crimes and should we right multiple wrongs or do we look the other way? Is it torture for an IVF family to be knowingly SPLIT up – is this their Abu Ghraib? is this their double whammy of MH370 and MH17? Rather than pointing fingers, we are looking for justice, we are looking for a solution to UNITE innocent IVF brother and sister because regardless of any justification, knowingly splitting up siblings is a crime today and will be in the future. Infertility is very trauma
As times move forward and more democratization of the world, more people are finding the strength to report the truth no matter how bitter nor are afraid of the persecution by powerful people. The primary driving force behind the truth is best interest of innocent children. Recently, there was a case where a Hollywood IVF parent-to-be decided to abandon an ongoing IVF pregnancy despite giving consent in the first place. In another case, a person successfully filed for divorce without declaring an ongoing IVF pregnancy resulting in successfully splitting two innocent IVF siblings and placing them in legal limbo. In another case, an Australian couple abandoned an innocent IVF child because he has Down’s Syndrome. In another case, a Canadian couple was unable to take their IVF child born in India due to a “DNA mismatch”. In a US case, a “mother” was not considered the mother of two lovely IVF children because she only carried them to term but had “no genetic link” as she used an egg donor. After four long, grueling years, the US changed its laws for “IVF mothers” like these. There are several such IVF cases but they rarely come to light in 2014 because it is taboo, stigma, secrecy. Ask the victimized IVF child if they care about all this? In each case, the truth has to be told, the unaffected public needs to be educated on the facts and lack of laws for international IVF, and finally, maybe, the government may take some action after prolonged number of years. How is that the “best interest of the child”?
The world is perhaps a few decades away before having equal rights for IVF children and families including donors, surrogates, intended parents but in the meantime let us not continue the victimization and abuse of innocent IVF children by denying them justice. In the bigger historical context, the laws requested will become a reality then why punish innocent IVF children today?
If the same children were not born via IVF but were born naturally, would they have to deal with these lack of laws? Are innocent IVF children and families specifically being targeted if not deliberately, at least inadvertently by not taking any action to have equal rights?
Recently, US President Obama announced that he will have an executive order for immigration reform. Are IVF rights on the agenda? Here are a few simple reasons to have IVF rights on the agenda first and foremost in the best interest of the IVF child and then the intended parents and families. As a society, we cannot knowingly create stateless babies and punish IVF families for wanting to build families through wonders of IVF. It is time to celebrate IVF in the 21st century and not hibernate. If you agree with the change, sign the petition at http://chn.ge/1oltFl5 and support IVF rights.
1) Change the verbiage in the current US Immigration Law (7 FAM 1131.4 and 7 FAM 1131.5 and its sub-sections) that deals with IVF for US citizens: Change the phrase from “biological mother/father” to “parent“. The “genetic link” requirement discriminates against infertile people (the very folks who are meant to give a helping hand through wonders of technology), punishes innocent IVF children for DNA mismatches, punishes IVF children born during a divorce or born into a LGBTI family or single parent family.
2) Change the phrase from “child born out of wedlock” to “child born“. If IVF children are deemed to be “born out of wedlock”, are we implicitly taking away their legal rights of being “born in a marriage”? Frankly, the verbiage is outdated and offensive.
3) The applicable US Immigration law for IVF fathers on US green card: We are asking for a change of one word – from “mother” to “parent” as cited in 9 FAM 42.1 N2.1 and 9 FAM 42.1 N1.1. This would allow an IVF father legally on US green card to bring a child born outside the US though an egg donor and surrogate to meet US law requirements. If a US LPR mother uses her egg and a donor sperm and surrogate abroad can bring that IVF child legally to the US then why discriminate against the IVF father who uses his sperm? Does the innocent IVF child care?
4) Family Laws and Best Interest of an IVF child born during a divorce – If a US couple has an ongoing IVF pregnancy, it must be mandatory to declare the IVF pregnancy to the court like a natural pregnancy in the event of a divorce so that the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD can be ascertained by the court. Suppressing information from the court is a crime. The rights of an innocent IVF child in a foreign country of a US couple are directly placed in a LEGAL LIMBO. Have a law that a US resident (US Citizen or Legal resident) must “pre-declare” for an IVF child if the surrogacy is done abroad which inherently will protect the rights of the innocent IVF child.
5) Left-behind IVF child law – The needs of an IVF child are NO DIFFERENT than a natural born child. An IVF child also needs love, care, clothes, food, shelter, books, toys, education, and so on. If an intended parent abandons an IVF pregnancy or IVF child in a foreign country, they should be held accountable and responsible because the IVF child’s needs are EQUAL. Is an IVF child LESS of a child than a natural born child? An IVF child is not an unwanted pregnancy but a deliberate pregnancy to bring an innocent life into this world. Laws should hold adults accountable and responsible for abandoning an ongoing IVF pregnancy they consented to.
6) Legal recourse for lapses – In cases where the fertility clinic lapses like accidentally swapping samples there should be a legal recourse. In this case, a DNA test would be negative but what if the intended parents still want to bring an IVF child born outside the US back to the US and raise them? It is traumatic enough to deal with infertility and the trauma only continues when there are serious lapses like switching samples of the biological parent. Some of these laws should be retroactive to UNITE innocent IVF children and families.
7) Debate on Parentage – Define clearly on parentage of the child including issuance of legal documents like birth certificate. A valid birth certificate is a fundamental right of the CHILD and not the parents. It is a document that the child carries for life including adulthood. As the technology evolves, (Link Is : “Three-Parent IVF” Up For Public Consultation In Britain : http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/250343.php) it is possible to have a “three parent IVF child” where the DNA is from three parents. What will be the legal impact of this?
8) Public Service –
a) Just like there are public service announcements through radio advertisements, etc. to educate and spread awareness about adoption and its legalities, there should be similar public service campaigns for IVF families.
b) Just like there are travel advisories for US citizens to risky regions, there should be IVF/surrogacy advisories for US citizens of countries that uphold basic IVF child rights and basic human rights of the IVF industry including donors and surrogates.
For centuries there has been an unwritten rule that captains of a ship get rescued last when a ship is in distress. Capt. E. J. Smith of Titanic dutifully did this. But are there any laws to enforce this? What if a captain of a ship is selfish and decides to abandon ship in a time of distress before all the passengers have been safely rescued? Can you enforce that by laws? Is abandoning ship by a captain before rescuing the passengers “akin to murder” as South Korean president claimed? What about abandoning an IVF child in a foreign country that an adult consented to?
Much like what a captain is to a ship, a woman is to a family. Even IVF laws are written with this in mind leaving little for male IVF parents. She is the soul of the family, the bond that ties, the glue that holds it together, the soul that forgives relentlessly and the soul that takes on more unsaid hardships for the sake of the family. We all know who it is, we all have one in the family, we call her “mother”. Lately in a surprising way, captains of ships in distress have known to abandon ship rather than rescue its passengers. The unwritten rule has been broken, now what? What if the mother decides to abandon an IVF child, what do we do? There is an unwritten rule that IVF parents are engaged in IVF/surrogacy because they want a child and they would NEVER abandon an IVF child, but what IF someone does exactly that – abandon an IVF child, now what? The unwritten rule has been broken, what about the survivors who made it?
When the unthinkable happens, one has to move forward. Like when an IVF father has to live in exile because his IVF child is not welcome to the US. Like when the captain abandons ship then the vice-captain or someone lower in the chain of command takes over and do what they do best and possibly giving up their life while trying to save others. For an IVF child who has been abandoned, the first thing is who pays the surrogate who agreed to do this for a fee or does she not deserve any payment since the intended parent abandoned? Who raises the IVF child and what are their rights? Or does the child go to an orphanage and be lied to all their life and never revealed they were born through IVF only to be abandoned? Do we just shove the issues under the carpet? As in gambling, it comes down to skin in the process. Maybe if you have your womb, or your egg or sperm then maybe you are more obligated to NOT abandon the innocent IVF child. There may even be laws to track you down since you would be the “biological parent”. But if you have no ties to the child, then you can abandon the innocent child with no legal consequences. Does that seem right from the perspective of the abandoned IVF child who is in legal limbo? We as human beings are better than that or are we? Or are we all like the captain of the Italian Ship and the captain of the South Korean ship where we abandon ship and no legal consequences will occur. There are “non-biological” IVF parents who have made big sacrifices showing that it’s not the biology that counts but it’s the intent of an intended IVF parent much like a captain abandoning ship.
A parent-child relationship is based on the connect of the hearts based on truth and not what the laws say. US laws require a genetic link between a US parent and a child born outside the US, is that how we define parentage? Just like the innocent deaths of so many passengers who could have been rescued, the innocence of childhood has been killed from IVF siblings forever. For a captain of the family, the same person can be a spouse, a lover, a parent to their child AND a abuser or abandoner of their child. Which name do you refer with? A captain on a ship is still a captain but if he abandons ship, what name do you refer with? – The South Koreans refer to the abandoning captain by “Evil of Sewol”. The South Korean president likened the abandoning captain to “murder”.
I miss my son terribly, I miss my son missing out on growing up with his sibling terribly. I do have the last words he told me and the pictures of us together and they mean “I love you, Papa”. Let us see if that’s where we pick up from when we are together again or has he been brainwashed and alienated? What he thinks about me is largely up to the person raising him whether to choose to say the truth or lie in their best interest – certainly not the “child’s best interest” which is considered the gold standard by courts which I fail to grasp in an international, immigrant, IVF, intersex family case – whose best interest is kept?
“To brush aside America’s responsibility as a leader and — more profoundly — our responsibilities to our fellow human beings under such circumstances would have been a betrayal of who we are,” Obama said. “Some nations may be able to turn a blind eye to atrocities in other countries. The United States of America is different.” – US President Obama in March 2011 as the Arab Spring commenced.
If you need validation whether equal rights for IVF children and families are needed, we invite you to come look into the big brown eyes of a 4 year old abandoned IVF child and rediscover your mind, heart, and humanity. Do the right thing.
We need more of Susan B. Anthony, Mahatma Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Dr. King, Madiba, Edie Windsor and not more of Ann Pettway or Sandy Hatte – people who fight based on truth and not based on secrecy, lies, fraud and relentless breaking the laws. Cannibalizing human rights of others especially innocent children is no way to achieve any human rights.
In a recent study, India has a dubious presence of being the country with most modern-day slaves in the world – an estimated about 14 million people. Slavery in any form is bad. January is National Slavery and Human Trafficking Month. As an evolving human society, we have learnt our lessons but have we? While most people are not affected by infertility or dysfertility and therefore are unaware about the underbelly of dealing with being childless. The “popular mantra” is providing a child to the infertile adult while ignoring the needs of the innocent, voiceless child. Most cases are normal but what happens when IVF children are victims and due to lack of laws have no legal recourse? Should we be allowing criminals to take children away from their biological families simply because they are affluent and infertile? Or does the CHILD have EQUAL rights? What we need is freedom from the slavery of secrecy, lies and fraud and have an opportunity to live freely with a valid legal identity. Recently, India has also become a global hub in international IVF/surrogacy. The international IVF industry is flourishing without any laws. Is this vacuum of lack of laws while churning out innocent IVF babies with compassionate surrogates creating modern day slaves in some cases? If so, where is the relief for victims and where is the justice? The spirit of the article is to bring change with stating facts and truth. Let us analyze the modern day slavery report and a case of an immigrant, IVF, intersex family in 2000s married in India and had IVF children in India and are split across two continents in the US and India and are denied to meet. “The study could help governments assess and eradicate slavery, which is a ‘hidden and diverse’ crime”, Walk Free said. We hope that the governments assess and eradicate the modern day vacuum in international IVF/surrogacy which is a “hidden and diverse” crime. The fact that innocent, voiceless IVF siblings have been heinously split is what prompts the discussion. The definition and parameters used in the Global Slavery Index by the Walk Free Foundation to define modern day slavery include:
1) Practices such as debt bondage – If two adults agree to have an IVF child together and one commissioning parent abandons an IVF pregnancy mid-way, should there be any responsibility and accountability placed on that parent for the welfare of the IVF child? In a commercial surrogacy situation, since the commissioning parent has abandoned, who will pay the surrogate for the IVF child and what are the rights of the surrogate? Because of the abandonment, the IVF child may become stateless without a “legal identity”, what are the rights of the IVF child? Do they deserve basic human respect and dignity? If one of the commissioning parents – the biological parent is forced to either also abandon his IVF child due to lack of laws or give up his career, life, and family and move to India to raise the abandoned IVF daughter and thus placing an extreme financial burden on him and the IVF child. Fighting for rights is very expensive and requires financial resources. If a natural born child is abandoned, legally there is a recourse to get child support for welfare of the child. But discriminating against an IVF child is OK? Are the needs of an IVF child any less than any other child? EQUAL is all we ask.
2) Forced marriage – Being intersex is very traumatic and is what we are told especially to people who have little to no awareness on the subject. Legally, intersex people cannot marry. What is the greater good – demand for equal marriage rights or lie and force unsuspecting victims into intersex marriage? Socially whatever we may think, legally being in an intersex marriage, both spouses have to deal with the lack of laws issues because an intersex marriage is illegal. Recently, Edie Windsor in the US in its defeat of DOMA demonstrated that the right answer is to change the laws, not break the laws. Along with her, several others benefited including immigration for same-sex spouses. Some spouses have waited over 40 years to legally marry but not break the law – their love did not decrease. Some spouses have waited several years to sponsor their spouse for US Immigration based on marriage unlike frauding the US Immigration for personal benefit. Forcing any unsuspecting spouse into a marriage under threats and silence is abuse. There are also intersex people who are honest which is a good example to follow than to lie, fraud, abuse and exploit others including innocent children. If an intersex person can demand for equal intersex rights and equal reproductive rights due to infertility, can they also give equal rights to IVF children and families and spouse caregiver of intersex? Being a victim of gender role stereotyping is one thing but to victimize a child like that is another. A spouse caregiver of intersex and an IVF father was the primary care provider for his IVF child when born because the intersex spouse was under medical treatment and was under severe trauma to care for an infant. That’s a fact creating a deep bond between the innocent child and the “father/mother/primary care provider” – why rob him of that just because it does not “fit the gender role stereotype”? He was both a mother and father under the most grievous of circumstances. Neither the compassionate egg donor or the surrogate who gave birth were around, we lied. And if the “mother” is the person who spends the most time and bonds with the child in the initial months, then that would be the IVF father because of the unique circumstances. To deny the truth would be to also deny the facts of abuse and violence perpetrated while undergoing medical treatment with severe trauma and depression. It is sad and compassion worthy but it is not worthy of denial and lying. If a child is raised by a gay couple, who is the “mother”? Should we start teaching our children to say “primary care provider” instead of “mother” and “father” to get the point across?
3) Sale or exploitation of children – There are no specific laws for IVF children. There are 8 different ways in how parentage can be assigned in an IVF child while there is only one way for a natural born child. Socially whatever we may believe that it is the love for the child and not the biology or gender of the parent, the laws are strictly based on biology and gender of a parent. This gap creates situations sometimes where innocent IVF children are rendered stateless and/or are exploited. What is their fault? Is having a legal identity the right of an individual? Is having valid birth documents the property of an individual – something they will need from birth to even age 60 or 70? Why should an innocent, voiceless IVF child be punished for crimes they did not commit?
4) Human trafficking – As stated earlier, the laws are based on biology and gender. If you do not like the laws, change the laws but do not break them especially which hurts innocent children. Legally, an intersex person cannot marry, nor can they have a biological child, neither have the adopted a child legally, then how can they have “legal custody” of an IVF child? Was there any suppression of facts? Were any laws broken or violated? Is this a sophisticated white collar crime in human trafficking? Is denying the IVF child the truth and access to his biological family and siblings a violation of his human rights? Is denying a valid legal identity to a child a violation of laws? A US grandmother was arrested and charged for abducting a child uncovered on presenting false birth documents.
5) Forced labor – Using an anonymous egg donor and surrogate for their compassion to have an IVF child is one thing, to lie and claim as your own and denying them the gratitude and facts is ____? Claiming to love an IVF child while abandoning another IVF child – their sibling is defined as love for the child in which world? Had the conspiracy to split the IVF siblings and suppressing the facts from court while creating a unique circumstance using anti-IVF laws, anti-gay laws, anti-LGBTI laws, could a person have got “legal custody” of an IVF child? Was the innocent IVF child used as “property” to be discarded with no consequences or is the IVF child a human being with protection of basic human rights and dignity?
6) Others are tricked and lured into situations they cannot escape – An unsuspecting male was tricked into a marriage only to be later revealed it is both marriage fraud and in fact is illegal because its an intersex marriage. Next came the intersex surgery during marriage which is even rarer and the resulting abuse, violence and caregiving of a person who is changing in every way possible. They say a spouse changes after marriage, this takes it to whole another level – physically, physiologically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. Next came the infertility and the resulting international IVF and its lack of laws and immigration issues. The trickery, secrecy, lies, fraud were so ingrained and brainwashed that one can simply not escape. That does not mean it did not occur. If the mistake is the crimes were not reported but that does not mean the crimes did not occur. We had become slaves to the secrecy, lies and fraud of living as intersex, immigrant and IVF in 2000s. The effects of this slavery is still continuing because innocent IVF brother and sister are divided and are stateless in legal limbo. The bigger questions to ask are :
If it were 1800, to suggest to a person that if they don’t want to be a slave, they should change their skin color may have been appropriate for the time. But its 2000s and times have changed somewhat. If I were that person, I would keep my skin color the way it is and rather stand on the right side of history and fight for equal rights for me and everyone like me. A story of an immigrant, IVF father in 2014 is similar, rather than “accomodating” to the discriminatory laws of today, would rather stand on the right side of history and fight for equal rights of IVF children and families.
There is severe trauma and depression for intersex people. That’s what the medical professionals tell us. There is severe depression and trauma when an intersex person has surgery and goes on hormonal therapy changing every way imaginable. They deserve every bit of compassion and support but also LIES which breaks laws? The same person is allowed to be a primary care provider of an infant under the same diagnosis without any medical help? Can’t have it both ways or can you? Rather than continuing to lie and making this case about rights of a biological parent Vs non-biological parent OR rights of an intersex person Vs non-intersex person AND so on, what about rights of immigrants, infertile, IVF children and families? For the record, why do intersex people do not have equal rights to marry or immigrate based on marriage or have reproductive rights to non-biological IVF children born outside the US? Are these issues of the spouse of intersex and IVF father trying to help or a human rights and legislative issue? The truth is this is about a person who relentlessly lies, breaks laws, teaches others to lie resulting in victimizing unsuspecting innocents including children. And when one lie gets caught, there are a set of thousand more lies to hide one lie which dehumanizes people including innocent children. This is about someone who is a criminal and the lies have caught up. If it were about compassion, then where is the compassion for an innocent, abandoned IVF child who is in legal limbo? By continuing the lies, are we suppressing the abuse on innocent children and unsuspecting spouse? Will lies achieve a solution or accepting the truth, however bitter, lead us to move forward and provide a practical solution for all victims?Are the lies ruining lives or helping lives prosper?
It is a fact that intersex marriage is not allowed as per prevailing laws. If you are intersex or a supporter of intersex, is the right answer to demand for equal marriage rights or lie and fraud unsuspecting victims into a fraud marriage? Regardless of whether a spouse of intersex believes in human rights of intersex, the fact that they have been lied to is what constitutes fraud. No marriage can be based on a foundation of lies. Certainly, it cannot be entertained as “love for the spouse” if at all, it is love for thyself. Divorces happen, but do innocent siblings get SPLIT? If a man married a woman, had biological children with her, and then later announced he is gay leading to a divorce, will the children of the marriage be SPLIT? Will the children be taken away from the mother who was the silent spectator to the discovery? Did the mother do anything wrong? Did she cheat? Did she fraud?
It is a fact that US Immigration laws did not allow “same-sex” couples to sponsor immigration for their spouses nor could they marry legally. Law abiding citizens waited, some even over 40 years to be allowed to marry legally – making it a very emotional story because truth is involved. What if an intersex person immigrated to the US based on marriage before 2013, is that legal? More importantly, can other intersex people repeat the same or are they being encouraged to break the laws also? When one takes help of lies, it only ruins lives and certainly one cannot talk openly about the facts and truth because laws were broken. How is it a greater good?
It is a fact that intersex people are infertile. They can either adopt or have children through IVF. In countries like India, intersex people are legally recognized as a “third gender” and can neither adopt or opt for IVF/surrogacy. Then how can an intersex person have custody of an IVF child without breaking any laws? More importantly, can another intersex person repeat it without breaking laws? Isn’t it better to instead demand for equal rights like Edie Windsor or Tony Briffa for the greater good? More importantly, just like the relationship with the spouse of intersex was based on foundation of lies which ruined lives, why repeat a strategy of lies with innocent IVF child, separate him from his siblings and biological family and expect a different outcome? So an intersex person successfully lied, frauded, cheated their spouse whom they claim to “love”, next they got US immigration through marriage before “same-sex” immigration was legalized, next they had an IVF child and claimed it as their own biological child because the law would not support them otherwise, next they abandoned an IVF child and sent the biological parent on a IVF horror story from hell involving, gender, biology, immigration and IVF discrimination…and now want utter silence from the victims? And they expect the IVF child will grow up with no issues once the truth is learnt? Had the spouse of intersex LEFT like majority of men do and not dealt with the complex issues on the plate, well for one, there would be no IVF brother and sister to be UNITED and this conversation would never happen. However we have someone who is a victim of nature Vs someone who is a victim of human actions including innocent children, where do we go from here? “All I am saying is lets give truth a chance.”
It is a fact that about 1 in 6 couples experience infertility. It is a fact that 100% of intersex couples are infertile or dysfertile. Shouldn’t we be advocating for equal reproductive rights for all? That is possible only if truth is allowed. Within the minority of infertile couples, some opt for IVF/surrogacy – the ones who can afford it. In even a smaller minority, some couples divorce during an ongoing IVF pregnancy or known as IVFphiles. What about the rights of the IVF child as an individual? All ongoing natural born pregnancies have to be reported to the court during a divorce in the best interest of the child, why not “equal” laws for IVF children? Are IVF children LESS of a child or have LESS of needs for their welfare and well-being? Even if inadvertent, the negligence treats the IVF child like “property” and denies them the “basic respect and dignity as a human being”, if not equal. The inaction only continues the abuse, injustice and denial of rights. If there are safe haven laws for natural born children, why not the equivalent for IVF children? And how does one deal with international IVF and immigration laws are involved?
Why should an innocent, voiceless child have to suffer and be punished by placing them in legal limbo without a legal identity for crimes they did not commit? Enough is enough.
Surrogacy in USA is expensive and not affordable by everyone thus making it inaccessible. Just because one is infertile does not mean they will get affordable surrogacy. Too often the average American who is not a celebrity of sorts or a business tycoon or a huge net worth and just a working class hard working American goes to international places where the dollar travels farther in hopes to create a family through IVF/Surrogacy. Have the laws caught up with technology like IVF? Is it a crime to want to have an IVF child? Was it acceptable for gay fathers or single fathers to have IVF children in 2003? Do the laws also support it in parallel?
As soon as an American goes outside the country to have a child through IVF/Surrogacy to love and cherish for life, immigration laws get triggered because the child is born outside the USA. The immigration laws are different and the laws have to be respected. Just like it is not an excuse to steal, fraud a child by a working class American who cannot afford surrogacy in the USA, not having a “biological link” to a child born outside the US is no excuse to break the laws by claiming as theirs, one has to still follow the laws. Or is it OK to break the laws? USA is a very compassionate country who believes in respecting laws but for an immigrant, intersex, IVF family of 2000s, these words still ring hollow. If one can show compassion to an intersex person, why can’t we show compassion to an innocent, voiceless IVF child?
There are eight different ways parentage can be assigned in an IVF/surrogacy situation which varies from case to case while there is only one way to assign parentage in a natural born pregnancy. Are the (lack of ) laws trying to fit a square peg into a round hole? And if so, what are the effects of these lack of laws when it comes to immigration issues and is it adversely affecting innocent, voiceless IVF children who committed no crimes other than being born through IVF/surrogacy internationally. Is it a crime to be married to an intersex person and wanting to have children which would be either through adoption or IVF since the intersex condition is infertile? It is one thing to want to have a child at any cost but it is another to deny rights to an innocent, voiceless child. There are several families who may not report crimes because of compassion or love for their loved ones, that does not mean the crimes did not occur. Marriages fail all the time but it does not SPLIT innocent siblings where they can never meet, it does not place innocent brother and sister in legal limbo. Do humans [IVF children] who are in legal limbo have any protection of their legal rights and their legal identity?
If an American goes outside the US for international IVF/surrogacy and uses donor eggs and sperm but carries the IVF child to term herself, is she a legal mother who can sponsor her IVF children or not? As per prevailing immigration laws, she is not. Should she abandon the IVF child and return to her life in the US or should she live in exile outside the US and raise her IVF child lovingly as she had dreamed? And yes, the money for the IVF procedure was paid for by income in the US for which taxes were paid in the US. If the IVF child is abandoned due to lack of laws created from money sourced from after -tax US income, whose responsibility and accountability is it for the welfare and well-being of the IVF child?
If an American father goes outside the US for international IVF/surrogacy and uses egg donor and surrogate and his own biological sperm to have an IVF child BUT the IVF clinic swaps the sperm sample accidentally resulting in a DNA mismatch. As per prevailing immigration laws, the IVF child has no legal standing in the US. Again is this the fault of the IVF child, the intended US parents or the IVF clinic? Will it occur again? What will be the legal recourse? What if the IVF child is abandoned by the intended US parents as they may not want to move to another country to live, who is responsible and accountable for the welfare and well-being of the IVF child created by money sourced from after -tax US income?
If an immigrant father goes outside the US for international IVF/Surrogacy and uses egg donor and surrogate and his own biological sperm but a divorce is filed in the US by the infertile spouse with no mention of the ongoing IVF pregnancy outside the US. As per prevailing immigration laws, a biological immigrant father cannot bring his IVF child to the US without a “mother”. Are single fathers or gay fathers or spouse of intersex fathers allowed to love their children equally? More importantly, what are the rights of the IVF child? The US court also hands out a divorce decree which is enforceable worldwide without taking into account the global scale of the case and welfare of the IVF child who technically and legally is born during the marriage. Whether an intersex marriage is a “same-sex” marriage or whether it is void or legal is a separate discussion. If the same child had been abandoned in the US, it would be a crime and there would be repurcusions on the abandoning parent. Are the rights of the IVF child LESS? Is the basic, not equal, human dignity and respect for the IVF child less? By denying the rights of the child, are we dehumanizing them to justify the position?
We would have to ask the IVF child about the repurcusions of being in legal limbo. Like when she asks why she cannot get a passport or why is she land-locked? What was her crime? Or when she asks why she can only see her IVF brother on the computer and not in person who is also confined and land-locked and cannot travel outside the US. What is his crime? By denying a legal identity, the result is innocent voiceless IVF children living as slaves to secrecy and lies and being punished for crimes they did not commit even if the intent to enslave is not there.
The crimes here are relentless lying, secrecy and fraud by a person who happens to be intersex, infertile, immigrant and needs a child at any cost. There are several intersex or infertile people in this world but they do not hurt and abuse innocent children. People who abuse innocent children are criminals regardless of your race, skin color, gender, sexual orientation or otherwise. And if a criminal who happens to be intersex, infertile and an immigrant, they have a great story where they achieved all this in 2000s when it was illegal, question is can other intersex, immigrant, infertile people also do the same? Where is the greater good because the lack of laws still exist? Question is could they have achieved this great story without breaking the laws and without splitting innocent IVF brother and sister and placing them in legal limbo? Could they have achieved this in a time when equal rights for gays and IVF children and families exist?
It is hard enough to save up for IVF/surrogacy whether in the USA or anywhere in the world. It is hard enough to find a compassionate donor and a surrogate. It is hard enough to raise an IVF child while the other parent is recovering from their medical treatment with severe trauma and depression. It is hard enough to be frauded, lied, abused, and violently treated in forced silence but to have it repeated on innocent children, it has got to stop. To snatch the freedom from innocent children has got to stop. “Mr./Ms. USA, Tear Down These Walls” [of secrecy, lies and fraud]. We are remnants of an era when anti-gay, anti-IVF laws exist and for as long as the IVF children cannot meet, it is a ongoing reality for us and not something of the past. What we need is truth with compassion and it has to begin with innocent, voiceless children and equal rights for IVF children and families and intersex families.
Infertility is very traumatic. There are lot of solutions to deal with infertility. What happens AFTER you have found a solution? What is the best interest of the CHILD? Is the trauma of the infertile person GREATER than the best interest of the child? How many VICTIMS need to be created and be abused and violated to satiate the need of one infertile person? There are plenty of articles and information on whether to ADOPT or go for IVF/Surrogacy? This article will NOT focus on the “pre-decision” making process but rather rights of the “IVF child” and why are there differences in law? The best interest of the child remains the same regardless of whether adoption or IVF/Surrogacy, then why are laws NOT reflective of that? They say a child only knows LOVE and the biological link does not matter YET the laws are based on “biological link”. And when issues arise, the only thing one has to fall back on is LAWS. So it is important to discuss ADOPTION Vs. IVF/Surrogacy from a LAW perspective.
The laws for adoption are made with best interest of the child in mind FIRST. The best interest of the adoptive parents is secondary. Is the same true in IVF/Surrogacy?
0a) Adopted children are natural born and the science behind the natural birth of an adopted child is same as other natural born children.
0b) IVF children are born well through IVF. Scientific studies claim that because of the way IVF children are born, the hormones, the fertility treatments, the frozen samples or embryos, psychological state of parents using IVF (it is a very stressful time), etc. places IVF children at a “third higher risk of cancer” or “65% more likely to have leukemia” or “90% more likely to have brain cancer”.
1a) Adoption is well understood and regulated – both domestically and internationally thus providing a consistent, standardized way of dealing with adoption.
1b) IVF/Surrogacy Laws barely exist – from banned in some countries to allowance in others and there is NO international law for IVF/Surrogacy children creating situations where innocent, voiceless children are LEFT in a LEGAL LIMBO.
2a) If a 5 year old is adopted and taken away from his biological family, his biological family has a RIGHT to tell him the facts.
2b) If a 5 year old IVF son is taken away from his biological family, his biological family has NO rights to tell him the truth and are instead muzzled and silenced under threats.
3a) There is a use of subsidiarity principle in adoption where SIBLINGS are allowed to grow up together even though the parents may be non-biological.
3b) In an international IVF, IVF SIBLINGS maybe deliberately separated with NO legal consequences and there is NO regard for best interest of the children.
4a) In adoption, a homestudy by a licensed MSW or MA in Psychology is a MUST before a non-biological parent can adopt a child.
4b) In IVF/Surrogacy, anyone with MONEY can get a IVF/Surrogate child. There is NO requirement for equivalent of homestudy and somehow a “biological parent” already suffering from trauma of infertility is supposed to POSSESS the knowledge of a licensed MS or MA in Psychology. Even a pedophile can somehow take an IVF girl child legally.
5a) Adoptions typically take months to years and because of the heavy vetting process, a great deal is known about the future parent including any errant behavioral or psychological problems.
5b) In IVF/Surrogacy, MONEY talks. Once you have the money, get donors and surrogate lined up and place your order for a “baby” with NO vetting process. Heck, you could even place an “order for an IVF baby” and then later change your mind and ABANDON the IVF baby with NO legal consequences. What are the rights of the IVF child? What are the rights of the surrogate? What are the rights of the left-behind parent?
6a) Adoptions are highly and tightly regulated. In an international adoption, proper legal documents and paperwork needs to be followed including birth certificate and the corresponding passport and visas.
6b) IVF/Surrogacy has NO regulations and fraud documents can be secured with relative ease. After all, IVF is marketed as a “good thing” for the infertile parent and NOT as a “good thing” for the child. The paying customer for IVF industry is the “parent” and NOT the IVF child. Does the IVF child have a RIGHT to proper legal documents and proper LEGAL STATUS or are they also VICTIMS to their infertile parent’s whims?
In our changing world, it would be NO longer correct to say that infertility is an issue only for women. How would we resolve gays having children? Even in heterosexual couples, there are cases where men are more caring than women due to various reasons. Are we as a society ready to accept the CHANGE? Then again, IVF/Surrogacy is all about CHANGE and is a 21st century issue, isn’t it?