Tag Archives: sperm donor

View of Justice and Outrage

It is a tragedy that 298 innocent lives were lost for a conflict thats not theirs. But today those 298, their families have forever joined the conflict either MH-17-Missile-Attack-IVF-Outrage-Justice by chance or circumstances. Rest of the world has joined in because of the outrage at innocent lives lost. An innocent family got involved with lack of laws for intersex/DSD, IVF, immigration either by chance or circumstances. Now we are also dealing with the same issues that an intersex/DSD, infertile, immigrant deals with. We all should be outraged at the lack of justice for innocent victims.

In the Sunday Times, Mr Cameron said the UK was not seeking confrontation with President Vladimir Putin or suggesting military action. He said: “Russia can use this moment to find a path out of this festering, dangerous crisis. I hope it will do so. But if that does not happen then we must respond robustly.” He wrote: “We must establish the full facts of what happened. But the growing weight of evidence points to a clear conclusion: That MH17 was blown out of the sky by a surface-to-air missile fired from a rebel-held area. If it is the case, then we must be clear what it means: This is a direct result of Russia destabilising a sovereign state, violating its territorial integrity, backing thuggish militias and training and arming them. We must turn this moment of outrage into a moment of action.”

This site is about IVF rights, so lets look at this statement from the view of innocent IVF siblings who have knowingly and deliberately been SPLIT just like the tragic MH-17 flight was shot down knowingly and deliberately.

1) No one is trying to seek confrontation with any government but just want to grow up as a happy IVF family. The powers that be can use this moment to right multiple wrongs and must establish the full facts. The known weight of evidence points to a clear conclusion : There is no genetic lick between the IVF child and the parent raising them despite US laws requiring a genetic link between US parent and child born outside the US. Having inadvertent lack of laws against IVF children and families is one thing but for someone to deliberately use the loopholes to SPLIT innocent siblings and a loving parent is a hate crime against the IVF family. This is a direct result of continuous secrecy, lying, fraud, breaking laws, and destabilising an IVF family, violating its love and compassion, backing criminals who break laws for their own selfish benefit. The right answer is to fix the laws so that environment like this is not created where infertile people will do anything for the sake of a child including alienating them from their biological family and siblings. Whose best interest are we serving? An adult who lies, cheats, fraud and breaks laws OR the innocent children? Regardless of how we pontificate on this sensitive and “taboo” subject, SPLITTING innocent siblings is NOT the answer.

2) If a woman had used her egg, got a sperm donor and surrogate, and had two lovely IVF children, would the IVF siblings be separated? Would anyone even consider doing this? So the only fault of the innocent IVF siblings to be SPLIT is because their parent is a male? We have a long ways to go as a society but in the process let’s not punish innocent children.

3) As a double whammy – Malaysia airlines lost another plane MH-370 and is dealing with double jeopardy for situations they were placed in circumstantially. The IVF father here is also part of an intersex marriage and that was also dealt with secrecy, lies, fraud and concealed care. The lesson learnt is LYING is not the answer. The world may not be ready yet to deal with complex and so called “taboo” subjects like intersex, IVF, infertility, dysfertility, immigration simultaneously. But that’s our life, these are the facts – we have to DEAL with them regardless of whether the society or the laws are ready. This is our MH-370 and MH-17.

We must turn this moment of outrage into a moment of action and fight for equal rights for IVF children and families. Our hearts and prayers are with the innocent lives lost and their families. Your strength gives us strength.

National Fatherless Day – Absentee Parent or an Abused IVF Family?

I love my son very much. I cannot participate in my son’s life because raising his sister he wanted is equally important. Both my son and daughter are ivf-smileborn through IVF and as an IVF parent, I am married to IVF for life because the anti-IVF laws are hurting innocent IVF children and families like mine and so many more. IVF is dealt with secrecy and lies and so not many people speak up when there are issues with it, that does not mean it did not occur. When one parent is living in exile to raise an IVF child while being forced to be separated from his other IVF child, is he an absentee parent or an abused parent? Is the child fatherless or been alienated? More importantly, the two innocent IVF siblings have never met, is that abuse against the children? The innocent children are in legal limbo, is that abuse against the innocent IVF family? This is the Abu Ghraib of IVF, it has occurred due to anti-IVF laws. Speaking the truth is not being unpatriotic nor inhumane. Asking for basic human rights and child rights for IVF children and families is the right way forward. Showing basic human decency to the most vulnerable is the right answer, abandoning them or alienating them from their biological family is not. IVF is the new black, the new gay, the new orange. When will it be time for IVF rights? My lovely children are not fatherless, he has been made fatherless due to lack of laws and secrecy and lies. I have faith that the US will correct the course and fix its IVF laws, in the meantime, what about people who manipulate the IVF laws for personal advantage that places innocent IVF children at risk and in legal limbo? It makes them FATHERLESS knowingly. 

Its not what you say, but its action that counts. Had I not gone for IVF, there would have been no IVF children. Had there been equal laws for IVF children and families than a person could not have taken advantage of it by lying, suppression of facts to SPLIT innocent siblings. There would have been NO case of fait accompli in a heinous act of the perfect child abduction AND the perfect child abandonment. An individual can choose to become a Rosa Parks or Edie Windsor or Ariel Castro or Ann Pettway, that is ACTION, not words. If you are infertile, join us, because if equal laws existed then innocent IVF siblings would not have been SPLIT.

In the ancient Indian culture, there are several references to women having a child “magically”. But none ever abandoned a child to have another child. But none was successful in splitting siblings. Maiyya Yashoda raised two lovely brothers together and despite not being a biological mother is revered even today with heaps of praises for doing the “right thing”. While Kaikeyi, a biological mother, tried to SPLIT his son from his brother and take over the kingdom in her son’s “best interest”. The son neither took the kingdom he was given nor did he get along with his biological mother. So it is NOT about the “genetic link” as US laws demand to define good parenting, it is about LOVE and CHARACTER and time always supports TRUTH.

Dearly Beloved….

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to celebrate IVF. We are gathered here to celebrate the goodness in humanity like the compassionate donors and surrogates and the “village” which helps create IVF children and care for them when IVF parents are not around. Had it not been for the compassion of egg donors and surrogates, I would never have had two lovely IVF children. Regardless of how they are born, they are my children and I love them.

Is there  a difference between a sperm donor Vs. father? Is there a difference between an egg donor and mother? Is there a difference between gestational carrier and mother? Is there a difference between no sperm, no egg, no womb and being a parent because of your love towards the child?

The beauty of the US is we can openly discuss and petition our government for change without the fear or threats of being persecuted. Change may take time like abolishment of slavery, women suffrage, civil rights, gay rights, transgender rights, maybe someday IVF rights.

If a woman who uses her own eggs but due to medical reasons, uses a surrogate, is she a mother? As per US laws, yes. If a man uses his sperm but due to medical reasons, his wife can neither provide eggs or womb, is he a father? As per US laws, NO. As per US laws, the innocent child is deemed “born out of wedlock” and thereby stealing all the rights of the innocent IVF child afforded to “children of marriage”. If a woman becomes a “gestational carrier” but uses donor eggs due to medical reasons, is she a mother? Until January 2014, as per US laws, NO. Is this the US we dream of?

As an IVF father forced into exile to raise a daughter rather than abandon her and in the process losing effective custody of his IVF son is nothing short of Abu Ghraib, perhaps worse since innocent children are involved. It is torture. It is not short of an intersex person having to go through a senseless intersex surgery which the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP since it is torture. Was it wrong to help a fellow infertile human being? If the US courts give a decree which is globally enforceable, shouldn’t they consider the global facts of the case at least in the best interest of innocent children?

If the US courts are so concerned about best interest of the child and justice, then if they can consider a person a parent with no genetic link, why don’t US Courts petition the US Government to change the laws to reflect their social activism instead of splitting innocent siblings? Or if a person is a parent  by virtue of giving consent to an IVF child then given the same logic shouldn’t the person be held accountable and responsible when they abandon an IVF child AFTER consenting to it? Do the benefits of IVF go to the infertile parent but the abandonment and its consequences is the responsibility of the left-behind fertile parent? Let us be very clear, the fertile parent wanted to HELP a fellow human being who happens to be infertile and having his innocent IVF children being used as “property” or rendering them in legal limbo IS NOT part of any deal. Children must have rights including IVF children, including innocent children in Thailand who have been victims of US citizens who have been prosecuted an convicted or same for Afghan child victims or Iraq child victims. Then why is there NO JUSTICE for IVF child victims in India from US citizens who have abandoned the innocent child for selfish motives with no responsibility or accountability? Do innocent IVF children in India who have been abandoned have any rights?

Law of the Land for IVF Children and Families

If you do the deeds (love, compassion, humanity, IVF), you will know the needs (equal laws for IVF).

In a recent story, a sperm donor was ordered by a US court to pay child support for a child he had donated his sperm for out of compassion for a lesbiantruth-shake couple. He had no intent to raise the child. Another IVF father in a US court is DENIED effective custody of his IVF son even though he is the biological parent in an intersex marriage where both spouses are genetic males. What gives? And what is the “best interest of the child”? And what message do we send to the children? Should they grow up to be compassionate? Do we lead by example or by laws?

What is evident is that gays, lesbians and intersex people cannot have children by themselves. They will need “compassion” of others because science demands it. As the sperm donor put it  when asked given what he knows today, will he think of donating sperm again, he said , “Probably not”. If this is the way “compassionate” people get treated, how will future lesbians, gays, intersex people have children? What will be the rights of the child? Should we punish innocent IVF children because their infertile parents rushed and broke the laws?

What is also evident is there are no proper laws to reflect the realities of a society and laws for the diversity. How do we address the rights of the IVF children and families? A donor is a compassionate human being who wants to help others have children while taking no responsibility for the child. An IVF parent is a human being who is trying to create a family and wants to take responsibility and accountability for the children. What if an IVF father was the primary care provider for his IVF son in his tender years because of a spouse under severe medical treatment. Now the question is; are only “females” considered to be IVF parents? Is there “I” in infertility when dealing with it during marriage or both spouses get affected due to infertility? Or should the fertile spouse leave an infertile marriage because the laws have not caught up with the “compassionate” nature of humans? You see problem solved, no compassion, no child, no stealing children, no child support. However, the infertile person would remain childless. Isn’t it better to say the truth and be inclusive and have laws instead of secrecy, lies, fraud and breaking the laws?

What if a person gives consent to IVF and treats it like a “drive-thru” with no accountability or responsibility towards the IVF child? What if an adult consents to IVF in a foreign country, a lovely IVF child is conceived, and then changes their mind and abandons the IVF pregnancy never going to pick up the IVF child in a foreign country when born. An adult can do what they want but where is the responsibility and accountability towards the innocent, voiceless IVF child? Did they ask to be born? If its a crime to abandon a natural born child, why is it not a crime to abandon an IVF child? Or do we allow people to place an “order” for an IVF child at a foreign “IVF drive-thru” and abandon the IVF child with NO responsibility or accountability? A child is a child is a child. Every child deserves basic human dignity and respect just like every human has a right to have a child.

The lack of laws for IVF children and families is like placing a staircase in front of a wheelchair bound person. Is it a crime to want to make a family? Is it a crime to be compassionate? What is the bigger message especially to these unwanted IVF children – should humans be compassionate and respect the laws? Or should people be allowed to violate the laws for the sake of having a child due to their infertility even if it means violating rights of a child?