Tag Archives: social justice

IVF/Surrogacy 2026 and Beyond

The year is 2026. The IVF/Surrogacy children of 2000s and 2010s are grown up and individuals in their own rights. A lot of people in the mainstream including heterosexual, national-son-daughter-ivf-daysingles, LGBTI are having children via IVF/Surrogacy making it NOT a taboo subject. The society is ready to discuss the issues of IVF/Surrogacy from the innocent child’s perspective. How do we respond to the already grown up children who were denied these same rights and instead discriminated because their only fault was to be born via IVF/Surrogacy? How do we make it “right”? Because the failure was for the society (us and now the children too because they are part of the same society) lacking patience and lack of understanding of the issues – the facts about the lives of the innocent children never changed.

  • How do we reconcile statelessness of an innocent child and rendering them in “IVF Prison”?
  • How do we reconcile splitting siblings?
  • How do we reconcile the fact that a child is NOT a child and does not deserve the basic human dignity and respect?
  • How do we reconcile abandonment of a child with NO justice?
  • How do we reconcile surrogate not being paid for her services because a child she gave birth to was abandoned? Is that both a financial and emotional exploitation? Is this what we refer to as “baby making factory”? Regardless of what some people believe that having a child via commercial Surrogacy is giving flames to “baby making factory”, the reality is in 2026 this is mainstream. However, not paying a surrogate and abandoning a child is NOT mainstream and NEVER will be. Both deserve basic human dignity and respect.
  • How do we reconcile the LOVE of an IVF/Surrogacy parent for their IVF/Surrogacy child or is their love LESS? A loving parent does not see a child as “deaf” or “disability” or other monikers that people and the system (through its laws) define, a loving parent sees a child as just a child, isn’t that enough?
  • How do we reconcile that there are NO services and support for a left-behind parent of an IVF/Surrogacy child? Isn’t the diapers, milk, food for the child? Then why are the same basic supplies not made available to a left-behind parent of an IVF/Surrogacy child?
  • How do we reconcile that there is NO parental leave for parents of IVF/Surrogacy children? Is the implication that the innocent child be raised by thin air?
  • Why is it that IVF/Surrogacy parents have to ask for these basic rights and that too to care for a child? As a society haven’t we already given these rights to any parent or any child? Then why this discrimination against innocent IVF/Surrogacy children and families?

We are still in 2010. Still looking for justice. Social issues have always been on the slow burner. But perhaps in the “best interest of the child”, we are hoping that making a child stateless, abandoning a child and knowingly splitting siblings will NEVER be OK.

It is upto our society, including the innocent children who are part of the society, to allow transparency and truth to prevail. The beautiful thing about truth is that it can stand on its own and does not need anyone’s support. Ironically we as a people, attach and/or associate “truth” with the person delivering it when in fact truth can stand all on its own. Similarly, one should NOT attach a “person” delivering the message about a cause, if the cause is genuine then it can stand on its own.

And if equal rights for IVF/Surrogacy children is not necessary, how can we reconcile the coming changes in the laws in the next few years/decades? This means something is broken and the laws were behind technology and that’s why it’s OK to make innocent children stateless and stealing their basic human dignity and respect?

Pay It Forward – Living in the 22nd Century

Maybe pigs will fly in the 22nd century, maybe humans will have a stomach belt or something to make individual flying possible like “one-person pay it forward living 22nd centuryhelicopters” or maybe characters in TV will come flying out and have holograms sitting next to us and have a “chat” with us or maybe we can all just get along. This article is not about the technological advancements of humans in the 22nd century, it is about social justice landscape in the 22nd century. Our story in the 21st century begins after LGBTI rights have become equal; still not there in 2013. Whether it is slavery, women suffrage, end to colonialism, independence and freedom, civil rights, apartheid, interracial marriages, gay rights, etc; life goes on. What legacy do we want to leave behind for children? Is it wrong to want to raise your children based on truth with compassion and independence with love? There is every sympathy for intersex people which has been shown more by action than in words; there are other victims too. Let truth prevail and certainly continuing to lie and live in secrecy is a failed approach. Why remain “invisible” in the eyes of the law? It is better to die trying to become “visible” in the eyes of the law and make a “dent” in the social justice fabric if not for us personally, maybe for future generations yet to come – pay it forward. After surviving death, the truth has to be heard as the silence is victimizing innocent children.

Truth with Compassion and Independence with Love

Welcome to the landmark case of the century – we are dealing with four Is – intersex, infertility (IVF), immigration, invisibility. If we were dealing with only one of these issues, it is a challenge to overcome but dealing all together is just lucky to be alive.

A dysfunctional intersex family who is infertile or dysfertile and are also immigrants. All three subjects are very sensitive and complicated to be talking about it in 2013. There is a veil of taboo, secrecy, stigma, lies. For our situation, the laws do NOT exist. Basically, we are “invisible” in the eyes of the law and are not a critical mass to make up any electoral votes. It seems cats and dogs have better “human rights” than us in the 21st century. At least, the cats and dogs are “visible” in the eyes of law, we do not even exist, so how can there be “human rights” for binational immigrant IVF parent and his IVF children?

We see a future where there are equal intersex rights to be able to marry legally and able to adopt children legally so intersex families do not have to lie, cheat, and fraud unsuspecting innocent victims. Being intersex is a genetic condition and is not in a person’s control but being honest or lie about is in their control. Every marriage has varying degrees of lies but what if the lies break the laws?

We see a future where there are equal rights for IVF children and families so that IVF parents no longer need to lie or make fraud documents just to have a child. As a human being, every person has the right to want to become a parent, it is human. But NOT at the cost of innocent children’s rights or victimizing them who may be too young and voiceless to know or fight for their rights.

We see a future where lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex (LGBTI) will have equal marriage and immigration rights so that people who love each other do not have to be separated from each other. More than that, it is about respecting basic human decency. That way people DO NOT have to lie about their sexual orientation or gender when asking for equal rights.

The common thread in all this is becoming “visible” from “invisible” – first socially and then legally.

Indirect Laws by 22nd Century

As a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex and an IVF male parent in the 21st century, no laws exist to protect our human rights or our caregiver rights or our parental rights and so on. The reality is we will get “indirect” laws.

  • If gay rights existed, there would also be laws for domestic violence and abuse against men.
  • If gay rights existed in 2009, an IVF father can ride on the coattails of such laws to bring their IVF child with them.
  • If equal rights for IVF children and families existed, an IVF father can ride on the coattails of such laws and get “legal status” for the innocent, voiceless IVF children. Current status of legal limbo for IVF children is a violation of their human rights.
  • Maybe there will be equal rights for intersex and thus there is less or no lying when an intersex divorce occurs. And that way there is a practical solution where the child is in a practical shared custody – the best interest of the child.
  • There are people who are vocal about their breast cancer or ovarian cancer or testicular cancer and other traumatic conditions. That way they are getting the help they need and if they have a caregiver, he or she is also allowed to share the truth with others and get the help and support they need. It will take more than a century to understand the abuse, trauma, violence, fraud, lies perpetrated on a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex and a binational immigrant IVF father.

Three Strikes and Justice?

Three strikes is a general rule of thumb for getting out or speaking up. In the all American favorite pastime, speak up truthbaseball (which I terribly miss going to the games with my son – go Stros’), its three strikes and you are OUT. At a personal level, when someone abuses you, do you speak up after the first occurrence or the second or the third occurrence? When someone slaps you, do you usually hit back after the first slap or the second or the third slap? When someone stabs you, do you react after the first occurrence or the second or the third occurrence? As with each occurrence, the severity goes up and the victim may not wait till the second or third time to react. It may be TOO LATE. Being married to intersex with LESS rights is not the issue, being married to an infertile person with LESS rights is not the issue, being a LEGAL immigrant with LESS rights is not the issue, its someone using ALL this against you for their personal benefit which is the issue. Its THREE STRIKES and you are OUT. An innocent girl had the courage to speak up against her own family – her father because of the constant abuse even though she was met with a “let it be” attitude. She believed in saying the truth and decided enough is enough when it comes to abuse. How long must one wait before reporting abuse against a family member? Is there a “finite limit” every human has to tolerate the abuses? What if the victim is ALSO your innocent child?

Being abused, being lied to, breaking the laws to an adult is one thing, there is forgiveness. That’s STRIKE ONE. Having the secrecy, lies, abuse, violence, breaking the laws repeated on your innocent child is STRIKE TWO. Being lonely and staying silent under threats and not reporting the crimes is the biggest regret. Having the same mantra repeated to make an innocent child STATELESS and SPLITTING siblings takes abuse, secrecy, lies to whole another level. What are the RIGHTS of the innocent IVF child VICTIM? When the victims of the “let it be” attitude are innocent children, would you stay quiet or speak up if it were your own children? Would any parent want their child to have the basic human dignity and respect?

Fighting Stereotypes – Victims of “Let It Be” Attitude

In a complex case of intersex, infertility (IVF), immigration – some things are constant – secrecy, lies, breaking the laws and constantly fighting the stereotypes – there is nothing conventional about it. The right answer is to educate and spread awareness because if that existed before, there would be NO secrecy and lies and stigma. Parents of intersex would not have the urge to LIE about their child because intersex is socially acceptable. What are some of the stereotypes to fight?

1) People may see infertility ONLY as a female issue which is horribly wrong. Infertility affects all those who love children, the way of expression may be different. As an IVF father who is remote, one has worked tirelessly including making trips from the US by himself to India to IVF clinics and depositing the “sample”. If you think its just a “trip”, we welcome you to try the roller coaster ride yourself.

2) People may see a non-biological parent raising an IVF child with care. We see an IVF child ABANDONED and in LEGAL LIMBO due to no fault of hers without whom the non-biological parent could have NEVER got practical sole custody of the IVF sibling they claim to love. If the second IVF child had been declared in the divorce decree, would the court have agreed to SPLIT biological siblings? If the second IVF child were brought to the US and then divorce was filed, would the FACTS have been allowed to be stated in the court? To SACRIFICE an innocent, voiceless IVF child for sake of another child is NOT love for children.

3) People may see showing compassion to an infertile person. We tried that and are left-behind with not one, but TWO IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO. What are the LEGAL RIGHTS of people who are STATELESS? For us its about the IVF children, the RESULT OF SHOWING COMPASSION TO INFERTILITY.

4) People who feel compassion for an infertile person and would like to SILENCE us. First, no more silence; been there, done that. TRUTH with civility, humility, and dignity is the only way forward. Second, we welcome those compassionate people to give their egg or sperm and money and we know of several IVF clinics willing to help. You can have the IVF child and just “donate” or “give” the child to the infertile person. Its easy to preach, try practicing it sometimes.

5) We have tried the secrecy, the lies, the victimization, the abuse, the violence in silence. But a criminal mind never changes. As we were stumbling through each issue, it was a FIRST in so many ways. It is time to celebrate the FIRSTS instead of living in secrecy and lies. 

6) By DENYING the children are IVF, we are doing the biggest disservice to the “it takes a village” people who helped bring the IVF children into the world and raise them. It shows the HUMANITY and COMPASSION still alive in this world. DENIAL would be criminal. In TRUTH, we will be honoring those who have truly helped like the “village” that helped raise the IVF children.

7) People may see a parent with an IVF child. We see an innocent child being lied to and having his rights violated just like an intersex child. How did the LYING and SECRECY help the intersex child? And how will a REPEAT of the LYING and SECRECY help an IVF child?

8) Abuse an adult, stayed silent. Abuse a child, stayed silent. Abuse another child, can we stay silent? The issue is not intersex, IVF or immigration. The issue is only someone with intimate knowledge of the circumstances could have done this heinous act on innocent, unsuspecting victims.

We have more than THREE STRIKES, what should we do? Continue to LIE or start saying the TRUTH?

Social Justice

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.“. – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.Proactive

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”Mahatma Gandhi

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Join the union, girls, and together say Equal Pay for Equal Work.”  – Susan B. Anthony

For our journey is not complete until our wives, our mothers and daughters can earn a living equal to their efforts.” – US President Obama in 2013 at the inaugural address :

Seems like NOT much has CHANGED.

The list can go on as we as a humanity have a deep and long history. Lot of us humans have lived great lives and often pondered about the grave injustices of our times. After all, we are all mortals and cannot live forever. It seems throughout human history, there has always been some kind of social injustice. Whether its slavery or colonialism or casteism or racism or apartheid or women suffrage or civil rights or forced adoption of biological children from their “single mothers” or interracial marriages or gay rights or intersex rights or IVF (in vitro fertilization) rights and so on.

There are some VERY STRONG links between these.

1) They are widely accepted as social injustices. At one point in time, it was perfectly “legal” to practice these acts while once the struggle for social justice as had, laws were passed, the SAME ACTS became ILLEGAL.

2) After years or decades of struggle, at some point in time, the world does wake up, pass the EQUAL laws despite the STRONGEST of objections.

3) Typically, the group that is affected the most by each of these acts is a MINORITY.

4) In a democracy, the minority cannot get EQUAL rights without help and support from the MAJORITY even though these issues DO NOT affect the majority.

5) The people who may NOT be affected by these issues still need to be educated and made aware of the issues of each of these acts and the unequality it creates. This can ONLY be done through discussion, dialogue and sharing of truth and facts.

6) The MINORITIES continue to be victimized for which there is NO relief until the EQUAL laws come.

If history is a window into the future, more social injustices will be unearthed in the future, more struggles will be had, after education and spreading awareness, EQUAL laws will come. This is the cycle that humanity has created. Not perfect, but it is our utopia. We simply cannot satisfy ALL. Does that mean the voices who ask to be heard for their justice are WRONG? and should be SILENCED? Disagreeing with someone is NOT a CRIME, however using threats and oppression and manipulating LAWS is to SILENCE someone asking for justice is a CRIME.

Years ago a breast cancer patient lived in secrecy and stigma. There were less “survivors”. Today with awareness, education, truth, not only we have MORE SURVIVORS but also because of awareness there is better support both emotionally AND in research and development for better medical treatment including early diagnosis. Events like the recent publicity around Angelina Jolie only makes it more mainstream. If a spouse caregiver of breast cancer has the right to share facts and truth, does a spouse caregiver of intersex have same and EQUAL rights? More importantly, how is the secrecy helping anyone?

Is it wrong to ask for EQUAL rights for IVF children and families? Is it wrong to ask for EQUAL rights for intersex people and families? Unless we understand the LEGAL issues and the inequality that the IVF and intersex families are facing in 2013, how can the majority understand the issues they are facing? Without the majority understanding the issues, how can there be help and support in a democracy for the minority? Thats the system that us humans have set up. Vote banking. Not perfect but it is something and we have to work in those confines. May take years, decades or even expired lifetimes BUT that does not mean SILENCING the voices asking for justice and equality. Or does it?