Tag Archives: share

Eunuchs Bless People To Have A Child…

In India and several other countries, Eunuchs have been a celebrity. In today’s world, Eunuchs bless people to have a child since they cannot. Its the Human Rightsphilosophy of good karma…do good to others even if nature was not as nice. Regardless, an Eunuch is infertile and sadly cannot have a child. So instead of blessing you with a child, what if you bless an Eunuch with a child? There are also not so many nice things that happen to Eunuchs today in a post-British India. Eunuchs were a somewhat of a celebrity and were part of a powerful inner circle in a pre-British India.

Today, Eunuchs have minimal human rights. They cannot legally marry. They cannot legally adopt or have a child any other way since they are infertile. What does an Eunuch do to have a child at any and all costs? And how did the plights of Eunuchs get this way? India traditionally has been a collection of princely kingdoms or monarchies. “Heir” is very important and having a child is very important. The knowledge to run societies acquired over years, decades, centuries, millenia in India, it is believed that a person may be the most righteous and loyal except when it comes to his/her children. Then even the strongest become frail. Since Eunuchs are infertile, kings and queens see loyalty in them as they have no children to be disloyal/corrupt for. For decades, centuries, Eunuchs were the de facto loyal and royal servant in the king and queen private chamber. The king also felt comfortable in having a Eunuch as a companion for his wife, the queen so that there are no chances of cheating. Some families who were very poor with no ray of hope forcibly castrated one of their sons and turned him into an Eunuch just so that he could get a job in the royal palace and thereby uplifting the economic status of their family. With access to the royal chambers and some of the most private moments of kings or queens, Eunuch commanded a lot of power by having the ruler’s ear. Then how did this group of people who were living in the best of places get shunted to being homeless? They went from being everywhere in power to no basic human rights?

Today, Eunuchs in India will Bless people so that they are blessed with a child. What if you try to share a child to an Eunuch, does the child have human rights, does the fertile spouse who shares a child have rights? Secrecy, lies, fraud don’t help anyone, not an individual nor a government. The pre-British Indian way of handling Eunuchs was far better. Its natural, they exist, they cannot bear a child, you live happily anyway. More importantly, you do not pass laws to make their existence illegal or ostracize them, you include them in your economy and allow them to live honestly. Perhaps innocent lives can be saved too that way? Parents of Eunuchs have to lie today Vs. parents back then forcibly castrated their sons to make them an Eunuch. Innocent siblings are split today Vs Eunuchs formed a sisterhood or brotherhood and at least felt the love of a fellow human being that way closer to them.

Whatever we say about India, Eunuchs exist, they have an identity, they are recognized as the third gender which is being truthful and society has carved out a special role for them to play. Allowing a person to live honestly and truthfully is the single biggest human right. The weight of secrecy, lies, fraud eventually catches up.

When the British came to India and started passing laws, they brought with them British laws. In 1860, the British passed a law in India which made it illegal to have “unnatural sex” which banned gays, lesbians, and Eunuchs from having sex. The respect and recognition given to Eunuchs for years, decades, centuries, millenia in the pre-British Indian culture had been taken away and forced a British version. This part of the law is known as Section 377 in the Indian constitution and in 2014 the Indian Supreme Court upheld it saying changing laws is job of the Parliament. That does not mean they agree or disagree with Section 377. However lot of people made a lot of hype about how backward this was without knowing that it was the British who gave this law to India. Indians have always been welcoming of the truth and integrating people of all walks into the fabric of society. Wonder what a Britisher had to say about the ruling of Section 377  in 2014?

If Section 377 was not enough, in 1871, the British introduced another law, the Criminal Tribes Act where a person of certain tribes in India had to submit to local police surveillance with no warrant, search and seizure with no warrant, etc. In 1897, the act was amended with the title itself, “An Act for the Registration of Criminal Tribes and Eunuchs”. Here if you were an Eunuch, you had to register yourself to the police. The title of the Act itself is offensive and discriminatory in 2014 but in 1897 it was not. Using a combination of these two acts, Section 377 from 1861 and the Criminal Tribes Act of 1897, the Eunuchs were systematically ostracized and forced to live farther away from the community at large at the outskirts or outside a city. Perhaps this is where the current state of Eunuchs in India can best be understood. Compared to the pre-British era, eunuchs in India in 2014 have very few human rights. They largely make a living by singing, dancing, begging, some are sadly sex workers. Overall their economic status is very bad – a far cry from from the royal palaces just a few centuries ago.

Who Needs Siblings?

Two Siblings, Two Continents, Never Met – Why? Siblings are good because… Siblings Forever

  1. They help you realize it’s important to hug, kiss and share. Like sharing a child with an infertile person.
  2. They teach you the first lesson in forgiveness and forget – one minute you are at each other’s throat, the next minute you are playing together like the two happiest people in the world. Like when as an adult you find out your spouse cheated you and broke the laws but you move on.
  3. They teach you the first lesson in teamwork. For example when immigration laws are against IVF children and families, it is important to work as a team to get your rights as individuals from the government.
  4. They teach you compassion and love for a fellow human being. Parents give unconditional love to every child ideally, emotions coming from a sibling are special. Like for example, if your spouse is sick and needs care but wants secret, you don’t leave your spouse instead you respect their feelings out of love and compassion and you serve as a silent caregiver despite the abuse unto you.
  5. Older siblings get their first lesson of responsibility and care when helping and watching their parents care for little babies. Something an innocent child is missing because of secrecy and lies.
  6. They give a sense of a family. After all kids like playing with other kids and not adults all the time. It is upto the parents how to nurture the sibling bond into adulthood. Siblings can have different bonds. A traditional bond between blood sisters or brother-sister or brothers. Then there are “special bonds” between twins or triplets, then there are special bonds of a blended family, then there are special bonds between siblings who are adopted into a family, then there are special bonds between siblings who are born through IVF. It is more about thinking from the perspective of the child than anyone else. Why deny this opportunity of siblings?
  7. There is the sibling rivalry – whether it is nurtured into love or hate depends on how parents treat the siblings. Spiteful, Prejudiced, taking sides, selfish parents may not nurture a healthy relationship between siblings and the innocent siblings end up hating each other. They maybe enacting acts out of selfishness without realizing it is hurting a healthy relationship between siblings.
  8. Siblings have your back no matter what.
  9. If you are an Immigrant, international IVF parent and are unable to be present for your IVF child’s birth, your sibling will rush by the side of your new born IVF baby. You can’t pay someone to do that – thats family.
  10. If you are an immigrant, international IVF parent and your IVF child is abandoned but you cannot be there, your sibling will drop everything in their life, their work, their kids school just to be by the side of your new born IVF child AND fight against the abusive IVF clinic for the rights of the child – thats family.
  11. Siblings can help you create fraud documentation claiming you as a biological parent even though medically one is infertile – thats family.
  12. Siblings can help you lie and steal and keep your secrets – thats family.
  13. Siblings can help you break laws and keep your secrets – thats family.
  14. Either way whether they rescue your child or rescue you with lies and breaking the laws, it seems like siblings are the ones who rescue you when in need because there are very few other people we can confide in as adults.
  15. Then why deny an existing sibling to an innocent child – a sibling he wanted? Why deny an opportunity to make a sibling bond? Is this selfless love of a parent or selfish love? 

It is one thing to divorce but to split up innocent siblings AND place them in legal limbo deliberately takes ABUSE to a whole another level. It is traumatic to be infertile but that does not mean one can go around spreading lies, breaking laws, abusing people, abusing innocent children, violating basic human rights and child rights of innocent children. It is true that infertile immigrants don’t have fertility rights, so stand up and fight for rights rather than abusing others and living as a criminal. Its a far better lesson to teach an innocent child than any “love”. Even when unmarried gay couples split, both parents get practical co-parenting with the innocent children and siblings are NOT split. But if you are an immigrant, intersex IVF family in the 2000s, it is such a terrible crime that not only the child is separated from his biological family but also from his siblings and dehumanized due to lack of legal identity – the price of criminality, secrecy, lies and breaking laws. Even after 60 years, siblings UNITE from North and South Korea showing the love for each other and how governments CANNOT SPLIT siblings.

Siblings outlast marriages, siblings outlast divorces, siblings outlast lies IF they are given an opportunity.

Neither Here, Nor There

Most people may not understand this statement at first, some may claim it as offensive because it does not fit their purpose, and some may get the gist third-culture-kids-IVFthe article is attempting to make. Living a life in adversity and discrimination takes its toll. Surviving and coming out of it and living to tell the truth is a blessing in itself. The primary purpose to share the truth is to help the NEXT in social justice. Secrecy and stigma are the real culprits which creates both ignorance and lack of awareness and the continued lack of laws which victimizes innocents including children. Throughout history of humankind, social justice issues at first are not welcomed with open arms, faced stiff opposition, needless victims, state derived persecution, defamation, false criminal charges, secrecy, lies, conspiracies, etc. only to finally succumb to eventuality of TRUTH. And that’s where the journey of IVF children and families is today in 2014 – ugly truth that no one wants to address. Needless child victims are created held in purgatory of legal limbo and along with them are their IVF parents who may have suffered and struggled for years in silence before being blessed with an IVF child. Is the state of inaction a message to instead abandon IVF children instead of fighting for their basic human rights if not equal rights? The extended purgatory in legal limbo places innocent IVF children and families “neither here, nor there“.

For those who question the legitimacy of an immigrant Eunuch having legal custody of an immigrant IVF child in the US in 2009 – here is a simple question – Could this have been accomplished without abandoning an IVF child – a sibling in India and thus leaving no legal defense or chance to present the facts for the biological IVF parent to get due process? More importantly, can another immigrant Eunuch repeat this based on prevailing laws? The right answer is to pass laws. Even more importantly, has due process and justice been served to the innocent, voiceless IVF brother and sister? Can we “de-couple” the lack of rights of the immigrant IVF father from the “rights of IVF children”? The abuse suffered by the spouse and the innocent IVF child and the crimes to break the laws went unreported the first time, why should it be unreported again?

For those who question the love of the biological parent – a father of his IVF children can go through the site and understand that it is lack of basic human respect and dignity of his IVF children which is the center here. A parent’s love comes in various ways but to have a parent’s gender used as a tool to discriminate against children is dispeccable. It is one thing to have anti-gay laws, anti-IVF laws, anti-intersex laws but to actually use them to split innocent brother and sister is heinous. Just like being a spouse caregiver of an Eunuch and then again an immigrant IVF parent showed patience and resilience, that is the correct path – a path to become the change one wants to see in this world. Don’t judge before comprehending or listening. We have all they sympathy for Eunuchs, where is the sympathy for Eunuch families – spouses and children? Or are they LESS of a human being…? There is a learning and a teaching opportunity and an opportunity to allow the love of siblings to grow and prosper – which one we take? A parent’s love is endless (who happens to be a father) and it is the love for the children which is why he managed to stay alive – the abuse, the torture, the secrecy, the lies would have killed a person a long time ago.

It is difficult to make sense of what to feel worse about – a decade of secrecy, lies, crimes, abuse, torture OR one’s gender being used to discriminate against innocent children? If the love of a father is somehow less than that of a mother who neither gave birth nor has any biological connection to the child, how does one explain the love of a single father, the love of gay fathers or love of a father who is both caring for a spouse and a child? If you are a parent, you would want the best for your child regardless and that’s what this is about – no more secrecy, no more lies, no more crimes, just the truth.

IVF Children and Family – Neither Here, Nor There

An Indian citizen IVF brother wants to come to India but is disallowed his wish, neither here nor there.

A US citizen IVF father is living in India because his IVF daughter – the sibling his IVF son wanted cannot travel outside India – neither here, nor there.

International Adoption laws allow for subsidiarity where biological siblings are allowed to grow up together, immigration laws require a “biological link” between children and parent, but land of no laws exists for IVF brother and sister forced to grow up separately – neither here, nor there.

“Neither here, nor there” has been used before. In India and several other Asian countries, the “third gender” or legally defined as Eunuch has existed for a long time. Western countries are waking up to the “natural reality” and also passing similar laws recognizing the “third gender” and moving away from “binary gender” legal definitions like Australia, New Zealand, and Germany. It is ironic that western media reports that Germany is the “first country in the world in 2013” to recognize the third gender legally. Are the rest of 4 billion people living outside North America and Europe not part of the “world”? More importantly, it is this ignorance and lack of awareness which creates the “neither here, nor there” syndrome universally for everyone in the world who legally defines them as Eunuch. Being a Eunuch in itself is traumatic but also is accompanied by other real-life situations like infertility. And if laws require a “biological link” for immigration of IVF children, how will Eunuchs ever get legal custody of children? Similarly, the lack of awareness and ignorance about IVF and the real life situations it creates for IVF children and families is placing IVF children in legal limbo (even if inadvertently) in a case of “neither here, nor there“.

Secrecy and Stigma are the biggest culprits for Neither Here, Nor There

For an immigrant, Eunuch, IVF family in 2000s, the lack of laws, lack of human rights, lack of basic human decency and respect is DOUBLED – once as a Eunuch family forced to live in secrecy and lies and second as an IVF family again forced to live in secrecy and lies and ultimately punishing the most innocent of the innocent – the innocent, voiceless IVF children in legal limbo. It is tiring to live “neither here, nor there”. People who are Eunuchs are born this way naturally, others are made this way – living neither here, nor there. Is a spouse of Eunuch having the effects of neither here, nor there? Are children of an Eunuch marriage having the effects of neither here, nor there? The important point here is the need for laws so every human being can have an equal right to live freely. Some are born Eunuchs, some are living the effects of Eunuchs, how?

  • A Eunuch may be living in secrecy and lies with stigma. When a spouse marries an Eunuch, are they also forced to live in secrecy and stigma knowingly or unknowingly? What are the effects of living in secrecy and lies on any human being? The loss of freedom is disrecpectful to any human being regardless of being a Eunuch or not.
  • A Eunuch may need surgery to identify themselves better. What if the surgery is performed during the marriage without proper support or information? It is traumatic for an Eunuch to have to undergo this, what is it like to go through this as a spouse of an Eunuch with no support and in silence? Did the experience occur or should the spouse continue to lie and live in secrecy like Eunuchs have and how will this exactly help anyone?
  • A Eunuch is infertile. A spouse of a Eunuch does not leave the marriage, has children through IVF, continues the lies and secrecy while raising the IVF child, the laws are broken because Eunuchs have lived in secrecy and lies. Infertility is very traumatic, the roller coaster ride experiences are unique to each person going through it, do these experiences affect ONLY the infertile person or does it affect BOTH spouses in an infertile marriage? Should the fertile spouse have left the Eunuch marriage instead?
  • IVF is a great medical technology that affords infertile or dysfertile people with children. Sadly, the laws have not caught up with technology placing some IVF children in legal limbo. Now the innocent, voiceless IVF children of an Eunuch marriage also have to be subjected to the legal limbo of neither here, nor there.

Being a spouse caregiver of Eunuch and an immigrant IVF parent in 2000s is not friendly, nor legal. But it has happened, now what? Do we continue the adversity, punish the innocent IVF siblings of an Eunuch marriage gone bad, continue to live in secrecy and lies or say the truth in hopes of NOT repeating the cycles of secrecy and lies?

The Few, The Proud, The IVFhood

We pay homage and respect to the ultimate pillar of humanity of our times, Nelson Mandela. As millions and possibly billions who have been inspired by him, we continue the fight for equal human rights for all including innocent, defenseless, voiceless IVF children.

In each struggle, numbers count. Sadly, thats our system. Too often as humans in a democracy, we feel we are just a “statistic”. Then there is the mandelaIVFhood. The IVFhood consists of a large IVF ecosystem including the IVF child, donors, surrogates, intended parents, doctors, staff, etc. IVFhood is like being in a marathon where everyone is cheering you on but only the runner knows the truth and has the courage to get to the finish line. Most people do not even know what IVF families go through and what it takes to be part of the IVFhood. All IVF parents are very strong, persistent and determined possibly overcoming several personal, emotional, financial, legal and other struggles. Some who are lucky are blessed with an IVF child, some are not as lucky. Every IVF journey is unique and every IVF parent has an unique story on how they got there and got through with or without an IVF child. We are not just a “statistic”, we are real people with real needs and concerns. We are not asking the government to give every human being a child, we are asking for equal rights so that every IVF child is EQUAL. As an IVF parent, it is one thing to be discriminated against their reproductive rights but to use biology and/or gender of a parent to discriminate against an innocent IVF child takes it to whole another level. It is one thing to stand by quietly when an adult is discriminated and abused but can any parent standby quietly when it is their child being discriminated and abused? We need education and spreading awareness, not secrecy and lies. Let us go through some statistics.

  • As per CDC, 1 in 6 couples (about 15%) experience fertility issues. This does not account for singles or LGBTI couples where 100% need some sort of fertility assistance.
  • As per CDC, about 1% of child births were through IVF. As of 2013, in about 35 years since IVF’s inception, 5 million babies have been delivered via IVF. This number is expected to grow widely in the coming years especially now that “same-sex” marriages are being legalized.
  • With better IVF techniques and increasing demand, the IVF “success ratio” will be optimized resulting in birth of more IVF children and the “numbers” will grow in size.
  • With increasing medical tourism and affordability being a significant factor in IVF rather than just infertility or dysfertility, more IVF children may be born internationally requiring appropriate immigration laws.

The current laws for immigration simply do not go far enough and inadvertently puts innocent IVF children in legal limbo. Why? Are they not human beings who deserve “basic human dignity and respect” if not equal rights?

  • When an innocent child has no legal identity due to no fault of theirs other than to be born via IVF, is it discrimination based on “birth type”? Its the inadvertent effect of lack of laws and is this the kind of society at we want to leave our children with?
  • What are the rights of an IVF child and surrogate when a divorce occurs during an ongoing IVF pregnancy? Does the “intent” of having an IVF child have any significance?
  • If its a crime to abandon an infant, should it be a crime to abandon an IVF child with no accountability or responsibility for the IVF child?
  • When human errors occur due to accidents where samples get swapped and resulting in a DNA mismatch leading to lack of immigration laws for the IVF child, should the IVF child be abandoned, forced to be given up for adoption, or should the intended parents be forced to live in exile outside their home country because their IVF child cannot immigrate with them or should they break the laws and get the IVF child illegally to their resident country?
  • Does a child in legal limbo have any legal rights? Is there a difference when a child is placed in this situation due to no one’s fault Vs. deliberate actions of another human being.
  • The basic question is why are we creating IVF children without proper protection and ensuring their basic human rights if not equal rights? Every human being deserves the right to have a child – fertile or dysfertile or infertile, straight, gay, lesbian, intersex, single – but are the laws reflective of this?

Innovation can only occur when you can breathe free, challenge the government, challenge your teachers, challenge religious leaderssaid US Vice President Joe Biden.

A parent who is poor loves their child just as dearly even though they may not be able to afford education, or a parent who is gay or lesbian loves their child just as dearly even thought they may need to legally adopt or go for IVF or an immigrant parent loves their child just as dearly who may be separated from their child due to immigration laws or an IVF parent loves their IVF child just as dearly, then why SPLIT them in certain cases? We do not need the government to show a parent how to love, we need the government to have laws so that there is an equal playing field. The lack of laws is creating such a desperate situation where IVF parents are forced to just ask for BASIC rights to respect their IVF child as a human being and not even EQUAL rights. It is reminescent of past social justice revolutions like women suffrage, civil rights, apartheid, gay rights where initially one asks for basic human respect and dignity and then equality.

Protected: Abraham Lincoln’s Letter To His Son’s Teacher

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: