Tag Archives: separated

Family Case or IVF Rights Case? Fertility 2.0 or 4.0?

Most people including authorities see this as a “family dispute” case rather than what it is which is it is an IVF rights case. Fact is laws have not caught up with IVF-Human-Rights-Child-Rightstechnology, does that mean adults can break laws and impose cruelty against innocent, voiceless IVF children? As a humanity, is the right answer to shove it under the carpet and victimize more or address the issue? Is it time?

  1. Can an individual be separated from an ideology? If the war on fertility is an ideology, who are its players and how is it being fought?
  2. It is a fact that US laws require a “genetic link” between a US parent and a child born outside the US. Then how do infertile (no genetic link possible) Americans legally bring an IVF child born outside the US?
  3. Isn’t technology like IVF there to help infertility? But with archaic laws which are remnants of the 20th century, is it helping or hurting the war on fertility?
  4. IVF and infertility are very emotional and compassionate issues. Neither would exist without these. While archaic laws are also part of our lives and thus are forced to speak up against the anti-IVF laws. The technology exists to help humans fight the war on fertility but the means (laws) are lagging behind.
  5. It is one thing to have archaic laws but what are the implications of this on innocent IVF children and families? Is the lack of laws forcing people to lie, cheat, fraud, break laws? Worse is it placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo inadvertently or deliberately?
  6. If you are infertile and laws do not support you, would you rather stand up for your rights or lie, cheat, fraud, break laws? What will you teach the child you got by doing this?
  7. Is infertility so traumatic that the only way to get a child is to split him from his sister he wanted and alienate him from his loving biological family?
  8. And is infertility so traumatic that only way to get a child is by abandoning his innocent infant sister after having consented to?
  9. And is infertility so traumatic that only way to get a child is by using his sister, also a human being, to be used as leverage in a twisted legal game of fait accompli knowing fully well the anti-IVF laws.
  10. Is there any trauma for two innocent IVF siblings? Is their trauma more or less than the trauma of the adult?
  11. Rather than lie, defame, break laws, fraud, etc. just to gain custody of innocent child, isn’t it better to state the facts and fight for equal fertility rights? Would you rather be Rosa Parks or Edie Windsor or Ariel Castro?
  12. If the US courts can issue a globally enforceable decree, shouldn’t it consider the global facts of the case? Hiding behind lack of laws is cowardice especially when innocent children lives are involved. Just like Brown V. Education, Virginia V. Or Edie V. DOMA, where is the case for anti-IVF laws? Instead of suppressing the facts by officers of the court, isn’t it better to allow the facts and then impart justice in the best interest of the children?
  13. Rather than using fear mongering and stereotypes, isn’t it better to work based on truth and facts? Since 2010, an innocent son has been alienated from his primary care provider, his biological father,  but the authorities are worried in future the same son may be alienated from his non-biological caretaker.
  14. The same child has been alienated from his sister he wanted but the authorities are worried the non-biological caretaker may be alienated.
  15. The same child is an Indian citizen and under UN Declaration on Human Rights to which US is a signatory, it allows every citizen to return to their home country, but the US courts deem it is better suited to violate an innocent, voiceless IVF child’s rights and human rights.
  16. Rather than vilifying a fertile spouse who tried to help a fellow human who happens to be infertile, why not ask the US to change its anti-IVF laws? Or should all fertile spouses be persecuted, threatened, vilified who help infertile Americans? Worse the IVF children should also be punished for crimes they did not commit because their fertile parent dared to help an infertile person where laws itself fall short? Who will protect the rights of an unsuspecting, innocent victim?
  17. Every parent has a breaking point. A parent of a child with physical or mental disability or autism or a gay child or an intersex child or an IVF child. As an immigrant, IVF father and a member of an intersex family, failure and injustice are common to us but cannot have a repeat of that on our innocent IVF children.
  18. As per laws (sadly dating back to English law from 16th century), when a man has an IVF child with help of an egg donor and surrogate (neither women are his wife), the children are “born out of wedlock”. Meaning, helping an infertile woman in a marriage is basically SOL for the father and children. It is not that she does not deserve to be a “mother” or being “infertile is wrong BUT laws make it a CRIME. And if anyone dares to challenge this centuries old archaic laws, they shall be silenced, persecuted and worse, their innocent children shall deserve no justice either just like their innocent father. Is this where our moral compass, human compass, legal compass is in 2014? Or is it time for an update?
  19. What is the best interest of the innocent, voiceless IVF siblings. They want to be together, who is listening?

View of Justice and Outrage

It is a tragedy that 298 innocent lives were lost for a conflict thats not theirs. But today those 298, their families have forever joined the conflict either MH-17-Missile-Attack-IVF-Outrage-Justice by chance or circumstances. Rest of the world has joined in because of the outrage at innocent lives lost. An innocent family got involved with lack of laws for intersex/DSD, IVF, immigration either by chance or circumstances. Now we are also dealing with the same issues that an intersex/DSD, infertile, immigrant deals with. We all should be outraged at the lack of justice for innocent victims.

In the Sunday Times, Mr Cameron said the UK was not seeking confrontation with President Vladimir Putin or suggesting military action. He said: “Russia can use this moment to find a path out of this festering, dangerous crisis. I hope it will do so. But if that does not happen then we must respond robustly.” He wrote: “We must establish the full facts of what happened. But the growing weight of evidence points to a clear conclusion: That MH17 was blown out of the sky by a surface-to-air missile fired from a rebel-held area. If it is the case, then we must be clear what it means: This is a direct result of Russia destabilising a sovereign state, violating its territorial integrity, backing thuggish militias and training and arming them. We must turn this moment of outrage into a moment of action.”

This site is about IVF rights, so lets look at this statement from the view of innocent IVF siblings who have knowingly and deliberately been SPLIT just like the tragic MH-17 flight was shot down knowingly and deliberately.

1) No one is trying to seek confrontation with any government but just want to grow up as a happy IVF family. The powers that be can use this moment to right multiple wrongs and must establish the full facts. The known weight of evidence points to a clear conclusion : There is no genetic lick between the IVF child and the parent raising them despite US laws requiring a genetic link between US parent and child born outside the US. Having inadvertent lack of laws against IVF children and families is one thing but for someone to deliberately use the loopholes to SPLIT innocent siblings and a loving parent is a hate crime against the IVF family. This is a direct result of continuous secrecy, lying, fraud, breaking laws, and destabilising an IVF family, violating its love and compassion, backing criminals who break laws for their own selfish benefit. The right answer is to fix the laws so that environment like this is not created where infertile people will do anything for the sake of a child including alienating them from their biological family and siblings. Whose best interest are we serving? An adult who lies, cheats, fraud and breaks laws OR the innocent children? Regardless of how we pontificate on this sensitive and “taboo” subject, SPLITTING innocent siblings is NOT the answer.

2) If a woman had used her egg, got a sperm donor and surrogate, and had two lovely IVF children, would the IVF siblings be separated? Would anyone even consider doing this? So the only fault of the innocent IVF siblings to be SPLIT is because their parent is a male? We have a long ways to go as a society but in the process let’s not punish innocent children.

3) As a double whammy – Malaysia airlines lost another plane MH-370 and is dealing with double jeopardy for situations they were placed in circumstantially. The IVF father here is also part of an intersex marriage and that was also dealt with secrecy, lies, fraud and concealed care. The lesson learnt is LYING is not the answer. The world may not be ready yet to deal with complex and so called “taboo” subjects like intersex, IVF, infertility, dysfertility, immigration simultaneously. But that’s our life, these are the facts – we have to DEAL with them regardless of whether the society or the laws are ready. This is our MH-370 and MH-17.

We must turn this moment of outrage into a moment of action and fight for equal rights for IVF children and families. Our hearts and prayers are with the innocent lives lost and their families. Your strength gives us strength.

If I Had a Passport…

1) I would go to America to see my brotherivf-passport

2) I want to play with my brother’s toys he shows on Skype

3) I want to spend only ONE night in America

4) I want to play in the snow

5) I want to tie Rakhi and make a drawing (card) for my brother

6) I want to go ice skating (skates with knives)

7) I want to go to London

8) I want to go see giraffes and zebras

9) I want to go dancing (Ok, don’t really need a passport for that)

10) I will become as astronaut and go to space as I will NOT need a passport.

These are the wishes of an innocent 4 year old IVF sister for her IVF brother. Two innocent siblings who have been deliberately separated due to NO CRIMES of their own. As a humanity, as a global citizen of the world, why can’t we rise above and spare the innocent children and the most vulnerable? What message do we send our future generations like these innocent IVF siblings, that breaking laws is more rewarding than changing laws? That creating human children through IVF is just a “commercial transaction” with NO responsibility or accountability for the innocent human life? In an ever increasing globalized world where services are sought globally, the laws, the legal jurisdictions need to become ONE in cases where the impact is global. Especially where the “service” involves innocent human children. We cannot and will not allow our innocent children to be used as “human chatal” rather as a beacon of hope that change is coming. IVF is all about change, are the laws ready for it?

Help UNITE innocent IVF siblings by securing a passport. http://chn.ge/1oltFl5

I Cannot Raise My Son Because I Am Raising His Sister – My Daughter

I love my son very much, I miss my son very much, I miss him missing out on growing up with a sibling he wished for. As one struggles through the IVF-Crueltyinadequacies of the laws for intersex, immigrant, IVF families of 2000s, one has to wonder why punish innocent, voiceless children? Any system of justice is based on a few basic assumptions – (1) To punish an innocent is far greater crime than delivering justice to millions. (2) Justice delayed is justice denied. (3) Justice should be repeatable meaning whatever the outcome is, others should be able to benefit from it without breaking any laws. (4) Humans are not perfect, laws are not perfect but to discriminate and punish innocent child victims is a far greater crime against their humanity. And then to justify the discrimination by shoving it under the carpet is not working towards a solution rather only further victimizing innocent victims. I, a male immigrant, an IVF father cannot be with both my two IVF children at the same time because the laws do not allow us. Perhaps having children through IVF as a male was so heinous a crime that both me and my innocent IVF children should be punished for it. My innocent son cannot read bed time stories to his sister (like I used to read to him and promised my son that he can do the same with his sibling) is because my innocent IVF children are born of an immigrant, IVF father. My daughter cannot kiss and hug her brother like she wants to because my innocent IVF children are born of an immigrant, IVF father. Abuse me, why abuse my innocent children? Discriminate against me, why discriminate against my innocent children?

If it were 1800, when slavery was legal, to suggest to a person that if they don’t want to be a slave, they should change their skin color may have been “legal” for the time. But its 2000s and times have changed. If I were that person, I would keep my skin color the way it is and rather stand on the right side of history and fight for equal rights for me and everyone like me. A story of an immigrant, IVF father in 2014 is similar, rather than “accomodating” to the discriminatory laws of today, would rather stand on the right side of history and fight for equal rights of IVF children and families.

Left with whether to live in US with a comfortable job and enjoy my IVF son grow up OR raise my IVF daughter stuck in India because she is born to a US father? What would you do? Could you sleep knowing you abandoned a child you wanted and consented to? I do not know what birth mothers feel like who have had to give up their children due to their personal circumstances. I am sure it hurts them with a big hole in the heart that no one can see. What does an IVF parent feel when forced to give up their child due to lack of laws – that we do know? When a man abandons an innocent child, he could be the child’s father, the husband to the mother of the child, or an abandoner of the child. What “name” will the mother of the child refer him with – Husband, Father or Abandoner? When an IVF parent is abandoned with an IVF child, what do you call the other intended IVF parent who also consented to the IVF child but decided later to not want the child? It is NOT about whether someone is raising a child well, it is about were laws broken and whether that’s what the child wants, if the child is happy, can he be happier? Ms. Pettway raised a wonderful daughter – someone so smart that she figured out she had been removed from her birth family at 19 days. What does the innocent child victim want? It is not the “standard yard sticks” of whether the child is getting food, shelter, water, education, freedom, be allowed to grow and develop. It is about right Vs wrong. It is about truth Vs. lies. It is about respecting laws Vs. breaking laws. It is about being honest to the innocent children – the ultimate jury. I do not know what surrogates feel like when they give the IVF child to the intended parents? Some feel “mission accomplished” because they were able to help a fellow human being. If “intended parents” are given rights to an IVF child, should the “intended parents” also share the responsibility and accountability for the welfare of the IVF child? Because without the consent of “intended parents” and their finances, there would have been no IVF child. What if the “intended parents” decide to abandon an IVF child? What are the rights of the IVF child? Who cares for the welfare of the IVF child that the “intended parents” consented to? Is the IVF child a human being who deserves basic human dignity and respect or can they be discarded with no consequences? I suppose if a person who needs a heart, can create a clone, rip their heart out and use it for themselves fully knowing that without a heart, the clone cannot survive but I suppose that’s the “clone’s problem” and not the person who consented and paid for the clone, right? Because they must have a heart at all costs or they will die. Is all human life equal? Whether its a clone, an IVF child, a beggar, a poor man, a rich man, an IVF father, an immigrant, an intersex person, a DNA mismatch IVF parent, etc – are they all equal?

Humans have dealt with infertility since humankind has been around. Infertility affects “humans” and not just a man or woman. But the fertility laws are not reflective of these facts. It is one thing to discriminate and abuse a human based on color of their skin OR their caste OR their nationality OR their gender OR their sexual orientation but to discriminate innocent children based on their parent’s actions flies against everything we consider dignified and civil about humanity in 2000s. May be it was a heinous crime to try and help an intersex, immigrant person in 2000s where laws itself fall short? As we struggle to make sense of this madness, we cannot find a precedent. Surely, it must have happened to someone else but infertility is dealt with secrecy and lies meaning not too many people talk about it (we didn’t!). Or dealing with IVF is too new and there simply are not laws which have caught up with technology. Regardless how we end up as a community in the future there will be equal rights for IVF children and families, and even then SPLITTING innocent IVF brother and sister will still be wrong.

The authorities claim no laws have been broken yet they cannot cite a law which allows a US parent to bring an IVF child born outside the US with no genetic link. By denying facts, will it magically help other innocent IVF children and families who run into DNA mismatches and lack a genetic link? The authorities claim same-sex immigration was made possible in 2013 yet they cannot explain why no laws were broken if it were done before then. The right answer is to change the laws and not break the laws. People who break the laws are criminals. A criminal is also someone’s sister or brother, someone’s son or daughter, someone’s father or mother but they broke the laws and for that should their innocent children be punished? Do current laws allow US parents with no genetic link to bring a child born outside the US? Is “wishful thinking” in line with current laws? Is SPLITTING innocent IVF siblings due to lack of laws and its manipulation the best answer? It is clear laws have been broken, it is clear that humans who help others have no protection or justice from the system, it is clear two innocent IVF siblings are being punished for crimes they did not commit. Will we continue to solve this using secrecy, lies, deception, denials, apathy, threats, persecution or actually grow a spine and take action and change laws so this never happens again?

Corollaries Between IVF and Travesty of Justice

There are several current events which bring attention to the travesty of justice and the plight of innocent IVF children who were born ahead of their times. Do we as humanity ivf-travesty-of-justiceincluding the compassionate egg donors, the surrogates, the IVF clinic who all had their compassionate hands in bringing these innocent children into the world simply stand on the side as atrocious crimes are occurring against the innocent IVF children or do we raise our voice and say the truth? Here are some corollaries to the plight of innocent, voiceless IVF children and the travesty of justice. The American Way is to maintain transparency, find a corrective action for the benefit of others and move forward. Shoving the issues of intersex, immigrant, IVF family under the carpet is not a solution.

Travesty of Justice – Need to Move Forward with Truth

1) Its not 1958, its 2014
If men were having babies, we’d have different policies.” – said US President Obama on March 20, 2014
If gay men or single men or intersex men who have babies through IVF with help from compassionate egg donors and surrogates, do they have equal rights as parents? More importantly do their IVF children have equal rights? US President Obama is a LGBTI rights supporter but still does not grasp the fact that US laws are archaic when it comes to lifestyles of LGBTI families. In 2014 and before, men are already having babies through IVF  and are the primary caregivers for their IVF babies, where are the EQUAL rights if not for the parents sake then at least for the sake of innocent, voiceless IVF children, Or do we have to wait till 2058? It is not that Obama would NOT support equal rights for IVF children and families, it is more so that most people are oblivious to the state of affairs relating to IVF and the implicit injustice.
2) Russia, Crimea and the West
‪Russia‬ prevented adoption of a resolution today. But it cannot change the aspirations and destiny of the Ukrainian people. And it cannot deny the truth displayed today that there is overwhelming international opposition to its dangerous actions.” — Ambassador Samantha Power after a ‪UN‬ Security Council Vote on a Resolution on ‪‎Ukraine‬, March 15, 2014
Replace “Russia” with “US Justice System” and “Ukraine” with “IVF Children” and you will get the gist of our case. As an intersex, immigrant, IVF family, we may be ahead of our times but are not wrong. The status quo states only way for an IVF parent to enjoy custody of his IVF son is by abandoning his IVF daughter, the sister that his son wanted and implicitly SPLITTING innocent siblings. It will take time to sink in and when it does, everyone will realize that saving an abandoned child and uniting the innocent children is the only right answer. It is a fact that US laws have separated the innocent siblings, although inadvertently, because the perpetrators and her co-conspirators manipulated the US justice system. Now that the truth is known, now that IVF brother wants to be with his IVF sister, is the US Justice system listening to the victims or is in denial about having been manipulated? It is time to move forward and the simplest answer is in uniting the innocent siblings. Punishing innocent for crimes they did not commit is not justice. Especially punishing innocent, voiceless victims who are children who have been exploited is not the right answer.
3) Malaysia Airlines Flight 370
“The international aviation legal system does not anticipate the complete disappearance of an aircraft,” said Brian Havel, a law professor and director of the International Aviation Law Institute at DePaul University in Chicago. “We just don’t have the tools for that at present.” – March 19, 2014
Similarly, the international legal system does not anticipate dealing with an intersex, immigrant, IVF family in the 2000s. There simply are NO tools for this scenario. So SPLITTING the innocent IVF siblings is the best answer we can offer. By the time the “powers-to-be” figure it all out, the innocent childhoods will have been expired and they will have grown up into adults. All we will have left is a “SORRY” like saying sorry to an exonerated man who has been convicted for a crime he NEVER committed. The irony of course is that while exonerated convicts are mostly freed and proven right based on DNA evidence, the same DNA evidence is NOT utilized in the best interest of innocent children. Instead the GENDER of the male IVF father is used against the innocent children. Abuse a male all you want but can you please leave his innocent children alone? And what about gay fathers, single fathers, intersex fathers, fathers in a straight relationship but have an infertile spouse, what about the IVF children of such fathers, should they also be similarly persecuted or spared? The only right answer to this complex situation is uniting the innocent, voiceless IVF siblings.
4) Change in treatment of IVF mothers and IVF immigration laws.
In January 2014, US Secretary of State John Kerry released a directive which would allow IVF mothers who only carried their IVF children to term “at par” for immigration purposes. Current US laws require a “genetic link” between US parent and a child born outside the US. As a result, if an IVF mother had used donor eggs but carried the IVF children to term and physically gave birth to the IVF children outside the US, the innocent IVF children would NOT be considered US citizens because the IVF mother had “NO Genetic Link”.
We applaud this move and it is a step in the right direction, especially from the perspective of the innocent IVF children. When will IVF children of IVF fathers get similar EQUAL laws? If an immigrant IVF father has an IVF child outside the US then the IVF child must be born to a “US Citizen mother” OR “US green card mother”. If the IVF father used donor eggs and surrogate in a foreign country then without a “US mother” he cannot get his IVF child to the US even though he has a “genetic link”. Or should IVF be banned for gay fathers, single fathers, intersex fathers, fathers in a straight relationship but where the woman is infertile?
Why is there discrimination onto the innocent IVF children based on a parent’s biology and gender? When will justice arrive and when will the laws catch up with technology?

IVF Children Need Rescue

As per CDC data, 1 in 6 couples are infertile. 100% of all LGBTI couples and single parents can only have children through IVF orIVF child rescue adoption. The laws are based on biology and gender of a parent, are the laws 21st century compliant or are they trailing? Is the inaction to pass laws placing innocent children in legal limbo and need rescuing? Is the lack of laws creating stateless innocent children? Is there a voice for the voiceless?

US law requires a “genetic link” for a parent to bring a child to the US when the child is born outside the US. Due to affordability, several middle class Americans go abroad to have children through IVF technology. The lack of laws situation is placing some innocent IVF children in harm’s way leading to abuse of their human rights and child rights. Is that right? Is throwing the book of laws at an IVF parent and thereby condemning the innocent IVF child the right answer? The only thing between a foreign born IVF child and a parent in the US is NOT money, NOT love but a few words in the English language called “laws”. What good are these human made laws if it cannot protect the most innocent of the victims – the IVF children? What good are these laws if they cannot ensure a voice for the voiceless? As Madiba said, if one can learn to hate then that means they can also learn to love. Similarly, if laws are getting outdated where inadvertently are endangering the welfare of a child, then laws can be changed to endure and protect the welfare of innocent IVF children also. Or maybe Madiba had it wrong and the ones who throw the book of laws have it right, I suppose only time will tell just like apartheid was broken down by Madiba.

The question is not whether help will arrive for IVF children and families in terms of equal laws but the question is “when”? When a sperm sample is accidentally swapped in an IVF clinic and the DNA test fails after 9 months when the IVF child is born, should the IVF child be separated from their intended parent and placed in an orphanage? During an ongoing IVF pregnancy, if the biological parent decides no longer to have a child and abandons the IVF pregnancy, what rights does the non-biological parent have to the IVF child? Can they bring the IVF child to the US legally? Does the child deserve to go to an orphange? As mentioned earlier, 100% of all LGBTI and single parents who opt for IVF will have a situation where one of the parents is “non-biological”. How do the laws plan to address these issues? Or is the message to fill up orphanages with abandoned IVF children because we could not agree on changing a few words in English called laws? Or is the message to place innocent IVF children in legal limbo and condemn and punish them due to no fault of theirs? Or is the message to shove this under the carpet and pretend it did not happen? When the critical mass is enough, innocent IVF children will ask questions and wonder where were the laws to protect their “best interests” and human rights?

It is time to stand up for what’s right and the right answer is to ensure and protect all IVF children and treat them as equals. If two parents abuse their child within the four walls of their house, is it a crime? The government and laws make it a crime and take appropriate action against the criminals and save the innocent children. Why are the laws and government silent on this issue of innocent IVF children? Where is the voice for the voiceless? Who is going to rescue the innocent IVF children?

It sucks to be an immigrant intersex infertile family with no laws in 2000s. It is one thing to remain silent and be invisible as adults but to repeat the abuse on innocent IVF children is a crime. One way to deal with it is to make the best of it through every trauma in forced secrecy and lies including breaking laws or come clean when the lies catch up and are hurting innocent children whom you love. The issue in this case is not intersex, the issue is secrecy, lying and breaking the laws. There are people like Claudia or Robin or Angelina or Dr. Elana or someone else as this blogs suggests. The choice is truth Vs lies. The choice is to continue to break the laws or change the laws. The choice is to love a child so much that his freedom is not held hostage for personal joy and one can see the child soar like an eagle Vs child abuse and human rights abuse.

Hello, I am Infertile or Dysfertile – Should I Break the laws or Change the laws?

You read that right, are reproductive rights a basic human right? Is their an “I” in infertility during marriage or it affects both spouses? If you are a gay Fertility4Allor a lesbian or an intersex couple, is infertility or dysfertility an issue only for one spouse? As we step into the 21st century, with same-sex marriages or unions being legalized and more widely accepted, will there be a surge in children with only one biological parent? There are a host of fertility treatments but for LGBTI families, IVF or adoption is the only way to have a child. That’s the facts. It is also a fact that immigration laws are based on biology and gender of a parent and not emotions of a parent. So how does an infertile person bring a child born outside the US? Given the situation, they do not have a biological link, so how do you get past the laws and have a child? Do you BREAK the laws or demand for a CHANGE in the laws?  It may take years for an infertile family, single person, or a dysfertile family to have a child through IVF or adoption, should it even take LONGER to have the laws to protect rights of IVF children and families? One can only know the facts and truth, pain and suffering, inequalities and lack of laws once they have gone through the pain and suffering themselves. Worse, when your IVF children have to be punished for crimes of the adults. Should there be laws protecting Fertility 4 All?

It gets worse. The current language in laws claims that certain IVF children depending on circumstance are considered “illegitimate child born out of wedlock”. It is OFFENSIVE as an IVF parent to hear that about your IVF child. Look at the IVF child and all the efforts of all the humans including donors and surrogates, health professionals, parents and tell me the IVF child is “ILLEGITIMATE”. The English language has a “special word” for it and is used in an offensive or deragatory way. What is worse is this kind of attitude adds fodder and makes the innocent child “legally invisible” and places them in a legal limbo. How is it fair and equal to place innocent IVF children in legal limbo? Do people with no legal identity have legal rights? Once an IVF parent, always an IVF parent. Why should the gender or biology of a parent be used against the IVF child for their rights? We look forward to a day when the love and character of a parent will count more than biology and gender of a parent. A parent can love their child unconditionally but cannot provide them legal rights – thats why a parent has to petition to the government to do their part in raising happy families – a backbone of a vibrant and successful civilization and economy.

Imagine going through a painful journey of IVF that very few understand and intimately have knowledge about and in the end if you are successful, the innocent IVF child is deemed “less” or with “less legal rights” or forcefully separated because of lack of laws or on and on…its a domino effect. Any parent who is thinking of going for IVF could find themselves in this legal limbo situation and with increasing singles, LGBTI families, that number is growing. What is worse is that it is placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo. So do we change the laws or break the laws? Do we continue to shove the issue under the carpet? How do we move forward? With secrecy and lies OR the truth?

What is worse? Breaking the law or changing the law for a greater good?

What is worse? Raising a child with secrecy, lies and fraud and claiming it as love for child or changing the laws for IVF children and families for the greater good?

What is worse? Abandoning an IVF child for the sake of another child or demanding for equal rights for IVF children and families?

The Few, The Proud, The IVFhood

We pay homage and respect to the ultimate pillar of humanity of our times, Nelson Mandela. As millions and possibly billions who have been inspired by him, we continue the fight for equal human rights for all including innocent, defenseless, voiceless IVF children.

In each struggle, numbers count. Sadly, thats our system. Too often as humans in a democracy, we feel we are just a “statistic”. Then there is the mandelaIVFhood. The IVFhood consists of a large IVF ecosystem including the IVF child, donors, surrogates, intended parents, doctors, staff, etc. IVFhood is like being in a marathon where everyone is cheering you on but only the runner knows the truth and has the courage to get to the finish line. Most people do not even know what IVF families go through and what it takes to be part of the IVFhood. All IVF parents are very strong, persistent and determined possibly overcoming several personal, emotional, financial, legal and other struggles. Some who are lucky are blessed with an IVF child, some are not as lucky. Every IVF journey is unique and every IVF parent has an unique story on how they got there and got through with or without an IVF child. We are not just a “statistic”, we are real people with real needs and concerns. We are not asking the government to give every human being a child, we are asking for equal rights so that every IVF child is EQUAL. As an IVF parent, it is one thing to be discriminated against their reproductive rights but to use biology and/or gender of a parent to discriminate against an innocent IVF child takes it to whole another level. It is one thing to stand by quietly when an adult is discriminated and abused but can any parent standby quietly when it is their child being discriminated and abused? We need education and spreading awareness, not secrecy and lies. Let us go through some statistics.

  • As per CDC, 1 in 6 couples (about 15%) experience fertility issues. This does not account for singles or LGBTI couples where 100% need some sort of fertility assistance.
  • As per CDC, about 1% of child births were through IVF. As of 2013, in about 35 years since IVF’s inception, 5 million babies have been delivered via IVF. This number is expected to grow widely in the coming years especially now that “same-sex” marriages are being legalized.
  • With better IVF techniques and increasing demand, the IVF “success ratio” will be optimized resulting in birth of more IVF children and the “numbers” will grow in size.
  • With increasing medical tourism and affordability being a significant factor in IVF rather than just infertility or dysfertility, more IVF children may be born internationally requiring appropriate immigration laws.

The current laws for immigration simply do not go far enough and inadvertently puts innocent IVF children in legal limbo. Why? Are they not human beings who deserve “basic human dignity and respect” if not equal rights?

  • When an innocent child has no legal identity due to no fault of theirs other than to be born via IVF, is it discrimination based on “birth type”? Its the inadvertent effect of lack of laws and is this the kind of society at we want to leave our children with?
  • What are the rights of an IVF child and surrogate when a divorce occurs during an ongoing IVF pregnancy? Does the “intent” of having an IVF child have any significance?
  • If its a crime to abandon an infant, should it be a crime to abandon an IVF child with no accountability or responsibility for the IVF child?
  • When human errors occur due to accidents where samples get swapped and resulting in a DNA mismatch leading to lack of immigration laws for the IVF child, should the IVF child be abandoned, forced to be given up for adoption, or should the intended parents be forced to live in exile outside their home country because their IVF child cannot immigrate with them or should they break the laws and get the IVF child illegally to their resident country?
  • Does a child in legal limbo have any legal rights? Is there a difference when a child is placed in this situation due to no one’s fault Vs. deliberate actions of another human being.
  • The basic question is why are we creating IVF children without proper protection and ensuring their basic human rights if not equal rights? Every human being deserves the right to have a child – fertile or dysfertile or infertile, straight, gay, lesbian, intersex, single – but are the laws reflective of this?

Innovation can only occur when you can breathe free, challenge the government, challenge your teachers, challenge religious leaderssaid US Vice President Joe Biden.

A parent who is poor loves their child just as dearly even though they may not be able to afford education, or a parent who is gay or lesbian loves their child just as dearly even thought they may need to legally adopt or go for IVF or an immigrant parent loves their child just as dearly who may be separated from their child due to immigration laws or an IVF parent loves their IVF child just as dearly, then why SPLIT them in certain cases? We do not need the government to show a parent how to love, we need the government to have laws so that there is an equal playing field. The lack of laws is creating such a desperate situation where IVF parents are forced to just ask for BASIC rights to respect their IVF child as a human being and not even EQUAL rights. It is reminescent of past social justice revolutions like women suffrage, civil rights, apartheid, gay rights where initially one asks for basic human respect and dignity and then equality.

Relentless Secrecy and Stigma

It is one thing to have anti-IVF laws, anti-gay laws, anti-intersex laws but to use them to split innocent IVF brother and sister and place them in legal every-life-equallimbo is a heinous crime against the children. Every human including IVF children deserves basic respect as a human, if not equal. If a person is raped, what are the circumspect effects? As a human being one has to continue to live and how does one go about. Any person can be raped while majority of the rapes are against women. Men or intersex people may get raped but have no laws to protect them or get them justice. While the physical pain is intolerable, there is more to it than just that. Rape also involves secrecy, stigma, taking away a person’s self-worth, mental torture, dehumanizing and so many other things. Due to the secrecy and stigma, a rape survivor may not report the facts for days, weeks, months, even years. There are child sexual abuse cases which go unreported for decades. Does that mean the person who has experienced this horrible situation is hallucinating? And the crimes did not occur? Then there is the long road for justice. The predator is let go because the “statute of limitations” expired, does that mean the crimes did not occur? Does that mean a person will stop fighting for the truth? When a person who has been raped first is a victim, if they do not die or commit suicide, they are a survivor and when a survivor is awakened to be free of secrecy and stigma, they are truly awakened. Whether they are awakened in a week, a month, a year, it may be too “late” for the statute of limitations but if they speak up, just maybe one person, just one person may be inspired to speak up sooner if in the horrid situation they are raped. Secrecy and stigma are the real culprits and they can only be disbanded with truth, inspiration, empowerment.

Now that western culture is catching up to realities and passing laws to legally recognize the “third gender”, hopefully in the near future they will also have laws for marriages of “third gender” and the issues and concerns “third gender” families face including children and immigration. As per intersex organizations, “same-sex” marriage excludes intersex marriage. Why? If intersex are women, then why are there laws for a “third gender”? Are the governments wrong? If the angst of having a child, loving a child, raising a child, the roller coaster rides of infertility, the international trips and related immigration issues and separation from child are only a “woman’s issue”, then how do we explain single dads, gay fathers, intersex families? The right answer is to accept the realities around us and have equal laws so that people can start living and stop being abused, tortured and stranded. Every person has right to feel male, female or otherwise, are the laws in sync with what the person wants? When there is a lack of laws for intersex families, are there inadvertent victims like spouses and children of an intersex family? The answer is change the laws not break the laws.

IVF Children of a Woman and Intersex Person

What if a woman was in a relationship with an intersex person (can they legally marry?), had an IVF child through her egg, sperm donor and a compassionate surrogate, the woman raised the IVF child as the primary care provider, living in secrecy and lies through the abuse, torture from a person undergoing medical treatment and then when asked to split, the intersex person decides to both SPLIT with the woman and SPLIT two innocent IVF siblings. Would there be an uproar and would the laws have allowed the IVF child to be separated from the “biological mother” and the primary care provider? More importantly, what crimes have the innocent children committed to be separated and to be in legal limbo? What about the abuse against the woman and the children? Abuse is abuse regardless in what name it occurs and how one justifies it. What if the woman was silenced one from the abuse, now that she has awakened, should she remain silent or report the abuse? Is the woman’s only fault that she is fertile and showed compassion? And so she and her children must be punished by splitting them? There are several things that LGBTI people still cannot do in 2013 including the fact that LGBTI immigrant families cannot legally bring their IVF children born outside the US and placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo.

You can rape me, you can silence me, you can abuse me, you can torture me but when you do that to my innocent kids, you have given me the courage to stand up and speak the truth. My weakness has become my strength, the lies conquered with truth, you can lie to the court and the rest of society but you cannot lie to the children. Seeking justice for innocent IVF children is a lifelong commitment requiring lot of persistence and patience – virtues that any IVF parent inherently has. Never again another IVF child should have to suffer like this, if its not a crime to abandon IVF children, it should be a crime. We need solutions, we need legal breakouts so that innocent IVF children are not placed in legal limbo. Because a rape is a rape no matter what and an abandoned or an abused child is just that, no matter what.