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IVF or Natural Born Child, Would You Like Equal Rights With That?

A child is a child, having equal rights should not matter. Its 2014 and we have some archaic and barbaric laws which are hurting IVF or natural - equal rightsinnocent children. It is HARD not to get your hairs raised both as a parent and as a human being. When will we get equal rights for IVF children and families? How stereotypes of the society and justice system are hurting and violating the rights of innocent IVF children?

“In the immediate aftermath of 9/11, we did some things that were wrong. We did a whole lot of things that were right, but we tortured some folks. We did things that were contrary to our values,” said US President Obama.

“it’s an incredibly sad story”. “I guess it illustrates some of the pitfalls involved in this particular [surrogacy] business,” said Australian PM Abbott on abandoned IVF baby in Thailand.

What should we say to abandoned IVF baby in India and knowingly splitting IVF brother and sister across the US and India? An IVF parent knows the facts but the “system/laws” have a long way to catch up…in the meantime, what should the IVF parent do to the IVF siblings? – Abandon them or fight for them or die from their own personal trauma – perhaps the real intent so that there is NO LEGAL challenger. While systems may be slow to catch up, people still commit crimes and should we right multiple wrongs or do we look the other way? Is it torture for an IVF family to be knowingly SPLIT up – is this their Abu Ghraib? is this their double whammy of MH370 and MH17? Rather than pointing fingers, we are looking for justice, we are looking for a solution to UNITE innocent IVF brother and sister because regardless of any justification, knowingly splitting up siblings is a crime today and will be in the future. Infertility is very trauma

As times move forward and more democratization of the world, more people are finding the strength to report the truth no matter how bitter nor are afraid of the persecution by powerful people. The primary driving force behind the truth is best interest of innocent children. Recently, there was a case where a Hollywood IVF parent-to-be decided to abandon an ongoing IVF pregnancy despite giving consent in the first place. In another case, a person successfully filed for divorce without declaring an ongoing IVF pregnancy resulting in successfully splitting two innocent IVF siblings and placing them in legal limbo. In another case, an Australian couple abandoned an innocent IVF child because he has Down’s Syndrome. In another case, a Canadian couple was unable to take their IVF child born in India due to a “DNA mismatch”. In a US case, a “mother” was not considered the mother of two lovely IVF children because she only carried them to term but had “no genetic link” as she used an egg donor. After four long, grueling years, the US changed its laws for “IVF mothers” like these. There are several such IVF cases but they rarely come to light in 2014 because it is taboo, stigma, secrecy. Ask the victimized IVF child if they care about all this? In each case, the truth has to be told, the unaffected public needs to be educated on the facts and lack of laws for international IVF, and finally, maybe, the government may take some action after prolonged number of years. How is that the “best interest of the child”?

  1. What are the rights of an IVF child born during a divorce?
  2. What are the rights of an IVF child who has been knowingly abandoned?
  3. What are the rights of an IVF child who had a DNA mismatch?
  4. If an IVF mother can dream of providing a sibling to an IVF child, can an IVF father have the same dream? More critically, can an IVF child of an IVF father dream to have a sibling to love, share and grow up with?
  5. When an IVF child is abandoned, what are the rights of a left-behind IVF child and parent/caretaker?
  6. If consent is REQUIRED to commence IVF/surrogacy, then what should be the responsibility and accountability when the same cnsenting adult decides to abandon an innocent IVF child they consented to before?
  7. If a genetic parent is REQUIRED to pay child support for a child they abandoned, what should be the responsibility and accountability of a non-genetic parent who gave consent for an IVF child but later abandoned?
  8. If a non-genetic parent has EQUAL rights to an IVF child they consented to, then what should be the responsibility and accountability of a non-genetic parent who gave consent for an IVF child but later abandoned?
  9. If a commercial surrogate delivers an IVF child as per consent, does she deserve to get paid by the consenting IVF parents when she delivers? What are the surrogate’s rights (a woman also) or do only rights of the infertile matter?
  10. Why do we have these disparate laws for IVF children and families? Instead of trying to shove facts under the carpet, intimidating and threatening IVF parents who care deeply for their child, falsely persecuting and oppressing innocent IVF parents and therefore his IVF children, isn’t it better to have equal rights for IVF children and families? Let’s solve the bigger problem instead of dancing around secrecy and lies.

The world is perhaps a few decades away before having equal rights for IVF children and families including donors, surrogates, intended parents but in the meantime let us not continue the victimization and abuse of innocent IVF children by denying them justice. In the bigger historical context, the laws requested will become a reality then why punish innocent IVF children today?

If the same children were not born via IVF but were born naturally, would they have to deal with these lack of laws? Are innocent IVF children and families specifically being targeted if not deliberately, at least inadvertently by not taking any action to have equal rights?

IVF Rights Part of Immigration Executive Order

Recently, US President Obama announced that he will have an executive order for immigration reform. Are IVF rights on the agenda? Here are a few immigration-ivf-reformsimple reasons to have IVF rights on the agenda first and foremost in the best interest of the IVF child and then the intended parents and families. As a society, we cannot knowingly create stateless babies and punish IVF families for wanting to build families through wonders of IVF. It is time to celebrate IVF in the 21st century and not hibernate. If you agree with the change, sign the petition at http://chn.ge/1oltFl5 and support IVF rights.

1) Change the verbiage in the current US Immigration Law (7 FAM 1131.4 and 7 FAM 1131.5 and its sub-sections) that deals with IVF for US citizens: Change the phrase from “biological mother/father” to “parent“.  The “genetic link” requirement discriminates against infertile people (the very folks who are meant to give a helping hand through wonders of technology), punishes innocent IVF children for DNA mismatches, punishes IVF children born during a divorce or born into a LGBTI family or single parent family. 

2) Change the phrase from “child born out of wedlock” to “child born“.  If IVF children are deemed to be “born out of wedlock”, are we implicitly taking away their legal rights of being “born in a marriage”? Frankly, the verbiage is outdated and offensive.

3) The applicable US Immigration law for IVF fathers on US green card: We are asking for a change of one word – from “mother” to “parent” as cited in 9 FAM 42.1 N2.1 and 9 FAM 42.1 N1.1. This would allow an IVF father legally on US green card to bring a child born outside the US though an egg donor and surrogate to meet US law requirements. If a US LPR mother uses her egg and a donor sperm and surrogate abroad can bring that IVF child legally to the US then why discriminate against the IVF father who uses his sperm? Does the innocent IVF child care?

4) Family Laws and Best Interest of an IVF child born during a divorce – If a US couple has an ongoing IVF pregnancy, it must be mandatory to declare the IVF pregnancy to the court like a natural pregnancy in the event of a divorce so that the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD can be ascertained by the court. Suppressing information from the court is a crime. The rights of an innocent IVF child in a foreign country of a US couple are directly placed in a LEGAL LIMBO. Have a law that a US resident (US Citizen or Legal resident) must “pre-declare” for an IVF child if the surrogacy is done abroad which inherently will protect the rights of the innocent IVF child.

5) Left-behind IVF child law – The needs of an IVF child are NO DIFFERENT than a natural born child. An IVF child also needs love, care, clothes, food, shelter, books, toys, education, and so on. If an intended parent abandons an IVF pregnancy or IVF child in a foreign country, they should be held accountable and responsible because the IVF child’s needs are EQUAL. Is an IVF child LESS of a child than a natural born child? An IVF child is not an unwanted pregnancy but a deliberate pregnancy to bring an innocent life into this world. Laws should hold adults accountable and responsible for abandoning an ongoing IVF pregnancy they consented to.

6) Legal recourse for lapses – In cases where the fertility clinic lapses like accidentally swapping samples there should be a legal recourse. In this case, a DNA test would be negative but what if the intended parents still want to bring an IVF child born outside the US back to the US and raise them? It is traumatic enough to deal with infertility and the trauma only continues when there are serious lapses like switching samples of the biological parent. Some of these laws should be retroactive to UNITE innocent IVF children and families.

7) Debate on Parentage – Define clearly on parentage of the child including issuance of legal documents like birth certificate. A valid birth certificate is a fundamental right of the CHILD and not the parents. It is a document that the child carries for life including adulthood. As the technology evolves, (Link Is : “Three-Parent IVF” Up For Public Consultation In Britain : http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/250343.php) it is possible to have a “three parent IVF child” where the DNA is from three parents. What will be the legal impact of this?

8) Public Service –

a) Just like there are public service announcements through radio advertisements, etc. to educate and spread awareness about adoption and its legalities, there should be similar public service campaigns for IVF families.

b) Just like there are travel advisories for US citizens to risky regions, there should be IVF/surrogacy advisories for US citizens of countries that uphold basic IVF child rights and basic human rights of the IVF industry including donors and surrogates.

IVF – 21st Century Problem

While IVF was invented in the 20th century, its true potential will be felt in the 21st century. While humans live through their emotions, our lives areemotional-abuse run by laws and publicly we are forced to live hypocritically showing no emotions. A human being with no emotions is not a human being, so lets get real. While publicly we are not supposed to talk about “personal” issues, when laws are anti-children, like anti-IVF children, it is every parent’s right to make it personal because the lack of laws have made it personal. The question is – is it a “reactive” step or a “proactive” step – regardless of the intellectual debate, its the result that counts which is innocent, voiceless IVF children need a voice and equal rights in 21st century.

1) As an IVF parent, regardless of your status – all IVF children born abroad are subjected to restrictive immigration laws.

2) US laws require a genetic link between US parent and child born abroad, then how do infertile Americans legally bring a child born outside the US? Are they forced to fraud, lie, cheat? And what if that places innocent children in legal limbo? Not ALL infertile people lie, or cheat or fraud.

3) Laws in most countries are based on “genetic link” between a parent and child meaning the person who gave sperm or egg or gave birth (womb) would be held accountable for the welfare of the child by laws. Why are “non-biological” parents not treated equally?

4) If an intended IVF parent abandons an IVF pregnancy, then only the “biological parent” is held accountable and responsible, why not the “non-biological parent” also? If you want the “gift of the child”, then you should also accept responsibility for the welfare of the child regardless of “genetic link”, right?

5) A person can be a very good parent but that’s not the point. One has to take a hollistic approach. Ms. Ann Pettway was a good parent, and from what is reported, Mr. Ariel Castro was a good parent. But once the truth came out, they were both held accountable for their crimes. Where do you rank a person who abandons one child for another child? Where do you rank a person who abandons a sister for her brother? Where do you rank a person who alienates a brother from a sister that he wanted? Some infertile people, NOT ALL, do bizarre things in the white collar crime world to have a child at any costs, where do you fit in this international, immigrant, IVF conspiracy of the 2000s to have a child at any and all costs?

6) The prevailing laws do not allow an intersex person to marry, an infertile person who is an immigrant to bring a child born outside the US as per laws, and lets say someone consistently lies and breaks the laws, they have helped themselves, have the helped the innocent child? Has his rights been protected or has he been placed in legal limbo? Have they helped other intersex people to be able to marry legally, have they helped other infertile people to legally have an IVF child?

There are laws for domestic violence, domestic abuse, physical abuse. As we fast forward through the information age, mental health is going to become a critical aspect of hollistic care in 21st century. A human being’s health solution will become part of both physical health and mental health. There will be laws against mental abuse, mental violence, mental hardships irrespective of gender, nationality, immigration status, etc. There will be family caregiver rights. As humans, we move forward and using, abusing, and discarding people is NOT moving forward.

Just like the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP to intersex surgeries begun in the 20th century, for the same reason to split up IVF siblings, IVF families on the basis of 20th century archaic laws is also torture and abuse. To people who are still reading this, some may agree and some may not, but then again being an immigrant, intersex, IVF family in 2000s is too early for its time. It will take some time to sink in and understand how the secrecy and lies do not help anyone. And how the lack of laws ruin even the best of intentions. The lack of laws exist because of secrecy and lies. And this cycle has to be broken through education and awareness. In a democracy, any minority  gets equal rights only through support of the unaffected majority. That is civil disobedience as Gandhiji championed and then Dr. King and then Madiba – some parts of the 20th century worth taking with us into the 21st century.

After Five Failed IVF Attempts, An IVF Sibling is Abandoned

It’s a wonderful life, the American dream of an immigrant. Come to the US for education, get a job, work hard, get a home, get a family, have children Failed-IVF-Learningand live happily everafter. Wrong…if you are a proud IVF father like Maulik, these are not your rights and worse, neither are they rights of your innocent IVF children. More than the material comforts, more than an academic education at the highest levels, one thing America teaches is all humans are equal and all have an opportunity to live freely. One should have the courage to say the truth and fight for what’s right. Whether these “ideals” hold true for an immigrant, IVF father part of an intersex family in 2014 or whether he and his innocent, voiceless IVF children will be persecuted remains to be seen. After 5 failed IVF attempts, one cannot ask an IVF father to just abandon his IVF child. She is very much wanted. Maulik can come to America but not without his daughter as was intended.

When someone is a criminal who breaks laws, it is not about their race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, it is about the person having criminal intent. Abandoning an IVF child is wrong today and regardless of any future laws passed, abandoning children will remain criminal and a crime against the humanity of the innocent child. It is one thing to abuse a man for being born a man but to abuse his IVF children is whole another issue. The trauma of an IVF journey unfolds in different ways for every person going through it – fertile or infertile, male or female, donor or surrogate, and yes most importantly the IVF child! For an intended parent to have given consent for an IVF child and not declare the IVF pregnancy in a divorce filing is ignoring their basic rights as a human being and using them as a “tool” in the war on fertility. The innocent, voiceless IVF child is NOT A TOOL. What next, create clones for heart transplants because the patient needs a heart and when the heart is removed from the clone, let the clone die? No, the clone also has human rights because they are born human.

Follow your heart -its the inside that counts, right? In any person’s life, in any person’s married life, the true test comes when one of the spouse is struck with a traumatic situation. Will the other spouse or partner stay in the relationship, offer support to a fellow human being, even become a caregiver if need be? It is not the material benefits like a house, cars, luxury, etc. that make up a life, when a human is in need, the one thing they MOST VALUE is support of a fellow human being. Does being a young, male, spouse caregiver of an intersex patient who just had intersex surgery count?

One of the WORST ways you can hurt a fellow human being is by hurting their innocent, voiceless children. It is not ruining a person financially, legally, or even killing them, when you abuse someone’s children with NO JUSTICE, a person breaks down and is living dead but has to continue living for the sake of their victimized children. Is alienating one IVF sibling from rest of his loving, biological family AND abandoning another IVF sibling in legal limbo count as the worst way to treat a human being in a white collar crime? Would water boarding of an adult which has been called as a torture be better than this because the real victims here are innocent IVF siblings who are being punished for crimes they did not commit.

For any parent, injustice and abuse against their children is intolerable. If parents speak up not using the “R” word for their children or wanting inclusion in school activities for all children or wanting a foot bridge over a bayou for their children on their way to school, is it too much to ask for an IVF parent to have proper LEGAL status for their IVF children? Only if a person has proper legal identity then they have legal rights until then they have no legal rights because they legally do not exist even though they exist physically.

IVF Fiction : Top 10 False Claims About IVF Children and Families

Below are 10 claims justifying separating innocent IVF brother and sister, followed by the facts that the assertions ignore or distort. The irony is that bysiblings-together-ivf denying facts, we are denying justice and more importantly not willing to change the laws which means only more innocent victims. When will we wake up and accept the facts and deliver justice? If a mother tries to unite her children, does a father have the same rights to unite his children? More importantly, what do the siblings want – is it about their lives or others lives?

Claim 1 : There is only one child of the marriage.

Fact : When the divorce was filed in the US, the second IVF sibling was on the way and 6 months term in a surrogate’s womb with every intention of having both siblings grow up together. Why was the IVF pregnancy deliberately NOT declared in the divorce petition? Was abandoning the second IVF child pre-meditated? The divorce was filed in July 2009, the second child was born in September 2009, the divorce was granted in May 2010. How is there ONLY ONE child of the marriage? If the siblings were united and no child was abandoned, there would be no discussions or issues. Are we denying rights to innocent IVF children by making them legally invisible? Is this a repeat of baby scoop era simply because IVF fathers, families, children are not yet “socially acceptable”?

Claim 2 : The IVF children born in a marriage have equal rights

Fact: As per prevailing US laws, IVF children born to IVF fathers like Maulik using an anonymous donor and surrogate are considered “child born out of wedlock”. Its confusing, is there a “marriage” or not?

Claim 3 :  IVF children and families have equal rights and are not discriminated

Fact : This is only an issue because an innocent child is being alienated from his siblings and family. Plus, the US laws have been heartlessly enforced on other IVF families to separate loving families. US law requires a “genetic link” between a US parent and a child born outside the US, the right answer is to fix the law and NOT alienate innocent IVF siblings. When a DNA mismatch occurs, why can’t the innocent IVF child still be allowed to grow with the intended parents if they do not mind? Is parenting based on love and character or biology and gender?

Claim 4 : I am the mother suggesting also the primary caregiver.

Fact : Being a mother and primary caregiver are two separate things. How does a person recovering from multiple severely traumatic surgeries and medical treatments who has taken leave from work due to physical ailments ALSO be a primary caregiver for an infant? One of the surgeries is so severe has been called for a STOP by the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture – what are the effects of this torturous treatment to the patient, spouse and children around them? There is sympathy and compassion and maybe someone else took the position of “primary caregiver” – maybe the other adult in the family – Maulik, the biological IVF father? In an IVF family where a child is born using an anonymous egg donor and surrogate and the father is the primary caregiver during the tender years of the IVF child, who is the “stereotypical mother”? More importantly, what are the feelings of the innocent child who has bonded with the father based on facts and not stereotypes?

Claim 5 : I love the child.

Fact : No one doubts that. But do you love yourself more? Do others love the child LESS? One cannot abandon a sibling to get custody of her brother. What will the brother and sister feel by denying them a childhood together? Do the innocent IVF children have basic human dignity and respect or are they property to be trafficked and abandoned and placed in legal limbo with no regard for their humanity? Denying facts is denying justice. There are still people in this world who deny the Nazi holocaust, is that justice for the millions of victims and survivors?

Claim 6 : This marriage is legal.

Fact : This is an intersex marriage. Any laws are based on a simple fact – that it should be repeatable. Can other intersex people ALSO legally marry in India, immigrate to the US as a derivative spouse of a marriage and get US citizenship as per prevailing laws? The right answer is to accept the facts, change the laws for all intersex families instead of creating victims out of people who tried to give human rights to people where government itself felt short. Are human rights of such people protected? Or is the message to NOT help intersex people?

Claim 7 : The son deserves to be with his [biological] father.

Fact : This is what the US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said in 2009 about a son, Sean Goldman, in Brazil being united with his father in the US. Sean was living with his biological maternal grandparents and step-father, were they not giving him food, shelter, education, opportunity for growth or was he being abused – the “standard” gauges used by courts? The rights answer is do the right thing. Why is Vedant being alienated from his father, his primary caregiver, his sister, his extended biological family?

Claim 8 : Intersex people have equal rights, IVF families have equal rights.

Fact : Intersex people cannot legally marry, cannot have children genetically. US laws require a “genetic link” between US parent and child born outside the US. Then how does an intersex person legally get a child to the US? Abandoning a sister to get her brother is not the right answer. Breaking the laws for one person while others are still being victimized is not the right answer.

Claim 9 : IVF fathers are NOT discriminated, more importantly, his IVF children are not discriminated.

Fact : The IVF son is in the US on an Indian passport. If he is a US citizen because his father is a US citizen then given the same logic, his sister in India is also a US citizen. Why is she being DENIED a US passport? More importantly because both IVF siblings are land-locked on two separate continents, they have NEVER met. Where is the humanity, the logic to punish innocent victims for crimes they did not commit? You can fool them now as they are voiceless and too young but once they grow up, what answer will you give them – love? Truth and facts go a lot farther. Changing laws to fit the needs of the 21st century is the right answer, SPLITTING innocent siblings is not. In January 2014, Secretary Kerry issued a policy where IVF mothers who have no genetic link but gave birth to IVF children would be considered “at par” as mothers for passing US citizenship rights to IVF children. This is after years of showing rigidity. It was also made retroactive, a rare occurrence. Why not something similar for immigrant IVF father and his IVF children if not for his sake then at least for his innocent IVF children’s sake?

Claim 10: IVF family rights are isolated and rare

Fact : White, black, Asian, others, single, straight, gay, intersex fathers are ALL affected by the lack of IVF laws if they attempt to have a child through IVF. There can be a DNA mismatch, they may be immigrants, and so on. Worse, the gender of a “biological father”  is being inadvertently used to punish his IVF children – why? This problem will need to be solved in the 21st century – the sooner, the lesser innocent victims, the lesser lost childhoods.

We are confident that in the future there will be equal LGBTI rights, there will be equal IVF children and family rights. But abandoning an IVF child will still remain a crime, it will still remain a crime against the humanity of the innocent IVF child. If we have laws to protect innocent children from pedophiles, why are there no laws to protect children from IVFphiles? Moving forward with truth is the only way forward.

Law of the Land for IVF Children and Families

If you do the deeds (love, compassion, humanity, IVF), you will know the needs (equal laws for IVF).

In a recent story, a sperm donor was ordered by a US court to pay child support for a child he had donated his sperm for out of compassion for a lesbiantruth-shake couple. He had no intent to raise the child. Another IVF father in a US court is DENIED effective custody of his IVF son even though he is the biological parent in an intersex marriage where both spouses are genetic males. What gives? And what is the “best interest of the child”? And what message do we send to the children? Should they grow up to be compassionate? Do we lead by example or by laws?

What is evident is that gays, lesbians and intersex people cannot have children by themselves. They will need “compassion” of others because science demands it. As the sperm donor put it  when asked given what he knows today, will he think of donating sperm again, he said , “Probably not”. If this is the way “compassionate” people get treated, how will future lesbians, gays, intersex people have children? What will be the rights of the child? Should we punish innocent IVF children because their infertile parents rushed and broke the laws?

What is also evident is there are no proper laws to reflect the realities of a society and laws for the diversity. How do we address the rights of the IVF children and families? A donor is a compassionate human being who wants to help others have children while taking no responsibility for the child. An IVF parent is a human being who is trying to create a family and wants to take responsibility and accountability for the children. What if an IVF father was the primary care provider for his IVF son in his tender years because of a spouse under severe medical treatment. Now the question is; are only “females” considered to be IVF parents? Is there “I” in infertility when dealing with it during marriage or both spouses get affected due to infertility? Or should the fertile spouse leave an infertile marriage because the laws have not caught up with the “compassionate” nature of humans? You see problem solved, no compassion, no child, no stealing children, no child support. However, the infertile person would remain childless. Isn’t it better to say the truth and be inclusive and have laws instead of secrecy, lies, fraud and breaking the laws?

What if a person gives consent to IVF and treats it like a “drive-thru” with no accountability or responsibility towards the IVF child? What if an adult consents to IVF in a foreign country, a lovely IVF child is conceived, and then changes their mind and abandons the IVF pregnancy never going to pick up the IVF child in a foreign country when born. An adult can do what they want but where is the responsibility and accountability towards the innocent, voiceless IVF child? Did they ask to be born? If its a crime to abandon a natural born child, why is it not a crime to abandon an IVF child? Or do we allow people to place an “order” for an IVF child at a foreign “IVF drive-thru” and abandon the IVF child with NO responsibility or accountability? A child is a child is a child. Every child deserves basic human dignity and respect just like every human has a right to have a child.

The lack of laws for IVF children and families is like placing a staircase in front of a wheelchair bound person. Is it a crime to want to make a family? Is it a crime to be compassionate? What is the bigger message especially to these unwanted IVF children – should humans be compassionate and respect the laws? Or should people be allowed to violate the laws for the sake of having a child due to their infertility even if it means violating rights of a child?

Rape and IVF – Passing of Time

Each group – rape survivors and IVF survivors have very different experiences but the treatment from society and the laws (or rather lack thereof) andsilence-rape-ivf the lack of justice is common to both. Maybe in some years people and more importantly the laws will understand why it is wrong to split an IVF parent from their IVF child, why it is wrong to silence an IVF parent, why this behavior is offensive and does not lead to a solution. In our hearts we know the right answer is to pass laws and not punish innocent IVF children for crimes they did not commit. Whether we learn this over a few years or a few decades or a few centuries is up to each one of us.

The biggest disease of today is not leprosy or tuberculosis but rather the feeling of unwanted.” – Mother Teresa

Knowingly and deliberately abandoning IVF children with no responsibility and accountability is a heinous crime against the humanity of the innocent, voiceless child. Rape is horrific and is condemned. It is about what happens next, does the victim change to a survivor, does the victim commit suicide, does the victim die due to the horrific rape, is a case filed, are there laws to protect the innocent, is there stigma and silence or is one encouraged to speak the truth, is there a path to justice? Some of the very same issues plague IVF children and families today. It was barbaric in 1800 and 1900s to neither have laws and silence victims. Today the same is true for IVF children and families in 2014.

Women are not just eye candy” and totally agree with the statement. In fact, in the hopes of having a better future for an IVF daughter, it’s extremely relevant. Similarly, men are not just sperm givers but also loving fathers and parents. Be all you can be both as a woman or man – the traditional stereotypes are hurting innocent children. It’s 2000s and an IVF parent can relate to a rape survivor from 1800s or 1900s and the legal impediments they face to get justice they deserve. Sadly despite the laws, rapes still occur but there is hope for justice. IVF families haven’t gotten that far yet. Here is how a conversation may go like:

1) I was raped in 1800s
A: it’s ok darling, forget about it, we have no rights and no laws exist.

I am an IVF parent in 2000s
A: it’s ok darling, forget about your IVF child, we have no rights and no laws exist.

2) I was raped in 1800 or 1900s
A: no one cares, just shut up before you shame yourself and the family. Shoving issues under the carpet is a great solution and harms no one’s rights.

I am an IVF parent in 2000s
A: No one cares, just shut up before you shame yourself and the family. Continuing to shove things under the carpet violates no one’s rights.

3) I was raped and am pregnant, should I abandon or abort the child?
A: It will bring lot of stigma and will be difficult to raise the child given societal norms.  What is the fault of the child?

I am an IVF parent with an Abandoned Ivf pregnancy, should I abandon or abort the child?
A: Well, you cannot abort because the child is not in your womb. You can also abandon like the other consenting adult but what is the fault of the child? And how dare you compare your feelings of abandoning a child you did not carry in your womb? Being a gay father or a single father or intersex father or IVF father somehow means you love your child LESS.

4) I was raped and am pregnant, what are the rights of the child?
A: no one will give legal identity to your illegal child, both you and the child have to suffer

I am an IVF parent with an abandoned IVF child, what are the rights of the child?

A: abandoned Ivf children have no rights, there is no responsibility or accountability on an adult who consented to Ivf but abandoned it. Use and discard of innocent human life who is a voiceless child is legal and not a crime.

5) I was raped and the slightest hint of trying to say the truth, I am called offensive names and silenced with no hope for justice.
A: life is not fair, sometimes we live in a barbaric world which lacks laws

As an IVF patent, I am called offensive names when trying to speak the truth and silenced with no hope for justice. It is one thing to deny justice to an adult but also to his innocent kids because their only fault is being born IVF?

6) I became a single mother in 1940s to 1970s, can I keep my child whom I love?

A:No, being a single mother is socially unacceptable and the state will forcefully make you give up your child for adoption and then apologize decades later. The only fault of your child is to be born to a “single mother”. Its called the baby scoop era.

I am an IVF parent in 2000s but the laws are based on biology and gender forcing me to split up from my IVF child. The laws have not been updated because IVF parents are not socially acceptable. Is the only fault of the child to be born IVF? Will there be a governmental apology decades later when they can save innocent childhoods today?

Fast forward a 100 years and now there are laws against rapes, there are rape crisis centers, there are support groups and resources, there is education and awareness but sadly rape still occurs. But at least if you speak up, there is an opportunity to get relief for victim, there is opportunity for justice. Imagine still living in barbaric times when rapes occurred but there were no laws or sense of justice. That’s the world for IVF children and families today. How does one ask for legal rights for a person who does not exist legally? If that person happens to be an innocent child, how does it make you feel as a parent?

Are there safeguards and protection for people who provide human rights to people where laws itself fall short? If anti-IVF laws did not exist, could someone have taken advantage of the laws to split innocent, voiceless IVF siblings and their loving IVF parent?

The American Way

If you have unequal rights, you fight for equal rights for yourself and others like you to make this a better place for all – thats the American Supreme court gay marriageWay. Secrecy, lies, fraud, breaking the laws is not. More importantly by not speaking up, the inequality continues and the much needed laws for innocent victims remain unchanged leading to continuing victimization. As a fellow American Rosa Parks said it the best, “The only tired I was, was tired of giving in.” Is it a crime to show compassion and love for human rights in your home against abuse, violence and fraud where the laws itself fall short? Is it such a terrible crime that innocent children should be punished?

Human rights for all are part of every culture. We all do the best we can. It is ingrained in our humanity. Don’t try to give human rights at home folks, it can be used against you…instead speak up and give human rights in public than your words will COUNT MORE than your actions. One needs a strong leader sometimes to make big mountains move. And that strong leader can be a combination of social freedom, political freedom, legislative freedom and others. It is not a single individual nor a single system, it is a collective. And often in this world that face happens to be America. People like the American Way.

If you are gay, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are lesbian, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are intersex, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are immigrant, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are infertile, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are IVF parent, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are immigrant, IVF parent part of an intersex family, is it OK to speak up or will you be falsely persecuted for stating facts? Will you be falsely accused and defamed? Worse, will your innocent, voiceless IVF children be punished for crimes they did not commit? Is this the American Way?

The right answer is to say the truth and have equal rights for IVF children and families.

Infertility is a very traumatic, one would know if you have had two IVF children. The laws in the US require a “genetic link” between a US parent and a child born outside the US. Then how does an infertile person legally bring a child born outside the US? Does this create circumstances where an infertile person may go to any extent including secrecy, lies, fraud, breaking the laws, false allegations to take a child away from their biological family? Does this create circumstances where an innocent IVF sister is abandoned in India while her IVF brother is land-locked in the US? Is the only way to have a child is to abandon another child, do the child have rights and if so, where are they? Is this the American way?

Is this a case of perfect child abduction and human trafficking? Since secrecy, lies, fraud and breaking of the laws was used to get an IVF child into the US instead of trying to work within the legal system, what happens to the child now? The laws have NOT changed. So only a parent with a “genetic link” can get a US Passport for the IVF child despite having fraud documentation to show an infertile person is the “biological parent” of the child. Despite having court orders to LIE to the innocent child. Despite the violence, abuse, brainwashing and alienating the innocent IVF child. How do we help the innocent IVF child? Is this the American way?

What about the innocent IVF sister who was abandoned in India cleverly manipulating the US laws. Is this a case of perfect child abandonment? If an American gives consent to have an IVF child in a foreign country and later decides to abandon the IVF pregnancy, what are the rights of the innocent IVF child? Did they ask to be born for amusement of infertile humans? Whats next? Human cloning for a spare heart? An adult can abandon a pregnancy anytime but there is responsibility and accountability towards the innocent child regardless of your gender. Is this the American way?

Like Dr. MLK, Jr., Susan B Anthony, Edie Windsor, if you experience inequality, you stand up, state the truth and ask for equal rights. It takes patience, resilience and a commitment to the truth. Thats the American Way.

Hi, I am intersex and people like me do not have equal rights. We cannot legally marry, we are infertile, we cannot legally immigrate based on marriage. May we please have equal rights? Thats the American Way.

Using secrecy, lies, fraud, breaking laws does no one any good. How will it help other intersex, infertile, immigrant, IVF people and families? Recall that “baby scoop era” is also a sad part of American history only to be rejected and single motherhood today is celebrated. Today we have truth and reconciliation commissions for the “baby scoop era” for the horrific crimes against the innocent children and their biological parents.

Abandoning an IVF Child

No Justice, No Peace.

There are lot of ways to solve infertility but to create an IVF child and then to abandon the child is NOT a solution to fertility issues. If it’s a crime to abandon a child, if its a crime to commit foeticide or infanticide, why is it NOT a crime against the IVF child to be abandoned? If aabandoning-children-ivf father is made to pay child support for a child even if he did not want the pregnancy, similarly, if an IVF child is conceived with consent of both parents then where is the responsibility and accountability towards the IVF child when an IVF parent abandons an unwanted IVF pregnancy? IVF parents do not have the luxury of instant gratification but have to wait years and multiple failed attempts before being blessed with a child and then only to have that child abandoned? Or do IVF children have less rights than others and its OK to discriminate because of their birth type? Are we that barbaric? Every child is equal and deserves the basic human dignity and respect. Regardless of whether you are an IVF parent or not, as any parent, what would you do to this level of indifference and discrimination towards your child and somehow your child is “LESS”? Where is the sensitivity for IVF children and are they a “commodity? Intended parents who commission IVF pregnancy but later abandon “it” are a threat to the welfare of the abandoned IVF child as an IVFphile. When the IVF child is placed in legal limbo, is that a crime against humanity from the innocent child’s perspective? Is the only way to have a child is to abandon another child? Is the abandoned child an equal human and have equal rights? Why should IVF parents be forced to discriminate against their own IVF children? Isn’t it better to instead have equal laws and protection for all children? If there are stringent international adoption laws in the best interest of the child, how come no similar international laws for IVF/surrogacy children? Are IVF children LESS of a child?

When an IVF parent asks for rights of their IVF children – people, legal system, law enforcement authorities and other people in power often CONFUSE the messenger (IVF parent) as the one who is asking for rights. There are rights of an adult and then there are SEPARATE rights of a child, specifically an IVF child. Most “laws” are written based on “genetic link” and “gender” of parent which is that of “female”. So if a male has an IVF child with help of compassionate women like egg donor and surrogate, the IVF parent, the male has NO rights. And therefore, the IVF child has NO rights because a “legal mother” does not have a “genetic link”. Is the child a victim or have the laws not caught up? And if this is too soon for our times, how does that make it OK to punish an innocent child for that? Like every other wall, like the Berlin wall, walls are broken down with the power of truth. Creating walls between siblings is not the right answer. Solving one’s fertility problems by splitting IVF siblings – fruits of the very fertility treatment is not the answer. With time, every wall will be broken including secrecy, lies and breaking laws. What will be the answer for the innocent children for the abuse, separation and denial of their rights?

Historically, the fertility wars have centered around the struggle of infertile parents. Stereotypically, infertility used to be only a “woman” issue and still is in most places even though 30% of men have fertility issues. But let us blow science and facts away. In very rare circumstances, we see a trace number of stories on the struggle of a gay couple to have a child or a single father to have a child or a single father raising children and so on. There are probably more cases than reported. These stereotypes are hurting innocent children. Most parents are fertile and don’t have to wait for years and live through multiple failed IVF attempts before being blessed with an IVF child and then only to have that IVF child abandoned.  The bigger point is what about the IVF child – the fruits of fertility treatment? Does it matter to the IVF child whether they are born to a infertile “woman” or “man” or “couple” or “gay” or “lesbian” or “straight” parents or does the love suffice? What is the point in the fertility war to be extended by denying the rights of an IVF child? What is the point in the fertility war being extended by placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo?

It is not offensive to talk about infertility and IVF. It is not offensive to talk about the lack of laws for IVF children and families. It is not offensive to talk about the domino effects of years of secrecy, lying and breaking the laws. What is offensive is your child being punished for crimes they did not commit. What is offensive is the ongoing discrimination based on birth type and somehow its OK? If it is illegal to discriminate based on birth, race, religion, sexual orientation, gender, then why is it OK to discriminate based on birth type? For natural born children, we don’t go around naming the “sexual positions” on how a child was conceived, then why do we need to make an explicit mention of the “conception method” for a child born out of fertility treatment?

We are years if not decades far away to grasp the issues of IVF children and families. Until then, do we continue to victimize innocent IVF children?

If you have not lived the deeds of the fertility war with its lack of laws then you do not know the needs of the infertile or dysfertile families.

IVF Children Need Rescue

As per CDC data, 1 in 6 couples are infertile. 100% of all LGBTI couples and single parents can only have children through IVF orIVF child rescue adoption. The laws are based on biology and gender of a parent, are the laws 21st century compliant or are they trailing? Is the inaction to pass laws placing innocent children in legal limbo and need rescuing? Is the lack of laws creating stateless innocent children? Is there a voice for the voiceless?

US law requires a “genetic link” for a parent to bring a child to the US when the child is born outside the US. Due to affordability, several middle class Americans go abroad to have children through IVF technology. The lack of laws situation is placing some innocent IVF children in harm’s way leading to abuse of their human rights and child rights. Is that right? Is throwing the book of laws at an IVF parent and thereby condemning the innocent IVF child the right answer? The only thing between a foreign born IVF child and a parent in the US is NOT money, NOT love but a few words in the English language called “laws”. What good are these human made laws if it cannot protect the most innocent of the victims – the IVF children? What good are these laws if they cannot ensure a voice for the voiceless? As Madiba said, if one can learn to hate then that means they can also learn to love. Similarly, if laws are getting outdated where inadvertently are endangering the welfare of a child, then laws can be changed to endure and protect the welfare of innocent IVF children also. Or maybe Madiba had it wrong and the ones who throw the book of laws have it right, I suppose only time will tell just like apartheid was broken down by Madiba.

The question is not whether help will arrive for IVF children and families in terms of equal laws but the question is “when”? When a sperm sample is accidentally swapped in an IVF clinic and the DNA test fails after 9 months when the IVF child is born, should the IVF child be separated from their intended parent and placed in an orphanage? During an ongoing IVF pregnancy, if the biological parent decides no longer to have a child and abandons the IVF pregnancy, what rights does the non-biological parent have to the IVF child? Can they bring the IVF child to the US legally? Does the child deserve to go to an orphange? As mentioned earlier, 100% of all LGBTI and single parents who opt for IVF will have a situation where one of the parents is “non-biological”. How do the laws plan to address these issues? Or is the message to fill up orphanages with abandoned IVF children because we could not agree on changing a few words in English called laws? Or is the message to place innocent IVF children in legal limbo and condemn and punish them due to no fault of theirs? Or is the message to shove this under the carpet and pretend it did not happen? When the critical mass is enough, innocent IVF children will ask questions and wonder where were the laws to protect their “best interests” and human rights?

It is time to stand up for what’s right and the right answer is to ensure and protect all IVF children and treat them as equals. If two parents abuse their child within the four walls of their house, is it a crime? The government and laws make it a crime and take appropriate action against the criminals and save the innocent children. Why are the laws and government silent on this issue of innocent IVF children? Where is the voice for the voiceless? Who is going to rescue the innocent IVF children?

It sucks to be an immigrant intersex infertile family with no laws in 2000s. It is one thing to remain silent and be invisible as adults but to repeat the abuse on innocent IVF children is a crime. One way to deal with it is to make the best of it through every trauma in forced secrecy and lies including breaking laws or come clean when the lies catch up and are hurting innocent children whom you love. The issue in this case is not intersex, the issue is secrecy, lying and breaking the laws. There are people like Claudia or Robin or Angelina or Dr. Elana or someone else as this blogs suggests. The choice is truth Vs lies. The choice is to continue to break the laws or change the laws. The choice is to love a child so much that his freedom is not held hostage for personal joy and one can see the child soar like an eagle Vs child abuse and human rights abuse.