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Elephant in the Room – IVF and Proud

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room because if we don’t then its a disservice to the innocent, voiceless IVF children and everything that humanity stands for – ivf_elephant_in_the_roomrespect and compassion. Through acceptance, we move to a solution. Through education and awareness, we move to a solution. Fear-mongering, silence, threats, lies, secrecy, intimidation does NO GOOD – just ask the innocent, voiceless IVF siblings who have been willfully split. One lie leads to a thousand lies. People do not realize the toll it takes emotionally, financially, legally just to have a child which most people take for granted. It is the love for innocent children that keeps one going. We have an unintended double whammy like MH370 and MH 17 – our double whammy is lack of laws for intersex and IVF rights – so the best answer is to lie, break laws and SPLIT innocent, voiceless IVF siblings like taking candy from a baby – what have you proven? Instead let us address the real issues (the elephant in the room) so people can stop lying and stop breaking laws and deny rights of the most vulnerable – innocent children.

No child grows up dreaming to become an IVF parent with no laws like an immigrant, IVF father.

Does an infertile child deserve to dream to have a child when they grow up despite lack of laws? What about the rights of a fertile spouse in an infertile marriage who is equally subjected to same lack of laws?

Does an intersex child deserve to dream to be married and have a family when they grow up despite lack of laws? What about the rights of an intersex spouse in an intersex marriage who is equally subjected to same lack of laws?

Are only those people criminals who kill or abuse people in broad daylight? Or are the real criminals also who are hiding and manipulating the laws and using others for personal benefit while cannibalizing the rights of unsuspecting victims?

Is showing compassion and giving human rights to an infertile, immigrant, intersex person a CRIME where laws itself fall short? Who protect their rights?

Do IVF children born during a divorce have any rights? IVF is all about compassion and the very least is to show compassion to an innocent, voiceless IVF child. There are lot better ways to give a child to an infertile adult rather than breaking laws and splitting innocent siblings.

If a woman uses IVF and has children through her egg, sperm donor and surrogate – are her IVF children siblings? Is the SAME TRUE if a man uses IVF and has children through his sperm, egg donor and surrogate – are his IVF children siblings?

In addition to providing food, home, clothes, education, etc., every parent likes to inculcate certain values in a child to make them a positive contributor in the society such as respect, compassion, honesty, respect for laws. Is it right to show respect and compassion to an intersex person where laws itself fall short? More importantly, if we demonize such individuals, what message are we sending to the innocent children, some who may also be victims of similar secrecy and lies like IVF children? IVF or intersex or infertility is NOT wrong, silencing and lying about it which breaks laws  and cannibalizes rights of others is, or is it?

In the future, intersex marriages will be legal, infertile people will be able to have a child legally without a genetic link, an IVF child and family will have rights, TODAY, this is already occurring for innocent IVF siblings who are split and denied rights under secrecy and lies blatantly violating prevailing laws. Who protects the rights of IVF children and families? Abandoning an innocent child will still remain a CRIME – whether natural or IVF, whether domestic IVF or international IVF – because it is the right thing to do protect the rights of the most vulnerable – innocent, voiceless children.

Being intersex, being infertile, being immigrant is NOT a crime, lying about it which breaks laws is. At an emotional level, lying is no foundation for any relationship including marriage or parenthood.

It is not about whether a genetic male with no ovaries, no uterus, no fallopian tubes (which is true for all men and fathers) is a “mother” or “father”, it is about being a good parent both to your own children and others’.

Being a primary care provider for your child is based on facts and not based on traditional stereotypes and gender. There is nothing stereotypical about an intersex, immigrant, IVF family. Why was an innocent IVF child taken away from his primary care provider without investigating the facts? What is its impact?

The spirit of Hague Convention on International Child Abduction is to serve the best interest of the child and NOT be separated from biological family. What has happened to an innocent IVF child who has been lied to and denied his rights to see his biological family. Has the spirit of the convention been followed?

Performing an intersex surgery is not wrong (or is it as per the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture who called for a STOP to such surgeries) but lying about it on medical records is, especially when these lies directly affect the well-being and abuse the spouse and children of an intersex marriage. If one did “nothing wrong” then why LIE about such surgeries? Criminals lie to hide facts for selfish benefit. More importantly, what atrocities and abuses have been committed against unsuspecting intersex spouse and innocent children? Since as per the “fraud documentation”, the “surgery” never occurred kinda like people denying the “Holocaust” never occurred and therefore there are no victims who deserve justice. Denial and silencing the truth will NEVER stand the test of time.

Calling anyone’s child ” illegitimate” is not just wrong but offensive especially when it has severe implications on an innocent child. It may have been OK to have this language in 1600s but its not OK in 2000s, its time for an update. Just like the British laws used language as “unnatural sex” centuries ago which propogated to its colonies is archaic today, similarly so is language like “child born out of wedlock”, ” illegitimate child” which hurts the rights of an innocent child rather than protect.

If IVF laws can be passed retrospectively to IVF parents, why can’t laws be passed to protect rights of IVF child and be treated equally? Why is abandoning an IVF child not a crime? It is one thing to be slapped the in the face as an intersex, immigrant, IVF father but to have your innocent IVF children be slapped in the face repeatedly is too much to take and its time to speak up against the injustice.

Laws will take time to change or may never change, but that does not mean one cannot petition their democratic government for change? As an internet enthusiast, there is a “product hype curve” which shows a hyperbolic peak to hype when something new comes up and then the enthusiasm gradually tapers off and for some products goes to negligible impact and others an equilibrium in the middle. Historically, social justice and human rights issues also follow a similar pattern where initially oppressed see denial, further oppression, injustice, intimidation, threats, lies, secrecy, fear-mongering, abuse, silencing, etc and eventually are given the rights they deserve. When will equal rights for IVF children and families become a reality?

If an intersex, immigrant, infertile adult deserves compassion, why not little compassion for innocent, voiceless IVF children? As a global citizen, one learns to pick the best of both worlds especially when those worlds happen to be world’s most powerful democracy and other being world’s biggest democracy – both representing equality in diversity. When will equal rights for IVF children and families become a reality?

Petitioning one’s democratic government for change is not “anti-national”, ask slaves of 1800s, Susan Anthony, Mahatma Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Dr. King, Nelson Mandela, Edie Windsor, and so on. It is part of nation building at the cost of personal sacrifices.

Is abandoning an IVF child with utter disregard and disdain a crime against the humanity of the  innocent child? Is it a crime of moral turpitude? Abandoning a “natural-born” child requires a parent to “physically” abandon a child, if an intended parent who did not giver sperm, egg, or womb, there is no physical connection and they simply give consent but NEVER show up to take responsibility and accountability for placing the “IVF Order”. Is that right? Is that how we want to see our society progress? Or should such acts be reprimanded and sent a strong message that regardless of circumstances, abandoning an IVF child is EQUAL to abandoning any other child and has consequences?

If an intended parent deserves EQUAL rights to their “non-genetic” child, then should they also be held EQUALLY responsible and accountable for a “non-genetic” child they “ordered” but abandoned? It is heinous, it is vicious and silencing the FACTS is not justice especially for the innocent, voiceless child. Treating them as EQUALS like any other child with equal rights is JUSTICE. Child is a CHILD including IVF child – are the laws in sync? We have to talk about the ELEPHANT in the ROOM, don’t we?

In the War on Fertility, its the result that should count – the IVF child

Happy Children’s Day where two lovely IVF siblings were born through compassion of others but are willfully separated and have NEVER met. Let us hope this children’s day the rights of a child are placed FIRST and they are protected from misintended adults who want to abuse and deny them their rights for the selfish benefit of an adult. A child is a child but the laws are different for “natural born” Vs. “IVF” child and we are forced to talk about it separately. In an ideal world, all children are equal, when will this be true for an IVF child?

Lets dedicate an IVF children’s day to people like Dr. Subhash Mukherjee, India’s first doctor to successfully deliver an IVF child and the world’s second doctor (missing it by 67 days) to achieve the same. Both him and the Nobel Laureatte, World’s first doctor, Dr. Robert Edwards to deliver an IVF child are both about GIVING a child and NOT TAKING a child. Let us place child’s rights ahead of everyone else including misintentioned adults who commit crimes. Taking candy from a baby is easy but what have you proven? Denying the rights of an IVF child is easy but have you made it better or worse for others to follow?Equal Rights for IVF Children

What if you are attempting to build a family through IVF, is it a crime?

What if you have multiple IVF failed attempts, will you keep trying to have an IVF child?

What if after all those attempts, financial, emotional ups and downs, you have a lovely IVF child, will you abandon them?

Welcome to the world of IVF. Roughly, a little over 1% of all births are through IVF as per CDC. There are no known statistics on how many IVF births are abroad for a US parent. The point is its a minority and therefore very few people know about it. With changing lifestyles, people attempting IVF is only going to increase. Are the laws equipped to handle the IVF scenarios? More importantly, are innocent, voiceless IVF children protected under the laws from some misintended adults? Some clarifications on IVF :

1) As per US laws, all children born abroad are subjected to US Immigration laws.

2) A “genetic link” is required between a child born abroad and the US parent. So how do infertile people who cannot have a genetic link bring a child born outside the US legally? Kinda reminds me of the French revolution when the king said, “If they can’t afford bread, let them have cake”. Should infertile Americans be forced to break laws and convert unsuspecting fertile individuals into criminals?

3) The lack of laws for IVF children affects everyone – straight, gay, lesbian, intersex, white, black, hispanic, asian, other races, male, female, married, single, anyone trying to have a child through IVF! The worst affected is the innocent IVF child.

Use Cases :

1) If you are in an infertile marriage, as a heterosexual couple if you are to have an IVF child, depending on the infertility situation, you may use your “genetic” material as the laws define, either your own sperm or your own egg. What if it gets SWAPPED? Both intended parents are US Citizens, one is infertile, and the other who gave their “genetic material” accidentally got swapped by the IVF clinic abroad. This is NO fault of the IVF child, the US parents. But the law says, one of the US parents MUST have a “genetic link” to the child. Really? Do the parents care? Does the child care? Isn’t it just about being able to love and hold a child and raise them with love and care? Isn’t that enough?

2) If you are single, biologically, you need your own “genetic material” as per laws to have a child. What if you are infertile and single, SOL as per laws.

3) If you are gay or lesbian or intersex couple, biologically, only one can contribute, and if there is a DNA mismatch or the”genetic parent” abandoning the IVF child then the “left-behind parent” is SOL as per laws. Even if a “non-genetic parent” wants to love and raise a child, the law will ask them to do it in exile outside the US because they lack a “genetic link” with the chid.

There are some more use cases. The most important use case is the legal status of the IVF child. Regardless of how we get there, the result is a “stateless” IVF child. Does the child have rights? Can they live freely and have a legal identity? Was the every intention of the intended parent to bring the child to the US and raise them with love and care as a proud American? Then why this torture based on archaic 20th century laws?

We can pontificate on ethics of IVF, we can pontificate on US Immigration laws, we can pontificate on LGBTI marriages, we can pontificate on straight marriages, we can pontificate on racial discrimination, but we CANNOT continue to pontificate while we continue to discriminate against innocent IVF children and families. We CANNOT pontificate while we continue to discriminate against innocent IVF children for actions of their parent(s) – that is casteist. We CANNOT pontificate while innocent, voiceless IVF children are languishing in legal limbo with no justice. We CAN pontificate on rights of a child (any child including IVF) once the innocent child’s welfare and rights have been restored. To ignore the issues of an IVF child is to ignore the best in humanity – compassion of others to bring about the IVF child into this wonderful world.

Is it Better to Abandon IVF Child or Save IVF Child?

In the recent spate of events in the international IVF industry, there has been a hue and cry about the plight of innocent IVF children who are abandoned. There is the save-ivf-child“baby Gammy” case in Thailand and now the “baby twin” case in India. Previously, there was the “baby X” case in India of Canadian couple with a DNA mismatch and the German case in India with stateless IVF children and the “baby Manji” case in India of a Japanese father with an IVF child born during a divorce. Regardless of laws or no laws, there is a natural law of justice especially when it comes to innocent and voiceless people and furthermore when the innocent and voiceless happen to be children, it is incumbent upon each one of us as a human being to ensure their rights. What are the rights of an IVF child? What is the legal identity of an IVF child? Whether the child is abandoned OR it is a case of DNA mismatch or a case of lack of laws for IVF fathers which are barbarically imposed on the innocent IVF child. Yes it is barbaric from the perspective of the innocent IVF child and the IVF father. Is it a crime to want to have a child through IVF AND help a fellow human being who is infertile? There are IVF fathers who are gay or single, what happens when an IVF father is helping out an infertile spouse with joint consent but the non-genetic spouse decides to abandon the IVF child?

Due to lack of laws and a heavy bias AGAINST IVF fathers and their IVF children, innocent IVF children when born during a divorce are rendered in legal limbo and stateless. What rights do they have? Are they human beings who deserve basic human dignity and respect or are they “commodities” to be horse-traded? There are several wrongs in this world starting with infertility but to pre-meditatively and deliberately abandon an IVF child and render them stateless, what kind of an act is that? What justice does the IVF child deserve? What are the rights of the abandoned IVF child? If we as a humanity can have international laws for child adoption and child abduction, why can’t we have international laws for IVF/surrogacy children in their best interest? Or are we so ruthless as a humanity to bring innocent lives into this world with NO rights? Have we stooped so low as a humanity that 7 billion+ lives on this planet is short so let us procreate through IVF and render the innocent, voiceless in legal limbo and never let them ask for their rights? Everyone knows it is easy to steal candy from a baby – but what have you proven or achieved? Abandoning an IVF child born internationally (and therefore legal jurisdictions are lacking) is easy in 2000s but what are the rights of the child – a human being?

An IVF child is special because they are born with help of donors and/or surrogates and help of IVF doctors meaning more than two human beings are involved like in a natural birth. When someone abandons an IVF child, they are ALSO slapping the compassion of other human beings who are helping a fellow infertile or dysfertile human being.

As an IVF father living in the US, when the “secret” IVF pregnancy was abandoned and an innocent IVF child was born during a divorce in secrecy, there was a choice – to abandon the child ALSO like the other partner OR save the child come what may. As compassionate human beings, we react and “just do the right thing” without having time to explain to others because at that time the lowest common denominator is the innocent, voiceless IVF child. Time for explanation will come later but abandoning an innocent child comes NOW. It can take several years to get basic things for an abandoned IVF child like a legal identity. Recognition as a human being who deserves basic human dignity and respect, recognition as a human being who has equal rights, recognition as a human being to be allowed to grow up with their siblings can come LATER, for now, it is about SAVING the abandoned child.

When innocent IVF children are abandoned willfully, it is an act of IVF terrorism. It is a new crime of the 21st century. Just like innocent infants left at dumpsters or kicking dogs and other pets is a cruelty to the victim, why is abandoning an IVF child willfully NOT a crime? Have the laws caught up with technology? More importantly, do the laws have an answer for the IVF terrorists and the tools to bring them to justice and ensure the rights of innocent IVF children? Is it too much to ask to PROTECT the rights of innocent, voiceless IVF children?

Surviving When Held Against Your Will – Forces in Common

As human beings, we are all social animals – something similar was said long ago by a famous author. What is also true that we gravitate towards people who may not be family, or friends and are complete strangers because what bonds us is an individual experience but for a shared cause. Sadly, sexual assault against women is a daily talk to someone - IVFoccurrence in our world ranging from countries in Asia, Africa to Europe to Americas. Lot of women who thankfully may not have been a victim of sexual assault but whenever they hear a story about it, a thought that may run through their mind, “What if it were me?” This is what bonds them to the stranger who is a victim and some become activists by demanding protection for women and some maybe silent activists. The point is there is support and a bond based on the cause which is right and we identify with people who may have had a similar experience although not together. Whether the experience is a breast cancer survivor or a marathon runner or a single parent or a caregiver. Rightfully so, there should better protection for women and also education and awareness that women are also someone’s mother, sister, wife, daughter so harming them as such is not right. Similarly, what is common for an intersex, immigrant, IVF father in 2000s? When a person survives after being held against their will, they have forces in common.

As left-behind IVF father of an abandoned IVF child, one could also become a criminal and abandon an innocent, voiceless child and leave them to their fate at an orphanage and provide no answers for them either now or when they grow older into an adult. Perhaps the threat to an innocent child while 6 months pregnant in a surrogate’s womb and faced with abandonment is more similar to the feelings of a pregnant woman who is kicked in the stomach and the risk of threat to her child.

As a person who has constantly been silenced under threats and abused, there are other cases which also bring similarity. The Fritzl case in Austria where an innocent woman was kidnapped and held hostage for 24 years against her will. In a very sad case, a father unleashed horrors unto her own daughter and also fathered children with her. The innocent victim was an adult when she was taken away and held against her will. She found the forces to survive and eventually be freed from a monster. On the outside, we can only gauge what it may have been for her but the true horrors of her ordeal will only be known by her and her innocent children, sadly one of whom died while in captivity. She did not consent to having the children with her own father and captor but the fact remains she is raising the children today and not blaming them because children are innocent and the two discussion are separate. She has NOT abandoned the innocent children.

Another case that comes to mind is that of Ohio man, Ariel Castro who kidnapped innocent women and held them against their will including fathering children with them. Unlike the Fritzl case, he was not a family member but a person in the same neighbourhood. Up until the case broke, his children also spoke of him as a good parent. The women survived and so did their innocent children. Sadly, the true horrors of being held against your will can only be known by the women and the innocent children who suffered. They did not give consent to having a child with Mr. Castro but the fact is there is a child who they are raising and have NOT abandoned the innocent child.

In IVF, there are different kinds of cases of the 21st century which most people are just becoming aware of. There are cases of DNA mismatch and there are cases of intended parents abandoning an IVF child after birth. Just like the women who did not want a child with their abuser but fact is they were being held against their will, what if an IVF father is held against his will and forced to have a child because he happens to be fertile and later is stranded with an abandoned IVF baby? Do you also abandon the child? How did the IVF father who was forced into silence deal with the horrors of a decade? Did the love of the children carry him through? Was it the same love which made him NOT abandon his IVF child?

As time passes, we continue to reach out to people who share a common bond, its natural. After being silenced for so long, it takes a while to get your “teeth again” so to speak. And innocent children and their rights are a strong driver. One begins to discover people in similar plight if not due to the exact same reasons. There was a case of Canadian couple who had an issue of DNA mismatch in India. They did NOT abandon the IVF child but instead moved lock, stock and barrel to India – an unknowing place for them and fought for six years before being allowed to take the IVF child with them on humanitarian grounds. Not just did the child win, the parents won but humanity won. In another case, an IVF father discovered after 5 years there was a DNA mismatch with him and his IVF daughter who happens to be autistic. His wife passed away but he has NOT abandoned his daughter, he will raise her with all the love he has. Humanity wins!

For rest of the world, an abandoned child may be one of millions in the world but for a surviving parent, the innocent child IS THE WORLD, no matter how they were born. To those who are struggling, crying, praying to be freed, hang in there, we have been there and there are forces in common which will eventually free you. And never lose your humanity because it is the greatest gift a human can gift to another.

If a mother can dream of having two lovely siblings growing up together, can a father have the same dream? If an infertile person can dream of having a child thanks to technology like IVF and compassion of fellow human beings, can an IVF father dream of seeing his IVF siblings growing up together? If a woman can ask for equal pay for equal work (which she deserves and has every right), can a man dream of having equal parenting rights in the best interest of children? By continuing to use stereotypes and denying equal rights to a father, are they really hurting the father or his innocent children who are siblings who have never met?

People like Fritzl and Castro are not stereotypes and yet they exist and there are laws to protect and give justice to the ones who suffered, where is the protection and laws for innocent IVF children and families?

Compassion is Evil, Worse Your Innocent IVF Children will be Punished

Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated. – As the Borg said in their quest for intergalactic supremacy and space terrorism in a fictional movie/TV series. IVF-CrueltyCompassion is evil, worse compassion is so heinous that your innocent, voiceless children should be punished for crimes they did not commit.

Much like a black slave in 1800, a woman without suffrage rights in 1900, a gay in 2000s, the plight of an IVF father who is an immigrant and an intersex family is much the same – NO rights. Worse, its the innocent, voiceless IVF children born out of compassion of several are being punished for crimes they did not commit. If making IVF babies is an international industry, where are the laws to regulate it? More importantly, do innocent IVF children and families deserve equal rights and protection?

If there is COMPASSION for an intersex, immigrant, infertile person, why not COMPASSION for innocent IVF children and families?

Slavery was legal in 1800 but wrong, Women could not exercise their rights in 1900 legally but wrong, Gays were forcefully closeted legally but wrong, how are international IVF/surrogacy parents and their IVF children treated in 2014? Are they human beings who deserve basic human decency and respect or are they to be used, abused and discarded? We can continue to pontificate that an immigrant, intersex, IVF family has NO rights to have children through IVF legally in 2000s but the FACT is two lovely IVF children have been born, now what? Do we give them equal rights as children or do we punish them because their parents committed the heinous crime of being compassionate?

Nothing against natural born children, most IVF parents are natural born, but when a child is born through IVF/surrogacy, it includes compassion of not just the two parents but also the donor, surrogate, the IVF clinic, the doctor, the embryologist, and so on. Abandoning an IVF child is a slap on the face of all these people and everyone’s humanity. Compassion is at the central CORE of IVF and to help a fellow human being. Why is it evil? Why is it so heinous that two innocent IVF siblings should be separated for showing compassion? The IVF children are NOT wrong, the laws are WRONG just like the slavery laws of 1800, the anti-women laws of 1900, the anti-gay laws of 2000 and now we have the anti-IVF laws of 2000s and counting.

Resistance is NOT futile. Borg are a fictional character. Here in the real world, we have to deal with real, live, breathing human beings, little IVF children who may be abandoned or forcefully left stateless and in legal limbo. We have to answer questions like why can’t I see my brother in America. Or why can’t I go to Canada to see snow? Or why can’t we go to Africa to see giraffes and zebras? Or why couldn’t I be together with my brother and father when you went to Alaska in the snow? And the one question that drives the nail in the head, through your heart and into the ground is why should we help others? Living in India is a daily learning lesson in people around you who are destitutely poor, children who may not be able to go to school, children who are hungry or may have less toys or no toys than your child. Do you teach your child compassion which is considered EVIL? You would have to meet the abandoned IVF child personally to figure out if she has been raised right and whether compassion is at the centre of her upbringing.

In any war, there is an unwritten rule to spare the women and children. Nowadays, women are also in front line combat meaning in a war they are equal targets. Also, wars are getting to be more non-conventional where terrorists without a state are the main adversaries and we are moving towards a mantra of SPARING the innocent – children first, women and men. Raising an abandoned IVF child meaning she was born with compassion of others but placed willfully in legal limbo by IVF terrorists with NO compassion for her is the choice of a parent to SPARE the innocent children. Is the system able to do the same and spare the innocent IVF siblings and let them be united?

An Indian citizen IVF child in the US is DENIED to come to India to see his IVF sister because Government of India has NOT signed a Hague treaty while the US has laws requiring a “genetic link” between a US parent and a child born outside the US meaning how can an infertile American bring an IVF child born outside the US legally? These are issues for the respective governments to decide. But spare the innocent IVF siblings. Let compassion be what it is, let it not be depicted as EVIL. What is needed is laws for international IVF/surrogacy in best interest of children and not shoving facts under the carpet and denying DUE PROCESS to innocent.

Just like the black slave of 1800, the woman fighting for her suffrage rights in 1900, gays in 2000, IVF children and families in 2000s and counting deserve equal rights and basic human dignity and respect. Acknowledging the problem comes first and eventually a solution is arrived at – let it not be decades or centuries, let it be before the innocent childhoods of IVF siblings expires. Resistance is NOT futile. Compassion is NOT evil. IVF children born to a father are not “illegitimate” as the language in the laws claim. What is wrong is the archaic laws and people who want to exploit them for personal benefit. Because willfully abandoning an innocent child AND willfully splitting loving siblings can NEVER be right NOR justifiable. Laws will change with time and these acts will be criminal while the “illegitimate” IVF children of today will be “legal” because its the right answer. Compassion will not become evil or illegal, breaking laws will remain illegal.

Trophy Child? – A Lesson As IVF Terrorism Continues

Its hard to believe what happened just 50 years ago and one can only imagine to walk in Mr. Lewis’s shoes to gauge where our society has come in john_lewis_discrimination_IVF50 years. There is so much more to do. The discrimination lines have changed but they still do exist. Sir (out of respect) John Lewis was arrested for using a “white” restroom and had broken the prevailing laws. An immigrant, intersex IVF father in 2000s is also discriminated for trying to give human rights to a person where laws itself fall short in 2000s and worse so are his innocent IVF children because they committed the “heinous crime” of being born to an immigrant, IVF father. Let us pray the innocent siblings don’t see each other only in “pictures” but have an opportunity to grow up together as was intended by the IVF parent.

There is a stereotype around having “trophy this” and “trophy that” and wanting to be a star at every event. Perhaps for an infertile person who is desperate meaning NOT all infertile people, having a child at any cost is like a “trophy child”. The feelings and wishes of the “trophy child” do not count. They are silenced and muted out because the desperate infertile person must have a child at any cost. Does the child have rights? Is the child allowed to have wishes? As we mark October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, is wanting to have a trophy child at any and all costs creating more victims of domestic violence and abuse? If you don’t like the laws, change the laws but breaking the laws which cannibalizes rights of others including innocent children is no way to move forward. What will it take to have an IVF/surrogacy awareness month? Mostly to educate and spread awareness so that the issues and lack of laws plaguing a minority (IVF families) can be understood by the majority. As per CDC, 1 in 8 couples or about 15% are infertile (not sure if LGBTI couples are included in this CDC statistic) while only about 1% of total child births were through IVF in the US. Two points : The majority (85%) does not know or understand the issues with infertility and second, there is a huge disparity within the infertile community on how they solve the issues (only 1% of total births through IVF Vs. 15% of population is infertile) – the others probably go for adoption or remain childless. Where do desperate infertile people (not all infertile) fit in who engage in IVF terrorism splitting innocent IVF siblings deliberately?

Folks like John Lewis, Dr. King, Madiba, Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Susan Anthony Erin Brockovich amongst others provide great inspiration as one tries to go against the prevailing laws because its the right thing to do. IVF is new and laws have not caught up with technology. Does that mean innocent IVF children have no rights? Does that mean an IVF family deserves no justice and should be silenced? Does that mean IVF terrorism wins? The quest to want a child is not based on gender, religion, sexual orientation, marital status, immigration status, etc. If a human being loves children, they want children, period. Other traits like character, respecting laws, love is what makes a good parent. Unleashing IVF terrorism on an unsuspecting IVF family already besieged with lack of laws is abuse and injustice to the IVF family and the innocent IVF children. There are different forms of terror – the traditional kind, terror from rape, terror from domestic violence and abuse, and in the 21st century we have a new IVF terrorism unless laws are made. All forms of terror have one thing in common – undue harm to innocent. When terrorists in Syria or Iraq or elsewhere strike, innocents get terrified and they run across boarders sometimes making them stateless including innocent children. In a world with no laws for international IVF/surrogacy, some people can unleash IVF terrorism creating innocent IVF children who are stateless. Now what?

Dying, suicide, extreme trauma would be the easy option. Education and awareness to get proper laws passed even if it takes a lifetime is a service to innocent IVF children and families. In 2014, there have been a spate of stories on how international IVF/surrogacy is allowing people to ABANDON innocent IVF children in foriegn countries. Is this right? What does it say about our humanity? From the tallest structure built by mankind, to the wonderous  space explorations to moon, Mars and beyond, to the system of democracy where we try to ensure everyone has a level playing field to succeed, as a humanity what have we achieved if we “create” babies through IVF only to abandon them with NO justice for the innocent child? First, we have to respect each other including innocent IVF children. Depending on individual cases, multiple human beings are involved including their compassion to bring an IVF baby into this world. Would the donor have agreed regardless of amount offered if they were told the IVF baby will be abandoned? Would the surrogate have agreed regardless of amount offered if they were told the IVF baby will be abandoned? Would the IVF clinic have agreed regardless of amount offered if they were told the IVF baby will be abandoned? Would the law and justice system have agreed if they were told the IVF baby will be abandoned?

Eye for an Eye, Child for a Child – IVF Terrorism

Eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind is what Mahatma Gandhi said.  An act of child for a child is an act of IVF terrorism. What is abandoning an inneye-for-an-eye-ivfocent, voiceless child while splitting them from their sibling because of threat of laws against infertility? IVF itself is controversial. It is a fact laws have not caught up with technology. Does that mean innocent should be punished? Does that mean voiceless children should be punished? Does that mean IVF siblings should have NO rights and be stranded in legal limbo? Are innocent IVF children a “commodity” or a human being? When will this IVF terrorism end?

Infertility is not wrong, being intersex is not wrong, being a genetic male who looks like a woman is not wrong, having and building families through IVF is not wrong, what is wrong is breaking laws, secrecy, lies, fraud and worse treating innocent, voiceless children as “commodity”. Crimes that place innocent, voiceless children in legal limbo and endanger their welfare is a crime against their humanity. Its a crime against the humanity of the compassionate fellow human beings who wanted to help the infertile human being. The sperm, the egg, the womb is all “borrowed”, so should the child also be used as a “commodity”? Being a donor or surrogate is NOT wrong but treating them as a commodity is wrong. Is stealing candy from a child make you a “winner” or a “loser”? The question is not whether an adult can steal candy from a child – thats doable, the question is what does the child deserve?

If an intersex, immigrant, infertile adult does not have rights, does that mean they have the right to take rights away from innocent IVF children? Is abandoning a child to take away their sibling a crime against the siblings? Is denying due process to innocent children a crime? Is denying rights to an innocent a crime? If intersex cannot legally marry, if intersex are infertile and cannot have a child biologically, if the laws require a genetic link between a US parent and child born outside the US meaning an infertile parent can NEVER bring a child to the US legally, should innocent siblings be SACRIFICED? Should innocent lives be “commodified”? This is new territory with IVF and lack of laws but does that mean we as a humanity sit back as an adult completely ridicules the basic dignity of a human being – an innocent child?

Mahatma Gandhi had it right, an eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind and what is having a child by abandoning another child called? What good can come out of this IVF terrorism? IVF offers this unique possibility where a parent can exercise “parental rights” choosingly. How is that the best interest of the child? What does the voiceless, innocent child deserve? If a “non-genetic” parent deserves to have equal rights to an IVF child, should the “non-genetic” parent ALSO be held equally responsible and accountable for the welfare of an IVF child they consented to? Or is helping infertile people a crime so heinous that your innocent IVF child should also be punished for it? It is time to change the laws and ensure that rights of any child, even “IVF” child are protected from criminals.

As Gandhiji aptly said, “Become the change you want to see in this world.” And the change we want is equal rights for IVF children and families.

Top 10 things Learnt by an IVF Parent from Parents of Intersex child

  1. Secrecy and lying are the real culprits and being born intersex or IVF should be a non-issue. If a parent of intersex can speak up for their Lies-IVF-Jeffersonintersex child, does an IVF parent have equal right to speak up for their IVF children? Having met other intersex and IVF families, IVF or intersex are not culprits, people who lie and break laws for selfish benefit are the criminals.
  2. One would imagine that a parent of an intersex child would want to find a spouse who is compassionate, be willing to marry out of love for their intersex child despite the laws not yet ready, be willing to either adopt a child or go for IVF and share their biological child with their intersex child who happens to be infertile and have a happy family for their intersex child despite laws NOT allowing it. But to abandon innocent IVF child and knowingly SPLIT IVF siblings takes a twisted turn of selfishness and has nothing to do with intersex or IVF issues rather has more in common with what criminals do and not what compassionate humans do.
  3. The reasons why siblings and parents of an intersex child are recognized for care and support are the same reasons why spouses and children of intersex should be recognized. Shoving issues and truth under the carpet will help no one and more importantly, lies will not help us get to a solution, truth might.
  4. Just like Dr. John Money was wrong, ignoring the experiences and facts about a spouse and children of an intersex marriage who had intersex surgery during marriage is also wrong. What is wrong is the intersex surgery should have not occurred just as the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP. Making lab rats out of unsuspecting and compassionate humans will not lead to solutions rather victims.
  5. Sadly there are people in this world who believe and propogate that the Holocaust never occurred. There are two main issues here. By not acknowledging facts, there is no justice for victims and second it continues to victimize and abuse the traumatized including the specter of reoccurrence. By not acknowledging the impact of a torturous intersex surgery during an intersex marriage and its impact on unsuspecting, innocent spouse and children. Second it continues to victimize innocent IVF children and families and a specter of reoccurrence. Regardless of how this story is spun, the fact is when someone respects human rights of others where laws/government itself falls short, there is no justice for them – worse it is such a heinous act that their innocent children should also be punished – is that a reminder of barbaric times where innocent children are punished for actions of their parents? The only thing to teach our children is that truth prevails.
  6. Breaking laws instead of changing laws is the right answer as per an intersex family. In the quest of giving a child to your infertile child, its ok to endanger welfare of others including innocent children and siblings.
  7. An intersex child can have siblings but not an IVF child. Apparently, splitting siblings knowingly is called love. Abandoning a child to have another child is called love. Or is it fertility terrorism and IVF terrorism? If males who are in love and happen to be gay and are allowed to have feelings for their child, why is it an IVF father who happens to be straight not have same feelings for the child? Or being straight and fertile is a bigger crime and showing compassion for fellow humans where laws also fall short is so heinous a crime that his innocent IVF children should be punished for crimes they did not commit. We can call it a lot of things but “love” and “best interest” of the child does not resonate.
  8. Secrecy and lies including threats are a better weapon than truth and compassion. By using tools of secrecy and lying in some twisted way they are helping rights of intersex people when in fact laws have not changed. Only peaceful protests and speaking the truth will deliver equal rights for intersex.
  9. Injustice skips a generation meaning fighting complex issues like intersex and IVF takes a long time – the parents are discriminated and persecuted first and then justice is served to the children.
  10. Running a defamation campaign against anyone who says the truth is ok even if it continues to victimize and abuse innocent victims including voiceless children.

Fighting for rights of a child is great – intersex or IVF – the difference is do you fight with truth or lies and do you fight with dignity, civility and humility with truth and compassion OR do you do it with secrecy, fraud, breaking laws with lies while abusing innocent, voiceless children?

Family Case or IVF Rights Case? Fertility 2.0 or 4.0?

Most people including authorities see this as a “family dispute” case rather than what it is which is it is an IVF rights case. Fact is laws have not caught up with IVF-Human-Rights-Child-Rightstechnology, does that mean adults can break laws and impose cruelty against innocent, voiceless IVF children? As a humanity, is the right answer to shove it under the carpet and victimize more or address the issue? Is it time?

  1. Can an individual be separated from an ideology? If the war on fertility is an ideology, who are its players and how is it being fought?
  2. It is a fact that US laws require a “genetic link” between a US parent and a child born outside the US. Then how do infertile (no genetic link possible) Americans legally bring an IVF child born outside the US?
  3. Isn’t technology like IVF there to help infertility? But with archaic laws which are remnants of the 20th century, is it helping or hurting the war on fertility?
  4. IVF and infertility are very emotional and compassionate issues. Neither would exist without these. While archaic laws are also part of our lives and thus are forced to speak up against the anti-IVF laws. The technology exists to help humans fight the war on fertility but the means (laws) are lagging behind.
  5. It is one thing to have archaic laws but what are the implications of this on innocent IVF children and families? Is the lack of laws forcing people to lie, cheat, fraud, break laws? Worse is it placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo inadvertently or deliberately?
  6. If you are infertile and laws do not support you, would you rather stand up for your rights or lie, cheat, fraud, break laws? What will you teach the child you got by doing this?
  7. Is infertility so traumatic that the only way to get a child is to split him from his sister he wanted and alienate him from his loving biological family?
  8. And is infertility so traumatic that only way to get a child is by abandoning his innocent infant sister after having consented to?
  9. And is infertility so traumatic that only way to get a child is by using his sister, also a human being, to be used as leverage in a twisted legal game of fait accompli knowing fully well the anti-IVF laws.
  10. Is there any trauma for two innocent IVF siblings? Is their trauma more or less than the trauma of the adult?
  11. Rather than lie, defame, break laws, fraud, etc. just to gain custody of innocent child, isn’t it better to state the facts and fight for equal fertility rights? Would you rather be Rosa Parks or Edie Windsor or Ariel Castro?
  12. If the US courts can issue a globally enforceable decree, shouldn’t it consider the global facts of the case? Hiding behind lack of laws is cowardice especially when innocent children lives are involved. Just like Brown V. Education, Virginia V. Or Edie V. DOMA, where is the case for anti-IVF laws? Instead of suppressing the facts by officers of the court, isn’t it better to allow the facts and then impart justice in the best interest of the children?
  13. Rather than using fear mongering and stereotypes, isn’t it better to work based on truth and facts? Since 2010, an innocent son has been alienated from his primary care provider, his biological father,  but the authorities are worried in future the same son may be alienated from his non-biological caretaker.
  14. The same child has been alienated from his sister he wanted but the authorities are worried the non-biological caretaker may be alienated.
  15. The same child is an Indian citizen and under UN Declaration on Human Rights to which US is a signatory, it allows every citizen to return to their home country, but the US courts deem it is better suited to violate an innocent, voiceless IVF child’s rights and human rights.
  16. Rather than vilifying a fertile spouse who tried to help a fellow human who happens to be infertile, why not ask the US to change its anti-IVF laws? Or should all fertile spouses be persecuted, threatened, vilified who help infertile Americans? Worse the IVF children should also be punished for crimes they did not commit because their fertile parent dared to help an infertile person where laws itself fall short? Who will protect the rights of an unsuspecting, innocent victim?
  17. Every parent has a breaking point. A parent of a child with physical or mental disability or autism or a gay child or an intersex child or an IVF child. As an immigrant, IVF father and a member of an intersex family, failure and injustice are common to us but cannot have a repeat of that on our innocent IVF children.
  18. As per laws (sadly dating back to English law from 16th century), when a man has an IVF child with help of an egg donor and surrogate (neither women are his wife), the children are “born out of wedlock”. Meaning, helping an infertile woman in a marriage is basically SOL for the father and children. It is not that she does not deserve to be a “mother” or being “infertile is wrong BUT laws make it a CRIME. And if anyone dares to challenge this centuries old archaic laws, they shall be silenced, persecuted and worse, their innocent children shall deserve no justice either just like their innocent father. Is this where our moral compass, human compass, legal compass is in 2014? Or is it time for an update?
  19. What is the best interest of the innocent, voiceless IVF siblings. They want to be together, who is listening?

IVF or Natural Born Child, Would You Like Equal Rights With That?

A child is a child, having equal rights should not matter. Its 2014 and we have some archaic and barbaric laws which are hurting IVF or natural - equal rightsinnocent children. It is HARD not to get your hairs raised both as a parent and as a human being. When will we get equal rights for IVF children and families? How stereotypes of the society and justice system are hurting and violating the rights of innocent IVF children?

“In the immediate aftermath of 9/11, we did some things that were wrong. We did a whole lot of things that were right, but we tortured some folks. We did things that were contrary to our values,” said US President Obama.

“it’s an incredibly sad story”. “I guess it illustrates some of the pitfalls involved in this particular [surrogacy] business,” said Australian PM Abbott on abandoned IVF baby in Thailand.

What should we say to abandoned IVF baby in India and knowingly splitting IVF brother and sister across the US and India? An IVF parent knows the facts but the “system/laws” have a long way to catch up…in the meantime, what should the IVF parent do to the IVF siblings? – Abandon them or fight for them or die from their own personal trauma – perhaps the real intent so that there is NO LEGAL challenger. While systems may be slow to catch up, people still commit crimes and should we right multiple wrongs or do we look the other way? Is it torture for an IVF family to be knowingly SPLIT up – is this their Abu Ghraib? is this their double whammy of MH370 and MH17? Rather than pointing fingers, we are looking for justice, we are looking for a solution to UNITE innocent IVF brother and sister because regardless of any justification, knowingly splitting up siblings is a crime today and will be in the future. Infertility is very trauma

As times move forward and more democratization of the world, more people are finding the strength to report the truth no matter how bitter nor are afraid of the persecution by powerful people. The primary driving force behind the truth is best interest of innocent children. Recently, there was a case where a Hollywood IVF parent-to-be decided to abandon an ongoing IVF pregnancy despite giving consent in the first place. In another case, a person successfully filed for divorce without declaring an ongoing IVF pregnancy resulting in successfully splitting two innocent IVF siblings and placing them in legal limbo. In another case, an Australian couple abandoned an innocent IVF child because he has Down’s Syndrome. In another case, a Canadian couple was unable to take their IVF child born in India due to a “DNA mismatch”. In a US case, a “mother” was not considered the mother of two lovely IVF children because she only carried them to term but had “no genetic link” as she used an egg donor. After four long, grueling years, the US changed its laws for “IVF mothers” like these. There are several such IVF cases but they rarely come to light in 2014 because it is taboo, stigma, secrecy. Ask the victimized IVF child if they care about all this? In each case, the truth has to be told, the unaffected public needs to be educated on the facts and lack of laws for international IVF, and finally, maybe, the government may take some action after prolonged number of years. How is that the “best interest of the child”?

  1. What are the rights of an IVF child born during a divorce?
  2. What are the rights of an IVF child who has been knowingly abandoned?
  3. What are the rights of an IVF child who had a DNA mismatch?
  4. If an IVF mother can dream of providing a sibling to an IVF child, can an IVF father have the same dream? More critically, can an IVF child of an IVF father dream to have a sibling to love, share and grow up with?
  5. When an IVF child is abandoned, what are the rights of a left-behind IVF child and parent/caretaker?
  6. If consent is REQUIRED to commence IVF/surrogacy, then what should be the responsibility and accountability when the same cnsenting adult decides to abandon an innocent IVF child they consented to before?
  7. If a genetic parent is REQUIRED to pay child support for a child they abandoned, what should be the responsibility and accountability of a non-genetic parent who gave consent for an IVF child but later abandoned?
  8. If a non-genetic parent has EQUAL rights to an IVF child they consented to, then what should be the responsibility and accountability of a non-genetic parent who gave consent for an IVF child but later abandoned?
  9. If a commercial surrogate delivers an IVF child as per consent, does she deserve to get paid by the consenting IVF parents when she delivers? What are the surrogate’s rights (a woman also) or do only rights of the infertile matter?
  10. Why do we have these disparate laws for IVF children and families? Instead of trying to shove facts under the carpet, intimidating and threatening IVF parents who care deeply for their child, falsely persecuting and oppressing innocent IVF parents and therefore his IVF children, isn’t it better to have equal rights for IVF children and families? Let’s solve the bigger problem instead of dancing around secrecy and lies.

The world is perhaps a few decades away before having equal rights for IVF children and families including donors, surrogates, intended parents but in the meantime let us not continue the victimization and abuse of innocent IVF children by denying them justice. In the bigger historical context, the laws requested will become a reality then why punish innocent IVF children today?

If the same children were not born via IVF but were born naturally, would they have to deal with these lack of laws? Are innocent IVF children and families specifically being targeted if not deliberately, at least inadvertently by not taking any action to have equal rights?