Tag Archives: parent

When Gay Marriage Is Legalized

Seems like the movement for equal rights for gays is making progress. A lot of countries around the world haveIVF Child Eunuch Hijra passed laws legalizing gay marriage. Some states in US have also passed laws legalizing gay marriage. Immigration of binational same-sex couples and IVF children is still illegal and open for discussion. When gay marriage is legalized, will the powers to be also change with action and not just words? What does “gay rights” mean? Is it just marriage rights or beyond including having the rights to raise a happy and loving family? We need the entire ecosystem to provide and protect gay rights.

DOMA struck down by US Supreme Court – June 26, 2013

If a mother has a right to see a smile on her child’s face when she provides him a sibling, does a gay father have the same rights to the same feelings? Does a spouse of intersex have the same rights to the same feelings? And what about the child? Does the child have the right to a sibling’s touch, feel, hugs, kisses if they have a sibling?

1) When gay marriage is legal, will ministries across the government change their name from “Women and Children” to “Children and Parent” Issues or do children ONLY have rights through a woman? Reminds us of the cruel Jim Crow laws or segregation by color. Change is slow but truth always prevails.

2) When gay marriage is legal, will there be social organizations who offer their services to “children and parent” or will it be reserved only for “women and children”? Reminds us of the cruel British rule of “Indians and Dogs not allowed” in social establishments in India during their “Raj”. Change is slow but truth always prevails.

3) When gay marriage is legal, will they be allowed to have children to raise as loving parents and will the children get recognition and rights as “children of marriage“?

4) When gay marriage is legal and have children, will they be allowed to breastfeed their children?

5) When gay marriage is legal, will they be allowed to participate in a foster program to raise a child lovingly?

6) When gay marriage is legal, will they be protected from domestic violence and abuse from their spouse? Or is that only reserved if one of the spouse is a female? Or is the logic that domestic violence and abuse between two males simply does NOT occur?

7) When gay marriage is legal, will the abused spouse be encouraged to not be SILENT and report the abuse? Will there be laws, social organizations who will support them or will they be villified?

8) When gay marriage is legal and if a divorce occurs, will there be a FAIR statement of FACTS or will there be suppression of FACTS? Will the BEST INTEREST of the CHILDREN be first?

9) When gay marriage is legal and if a divorce occurs, will there be alimony paid by a male to another male? Or is that only reserved if one of the spouse is a female?

10 When gay marriage is legal, will the spouse get EQUAL caregiver rights as a male spouse caregiver?

11) When gay marriage is legal, will the gay person be allowed to run for the US Presidency with truth? or will he have to lie for the highest office in the nation?

Some questions are rhetorical, some questions are real, and some questions are forcing oneself to think. The real test of being a human, the ability to think.

Maulik knows the answers to these questions as he has already experienced the life of breaking laws and crimes and the punishment meted out on him and his children. Sadly, he is not a woman and he is a dual minority and not a “critical mass” and thus not a “political asset”, so it is perfectly OK to violate his rights and implicitly his children’s rights. Truth prevails and the biggest jurors are the innocent children. And fighting for the truth is not a crime or is it? I suppose we could ask Mahatma Gandhi or Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. if they were around.

If you support gay marriage, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.IVF Parent and Intersex Spouse Rights

If you oppose gay marriage, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.

If you just support any marriage based on love, trust, and honesty, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.

If you support anyone based on truth and facts, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.

 

IVF Untouchables

Untouchability is a crime. Mahatma Gandhi fought and advocated against untouchability. Today, a victimized IVF IVF untouchablefather and his victimized IVF children have become IVF untouchables. No one wants to provide a solution to the case because its too complicated. Instead it is easier to lie and fraud an IVF father because he is male. It is easier to say a thousand lies to hide ONE lie. No one wants to hear the truth because its too ghastly.  No one wants to “touch” the rights of a “father” issue…the society is not ready yet. No one wants to define the rights of a “male” who is a victim of domestic violence. The society is not ready to accept gay marriages yet. In a gay marriage, there is “no woman”. What if there is domestic violence or abuse in a gay marriage, are the men protected? What if there is a child in a gay marriage through IVF, is there a “legal mother”? What matters is the “love” for the child and NOT the gender of the parent. Its easy to say these words but very hard to translate into reality like having LAWS. And that’s the beginning of the untouchability story of IVF siblings.

While we are struggling as a society to give EQUAL rights to gays, lesbians, intersex, what about EQUAL rights for IVF children and families? Do they have to wait a century before the issue “precipitates” enough to have a critical mass? Do they live in DENIAL and IVF untouchability till then with UNEQUAL rights based on gender of their genetic parent? In a democracy, the rights of a minority can only be secured by educating and spreading awareness to the majority even though the “minority issues” may not affect them. Unless the majority understands the FACTS and the TRUTH, how can they make a decision on the “EQUAL rights of a minority“?

Stay tuned…more coming on life as IVF untouchables.

Charity Begins At Home, Change Begins At Home

“Arise, Awake, Don’t stop until you achieve your goal” – Swami VivekanandaNazi Intersex IVF History

Dealing with two highly sensitive and women dominated areas of caregiving and infertility, the 21st century presents some unique challenges. This maybe a first but definitely NOT the last. Change is a very difficult thing for anyone. The toughest thing about societal change is changing oneself.

Looking for an Erin Brockowich or “Pam Landy” from the movie “The Bourne Ultimatum”. Anyone willing to give it ALL to uncover the TRUTH and provide relief to the VICTIMS?

Change Caregiver Rights

Think it would be safe to assume that we all agree that family caregiving is an altruistic calling and hard to capture in words. Parents are caregivers for their child but doubt if anyone ever considers it charity rather its a privilege. Children when they grow up will care for their aging parents but doubt if they want to monetize it as a paid event. Although, some aging parents do insist on paying their children for caring for them. Same thing but to a lesser extent is also true for sibling caregivers provided you are lucky enough to have siblings. What about spouse caregivers? While family caregiving is neither paid NOR charity, it does place the burden on us as a society to ALSO protect the basic human rights of a caregiver starting with truth and acceptance of facts. Just like family caregiving begins at HOME, the overarching societal change begins with oneself first (our personal HOME).

As a family caregiver like other 65.7 Million Americans and over a Billion+ across the globe, getting equal caregiver rights in the 21st century is a necessary change. Mothers who are perennial caregivers among others can attest to the toll their personal health takes but they do it regardless because of the biology with their child. If non-biological caregivers are paid for their services, should non-biological family caregivers like spouses ALSO be paid? Maybe not paid monetarily but at least have their RIGHTS protected? Because a caregiver is paid, if they experience any abuse, violence, injury, trauma while ON THE JOB, it is covered by workers compensation. But if the same things are done to a non-biological family caregiver like spouse, there is NO protection? What we are asking for is protection of basic human rights of a caregiver from a myriad of sources – patient, medical community, patient’s family, anyone else closely familiar with the situation. Just like NOT stopping to provide assistance to a VICTIM of an accident is a CRIME, why is NOT providing assistance to a VICTIM of caregiving not a CRIME? Most family caregivers become one by accident and due to the circumstances of the family. One simply does not leave a loved one alone. The “VICTIMIZATION” here is not the patient but a SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES beyond the patient’s control. The silence of the medical community, other family members who choose NOT to help, and so on. The FACT is there is a VICTIM, rather than discussing who the perpetrators are and playing a blame game, let us FOCUS on the solution which is to HELP the VICTIM. In most cases, VICTIM is both the patient and the caregiver. This is a necessary change based on human rights. Creating new patients out of perfectly healthy individuals is NOT healthy medicine.

Change Infertility Rights

For ages, bearing children has been the birth right of women. As a result, LAWS for a child are closely TIED to laws of a mother. Infertility is as OLD as being able to have children. As new fertility techniques started popping up, fertility treatments were RESERVED for heterosexual couples, then it was OPENED for single women. The prevailing laws for CHILDREN being TIED closely to mothers was still valid. Gays or single men or intersex were largely SHUT OUT from fertility treatments because of “societal unacceptance”. Now the CHANGE has come and gays, single men, intersex can opt for fertility treatments like IVF. However, the LAWS have still not caught up and rights of a CHILD are closely TIED to a woman. Should gays be allowed to have children through IVF? Should intersex families be allowed to have children through IVF? History will answer that. In the meantime, we need LAWS to catch up with technology like IVF in the best interest of the children. We NEED laws to support the rights of an IVF child with NO LEGAL MOTHER. It is NOT about taking away rights from a woman or mother, it is about protecting the fundamental and basic human rights and dignity of an innocent, voiceless IVF child. Unlike unwanted pregnancies where children may be abandoned, IVF pregnancies are very planned and deliberate. Why be forced to ABANDON an IVF child due to lack of laws?

Change with Truth and Compassion

One can NEVER be EQUAL to a mother. I know, I love my mother. By holding onto age old ideas about parentage, motherhood, infertility rights, are we withholding rights of an innocent, voiceless IVF child? The important thing to understand is that the primary care provider should be protected regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, or otherwise. From the perspective of the child, the only thing they understand is LOVE. There are women who have told me how dare I suggest about splitting the rights of a mother and a child? I shudder to ask them if they support gays or single men or intersex who may be equally loving to have children? The hardest thing about change is changing oneself. Change begins at home (oneself).

The goal is to accept change is constant and is inevitable. Are you ready for change in the 21st century?

Why DENY a father and IVF son to be together?

“It is better to beg forgiveness, than ask permission.” ― Grace Murray HopperHonesty

“It is better to fight for EQUAL rights, than break the LAWS and create innocent victims.”

“Repeated pattern of lying creates multiple victims aside from breaking laws”

Looking for an Erin Brockowich or “Pam Landy” from the movie “The Bourne Ultimatum”. Anyone willing to give it ALL to uncover the TRUTH and provide relief to the VICTIMS?

What MORE could a father have done to force him to live WITHOUT his IVF son?

We did show ultimate compassion but in return we are left with existential issues like securing LEGAL RIGHTS for an IVF child with “NO LEGAL MOTHER”. As a left behind IVF father with a stranded and abandoned IVF daughter in a state of LEGAL LIMBO is left to look for answers like getting her a valid birth certificate, a valid passport, a valid school admission, and so on and on. All the while, the IVF father is living in separation from his IVF son in the US who he cannot see and participate with as he is growing up. The victimization and trauma is mind-numbing. It is one thing to victimize the spouse of intersex but its completely different to victimize innocent IVF children with LIES and breaking the LAWS. We want compassion and truth for our IVF children – IVF siblings deliberately separated.

It is a FACT that there was every INTENT to provide a sibling for the IVF child. If the agreement for IVF was combined, why did the other intended parent not show up at time of birth of IVF child? Why not fulfill the “intent” to provide a sibling? What if the IVF child was brought back to the USA first and then the vicious divorce was filed, would the IVF siblings have been together? As an IVF father in 2013 left with an abandoned IVF child with “NO LEGAL MOTHER”, it is important to speak up for the IVF child’s rights. Even if the “legal mother” had died at birth or a divorce was granted with NO rights of the “legal mother” to the child or any such situation of a “natural born child”, the innocent child would NOT be in a LEGAL LIMBO. The IVF case make it “special” because the laws see it that way, the LAWS make a distinction between an IVF child and a natural born child. A spouse of intersex becomes an IVF father DIRECTLY as a cause of showing compassion to an intersex and NOT because he is infertile. Today, he is left alone picking up the pieces of a dysfunctional intersex marriage. Worse, his IVF children have become ping pong balls in 2013. Maybe by 2113, the EQUAL laws we seek will have arrived. So is it the children’s fault to be born ahead of their times? Is it the IVF father’s fault to show compassion ahead of our times? Let truth prevail so justice can prevail.

It is better to ask for forgiveness than permission

1) While lying (and ask for permission later) may be valid in so many “typical” cases in both personal and professional lives, is it valid when it involves breaking the laws? As a spouse, we may have splurged a little once in a while either on us or on your loved one even though the family finances maybe in ruins. You ask for forgiveness later. As a co-worker, we may have given a commitment for a project deadline without consulting ALL the members of the team but understanding that the project is high profile and when the “bonus” arrives, we ask for forgiveness later. The list can go on. Was there a minor “violation” of the other individuals “right to know”, sure but will they forgive? Were any LAWS broken? Were there any innocent VICTIMS?

2) An intersex person knows about their medical condition at least by puberty. And if it is also prevalent in the family and a gynecologist is in the family, an intersex person and their family knows about their condition at least by the time they are an adult. Is this something they should inform a potential spouse or lie to them and beg for forgiveness later? Besides, intersex marriages are considered illegal meaning by hiding the FACTS from the potential spouse, one has now made him BREAK the law unknowingly. While the intersex person is in the know all the while. Is that fraud? Is that a crime?

3) Sadly for several decades, the medical community has institutionalized a complex web of secrecy and lies to deal with intersex. As a spouse of intersex and a victim, secrecy and lies are a failed approach. As a human being, all we ask is truth and transparency. Do NOT complicate the matters by justifying lies as “greater good”. Sit in the middle of the eye of the storm and then judge. Is falsifying medical records wrong by asking forgiveness later? Is it a crime? What are the implications on innocent victims by a false medical record? What if the victims are innocent children? Where is the “greater good”?

4) Inadvertently or deliberately, after decades of brainwashing (for lack of a better term), the medical system has justified its lying and somehow taught the innocent intersex individuals and families that its OK to lie and cheat the system. They even provide them “valid” medical documents to perpetrate the fraud. The documents may be “valid” because the fraud is institutionalized but is NOT factual. Sadly, the lying becomes part of an intersex person’s life. And regardless of being intersex or not, LYING is NOT a good foundation to begin ANY relationship. Trust and love are good foundations for a strong relationship. The medical establishment has created VICTIMS out of intersex persons and directly made victims out of spouse of intersex and their IVF children.

5) In a repeated pattern of lying and a pattern of being rewarded by the “system” by justifying the lying and breaking the laws, the intersex person now moves  on to separate an innocent child from his only known biological family and his primary care provider, his father at the time. Even worse, in the thirst to have a child at ANY and ALL costs, an innocent IVF sibling is stranded and abandoned in a state of LEGAL LIMBO. A future of the innocent child is held in a LEGAL LIMBO all because an infertile person wanted a child at any and all costs. Worse, the innocent grandparents of the IVF child are forced into raising an infant as they are aging which directly affects their health and further increasing the count of number of victims. The spouse of the intersex and an IVF father is torn between two IVF children – one in the US while the other in India and is made a REPEAT VICTIM of lies. A movie in the 1980s, Sophie’s choice, comes to mind how a mother was tragically placed in an awful situation by the Nazi to pick one child over the other.

Help and Support For Children with “NO LEGAL MOTHER”

If a man leaves a woman midway through pregnancy, there are laws and social organizations who come to the rescue of the innocent child and mother. Where are the LAWS and social organizations to the rescue of the innocent child and father when a man is left midway through pregnancy? Does the child have LESS needs? Clearly, we are dealing with multiple issues here. In the future, when gay marriages and children of gay couples where “NO MOTHER” exists becomes “typical”, only then we will get such laws and later social organizations who fight for EQUAL rights of such people. Currently, there is a “social unacceptance” of men being the primary care provider like single mothers were “socially unacceptable” during the baby scoop era. US has shown tolerance (dont like the word but cannot find a better word to describe) on social issues first with abolishing slavery, women suffrage, voting rights, civil rights, interracial marriage, now gay marriage is in a transition. When will intersex and spouse of intersex and IVF children and their issues allowed to be discussed openly to get EQUAL rights?

Years ago, a subtle movement started in the US. Toys like Barbie dolls, Superheroes, etc. started coming in African American figurines. It showed acceptance at a corporate level to the differing diaspora of the community in the US. As acceptance grew socially and years later, USA elected its first African American President. I am certain there were worthy African American individuals who existed before worthy of becoming a President but the TIME WAS NOT RIGHT. Today, the “social acceptance” is parenting = motherhood and there is no other parent. I shudder to think what women feel about gay parents where there is “NO LEGAL MOTHER”? In this special case of IVF children, there is “NO LEGAL MOTHER”, so how do such children get EQUAL rights? As gay marriages move forward and social acceptance of children being raised by gay fathers or single fathers where there is “NO MOTHER”, let us hope similar subtle changes in social behavior and more importantly laws will come. Who is the “mother” between two genetic males? Somehow, “infertility treatment” is ONLY affecting women and men who go through IVF have NO FEELINGS for the IVF child and several months (sometimes years) of sleepless nights, trauma, anxiety, prayers, and so on DOES NOT affect IVF fathers? Where are the experts on “human rights” advocating for EQUAL rights for ALL? The point is NOT fathers or mothers are BETTER, the point is give CREDIT where CREDIT is due given the family situation. 

Do we forgive or follow the LAWS in the best interest of the innocent, voiceless victims? Do we continue the victimization or provide relief to the victims? Has lying and secrecy helped anyone? Will truth and honesty help including securing EQUAL rights for IVF children and families for future generations?

It is better to fight for EQUAL rights, than break the LAWS and create innocent victims.

IVF and Beyond

As a proud IVF father, one gets used to the constant “questioning” of ability as a parent. Just like a typical Looking Aheadparent, I want nothing more than a “legal status” for my IVF children because if you have legal status that means you have rights and if you have rights then they are protected. With legal status in limbo, how can we begin to even address the atrocities? It is one thing to victimize me because I dared to be different as a male but totally different when you abuse and violate my children, now you have woken up the lion in me or should I say the “lioness” in me to get the point across? Being abused as a male by a spouse maybe uncommon but failure to report the abuse and crimes by male spouses is common. Worse, a male parent may also fail to report the abuse and crimes against a child. That does NOT mean the abuse did not occur against the child or the male spouse. When I see my IVF daughter today, I know she saved me and NOT abandoning her was and is the right decision. She is NOT a “commodity” to be discarded like property but is a living, breathing human being with respect for basic human decency and her rights as a human. Her tender kiss and smiles also remind me to NEVER have this occur to anyone ever again. She is voiceless and innocent and does not understand that her legal status is in a legal limbo meaning her rights are at stake. But her living, breathing being full of smiles, energy and chutzpah is SCREAMING for EQUAL rights and just be treated as a “typical” human being with human rights and its protection. I used to play and “buzz” with my little IVF son, to infinity and beyond…our lives has taken us to a path of to IVF and beyond.

What is the Beyond about?

While several people struggle, may end up giving up, we are lucky to have been “successful” with the several IVF cycles and blessed with two lovely IVF children. Now what?

The “beyond” is about regardless of your stance on pro or anti IVF, or children MUST have legal mother to have EQUAL rights, or “socially acceptable” parents based on gender (read as women) and on and on, now the IVF children are born in this world, do they have EQUAL rights or not? Regardless whether they are born to gay men or single men or spouse of intersex. The ” beyond” is about acquiescing the facts that in the 21st century there will be more men whether gay, single, or spouse of intersex who will be equally loving of their children without a “legal mother”, will such children have EQUAL rights and protection as other children?

Why is it important to UNITE IVF siblings?

For the same reasons why separating innocent children from their biological mothers during the baby scoop era was wrong. The innocent children were forced into adoption because their only fault was they were born to a “single mother” which was “socially unacceptable” at the time. Have we moved the cheese now and is the only fault of IVF children being separated from their biological parent because the parent is a male which is “socially unacceptable” today? Sadly there are truth and reconciliation commissions today after decades seeking the truth and even apologizing but can the lost childhoods ever be restored? When will we move “beyond” this?

The standard gauge that prevailing laws apply is there violence and abuse of a child? Is the child getting food, shelter, clothing, toys, education, development? There is nothing standard about binational immigrant dysfunctional intersex family. The only consistency is secrecy and lies.

If the same “standard gauge” is applied then why are governments apologizing to the children and biological parents of the baby scoop era? Did the adoptive parents abuse the child? Did the adoptive parents not provide the “standard” things for a child? There is something bigger.

If the same “standard gauge” is applied then why was Sean Goldman reunited with his biological father? Were the biological grandparents not providing for the “standard” things for a child? There is something bigger.

Recently, a horror story came out of Ohio where allegedly Mr. Castro  allegedly kidnapped and raped and may have even fathered a child with one of the victims. He provided food, shelter, clothes, and even took the child to the park like a typical parent. As an IVF father, if I ever have an opportunity to ask Ms. Berry, I would ask her did Mr. Castro provide all the “standard” things to a child as a parent? Clearly it offends our humanity because there is something bigger here.

The something “bigger” in each case is simple – truth and doing the right thing.

Anything based on a foundation of lies hurts the child – simple. No matter how we try to justify or legalize to validate our actions, truth is above all that and far more powerful. Do the right thing.

Looking Beyond

Nothing against parents of natural born children but experiencing infertility or dysfertility and it’s associated trauma makes a mark on any human. Gender does not matter. Just ask any gay parent or single IVF parent or infertile couple. However, parents who physically look male are discriminated against because we are “socially unacceptable”. Worse, our children are discriminated because of a parent’s gender. Is it time to speak up for the sake of children?

As a proud IVF father, there are people who want to censure me or shut me up or disallow me to claim being an IVF father. Implicitly, they are also taking away rights of my IVF children and so many other IVF children yet to be born. In a world where my parenting is constantly questioned based on my physical appearance as a male, some women have even told me that the IVF child is better off with a person who looks female. I shudder to ask them what they think about gay parents or single male parents since there is NO “female” around? It also so happens that none of these women have experienced infertility. I get a very different response from women who have experienced infertility or dysfertility.

Secrecy and lies were used to abuse me and violate my rights. The same secrecy and lies is now being used to violate my IVF children’s rights. NO MORE. This is much BIGGER. The lesson today is that showing compassion was wrong and the secrecy is being used against us and our innocent children. If a human being does not respect their own human rights, how can they expect others including laws to respect their human rights? If IVF parents don’t respect our IVF parenthood, how can we expect others to respect it? And implicitly rights of our IVF children.

I Have A Dream…

I have a dream that someday IVF children and families will have EQUAL rights and NOT be a slave or hostage to infertility. Infertility is very traumatic, why continue the burden onto innocent, voiceless IVF children after they are born due to unequal laws? I have a dream that someday I will be able to say to my IVF children the TRUTH about their birth without any stigma or REQUIRING a court order to say the TRUTH. I have a dream that someday I will be allowed to CELEBRATE IVF with my IVF children instead of SUPPRESSING the FACTS and LYING and CENSORSHIP. I have a dream that someday the ONLY thing that matters is TRUTH.

Looking Ahead…

Infertility is very traumatic but is it so traumatic that you victimize others for it? Infertile people are victims of Brother-Sisternature while innocent children and their biological parents who are separated are victims of humans. Humans who choose to lie, cheat, fraud, commit crimes at any cost because they are desperate for a child. It’s a cycle of abuse.

Parents of infertile children should not teach their children to lie instead help them deal with infertility in an honest and open manner.

Parents of intersex children should not teach their intersex children to lie instead help them deal with intersexuality with truth, especially with their spouses. If an intersex person wants to keep their issues private, they should not victimize other humans by lying, cheating and frauding them.

Parents of intersex children and intersex people should advocate for equal rights of intersex to marry instead of lying and getting married illegally. As a spouse of intersex, we have to deal with repurcusions of an illegal intersex marriage.

Our IVF children have LESS rights. If you follow legal process, parents of a natural born child or legally adopted child have proper legal paperwork including birth certificate, passport and all other related identity documents. Most importantly, because they have legal documents, they have a legal identity, they have legal rights. When a child is recognized legally only then their child rights and human rights can be protected. How do you protect rights of a child who is NOT A LEGAL ENTITY?

Victims in an lying intersex family are left in a no mans land of laws. Neither here, nor there. As Tony Briffa (a honest and truthful intersex person) puts it, feels neither man nor woman. If you are honest like Tony Briffa is, one cannot abuse, victimize others. Lying, cheating, fraud creates victims and that too voiceless children. Tony Briffa has also adopted children legally because he is honest without making defamatory, false statements against the biological parent or alienating the innocent child from his parent and sibling.

Recently, Mr. Castro was caught in a complex crime of kidnapping and apparently has also fathered a child with his kidnapped victim, Ms. Berry. If an opportunity presents, it would be interesting to know how Ms. Berry felt that the father of her daughter took interest to take the little girl out to the park or for walks like “typical” parents do. Looking after the little girl’s needs like food, shelter, clothes, toys, education, development and so on. Does that make him a good parent?

What is hidden is the lies and a thousand lied to hide one lie. And regardless of love for the child, a foundation of lies only reveals the hidden abuse. Worse, an infertile parent may even claim abuse by the fertile parent if they feel insecure about losing custody of the child. Sadly, this is an easy way to manipulate the legal system and wrestle the child away from a male parent. Even worse, an infertile parent may even separate a victimized child from his only known biological family including the sibling the child wanted. What are the rights of the innocent, voiceless children? What are the rights of an innocent spouse caregiver of intersex and an IVF father? Are they victims of lying intersex or are they victims because they tried to help an infertile person? Intersex and infertility are victims of nature, what about innocent IVF children and spouse who are victims of lying intersex?

I have a dream that IVF children like mine and all others have EQUAL rights, we have a legal status. Is that normal to want for any parent? If children with Down’s syndrome, Asperger’s syndrome, cystic fibrosis and others have advocacy groups, why can’t IVF children have an advocacy group to have equal rights? How can we spread awareness and educate others if we are not allowed to share the truth and facts? In a democracy, a minority like ours can only get equal rights with help and support of majority which is through sharing the facts. Are we allowed to say the truth to get equal rights or will be silenced? And before we are silenced, please review our achievements in one year of coming out which is a greater good for all. We know we are looking ahead, we just need to convince others that secrecy and lying is a failed approach and is selfish. Truth and sharing helps build laws and equality for the future – values we can inculcate in our children starting with innocent IVF siblings.

Whether an intersex person wants to come out or not is their choice. As a spouse of intersex, we want equal rights for intersex like marry legally. A spouse of gay is gay and spouse of lesbian is lesbian who have freedom and equal rights as their spouse to advocate for equal rights, then spouse of intersex should have equal rights too? Or was it a crime to marry an intersex person? And the punishment is continued silence and abuse and victimization with no rights. We are very happy that Ms. Berry, her daughter and the other two victims were rescued from their cycle of abuse, silence and trauma after a decade. We are hoping it’s not another decade for us and our IVF children before being freed from a vicious cycle of abuse, silence and trauma.

Cannot Wait To Get Gay Rights Soon Enough

As a spouse of intersex, cannot wait to have gay rights be legalized soon enough. Not as a spouse of intersex but equal gay rightsfor the innocent children of a dysfunctional intersex marriage. Had the IVF children been born in a time when equal gay rights existed, they would be growing up together as they were meant to be. Even though I am an optimist but life has taught me to be a realist. With that in mind, I do not think in my lifetime, we are going to get equal rights for spouse of intersex, let alone if we first have a discussion about the issues that affects spouses of intersex and more importantly, the children of an intersex marriage.

Being intersex is a natural condition meaning it is not in the intersex person’s control but choosing to lie about it is in their control. Sometimes, lies can be crimes like lying on legal documents or immigration fraud or perjury or other kinds of abuse. Despite all the philanthropy of a astute and respected person like Mr. Rajat Gupta, at the end of the day, he is serving jail time for crimes he committed. White collar crime but still crimes. Are the blatant lies, fraud documents by intersex and the supporting medical community crimes? The issue here is NOT can intersex person be a parent, the issue here is the relentless, blatant lies by the intersex and the medical community with no respect for laws or basic rights of other unsuspecting, innocent people including the voiceless, innocent children. Do other victims including innocent, voiceless children have human rights or ONLY intersex people deserve human rights? If such abuse is allowed to go unchecked, there will only be more innocent victims including the voiceless, innocent children.

Before this century is over, marriage equality for all, equal rights for IVF children and families and legal recognition of third gender in civilized nations will be a reality. By NOT allowing equal rights to people, are we creating a new class of unsuspecting, innocent VICTIMS? 

1) Being gay and intersex are two separate things. Just like for ages, the “social acceptance” was being gay can be “medically corrected”, similarly,  “gender” can be “medically corrected” approach is false.

2) In a gay relationship, both partners are gay and are in a gay relationship by mutual consent. In an intersex relationship, where one partner may be heterosexual or gay or lesbian is NOT in an intersex relationship with mutual consent because the truth was hidden from them. In any relationship, trust and love counts and fraud is not love.

3) In a gay relationship, both partners are male. In an intersex relationship, both partners are genetically male. Will gay parents, both genetic males, be allowed to breastfeed without proper medical supervision? Can gay parents, both genetic males, lactate? In an intersex relationship, both genetic males, will there be lactation and should they be allowed to breastfeed? If there is NO milk in genetic males, and the parent imposes upon the voiceless, crying, hungry infant to “breastfeed with NO milk”, is that child abuse?

4) When two males are in a relationship, there are certain issues that come up for which our legal framework is simply not ready yet. For example, domestic violence and abuse laws for protection between two males, rights of a child in a marriage between two males, “social acceptance” that males can raise a child just as lovingly and so on.

5) In a relationship between two males, one parent will always be a “non-biological” parent meaning the biological parent has taken up the JOB equivalent to that of an ADOPTION regulator who approves of adoptive parents. This may work in a “mutual consent” relationship like lesbians or gays but what about an intersex relationship where the relationship itself was based on fraud?

6) Just like the intersex person has a RIGHT to feel “male”, “female”, or “both” or “neither”, their spouse and child who was lied, cheated and frauded has every RIGHT to feel the same about their intersex spouse, its their human rights too. The discussion here is about the TRUTH. People like Tony Briffa and Imogen Callaway who have both publicly identified as intersex have more respect because they are being honest. They are the real leaders.

7) The “social acceptance” theory is that a child cannot be taken away from a “mother”. Then should gays be allowed to have a child since there is NO mother in the relationship? Governments today are apologizing for their wrong behavior during the baby scoop era to take away innocent children from their biological mothers because they were single and “single mothers” were “socially unacceptable” at the time. It is wrong TODAY to take away child from his “father” because it is “socially unacceptable” to have children growing up with only fathers.

8) The real question we should be asking is it wrong to take a child away from their “PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER” whether the person is male or female or third gender or heterosexual, gay, lesbian, intersex, how does it matter?

9) As a spouse caregiver of intersex, the “normalization surgery” in its current protocol of an adult intersex person during a marriage is WRONG. If you have to lie on medical records and create fraud documents, that should be the FIRST SIGN, you are doing something wrong. What is worse is that they have NOT thought about the overall implications of creating fraud documents and helping intersex families to lie, cheat, and fraud victims including innocent, voiceless children.

10) Recently, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture confirmed our demands that the “normalization surgery” of intersex should STOP. It is interesting that the Torture department made this statement, if it is torture for the intersex person, is there any torture for the spouse caregiver of intersex if surgery is done during the marriage? Someday, they will also release a report to call for a “waiting period study” between the time an intersex person has this controversial “normalization surgery” and is stabilizing from the treatment to when they can become a primary care provider for an infant.

11) IVF is a technology that presents opportunities for the first time where children may be born with “NO LEGAL MOTHER”. Do such children have EQUAL rights?

12) We are convinced as time moves forward and equal rights for gays are granted, our demand for equal rights for intersex, equal rights for IVF children and families will also be met. As spouse of intersex, we are just not the right messengers but that does not mean our message (demands) is incorrect.

13) The right answer is to have a REPEATABLE SOLUTION. This means that an intersex person should be able to repeat what has happened in this case which is have a LEGAL marriage, have a LEGAL CHILD, be a TRUTHFUL PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER based on actions and NOT looks, and have LEGAL custody of the child in the child’s BEST INTEREST. By legalizing an illegal intersex marriage does not help other intersex people who want to marry or have children. If LAWS are followed and if TRUTH is used, it is not possible to REPEAT this. So the right answer is to have laws for equal intersex rights and equal rights for IVF children and families.

14) To Maulik, his biggest jurors are his two innocent, voiceless IVF children. As a loving, passionate parent, he will continue to fight for them and all IVF children and families. Maulik realizes that in 2013, if a woman had experienced the same TRAUMA instead of him, her CHILDREN would not be SPLIT. Maulik understands he is fighting for IVF children, IVF parents, spouse of intersex, gays, lesbians, intersex, single parents, heterosexuals.

15) In the root cause analysis, this case is about saying a THOUSAND lies to hide one LIE. Had this case occurred when equal gay rights existed, equal IVF child rights existed, the innocent IVF children would NOT be SPLIT. Even if equal IVF child rights or if spouse caregiver of intersex rights DO NOT happen in our lifetime, by having gay rights, we will also be inadvertent BENEFICIARIES.

The point is to have the right for siblings to grow up together. Whether these rights are guaranteed through their own individual rights or they come through as gay rights, we will take it either way because the innocent, voiceless victims will be happy either way to have an opportunity to grow up together. Secrecy, lies, stigma are the real culprits and it is time to speak the TRUTH for the sake of innocent, voiceless victims.

Truth – Best Interest of the Child?

Through the ages, there have been several famous words said relating to truth.IVFChildren

“Truth shall set you free” to “Truth always prevails” and so on. Never before in history, transparency and truth have been challenged they way they are now because of the advent of internet. Previously what may take decades or a lifetime or even centuries to NEVER, facts and truth could be hidden or manipulated and delayed. What one person knows as facts in one corner of earth had a precipitous mountain to climb – an uphill battle to share the facts, the knowledge with everyone. Now with internet, there is a medium to share the facts easily with everyone. Surely, with an information explosion, maybe no one reads or no one cares if they read but the facts are out there. So for how long can one HIDE the facts?

Truth – Allows for HELP and SUPPORT

People with children who may have autism or cystic fibrosis or Down’s syndrome or Asperger’s syndrome and so on have special needs. Most parents who have such children are a “minority” even if combined when compared to ALL parents with children. Through activism, sharing of FACTS and TRUTH, today we are at a stage when we allow “normalcy”. These “minority” parents were allowed to OPENLY shares, discuss their innocent children’s needs, their needs and today we have help and support groups. We even have laws now where we no longer use the word “retard” even though it existed in the medical literature previously. This is reflective of activism by PARENTS and being allowed to share with the population as a whole. Through education, spreading awareness, sharing of truth and facts, the parents were able to secure EQUAL rights for their children and more importantly make us a better community as a whole. The best part is the innocent, voiceless CHILDREN have EQUAL RIGHTS. There are still remnants of the past where people who have not been touched by the TRUTH and FACTS continue to behave in ignorance.

So is TRUTH better or LIES and CENSORSHIP? Are EQUAL RIGHTS for all better or OPPRESSION, HUMILIATION of others for benefit of ONE?

UnAmerican – LIES and HIDING the TRUTH

If parents of innocent, voiceless children with Asperger’s syndrome or Cystic Fibrosis, or autism or Tay-Sachs Syndrome or intersex are ALLOWED to speak up, share the truth and facts, then should IVF parents of IVF children have same rights? Or should they be FORCED to LIE and LIVE in SECRECY?

It is one thing to have classified documents where matters of national security are concerned. But to CENSOR talking about IVF children and their current plight of UNEQUAL rights is UnAmerican. America believes in the values of liberty and justice for all. It would be UnAmerican to force an IVF parent to LIE, CENSOR so that his IVF children are DENIED justice and liberty. The innocent, voiceless IVF children are far too young to understand the FACTS and give reasonable feedback on that. It seems like the fertile IVF parent is a slave to the infertile parent. Why not legally ADOPT? Why not follow the LAWS? Why NOT petition to the government to have EQUAL laws for infertile parents? Lying, cheating, fraud, crimes to acquire an innocent, voiceless child illegally is NOT in the best interest of the child. Teaching values of truth, compassion for fellow human beings are far GREATER values to teach innocent, voiceless children.

I have a dream that someday IVF children and families will have EQUAL rights and NOT be a slave or hostage to infertility. Infertility is very traumatic, why continue the burden onto innocent, voiceless IVF children after they are born due to unequal laws? I have a dream that someday I will be able to say to my IVF children the TRUTH about their birth without any stigma or REQUIRING a court order to say the TRUTH. I have a dream that someday I will be allowed to CELEBRATE IVF with my IVF children instead of SUPPRESSING the FACTS and LYING and CENSORSHIP. I have a dream that someday the ONLY thing that matters is TRUTH.

It is far easier to say the TRUTH than to wield a THOUSAND LIES to hide one LIE.

Protected: The Right Solution in an Intersex Marriage

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