Tag Archives: minority

You Don’t Know Until It Happens To You – Could it be You?

Teach your child to never betray someone they truly love. Whether its your parents, siblings, spouse, children or others, if you truly love them then do not abuse, lie, and force secrecy. Its love, but not for someone else, its love for thyself which is not a crime but breaking laws, abuse, violence, fraud, cheating, lying are crimes. After a continued life of secrecy and lies having to watch your children suffer due to the secrecy and lies; it is not fair to them and the millions of other children like them.

You don’t know until it happens to you. Maybe the age-old saying does have some truth to it after all. Less than 16% of couples IVF mattersexperience infertility while 50% of marriages end up in divorce. So most people may have knowledge about the family law system but far fewer know about fertility in a marriage. Add the secrecy and stigma to fertility issues and there is hardly a chance of the “word getting out”. If we continue to live in secrecy, how will we usher in change? How will we make it a better place for others and our children? Any person who is trying to have a child – straight, single, gay, DSD/intersex, lesbian – this could have been you being separated from your IVF child because of lack of laws.

Most Americans we know are conscientious, compassionate and want to know the truth. USA is a nation of immigrants. But majority of the population has not experienced immigration first hand. And so the “ongoing lot” of immigrants are again a minority and most people would not know the immigration laws until it happens to them. Statistically, there are 1 in 2000 people who are intersex/DSD and people with Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (CAIS) are 1 in 20000 – again another rare minority. Now imagine if a family had to experience all these four minorities combined together? Imagine doing it in silence. Imagine no one being able to understand what it means to go through this and be able to survive and be alive. Imagine the children of such a family and their fate? Where do we even begin to make sense and how many “layers” of lack of laws, human rights, equitable justice, etc, etc etc do we have to go through before people begin to understand the several complications. Not to mention, the secrecy and lies does NO HELP in the education and awareness process.

There is no doubt that people who are CAIS and undergo a surgery (which has been called for a STOP by the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture) are under severe trauma and depression. Do they need time to recoperate? How much time? Can a person under severe trauma and depression enough to be called torture also be a primary care provider for an infant? What about the abuse and violence that was perpetrated on innocent victims during this stabilization process? There are studies, recommendations which are now coming out for people with Disorders of Sexual Development (DSD), are there any studies for spouse and children of DSD who also suffered through the surgery and its treatment in silence? Is there any trauma for them? There is a lack of laws situation for people with DSD including not being able to marry legally, or being able to immigrate as a spouse, or being able to legally have a child through IVF. So does it make it OK to lie, cheat and fraud an unsuspecting spouse into a fraud marriage? get immigration illegally? get a IVF child illegally? Since the laws have NOT changed, other DSD people still cannot repeat this. Since the laws have NOT changed, the innocent IVF children are placed in legal limbo due to the suppression of the facts. Since the laws have not changed, the fertility rights for LGBTI families are non-existant. If there is domestic violence against a male spouse in a LGBTI marriage, are there any laws to protect them?

The right thing is to teach our children to love and show compassion to fellow human beings no matter what. Becoming a family caregiver instead of walking away is a proud moment to be celebrated most importantly for the parents of the caregiver because they raised their child right. It is better than parents who teach children to lie, fraud an unsuspecting spouse. It is better than someone splitting innocent and defenseless IVF siblings just because they cannot have a child. It is better than someone who abandons an IVF child, a deliberate pregnancy. The question is not if someone can become a good parent, the question is WHEN? And how much abuse and violence was endured by others during the ongoing medical treatment under severe depression and trauma?

You don’t know until it happens to you – intersex, immigration, infertility, invisibility. And then to have the same secrecy and lies repeated on your innocent, defenseless IVF children. The actions to support equal human rights never stopped. It was limited to intersex and immigration earlier. Now we have added IVF children and families. And all can benefit by the truth, not secrecy and lies as we have already experienced. In a few years from now, when the IVF children are grown and are adults, maybe we will live in a world where gay marriage is NOT taboo, IVF families are NOT taboo, DSD/intersex is NOT taboo. And so correspondingly there will also be laws to represent the societal needs. What will the IVF children want – truth or lies?

Minority Report

This is a unique minority report, however we do not have the “precogs” available like in the movie, Minority Report. In a few years, looking back, the minority reportright thing will have been to unite the innocent IVF brother and sister instead of splitting them. Of course, it will be nice to also have equal rights for IVF children and families in the future so that these inhumane situations are not created. Sadly, infertility and IVF are dealt with lot of secrecy and stigma which means not too many people speak up and suffer in silence. Due to lack of laws and lengthy legal battles, they may even abandon the IVF child unwantingly. What are the rights of the IVF child – whether forcefully abandoned or not? As a human race, why are we “manufacturing” human babies without adequate laws protecting the rights of IVF children and families? Can we do better?

If two IVF siblings are born the same way from a legal perspective, then should both have them have the same legal status? Is it fair to show compassion to one and not the other?

It is a fact that laws have been broken and IVF children have been created who are in legal limbo and land-locked and our only solution as humans is inaction? Should the innocent, voiceless IVF brother and sister be united?

If child trafficking is a crime against humanity, is creating IVF children and placing them in legal limbo thereby denying their rights a crime?

If human trafficking is a crime whereby their basic human rights are violated, is creating IVF children and making them stateless and land-locked a crime?

There are several Nazi guards and soldiers sheltering in the US who may have never committed any crime on US land. However, because of the crime against humanity, they are still prosecuted and deported and brought to justice. Is creating stateless IVF children deliberately a crime against humanity? Do IVF children have rights and do they deserve equal rights as humans?

Nazis created situations where a parent had to pick between innocent children on who to send to the gas chamber. Is creating situation and manipulating the anti-gay, anti-IVF laws to place an IVF parent in a situation to pick between two IVF children on two separate continents?

Minority within Minority

The other minority is intersex people and families. Is the secrecy and stigma only felt by the intersex person or also by the spouse of intersex and children? Are the effects of intersex surgery only felt by the intersex person or also the spouse and children when the intersex surgery is performed during a marriage? Is infertility and lack of laws for intersex families only felt by the intersex person or also by the spouse of intersex and children?

First, we have to get past the “shame and secrecy”. If gays are proud and open, they achieve equal rights. Why can’t intersex families also hope for the same? So are intersex male or female or “third gender”? If intersex are female then why are governments passing laws to have a legal “third gender”? If intersex are female then why are they removing male testes and lying and creating fraud documents about the surgery? If this surgery is “torture” and traumatic for the intersex patient, what are the effects on the spouse of intersex and children of intersex when the surgery is performed during a marriage? Is gay family rights same as intersex family rights?

If an intersex person has a “right to feel female”, does a spouse of intersex have an equal “right to feel” also? Does the spouse of intersex have the “right to feel” what governments and honest intersex people around the world are feeling, the need for “third gender”? This is a specialized “spouse of intersex” who has witnessed the transition of an intersex person in every way possible when they had the intersex surgery during the marriage – an event that does not occur for most intersex marriages. The spouse is as much of a victim and in severe trauma of a different kind as much as the intersex person. Only by recognizing the facts can we move to a solution. We are genuinely missing the “precogs” to offer insight into the future. The spouse and children in an intersex marriage are the minority within a minority and have equal rights too or not?

The issue is not intersex, infertility (IVF) or immigration, these are just the mechanisms used to expose the lack of laws. The issue is secrecy, lying and relentless breaking of the laws with no respect for basic human dignity and respect including innocent children. The silence is offensive and hurting innocent, voiceless IVF children.

Freedom Comes in Decades, Lifetimes, Multi Generations?

Freedom is an elusive word. Some of us forget the ones who fought for our freedom, some of us who havefreedom from shackles freedom do not respect it enough. Most of us are still fighting for freedom in our own ways. Whether it is a spouse who is a victim of domestic violence and abuse fighting for their freedom OR an abducted victim fighting for their freedom OR nations fighting for their freedom OR sexual orientation based freedom OR race based freedom OR gender based freedom OR immigrants fighting for their freedom OR IVF parents fighting for their freedom OR fighting from freedom against secrecy and lies OR fighting for TRUTH.

Historically, all humans who went on to be remembered for their struggles which led into a freedom movement of its own have relied on ONE UNIVERSAL fact – TRUTH. Their demands may NOT be WELCOME at the time but over time even after their death, their demands remain CONSTANT because they were based on TRUTHIf you are LGBT and Black in America, what does freedom mean to you? If you are an immigrant and IVF parent in America, what does freedom mean to you? African-Americans are a minority and a bigger minority than being IMMIGRANT and IVF parent. So at least the mainstream media gets them exposure if no solutions to the issues. As an immigrant and IVF, we don’t even get exposure let alone solutions to our issues caused due to lack of laws. So while we DO NOT want to distract from the ongoing debate on minority RIGHTS in the USA, we want to “take LESSONS” from it. The FACT is IVF brother and sister are SEPARATED because they are IVF and immigrants. If they were NATURAL BORN or were born in the US, they would NOT be SEPARATED. A parent NEVER stops loving his children. And to fight for JUSTICE and a better FUTURE for your children is what every human has been doing for last 10000 years. Being human is NOT about having a career, a great home, a great car, a great status, it IS about building a better FUTURE – thats what humanity is all about or is it?

1) “I consider my nephew’s murder a hate crime,” he told me, his voice laced with bitterness. “They hated his success.” – said US Congressman Elijah Cummings.

Is Vedant, an IVF son, a citizen of India SEPARATED from his primary care provider and his only known biological family under forced silence and threats a HATE CRIME against IVF children and families? Is it because his IVF father is an immigrant and IVF parent? Even if inadvertent, this is the REALITY. What is the solution?

2) “We have famous names of outstanding achievement,” the Rev. Jesse Jackson told me. “We have LeBron. We have Jay Z. We have Barack Obama. But that is not a random sample. What matters is the undercurrent, and it’s pulling our people down.”

We have great names who are following the laws and saying the TRUTH like Edie Windsor, Tony Briffa, Jaclyn Schulz and are an inspiration to us all for their strength and courage to speak the truth. What matters is the undercurrent, and it’s pulling people down. It is what makes people SNATCH away someone else’s freedom to satisfy their personal gains including using secrecy and lies.

3) In June 2013, the US Supreme court issued opinions restricting the reach of affirmative action and the Voting Rights Act. Earlier this month, a jury in Sanford, Fla., acquitted George Zimmerman of all charges, accepting his claim that he had shot and killed a 17-year-old unarmed black youth named Trayvon Martin in self-defense. The 2012 shooting and the 2013 verdict divided the country, but united Black America around the reasonable fear that no black child — especially no black male — is safe from the assumption that he is somehow a threat to the civil order on any street he walks.

In another ruling in June 2013, the US Supreme Court struck down DOMA opening the doors to over a 1000 federal benefits for gay families like immigration for gay families. Also in June 2013, the US Senate passed a landmark immigration reform bill.

What is the validity of spousal LGBTI immigration before 2013 because it clearly shows it was illegal? Is it a crime to LIE and break the laws? Will IVF children of immigrant gay families now be allowed to immigrate to the US regardless of the parent’s gender?

In 2009, SEPARATION of two innocent immigrant IVF brother and sister born in an intersex family and the ONGOING CRISIS of SEPARATION with NO RELIEF for VICTIMS shows that NO IVF child – especially NO IVF child of an IVF father (based on gender) – is somehow a threat to the social order of parenting and should be removed from the father at ANY and ALL costs.

Freedom is elusive. Any loving parent will continue to FIGHT for their children. We fight because we are a parent and also because we are HUMAN. If someone’s human rights are being violated, someone needs to speak up especially if the victims are innocent, voiceless children. Anyone who has gone through IVF understands that IVF is not just a birth or depositing your sample at the IVF clinic, IVF is a JOURNEY. International IVF involving immigration laws (or lack thereof) is a tragedy and the secrecy and lying is abuse and torture because one cannot get relief as a victim without the TRUTH being shared. It’s a roller coaster ride of emotions, finances, upheavals in life, stress, loss of job, and the nail in the coffin is LOSS of the IVF child due to LACK of laws!

It may take weeks, months, years, decades, lifetimes, multi-generations, but it is a FIGHT for TRUTH owed to IVF children and ALL others yet to be born. We need EQUAL rights for IVF children and families NOW. In the interim, we are ready for FALSE accusations, persecution, defamation, injustice, secrecy, lies, a thousand lies to hide one lie, etc. We have already EXPERIENCED this and are somehow still surviving and alive.