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Intersex Awareness Day For Families

October 26 is intersex awareness day. What is intersex? Here is the medical definition of being intersex. What is the legal definition of intersex?intersex awareness day Regardless of our race, color, birth, gender, caste, religion, sexual orientation, we all have to deal with the laws. Depending on each person’s circumstances, to provide a “complete life”, one needs to understand all definitions pertaining to them. Sometimes lack of laws destroys lives like no other crimes can. As a society, we have a history with social justice issues like gay rights, interracial marriage rights, civil rights, women rights, and so on. Do intersex families have rights? If intersex causes infertility and an intersex family opts for IVF to have children, do IVF families have rights? Do IVF children have rights and deserve compassion also? While October 26 is about intersex awareness day, let us make it complete and also include the issues facing an intersex family which is reproductive rights and IVF children rights and immigration rights. Unless, we as a society think that intersex people do not deserve an equal opportunity to have a family with a spouse and children? Or we as a society think that a person who dares to have a family with an intersex person has committed such a grievous crime that not only he but also his innocent IVF children should be punished by splitting them? With gay rights movement on the upswing, will there be basic human rights if not equal rights for intersex families with IVF children? With the turn of the 20th century, there is lot of continued animosity against an immigrant, IVF father and a spouse of intersex resulting in a thousand lies, defamation and stereotyping. Our motivation is to save IVF children and get basic rights if not equal for IVF children and families of today who may also become IVF parents of tomorrow, whats your motivation for the continued animosity, secrecy and abuse? Like water, truth always finds a way – education and awareness is the right path while secrecy and lies creates only more victims including innocent children – IVF or intersex.

LGBT refers to more of a sexual orientation of a person and should be respected. As per IGLHRC, they added the “I” for intersex in LGBTI to include their human rights also although intersex is not a direct reference to sexual orientation. For most people, due to lack of awareness, they may not discern the difference between “sex” and “gender” at first shot. I was like that. It takes a few discussions and some interest in understanding the difference between “sex” and “gender”. It is ironic that laws do not make the same distinction and as a result there are more inadvertent victims. Asian countries like India, Nepal, Pakistan have long recognized the “third gender” legally and moved away from the colonial British definition of “binary gender”. While human rights may not be great in these countries overall, the fact that they give an opportunity to the “third gender” to be honest and live truthfully is liberating. Maybe in this one area, the west can learn something from the east. Australia started offering the “third gender” as a legal option in 2011 followed by New Zealand. In 2013, Germany will become the first country in Europe to offer the “third gender” as a legal option. Progressive countries like US, UK, Canada and so on are waiting but it is inevitable just like “same-sex” marriage rights eventually have to be granted.

Two things – if intersex people are either men or women, then why a legal “third gender”? Are governments like India, Nepal, Australia, New Zealand, Germany, and so on who make laws wrong or are they doing the right thing? By recognizing the “third gender” legally, is the next logical step to address other issues that specifically impacts intersex families who have lived in secrecy and in lies for years and the issues have never been addressed? A spouse of a gay person is also gay, a spouse of a lesbian person is also lesbian meaning the laws or “lack of laws” impact both individuals the same way. Do the lack of laws for intersex marriages also affect both individuals in an intersex marriage the same way? If an intersex person wants to recognize themselves as a “male”, or a “female” or a “third gender”, it is their choice. However, having no laws for addressing the specific issues of “third gender” is victimizing people. If there are laws for “male”, “female”, then why not equal laws for “third gender”? Do a spouse of intersex and children of an intersex marriage deserve equal rights? Or are their crimes so heinous in supporting an intersex person that they should be ostracized and silenced? Ironically, thats been the traditional way to deal with intersex for centuries and only now in the 21st century, we have truth and transparency. Do the spouse of intersex and children of an intersex marriage have to wait a few more centuries and be victimized before getting basic human rights, if not equal?

A spouse of intersex is not gay but from a legal perspective is treated as “gay” and the anti-gay laws are applicable to a spouse of intersex and his children. We look forward to a time when we will have equal rights for IVF children and families, equal intersex rights, and equal caregiver rights. More importantly, every human will be allowed to live with the truth and freely instead of in secrecy and lies – it is every individual’s basic human right (if not equal) regardless of their religion, race, color, caste, sexual orientation, gender, birth type (natural or IVF) – or is it?

Cold War Era Remnants – IVF Era Remnants

“Mr. Gorbachev, Tear Down This Wall” said President Ronald Reagan famously in 1987. In 1989, the Berlin walls were broken thanks to glasnost—tear down this wall ivfopenness and freedom— and perestroika—economic restructuring. A decades long cold war ended just like that – no missiles fired, no guns, no unnecessary loss of lives, no Nazi like torture among others. Change is in the air. We look forward to the day when we “Tear Down This Wall and provide EQUAL rights for IVF children and families” – says an IVF parent. When will we tear down the walls of secrecy and stigma and start solving real issues plaguing IVF children and families?

In 2013, the anti-gay laws were relaxed in the US. Same-sex marriages started to be recognized legally while they were recognized socially before. Spouses of same-sex marriage could sponsor their immigrant spouse. Health care benefits among other things could be given to same-sex couples. In 2009, an intersex family is destroyed using these very same anti-IVF and anti-gay laws in successfully splitting innocent IVF siblings. We are still in a status quo where US does not recognize intersex as “third gender” and legally considers it “same-sex” depending on situations. It is also true that intersex people are infertile and have a very high likelihood of turning to infertility treatments like IVF to have a child triggering immigration laws for IVF children born outside the US. While socially and physically, a spouse of intersex is not gay, from a legal perspective they and their IVF children are treated as being in a “same-sex” marriage since US does not recognize “third gender” yet.

If equal laws existed, IVF children would not be separated from their families. If equal laws existed, parents who are infertile would not have a need to lie and break the laws and place innocent IVF children in legal limbo. If equal laws existed, innocent IVF children would not become “land-locked” or be forced to be abandoned or given up for forced adoption. If equal laws existed, innocent IVF children would be ensured protection of their basic human rights and dignity by treating them as a “equal human being”. If it is illegal to abandon a natural born child, is it illegal to abandon an IVF child? Are the needs for welfare, growth and development of an IVF child same as a natural born child – then why aren’t the laws the same? What matters is the result and the status quo to address the needs and the best interest of the child. The status quo is inaction, continued lies including breaking laws, and placing innocent, voiceless IVF children in legal limbo even if inadvertent. We need to move on…

In 1987, President Reagan said the famous words, “break down this wall”.

In 2009, two IV siblings were deliberately and heinously split on two continents using the anti-IVF and anti-gay laws of 2009.

In 1989, the Berlin wall fell because it was inevitable.

In 2013, the IVF brother and sister have still never met, when will their time come? When will their “Berlin wall” fall?

In 2013, 24 years after the Berlin Wall fell, a unified Germany is one of the strongest economy in the world and one of the most open and free cultures. In 2013, Germany announced it will legally start recognizing the “third gender” for intersex and thus all the secrecy, lying, stigma, breaking the laws can stop.

When will the time come for IVF siblings to unite who are born during a intersex marriage in the 2000s? It is great to see more transparency, an environment that encourages truth but are the IVF siblings not being able to meet a remnant of anti-intersex, anti-immigrant, anti-gay, anti-IVF laws of the 2000s? If so, why avoid and deny the inevitable which is a meeting between the two IVF siblings on compassionate and humanitarian grounds and allow them to grow up together as brother and sister as they were meant to be? Are all “subject matter experts” familiar with issues that come up which are specific for IVF children? There is education and awareness for children with Down’s Syndrome, Cystic Fibrosis, ADD, ADHD, etc. because parents are allowed to talk about it freely. Infertility and IVF are dealt with secrecy, lies and fraud sometimes. Do we as a society have all the information necessary to be “subject matter experts” on IVF child needs and maintain the “best interest of the child”?

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