Tag Archives: Love

When Lies Ruin Lives and Break the Laws

There is severe trauma and depression for intersex people. That’s what the medical professionals tell us. There is severe depression and trauma when an intersex person has surgery and goes on hormonal therapy changing every way imaginable. They deserve every bit of compassion and support but also LIES which breaks laws? The same person is allowed to be a primary secrets-and-lies-ruin-livescare provider of an infant under the same diagnosis without any medical help? Can’t have it both ways or can you? Rather than continuing to lie and making this case about rights of a biological parent Vs non-biological parent OR rights of an intersex person Vs non-intersex person AND so on, what about rights of immigrants, infertile, IVF children and families? For the record, why do intersex people do not have equal rights to marry or immigrate based on marriage or have reproductive rights to non-biological IVF children born outside the US? Are these issues of the spouse of intersex and IVF father trying to help or a human rights and legislative issue? The truth is this is about a person who relentlessly lies, breaks laws, teaches others to lie resulting in victimizing unsuspecting innocents including children. And when one lie gets caught, there are a set of thousand more lies to hide one lie which dehumanizes people including innocent children. This is about someone who is a criminal and the lies have caught up. If it were about compassion, then where is the compassion for an innocent, abandoned IVF child who is in legal limbo? By continuing the lies, are we suppressing the abuse on innocent children and unsuspecting spouse? Will lies achieve a solution or accepting the truth, however bitter, lead us to move forward and provide a practical solution for all victims?Are the lies ruining lives or helping lives prosper?

It is a fact that intersex marriage is not allowed as per prevailing laws. If you are intersex or a supporter of intersex, is the right answer to demand for equal marriage rights or lie and fraud unsuspecting victims into a fraud marriage? Regardless of whether a spouse of intersex believes in human rights of intersex, the fact that they have been lied to is what constitutes fraud. No marriage can be based on a foundation of lies. Certainly, it cannot be entertained as “love for the spouse” if at all, it is love for thyself. Divorces happen, but do innocent siblings get SPLIT? If a man married a woman, had biological children with her, and then later announced he is gay leading to a divorce, will the children of the marriage be SPLIT? Will the children be taken away from the mother who was the silent spectator to the discovery? Did the mother do anything wrong? Did she cheat? Did she fraud?

It is a fact that US Immigration laws did not allow “same-sex” couples to sponsor immigration for their spouses nor could they marry legally. Law abiding citizens waited, some even over 40 years to be allowed to marry legally – making it a very emotional story because truth is involved. What if an intersex person immigrated to the US based on marriage before 2013, is that legal? More importantly, can other intersex people repeat the same or are they being encouraged to break the laws also? When one takes help of lies, it only ruins lives and certainly one cannot talk openly about the facts and truth because laws were broken. How is it a greater good?

It is a fact that intersex people are infertile. They can either adopt or have children through IVF. In countries like India, intersex people are legally recognized as a “third gender” and can neither adopt or opt for IVF/surrogacy. Then how can an intersex person have custody of an IVF child without breaking any laws? More importantly, can another intersex person repeat it without breaking laws? Isn’t it better to instead demand for equal rights like Edie Windsor or Tony Briffa for the greater good? More importantly, just like the relationship with the spouse of intersex was based on foundation of lies which ruined lives, why repeat a strategy of lies with innocent IVF child, separate him from his siblings and biological family and expect a different outcome? So an intersex person successfully lied, frauded, cheated their spouse whom they claim to “love”, next they got US immigration through marriage before “same-sex” immigration was legalized, next they had an IVF child and claimed it as their own biological child because the law would not support them otherwise, next they abandoned an IVF child and sent the biological parent on a IVF horror story from hell involving, gender, biology, immigration and IVF discrimination…and now want utter silence from the victims? And they expect the IVF child will grow up with no issues once the truth is learnt? Had the spouse of intersex LEFT like majority of men do and not dealt with the complex issues on the plate, well for one, there would be no IVF brother and sister to be UNITED and this conversation would never happen. However we have someone who is a victim of nature Vs someone who is a victim of human actions including innocent children, where do we go from here? “All I am saying is lets give truth a chance.”

It is a fact that about 1 in 6 couples experience infertility. It is a fact that 100% of intersex couples are infertile or dysfertile. Shouldn’t we be advocating for equal reproductive rights for all? That is possible only if truth is allowed. Within the minority of infertile couples, some opt for IVF/surrogacy – the ones who can afford it. In even a smaller minority, some couples divorce during an ongoing IVF pregnancy or known as IVFphiles. What about the rights of the IVF child as an individual? All ongoing natural born pregnancies have to be reported to the court during a divorce in the best interest of the child, why not “equal” laws for IVF children? Are IVF children LESS of a child or have LESS of needs for their welfare and well-being? Even if inadvertent, the negligence treats the IVF child like “property” and denies them the “basic respect and dignity as a human being”, if not equal. The inaction only continues the abuse, injustice and denial of rights. If there are safe haven laws for natural born children, why not the equivalent for IVF children? And how does one deal with international IVF and immigration laws are involved?

Why should an innocent, voiceless child have to suffer and be punished by placing them in legal limbo without a legal identity for crimes they did not commit? Enough is enough.

  • First lies to cheat and fraud an unsuspecting spouse of intersex.
  • Next the abuse while undergoing severe medical treatment during marriage.
  • Next the inability to cope both as a “parent” and a “severe trauma and depression patient” and the resulting abuse on innocent child.
  • Next when threatened by a split and the spouse wanting to say the truth for his own sanity, the criminal realizes they may never be able to have a child again. So let us abandon an innocent child, split the one child from his siblings and primary care provider – another genetic male, and alienate the child systematically from his only known biological family.
  • The medical treatment works but it also takes time and the intersex person today may not be the same person a decade ago when under severe trauma and depression. But did that come at the price of ruining lives of the spouse and IVF brother and sister? Does that mean the crimes did not occur? Does that mean the laws were not broken?

Why is so much importance given to biology between parent-child by laws?

Does biology matter between a parent-child or is it the love for the child that counts? Is it the truth (love) that counts? If child abduction is a crime, is illegalValue-IVF-Children child retention also a crime? More importantly, what is the best interest of the child removed from biological family? With IVF children and its resident lack of laws creates unprecedented situations. Due to a cloud of secrecy and lies around infertility and IVF, there may be false documents created and passed of as “legal” but that does not make the documents valid. Further, it becomes very hard to say the truth because one may have lied several times and broken the laws in the past and by coming clean in the best interest of the child, there may be persecution once the truth is revealed about the fraud. We have to respect the prevailing laws and if we don’t like them, we petition for change in laws, but is breaking laws a crime? Why is so much importance given to biology between parent-child by laws? We need to protect innocent children even if a minority from IVFphiles – a new brand of criminal that places innocent IVF children in legal limbo.

1) Immigration laws in countries across the world are based on requiring a “biological link” between a parent and a child. Laws require biology and gender for immigration and splits families sometimes because the gender or biology may not match with a child. In a case of illegal retention of an Indian citizen IVF child in the US, have laws been followed? IVF procedures in the US give “preference to families that already have children by the same donor”, is that in the best interest of the child?

2) Recently, a worldwide hunt was launched to find a “biological link” with parents of a child. It seems that the only reason for suspicion was the “blonde girl” did not fit in with the parents raising her. Eventually the biological parents were found in Bulgaria based on scientific DNA tests. Is presenting fraud birth documents of an IVF child a crime, especially an IVF child who is illegally retained away from his only known biological family?

3) In another story, an IVF child’s US passport was revoked when it was revealed that there was suppression of facts about the child being born through IVF and there was “no biological link” with the parent. Why are the laws not followed consistently for all IVF children especially for children who are being illegally retained away from their only known biological family?

4) In another story, a US citizen mother was denied US passports for her IVF children because she did not have a “biological link” as she only carried them to term using donor eggs while a mother in the US was determined to be a mother who also had IVF children through donor eggs. Why the difference in the laws? Why is biology made so important?

5) In another story, A US couple was unable to take their IVF child to the US because there was an accident in the IVF clinic of sperm sample resulting in a DNA mismatch between the IVF child and the US Citizen father. The US government followed the laws of requiring “biological link” for an IVF child to immigrate ignoring that “accidents in technology” continue to occur due to no fault of the parents. Is the policy encouraging IVF parents to get fraud birth documents or false DNA tests? US is one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world, they can take a lesson from Madam Curie where accidents in science and technology should be appreciated and move forward, not be used as a tool for punishment due to lack of laws.

6) In another story in the US, a grandmother was arrested and charged because she presented fraud birth documents of her grandchild. She had a biological connection but not as a mother. But there is no legal action against a person illegally retaining an IVF child away from his biological family using false birth documents?

7) In another story in the US, a woman who abducted a child at 19 days old, Ms. Carlina White, discovered on her own of the fraud of her birth documents and led her to find her own biological parents. The woman who abducted the child, Ms. Petite, was charged and convicted admitted she wanted a child at any cost which she did, but what is the best interest of the child? Judge Kevin Castel presiding over the case said,

8) In another story, a US citizen father was united with his biological son from Brazil to live happily ever after as said by then US Secretary of State Clinton, “A child belongs with his [biological] family”. Where is the justice for an IVF child illegally being retained away from his only known biological family without telling him the truth. Where is the best interest of the child?

9) During the baby scoop era, lots of western countries, engaged in forced adoptions of innocent children because their only fault was being born to “single mothers” and its inherent “social inacceptability” at the time. Since then, there have been apologies from the governments and a valid voice from the children and the biological mothers who were coerced and forced to become an accomplice to the abduction of their own child. Is the discrimination being repeated against a different group of IVF fathers because we are in the “transition” of “social acceptance” of some fathers sharing equal parenting activities? Should “gay fathers” be banned parent rights simply because we as a society do think that “fathers” are less as a parent?

10) As a society, we should have every compassion for intersex people and infertile people. What about compassion for IVF children and families including donors and surrogates? The right answer is have equal laws and not break the laws. The right answer is to educate and spread awareness to get equal laws. We cannot go around breaking the laws and placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo. We cannot go around creating IVF children and then abandoning them for personal benefit without any responsibility or accountability for the welfare of the innocent IVF child. The IVF child is an equal human being and deserves and demands basic respect and dignity as  a human if not equal.

Surrogacy in USA

Surrogacy in USA is expensive and not affordable by everyone thus making it inaccessible. Just because one is infertile does not mean they will getfreedom USA affordable surrogacy. Too often the average American who is not a celebrity of sorts or a business tycoon or a huge net worth and just a working class hard working American goes to international places where the dollar travels farther in hopes to create a family through IVF/Surrogacy. Have the laws caught up with technology like IVF? Is it a crime to want to have an IVF child? Was it acceptable for gay fathers or single fathers to have IVF children in 2003? Do the laws also support it in parallel?

As soon as an American goes outside the country to have a child through IVF/Surrogacy to love and cherish for life, immigration laws get triggered because the child is born outside the USA. The immigration laws are different and the laws have to be respected. Just like it is not an excuse to steal, fraud a child by a working class American who cannot afford surrogacy in the USA, not having a “biological link” to a child born outside the US is no excuse to break the laws by claiming as theirs, one has to still follow the laws. Or is it OK to break the laws? USA is a very compassionate country who believes in respecting laws but for an immigrant, intersex, IVF family of 2000s, these words still ring hollow. If one can show compassion to an intersex person, why can’t we show compassion to an innocent, voiceless IVF child?

There are eight different ways parentage can be assigned in an IVF/surrogacy situation which varies from case to case while there is only one way to assign parentage in a natural born pregnancy. Are the (lack of ) laws trying to fit a square peg into a round hole? And if so, what are the effects of these lack of laws when it comes to immigration issues and is it adversely affecting innocent, voiceless IVF children who committed no crimes other than being born through IVF/surrogacy internationally. Is it a crime to be married to an intersex person and wanting to have children which would be either through adoption or IVF since the intersex condition is infertile? It is one thing to want to have a child at any cost but it is another to deny rights to an innocent, voiceless child. There are several families who may not report crimes because of compassion or love for their loved ones, that does not mean the crimes did not occur. Marriages fail all the time but it does not SPLIT innocent siblings where they can never meet, it does not place innocent brother and sister in legal limbo. Do humans [IVF children] who are in legal limbo have any protection of their legal rights and their legal identity?

If an American goes outside the US for international IVF/surrogacy and uses donor eggs and sperm but carries the IVF child to term herself, is she a legal mother who can sponsor her IVF children or not? As per prevailing immigration laws, she is not. Should she abandon the IVF child and return to her life in the US or should she live in exile outside the US and raise her IVF child lovingly as she had dreamed? And yes, the money for the IVF procedure was paid for by income in the US for which taxes were paid in the US. If the IVF child is abandoned due to lack of laws created from money sourced from after -tax US income, whose responsibility and accountability is it for the welfare and well-being of the IVF child?

If an American father goes outside the US for international IVF/surrogacy and uses egg donor and surrogate and his own biological sperm to have an IVF child BUT the IVF clinic swaps the sperm sample accidentally resulting in a DNA mismatch. As per prevailing immigration laws, the IVF child has no legal standing in the US. Again is this the fault of the IVF child, the intended US parents or the IVF clinic? Will it occur again? What will be the legal recourse? What if the IVF child is abandoned by the intended US parents as they may not want to move to another country to live, who is responsible and accountable for the welfare and well-being of the IVF child created by money sourced from after -tax US income?

If an immigrant father goes outside the US for international IVF/Surrogacy and uses egg donor and surrogate and his own biological sperm but a divorce is filed in the US by the infertile spouse with no mention of the ongoing IVF pregnancy outside the US. As per prevailing immigration laws, a biological immigrant father cannot bring his IVF child to the US without a “mother”. Are single fathers or gay fathers or spouse of intersex fathers allowed to love their children equally?  More importantly, what are the rights of the IVF child? The US court also hands out a divorce decree which is enforceable worldwide without taking into account the global scale of the case and welfare of the IVF child who technically and legally is born during the marriage. Whether an intersex marriage is a “same-sex” marriage or whether it is void or legal is a separate discussion. If the same child had been abandoned in the US, it would be a crime and there would be repurcusions on the abandoning parent. Are the rights of the  IVF child LESS? Is the basic, not equal, human dignity and respect for the IVF child less? By denying the rights of the child, are we dehumanizing them to justify the position?

We would have to ask the IVF child about the repurcusions of being in legal limbo. Like when she asks why she cannot get a passport or why is she land-locked? What was her crime? Or when she asks why she can only see her IVF brother on the computer and not in person who is also confined and land-locked and cannot travel outside the US. What is his crime? By denying a legal identity, the result is innocent voiceless IVF children living as slaves to secrecy and lies and being punished for crimes they did not commit even if the intent to enslave is not there.

The crimes here are relentless lying, secrecy and fraud by a person who happens to be intersex, infertile, immigrant and needs a child at any cost. There are several intersex or infertile people in this world but they do not hurt and abuse innocent children. People who abuse innocent children are criminals regardless of your race, skin color, gender, sexual orientation or otherwise. And if a criminal who happens to be intersex, infertile and an immigrant, they have a great story where they achieved all this in 2000s when it was illegal, question is can other intersex, immigrant, infertile people also do the same? Where is the greater good because the lack of laws still exist? Question is could they have achieved this great story without breaking the laws and without splitting innocent IVF brother and sister and placing them in legal limbo? Could they have achieved this in a time when equal rights for gays and IVF children and families exist?

It is hard enough to save up for IVF/surrogacy whether in the USA or anywhere in the world. It is hard enough to find a compassionate donor and a surrogate. It is hard enough to raise an IVF child while the other parent is recovering from their medical treatment with severe trauma and depression. It is hard enough to be frauded, lied, abused, and violently treated in forced silence but to have it repeated on innocent children, it has got to stop. To snatch the freedom from innocent children has got to stop. “Mr./Ms. USA, Tear Down These Walls” [of secrecy, lies and fraud]. We are remnants of an era when anti-gay, anti-IVF laws exist and for as long as the IVF children cannot meet, it is a ongoing reality for us and not something of the past. What we need is truth with compassion and it has to begin with innocent, voiceless children and equal rights for IVF children and families and intersex families.

Dehumanization – IVF Siblings Split Due to Lack of Laws

Anyone who has followed this story of two IVF siblings being split as personal is missing the point. Yes, its personal like every law that has been dehumanizing IVFwritten by humans is also based on someone’s personal experiences. But the point is to have equal laws for IVF children and families. The innocent, voiceless IVF siblings are SPLIT because of lack of laws and someone judiciously and cleverly manipulating the system to their advantage by breaking the laws. It is one thing to claim to love a child but to trample on the rights of another innocent child takes a whole new meaning. How many other IVF children are being affected due to these lack of laws? How many other families of IVF children think this is only “personal” and lack of laws is not an issue? By not giving “equal rights” to IVF children who are also human beings, are we dehumanizing them as some “property” to feel saddened for or feel sympathy for the situation. What we need is compassion AND equal rights so that IVF children are truly treated as humans with a guarantee of protection of their fundamental human rights.

  • Denial of existence of IVF children is “dehumanizing” them like when they are not declared in a divorce proceeding and the best interest of the child is withheld from the court.
  • Denial of state issued legal identity like Passport is “dehumanizing” them. Do people with “no legal identity” have any “legal rights”?
  • Denial of their basic human dignity and respect is “dehumanizing” them.
  • Denial of protection of their fundamental human rights and child rights is “dehumanizing” them.
  • Creating stateless IVF children due to no fault of their own and not providing any legal recourse is “dehumanizing” them.
  • Continued discrimination of IVF children and families without any legal recourse or any relief for victims is “dehumanizing” them.

Empowered girls grow up to be empowered women. They grow up to be empowered mothers, leaders, and innovators. They grow up to move their communities forward and make the world a better place.” – said US Secretary of State John Kerry on International Girl Day 2013

Where are the rights of an IVF girl child? a sister? a daughter? a woman of tomorrow? and a mother of tomorrow? We need the rights today to avail of the tomorrow. How many “dehumanization” events have to occur before criminality kicks in?

  • It is one thing to illegally abduct an IVF child, but to do it at the cost of “dehumanizing” their IVF sibling and denying them their basic human dignity and respect takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be denied basic human rights as an intersex person but to repeat that to an innocent, voiceless IVF children takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be denied equal marriage laws and immigration laws as an intersex person but to use the very same anti-gay, anti-LGBTI, anti-IVF immigration laws to SPLIT innocent, voiceless IVF siblings takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be born infertile and IVF is here to help but to abandon an IVF child and denying their rights takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be “dehumanized” as an intersex person due to lack of laws but it takes a whole new criminality to knowingly and deliberately impose the “dehumanization” on unsuspecting victims.
  • It is one thing to live in secrecy, lies and breaking laws as an individual but to impose abuse and silence under threats to others to also live with secrecy, lies and as a criminal for life takes on a whole new criminality.

The cycle of secrecy, lies and breaking the laws has to end. The cancer of secrecy, lies and breaking the laws eats one up alive seeing their innocent, voiceless IVF children being punished for crimes they did not commit. No more. The right answer is education, awareness and equal laws

Was it wrong to help an intersex, immigrant and infertile person for whom laws itself fall short in extending and protecting their human rights? Is the social conscience misplaced where even laws fall short? If you are in a gay marriage, are both spouses equally affected by the presence or lack of laws and issues of a gay marriage like immigration, IVF children, and so on? Should the lack of laws now extend as punishment in legal limbo to IVF children also? What are the lessons learnt from living in secrecy, lies and relentlessly breaking laws for a decade? Do we repeat the mistakes or do we learn from them? A young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex overcomes a lot of challenges repeatedly in silence and then repeats it as an immigrant IVF parent with lack of laws, why should the IVF children also suffer in silence due to lack of laws? The thought process is the same – equal rights, first it was intersex, then immigration, and now it is IVF children and families. Social justice and social equivalence are the hallmarks of this case – and no one deserves justice more than innocent, voiceless IVF children who have committed no crimes by UNITING them.

Why IVF Children Need Rights as Individuals?

National Coming Out Day is October 11. I am an IVF father and I am a proud IVF father of my IVF children and I am coming out. Nazi Intersex IVF HistoryIf a gay father can tell his child the truth, why can’t an IVF father tell the truth to his IVF child? United Nation (UN) declared October 11 is International Girl Child Day. Is IVF girl child an equal? Is it offensive to withhold the truth from innocent IVF children and deny them their rights? Is this “freedom”? The lack of laws for IVF children is why as an IVF parent I am coming out in support of “rights of IVF chidlren”. Before we discuss the rights of an IVF father, it is important to understand the current legal landscape for IVF children based on gender and biology of parent. Like with any parent-child relationship, there is an emotional component and a legal component. The emotional component is the same in an IVF parent-child relationship, however the legal component is widely different and is based on gender and biology with the parent. The lack of laws for IVF children and families is why we need to discuss the “rights of an IVF father”. More importantly, the IVF children of an IVF father are discriminated against and are the ones being punished for crimes they did not commit. The intent is clearly to protect the best interest of the IVF child and some very sensitive topics may be discussed which are true and factual in the spirit of getting equal rights for IVF children and families. Let’s get on the right side of history. If we can show compassion to an intersex adult despite breaking multiple laws, why can’t we show compassion to innocent IVF children? We are looking for a way out for victims, not a hand out to this 21st century issue.

Who is an IVF father?

An IVF father is a parent who loves his children and children who love their father. As per US Government’s own research, it shows the positive influence and aspects in children with a father. For the purposes of this discussion, the analogous of an IVF father is an IVF mother who used her egg but used a surrogate to have a child. Women who are undergoing fertility treatments to birth their own child are not part of this discussion. The focus of this discussion is strictly from a legal perspective and the lack of laws which is hurting the IVF children more than the parents. An IVF father can be someone who is a gay father or a single father or if you are an intersex spouse. Should IVF fathers in a heterosexual relationship be considered? Do IVF fathers love their IVF children any less? Does infertility affect men any differently especially some IVF fathers who have been through the same roller coaster ride of IVF emotionally, financially, socially, spiritually, and so on?  And when the IVF child is born and the IVF parent finds out that his IVF child is discriminated against because of his gender, how is that supposed to make a parent feel? After the years of anxiety, lost careers, sleepless nights, trauma, other losses, how is an IVF parent supposed to “equate” to his IVF children that they are somehow less because of his gender?  Currently the IVF laws are based on biology and gender. Why not have IVF laws in the  best interest of the IVF children?  What is so wrong about that? or should we rob from a child like taking icecream from a little child?  If an IVF father uses a compassionate surrogate to have a child (and a compassionate egg donor) Vs an IVF mother uses a compassionate surrogate to have a child (and a compassionate sperm donor) Vs an IVF mother uses both a compassionate egg donor and sperm donor and uses her own womb, why are the laws different for the same IVF child? What crime has the child committed to be treated differently based on a parent’s gender and biology? Because infertility and IVF are dealt with secrecy, stigma and lies there is not open discussion and stifles information sharing and only now scientific studies are emerging based on facts. A recent study claims that because the way the IVF children are born with the fertility treatments, hormones, and other things, IVF children are a third more likely to develop cancer or are at 90% risk of brain cancer and 65% risk of leukemia. God forbid but if an IVF child who has been taken away from his biological family needs a bone marrow transplant tomorrow, will the “fraud birth documents” help save is life or w will truth save his life? The biological parent is more than happy to give an organ if it saves his IVF son’s life but first the truth has to be accepted. The reality is IVF children have certain unique needs because of the nature of their birth as opposed to natural born children including adopted children. What are the rights of the IVF child?

Stateless IVF Children

What if the samples are accidentally swapped in the IVF clinic and there is a DNA mismatch. Is the love for the IVF child any less from the commissioning parent? More importantly, what are the rights of the IVF child? What if the “paying adults” (commissioning parents) decide to divorce during an IVF pregnancy, what are the rights of the IVF child? As gender roles are changing, as society is becoming more accepting of gay fathers, single fathers, or fathers who are primary care providers in a traditional marriage, have the laws caught up? More importantly, have the IVF laws and immigration laws caught up with the technology in the best interest of the IVF children? Not to long ago during the baby scoop era, children were forcibly given up for adoption to well-meaning parents and taken away from their biological mothers because their only fault was to be born to “single mothers” who were not “socially acceptable” at the time. Again the innocent children were discriminated due to the circumstances of the parent. A lot of the adoptive parents may be unknowing of the facts and may have raised the child lovingly, but what is right for the child? Why are adopted children looking for their birth parents now? Today it would be unthinkable to take a child away from a biological mother only based on the fact that she is “single”. Is history repeating itself? Truth is the only salvation and children are very smart and figure it out. Especially IVF children because they have a weird sixth sense about things. The hope is that by the time these stateless IVF children grow up into adults, we will have made a dent in bringing equal rights for IVF children and families, it is something very much they can appreciate unless they have been lied to about their IVF birth. Ironically by lying to IVF children, instead of using an opportunity for learning, we are teaching them the worst of humanity which is lying, crimes and abuse in silence. The humanity is that through compassion of fellow human beings, an IVF child is born – a gift to be cherished and celebrated, not hidden and persecuted. 

Why A Brother Cannot Meet His Sister?

Why cannot an IVF brother meet his IVF sister? The fours Is – intersex, infertility (IVF), immigration, invisibility. A parent stating that the other parent cannot raise his child till the child is eighteen years of age is abuse. It may not seem that way now but just like the GAY rights movement, in a decade after the alienated parents’ movement, it will be called abuse which is a crime. It is one thing for laws to catch up with social issues but what is to use the anti-gay, anti-IVF laws to deliberately split an innocent, voiceless IVF child away from his only known biological family and siblings using secrecy, lies, and fraud which breaks laws? Gay marriage was ILLEGAL in 2003 but is LEGAL in 2013. Parental Alienation is LEGAL in 2013, what will it be in 2023? You have to start thinking from the CHILD’s perspective?

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

life happiness

1) LIES, LIES, LIES – First one would have to say the truth and declare the facts which is they are born through IVF and compassion of donors and surrogates. DENYING the TRUTH is DENYING their RIGHTS. If DUE PROCESS was followed and prevailing LAWS were respected, would the IVF siblings be SEPARATED?

2) DISCRIMINATION – There is discrimination against IVF children and families especially when it comes to immigration and international IVF. IVF technology is new and the laws have simply not caught up. But what if someone with intimate knowledge uses this information to discriminate and alienate IVF brother and sister? Is that a CRIME against innocent?

3) LAWS – Is it a CRIME to LIE and BREAK the prevailing LAWS? Is it a CRIME to enforce prevailing laws? Is ABANDONING an IVF pregnancy and placing the IVF child in legal limbo a CRIME against the IVF child and surrogate? Or are we condoning behavior of placing “orders” for babies and abandoning IVF pregnancies with NO responsibility or accountability?

4) LEGAL LIMBO – It is one thing to LOVE a child and another thing to create STATELESS IVF children for your own personal benefit. Do innocent IVF children have rights?

5) GRANDPARENTS – The IVF children were raised by their loving grandparents. The first IVF child partially and the abandoned second IVF child solely. What about the rights of the grandchildren to see and enjoy their loving grandparents who are fast aging and life is mortal?

6) LOVE – A father, his primary care provider, and son love and miss each other terribly but there is NO practical access to grow, develop and love together. Why? Is the LOVE of an infertile parent MORE than the LOVE of a fertile parent? What does the IVF child want?

7) Intersex – There is discrimination against intersex and lack of laws for intersex families. What are the effects of these lack of laws on an intersex family? Just like the future will bring EQUAL rights for intersex, the future will ALSO bring EQUAL rights for IVF children and families, then WHY SEPARATE IVF siblings now?

8) Medical Community – A few bad apples in the medical community LIE and create FRAUD documents which has lingering effects for the innocent. An INVALID birth documents, invalid medical records, abuse of infant, and so on. Now the same fraud medical documents are being USED to SEPARATE the IVF siblings. First abuse, now discrimination and continued abuse. Had the doctor known the fraud documents would be used in the court AGAINST innocent children, would they have lied? There is a code of conduct, ethics and oath in play.

9) FUTURE – By claiming CAIS have “ovaries” and “no testes”, are we HELPING anyone? More importantly, what about the effects of this lying? Will future CAIS children be born with ovaries? Isn’t it better to EMPOWER with TRUTH rather than teaching to LIE? How will you accept the “effects of surgery to remove testes and its medical treatment” because it NEVER happened? First ABUSE and then discrimination and continued abuse. In the future, will medical community LIE about the same surgery? What about the ABUSE and FRAUD occurring on innocent IVF siblings NOW due to this lying?

10) LOVE and a minority within a minority – A young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex stayed in a FRAUD marriage AND shared an IVF child he is VERY PROUD of and LOVES deeply. Is SHARING love? Then why is the IVF son not being allowed to SHARE? Where is the LOVE?

From a legal rights perspective, a spouse of gay is gay, a spouse of lesbian is lesbian, and a spouse of intersex is ____? Recently, Germany became the first European country (western) to legally recognize the “third gender”. Asian countries like India, Nepal, Pakistan and others have done it so before and so have Australia and New Zealand. This leads to education and awareness. Will other western countries like US, UK, Canada also follow suit and legally recognize the “third gender” in the future? And after a few decades, will they also recognize the issues and effects of an “intersex marriage” like having children through IVF and immigration issues? And will that be TOO LATE to save and salvage the INNOCENT CHILDHOODS of the IVF siblings of today?

1) The issue is NOT intersex; there are plenty of people who are born intersex but they do NOT LIE and break laws.

2) The issue is NOT IVF; there are plenty of parents who have children through IVF but they do NOT LIE and break laws.

3) The issue is NOT immigration; there are plenty of legal immigrants who strive to be together as a family through LEGAL immigration instead of facing the consequences of immigration fraud and breaking the laws.

The issue is LYING and breaking the laws which is PUNISHING innocent, voiceless IVF children for CRIMES they did NOT commit. If you are anti-lying and pro-truth, please support us and time will support us too because truth prevails. TRUTH is a lesson we can teach all our children – IVF, natural, straight, gay, intersex or otherwise.

Any amount of intelligence based on a foundation of LIES falls short in front of TRUTH. Really, its that simple. Do you continue a FIGHT based on LIES or do you continue a FIGHT based on TRUTH and for benefit of OTHERS? Ask Edie Windsor.

We are blessed to be left alive even though we are neither here, nor there – just hanging in the middle.

Houston, We Have Nothing

There was the Apollo mission and then there is the international IVF by a binational immigrant mission and we Love-Honesty-Truth-Respect-Nothinghave NOTHING. One does IVF (in vitro fertilization) due to infertility or dysfertility. And a trace do it for “cosmetic” reasons. Maybe the notion of having a baby is more important than actually caring for a baby. Regardless of why one does IVF, the chances of success are pegged at 33%, the medical treatment is not easily affordable and therefore not easily accessible by all who need it, and the end objective is to be blessed with a baby. The point is there is careful planning, deliberate sacrifices, and lot of struggles to get to the final stage when the baby arrives. So what does one do when the IVF baby is born into our wonderful world?

We Have Nothing?

In hindsight, when one embarks on international IVF as a binational immigrant, the first thing to strike you is NOT the money, NOT the sacrifices, NOT the distance, NOT the remote logistics, NOT the so many “what ifs”, NOT the trauma and anxiety and uncertainty, NOT the secrecy and lying, it should be the LAWS. Which by the way are non-existant for IVF children born of binational immigrants. Rather one embarks as a human being due to love, honesty, truth and respect.

Love : A deep loving bond has to exist in order for two people to commit to have an IVF child remotely in another country and agree to raise the IVF child together.

Honesty : There is honesty between two people who know the facts as to who is the biological parent of the IVF child – something required by law. Or else one would need to adopt – again something required by law. The honesty also entails a pact between two people that the IVF child shall remain with the biological parent at all times.

Truth : There is truth between two people to abide by the prevailing laws especially when transfer of a human being (the IVF child) is concerned across international boundaries which requires legal paperwork including a valid passport and visa. There is an agreement between two people to show up in a foreign country when the IVF child is born and return to the resident country with the IVF child and raise the two siblings together.

Respect : There is respect for the infertile person that despite their condition which is naturally occurring meaning it is NOT in their control.

There are lot of undeclared points between two people which are NOT on a legal contract. Does that mean LAWS have NOT been broken? Does that mean other binational immigrants who choose to do international IVF can successfully bring an IVF child born outside the US to the US? In order for that to happen, laws will have to CHANGE. For now, all we have is love, honesty, truth and respect to show. Or is that NOTHING? 

The IVF children

It is one thing to hate your spouse. That is nothing uncommon, just ask several of the married and divorced people including heterosexuals, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, intersex (GLBTI). It is completely separate to DENY a child their rights, to DENY a legal identity to an innocent child, to DENY siblings a chance to grow up together as was planned and agreed upon, to DENY a son his loving father’s affection. It is about time to speak up against the heinous and torturous situation for the sake of the IVF children, if not NOW then when? What did the secrecy and lying achieve? Had the Apollo astronauts not said the now famous words, “Houston, we have a problem”, how could the ground staff and the crew have manged to work together to get out of a less than “sticky and messy” situation? Only truth is the way to move forward or we have NOTHING.

Challenge : If the intersex person is so sure about having done the right thing, the challenge is to make it repeatable. Find one person out of 7 billion in the world willing to go through the same thing. And will make the challenge little easier, one can start with saying the truth instead of secrecy and lying. If you find such a person, the good news is you will have another child and there will be a “sibling to grow up with” for the older child. If not, the answer is we have NOTHING.

Marching Ahead

Practice what you preach. This case is “reverse”  in every sense of the way where the father has stepped out of the stereotype in every way possible. So first practice and then preach.

The proud IVF father understands the reasons why an infertile person would lie at any cost to have a child. In fact, he considers himself lucky that he has been left alive, there are cases where infertile people have murdered fertile people to take away their child. After living with love, honesty, truth, respect, the proud IVF father has got NOTHING. He understands the right answer is to get LAWS passed so people do not have the need to lie or break the laws. And that’s where he is focused now, to get EQUAL rights for IVF children and families. It will benefit him and his IVF children and the millions of other IVF children born and yet to be born.

The principles of love, honesty, truth, and respect have NOT changed. The mission has. The mission for Apollo 11 was to land on the moon which CHANGED unexpectedly to a rescue mission to just safely land on earth and be with family. The proud IVF father is just wanting to live “normally” with truth and honesty with family on earth. Do we have something or nothing?

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