Tag Archives: Love

Is it Better to Abandon IVF Child or Save IVF Child?

In the recent spate of events in the international IVF industry, there has been a hue and cry about the plight of innocent IVF children who are abandoned. There is the save-ivf-child“baby Gammy” case in Thailand and now the “baby twin” case in India. Previously, there was the “baby X” case in India of Canadian couple with a DNA mismatch and the German case in India with stateless IVF children and the “baby Manji” case in India of a Japanese father with an IVF child born during a divorce. Regardless of laws or no laws, there is a natural law of justice especially when it comes to innocent and voiceless people and furthermore when the innocent and voiceless happen to be children, it is incumbent upon each one of us as a human being to ensure their rights. What are the rights of an IVF child? What is the legal identity of an IVF child? Whether the child is abandoned OR it is a case of DNA mismatch or a case of lack of laws for IVF fathers which are barbarically imposed on the innocent IVF child. Yes it is barbaric from the perspective of the innocent IVF child and the IVF father. Is it a crime to want to have a child through IVF AND help a fellow human being who is infertile? There are IVF fathers who are gay or single, what happens when an IVF father is helping out an infertile spouse with joint consent but the non-genetic spouse decides to abandon the IVF child?

Due to lack of laws and a heavy bias AGAINST IVF fathers and their IVF children, innocent IVF children when born during a divorce are rendered in legal limbo and stateless. What rights do they have? Are they human beings who deserve basic human dignity and respect or are they “commodities” to be horse-traded? There are several wrongs in this world starting with infertility but to pre-meditatively and deliberately abandon an IVF child and render them stateless, what kind of an act is that? What justice does the IVF child deserve? What are the rights of the abandoned IVF child? If we as a humanity can have international laws for child adoption and child abduction, why can’t we have international laws for IVF/surrogacy children in their best interest? Or are we so ruthless as a humanity to bring innocent lives into this world with NO rights? Have we stooped so low as a humanity that 7 billion+ lives on this planet is short so let us procreate through IVF and render the innocent, voiceless in legal limbo and never let them ask for their rights? Everyone knows it is easy to steal candy from a baby – but what have you proven or achieved? Abandoning an IVF child born internationally (and therefore legal jurisdictions are lacking) is easy in 2000s but what are the rights of the child – a human being?

An IVF child is special because they are born with help of donors and/or surrogates and help of IVF doctors meaning more than two human beings are involved like in a natural birth. When someone abandons an IVF child, they are ALSO slapping the compassion of other human beings who are helping a fellow infertile or dysfertile human being.

As an IVF father living in the US, when the “secret” IVF pregnancy was abandoned and an innocent IVF child was born during a divorce in secrecy, there was a choice – to abandon the child ALSO like the other partner OR save the child come what may. As compassionate human beings, we react and “just do the right thing” without having time to explain to others because at that time the lowest common denominator is the innocent, voiceless IVF child. Time for explanation will come later but abandoning an innocent child comes NOW. It can take several years to get basic things for an abandoned IVF child like a legal identity. Recognition as a human being who deserves basic human dignity and respect, recognition as a human being who has equal rights, recognition as a human being to be allowed to grow up with their siblings can come LATER, for now, it is about SAVING the abandoned child.

When innocent IVF children are abandoned willfully, it is an act of IVF terrorism. It is a new crime of the 21st century. Just like innocent infants left at dumpsters or kicking dogs and other pets is a cruelty to the victim, why is abandoning an IVF child willfully NOT a crime? Have the laws caught up with technology? More importantly, do the laws have an answer for the IVF terrorists and the tools to bring them to justice and ensure the rights of innocent IVF children? Is it too much to ask to PROTECT the rights of innocent, voiceless IVF children?

2014 – Bad news for Malaysia Airlines, 2000s – Bad news for IVF immigrants

The year 2014 has just not been a good year for Malaysia Airlines. While we may not have explanations of these bizarre incidents, the fact remains hundreds of innocent malaysia-airline-2014IVF-Crueltylives have been lost. Families, loved ones, left-behind folks have to DEAL with the REALITY. Others may give academic opinions, some may give their blood and sweat in searching for clues to bring closure, some may covertly hide the facts to not be exposed. The fact remains innocent lives were lost. The financial future of the airline is in question. The smallest of incidents make major news headlines. Either a “normal malfunction” or “auto-pilot failing“, everything is under the microscope. The other incidents are not extraordinary and if you ask anyone in the airline industry they will confirm these are routine and affects several airlines daily BUT is not a MAJOR news item. Its reported, the concerned authorities notified, appropriate corrective action(s) taken, life moves on – standard operating procedure. But folks at Malaysian Airlines feel the heat and are very sensitive and overly-cautious in this dreadful year 2014 for them.

The 2000s were similar for an intersex, infertile, IVF, immigrant family. Talking about multiple “taboo” subjects but it affects this family deeply, more importantly it affects innocent siblings deeply. Intersex by itself is “taboo” and only now people are even opening a sliver of a door to discuss it even at the highest academic institutions. Multi-disciplinary Gender Medicine Teams are only available in metros and highly reputed medical facilities, 5-10 years ago in 2000s, they simply did not exist. Does that mean the issues these highly educated GMTs are addressing today, the same issues did not exist in 2000s? The fact remains there is a lot of trauma dealing with intersex.  DOMA was defeated in 2013 in the US – much after 2000s. As a result lot of things started coming out in the open. What about people who lived underground till then. Imagine a gay couple who professed their love but could not legally marry in 1999, had a child together and later decided to separate, who would get custody of the child? Legally, there is no marriage because its 2000s and not 2013. How do you fight for your rights – truth or lies? And more importantly, what is the impact on innocent children?

Left-behind family and friends of the victims of the dual crashes of Malyasia Airlines in 2014 will NEVER be able to FORGET and similarly family and friends of an intersex, infertile, IVF, immigrant family of 2000s can NEVER forget or be silenced for the abuse. Silencing the abuses through court orders is a continuation of the abuse because it is trying to cover up facts. Let the truth set everyone free including having equal rights for intersex and IVF children and families. Because if these existed in 2000s, there would be no need for the abuse of innocent.

Its ONLY 2014 for IVF and NOT 2114 so wait for your IVF Rights

If an HIV person is court ordered to not spread HIV to unsuspecting victims, what should be the rights of unsuspecting spouses of intersex whose rights are snatched ivf-is-the-new-black-gayaway? Whatever lack of rights intersex people have, its the same lack of rights experienced by spouse of an intersex just like an unsuspecting victim of HIV infection. The difference is truth vs lying.

If an Italian marine in India can be allowed to go to Italy on humanitarian grounds, why cant an innocent Indian IVF child be allowed to see his loving family is in India?

If a Jordanian terrorist who is now a UK citizen can be sent back to his home country to allow due process and then denied access back to UK, his newly naturalized country of citizenship, why can’t an IVF terrorist who is now a US citizen be sent back to their home country in India to allow due process? Or should they be allowed to run from laws while innocent children who they victimized and continue to suffer the injustice? Do innocent IVF children have rights?

Where is the moral compass? Its not that the moral compass is missing but it seems that it is easier to break laws for personal benefit including abusing innocent children and using them as commodity. It seems that in 2014, people who lie and break laws will be rewarded rather than changing the laws like Rosa Parks or Edie Windsor did by standing up for truth. There is a pride about being American, is it still true for innocent, unsuspecting IVF children and families? As per CDC, about 1% of births in US were through IVF meaning on an empirical scale, IVF and its issues affect about 1% of the population who want children. It also means that the other 99% if made aware of the severe lack in laws for IVF children and families, most would support the right thing to do and therefore education and awareness is key to securing IVF rights. If you know, you will care. You may disagree but that means you cared enough to even disagree rather than being oblivious.

  1. When a mother has multiple miscarriages, only she know how she feels. When an IVF father has multiple failed IVF attempts, how does/should he feel. He knows, do others know?
  2. When a mother is kicked in the stomach while pregnant, only she knows whats at risk for her and the child. When an ongoing IVF pregnancy with joint consent is abandoned by an intended “mother”, how should the IVF father and the IVF brother who wanted a sibling feel? They know, do others know?
  3. When a mother has to give up a child under duress and coercion, only she knows how it feels. When an IVF father is coerced under severe trauma and under duress is forced to agree to lies, only he knows how that feels.
  4. When a mother is helpless and both her children need help, who does she save? When an IVF father is helpless and forced to choose between two innocent IVF children who he loves equally, how should he feel?
  5. Only a woman can understand the pain of a fellow woman being abused and who has no rights. And she would help a fellow woman. even if it meant going against her own family because its the right thing to do. Only an IVF parent can understand the pain of an IVF child who are both victims of abuse, negligence and finally both abandoned and stranded left in legal limbo to survive on their own.
  6. Commodifying women is not just wrong but inhumane. Commodifying IVF parent and their IVF children only to be discarded is not just wrong but inhumane.

As humans, we are a sum of our experiences. Asking a rape victim to forget about the facts is not justice, not in 1814, not in 1914, and not in 2014. Asking an IVF father to forget about the facts of the criminal conspiracy against him and his innocent IVF children including shutting him up to hide facts is not justice in 2004, 2009, 2014. Sadly there are some people in the world today who claim the Holocaust did not occur – there are two lessons from that. One is there is no justice for the innocent victims and continued victimization for the left-behind family if you believe the lies and second the chance of reoccurrence with more victims. Same is true for an immigrant, intersex, IVF family. Lies are wrong and truth is real and the right way forward in everyone’s best interest and innocent victims deserve due process and justice rather than shoving issues under the carpet.

Laws choose to discriminate which maybe well-intentioned but sadly are manipulated and laws are broken by people for personal benefit. Innocent children only recognize love and truth. There is no love in abandoning innocent children or splitting innocent siblings. Infertility is not a crime, lying about infertility is a crime as per laws. More importantly, do lies that break laws and place innocent children in legal limbo deserve action and justice in the proverbial “best interest of child”  or should criminals who are childless be let go? Whose trauma is more – the adult who lies or innocent children who are voiceless?

There is no way to gauge the real impact of the trauma unless you have experienced it yourself. And sometimes the heinousness is so abrasive that even without going through it, as a human being we realize the difference between right and wrong. Being an immigrant, intersex, IVF family is illegal in 2000s both in India and the US as per laws, hiding and lying about it is NOT going to help anyone, especially the unsuspecting, innocent victims.

Top 10 Reasons to be unEmotional

10. The justice system does NOT care about emotions. And we as law-abiding citizens have to live with the laws and not with emotions regardless of show-no-emotion-catch-no-feelings-feel-no-pain-ivfhow unfair the laws may seem.

9. The justice system will selectively care about emotions deeming it “best interest of the child” instead of recognizing the facts that sometimes laws fall short and natural justice should take over.

8. If you are emotional, it will take you LONGER than others to think things through…By that time, the opportunity to fight back may expire like the statute of limitations or people may tend to say let “bygones be bygones” without understanding that injustice is injustice – whether delayed or denied.

7. If you are emotional, people may lie, cheat, fraud you including breaking laws and committing crimes and maybe even forcing you to commit crimes.

6. If you harbor a murderer because they are “family” and you get emotional, it is breaking the laws even though you can justify it emotionally. Do not harbor a criminal, the right thing to do for their sake and other innocents in the society is to report them to the authorities for breaking the laws. Worse, do not become a victim of their emotional blackmail and commit crimes too.

5. When one lives in bad company where one partner/friend commits crimes, it rubs off on you and you also start committing crimes and emotions cannot save you from that.

4. Your innocent children can be held hostage and their individual rights are violated including crime against their humanity.

3. When you are emotional, people will try to spin a web from the “real issues” deeming one who is emotional cannot “think” clearly and are clouded. Fine, then let someone “unemotional” deal with the real issues like IVF, intersex, immigration because the issues still exist and someone does need to bring it to attention and provide a solution. What is worse – being emotional and bringing out the truth OR being conniving and brushing the issues under the carpet. What if it happened to you or someone you love (nah, thats emotional again…you see how it works)?

2. Ironically, got too emotional to pen this down.

1. Frankly, NO ONE CARES. The laws, the society, the system – its all lip service  and only you can protect yourself from the emotional trauma of injustice, unfairness, bigotry, hypocrisy. Protect yourself first.

As a survivor, NOT a victim, of IVF, intersex, immigration in the 2000s, there are a lot of lessons to be learnt. The first is DO NOT be EMOTIONAL. What an irony because if one were not emotional then they could have never become a spouse caregiver of intersex OR an IVF parent OR an exiled IVF parent. They could have perhaps earned 6 + figures in salary, have a great, comfortable, luxurious life with everything money can buy AND have a great professional career where their skills are appreciated BUT innocent IVF children would have been abandoned, violated, abused, tortured without a VOICE.

To the naysayers, all we have to say is that emotion is the very fabric of a human being…even animals like dogs, cats have emotions and they show it. Since when did it become OK to NOT be emotional as a human being especially when it comes to dealing with issues like intersex, IVF, immigration – emotions like compassion build such families while lack of laws break up families, innocent siblings.

Hate Crimes Against Innocent IVF Children and Family

The issue is not being intersex/DSD or infertility. The issue is secrecy and lying. When we had gone in for a medical diagnosis, it was to understand why we could nothate-crime-ivf conceive, it ws a fertility test. What we came out with is a diagnosis for Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (CAIS) – an intersex/DSD condition. Ever since I was young, I always dreamt of being a father, a good parent. Having a child was very important and thats why we had gone in for a fertility diagnosis and was totally unprepared to deal with a diagnosis of CAIS. Much like a woman with PCOS or MRKH or CAH, or CAIS, no matter how hard a “couple” tries to get pregnant, without technology like IVF, its never going to happen. It was critical to understand that a CAIS couple are two males – it is not offensive, it is a scientific fact and a critical fact to understand when trying to have a child. Sugar coating it, wishful thinking is not going to produce a miraculous baby, science might be able to help! Hate crimes against anyone is wrong including hate crimes against innocent IVF children and families. Respect for all is paramount as we move ahead in 21st century with respecting diversity and IVF children and parents are part of this diversity. IVF is the new black, new gay, new orange. An innocent IVF father who happens to be part of an intersex/DSD marriage and its inherent lack of laws was left to die with his IVF child, but they survived. If you think IVF children and families deserve equal rights, please do sign the petition. 

“When this is over, I’m going to go in my son’s room, my black son, who wears his pants sagging, wears his hat cocked to the side, has tattoos on his arms, but that’s my baby, And we all ought to be thanking the Browns for Michael, because Michael is going to make it better for our sons, so they can be better black men. So they can be better for our daughters, so they can be better black women.” – said Captain Ron Johnson.

As an IVF father, when this is over, my IVF son, who is born of my sperm, anonymous donor and surrogate despite fraud documentation, who loves his father, who wanted a sibling as an IVF child of an IVF father, who wants to meet his siblings but is not allowed to, but thats my baby, he deserves his rights even though he is born IVF. And my IVF daughter does not deserve to be abandoned and be treated like a “commodity”, she is her own individual with her own human rights. It is important to speak up for rights of IVF children and families so that we have better IVF parents and people who abuse the laws and knowingly place innocent children’s welfare at risk should be punished. At the end of the day, humanity should matter.

Just like a woman undergoing fertility treatment, a man can also undergo fertility treatment. The “feelings” of despair, anxiety, loneliness, sleeplessness, sometimes happiness, parental love, are common to both an intended IVF mother OR IVF father. If a woman can dream to provide a sibling for her child, can an IVF father have the same dream? Or are we in the wrong decade/century? Are the feelings the same? Remembering one’s dreams and longing for a child are common to both intended IVF mother or IVF father. When other friends or couples are having children and people ask “Are you next?”, the sinking feeling is common to any infertile person or infertile couple. Especially where a fertile spouse is forced to hold silence for the sake of “respect” of the infertile spouse. That does NOT diminish the fact that the fertile spouse still gets a sinking feeling whenever someone makes an inadvertent comment like “Are you next?” The quizzing, questioning is not wrong because the truth has been hidden from them, the secrecy and lies is what’s wrong.

The question is NOT whether “mothers” are best OR “fathers” are less worthy of a parent, the question is what is the best interest of the child. The answer should be who is a better role model for the child and who can fulfill the needs of the child. Sadly, facts like love, compassion, honesty, integrtity are good words and philosophy, they only look good on paper, they are not worthy in evaluating a “good parent”. Sadly, human emotions do not count but laws rule our lives and so lets stick with laws regardless of how incompassionate or heinous the laws are.

If fathers are so bad then why are IVF treatments allowed for single fathers or gay fathers or intersex fathers? Shouldn’t the love and compassion be more important than the gender of a parent? Shouldn’t the dreams of an individual be more important than their lifestyle choices? Shouldn’t an IVF brother be allowed to grow up with his IVF sister he wanted than be SPLIT up? Shouldn’t the best interest of children count more than adults who lie and break laws? Does an IVF father have the right to exercise his parental rights OR should he be forced to abandon his other IVF child?

A US Court on one side cites that India has not signed the Hague Treaty on Child Abduction and therefore is justified in not allowing an Indian citizen minor to go to India and lie to him. While on the other side the US laws require a “genetic link” between US parents and children born outside the US like IVF children. The right answer is to have US laws catch up with technology like IVF. Regardless of the justification, splitting innocent siblings is NOT the right answer, especially when done knowingly. No country has laws for IVF children and families but while we as a humanity struggle to get there, why SPLIT up innocent siblings whose only fault is to be born IVF? These hate crimes against innocent IVF family need to stop whether it is 2014 or 2114 (by when, the hope is equal rights for IVF children and families will exist). Just as it was wrong in 1800 to deny rights to a slave because of their skin color despite it being legal, it is wrong to SPLIT innocent IVF children and family. Crimes have occurred because no prevailing laws allows the current scenario. What action has been taken against the people responsible for the hate crimes against innocent IVF children and family?

Bullying and intimidating an IVF father and his IVF children is not the right answer, passing equal rights for IVF children and families is the right answer. When one has been left to die but they survive, a new beginning dawns. For us, it is to legalize our IVF children because they are living human beings who deserve their basic human rights and child rights.

View of Justice and Outrage

It is a tragedy that 298 innocent lives were lost for a conflict thats not theirs. But today those 298, their families have forever joined the conflict either MH-17-Missile-Attack-IVF-Outrage-Justice by chance or circumstances. Rest of the world has joined in because of the outrage at innocent lives lost. An innocent family got involved with lack of laws for intersex/DSD, IVF, immigration either by chance or circumstances. Now we are also dealing with the same issues that an intersex/DSD, infertile, immigrant deals with. We all should be outraged at the lack of justice for innocent victims.

In the Sunday Times, Mr Cameron said the UK was not seeking confrontation with President Vladimir Putin or suggesting military action. He said: “Russia can use this moment to find a path out of this festering, dangerous crisis. I hope it will do so. But if that does not happen then we must respond robustly.” He wrote: “We must establish the full facts of what happened. But the growing weight of evidence points to a clear conclusion: That MH17 was blown out of the sky by a surface-to-air missile fired from a rebel-held area. If it is the case, then we must be clear what it means: This is a direct result of Russia destabilising a sovereign state, violating its territorial integrity, backing thuggish militias and training and arming them. We must turn this moment of outrage into a moment of action.”

This site is about IVF rights, so lets look at this statement from the view of innocent IVF siblings who have knowingly and deliberately been SPLIT just like the tragic MH-17 flight was shot down knowingly and deliberately.

1) No one is trying to seek confrontation with any government but just want to grow up as a happy IVF family. The powers that be can use this moment to right multiple wrongs and must establish the full facts. The known weight of evidence points to a clear conclusion : There is no genetic lick between the IVF child and the parent raising them despite US laws requiring a genetic link between US parent and child born outside the US. Having inadvertent lack of laws against IVF children and families is one thing but for someone to deliberately use the loopholes to SPLIT innocent siblings and a loving parent is a hate crime against the IVF family. This is a direct result of continuous secrecy, lying, fraud, breaking laws, and destabilising an IVF family, violating its love and compassion, backing criminals who break laws for their own selfish benefit. The right answer is to fix the laws so that environment like this is not created where infertile people will do anything for the sake of a child including alienating them from their biological family and siblings. Whose best interest are we serving? An adult who lies, cheats, fraud and breaks laws OR the innocent children? Regardless of how we pontificate on this sensitive and “taboo” subject, SPLITTING innocent siblings is NOT the answer.

2) If a woman had used her egg, got a sperm donor and surrogate, and had two lovely IVF children, would the IVF siblings be separated? Would anyone even consider doing this? So the only fault of the innocent IVF siblings to be SPLIT is because their parent is a male? We have a long ways to go as a society but in the process let’s not punish innocent children.

3) As a double whammy – Malaysia airlines lost another plane MH-370 and is dealing with double jeopardy for situations they were placed in circumstantially. The IVF father here is also part of an intersex marriage and that was also dealt with secrecy, lies, fraud and concealed care. The lesson learnt is LYING is not the answer. The world may not be ready yet to deal with complex and so called “taboo” subjects like intersex, IVF, infertility, dysfertility, immigration simultaneously. But that’s our life, these are the facts – we have to DEAL with them regardless of whether the society or the laws are ready. This is our MH-370 and MH-17.

We must turn this moment of outrage into a moment of action and fight for equal rights for IVF children and families. Our hearts and prayers are with the innocent lives lost and their families. Your strength gives us strength.

Happy Birthday Madiba and You Continue To Inspire US

July 18 – Madiba’s birthday – one of the greatest humanitarian of the 20th century and possibly ever. His words and actions continue to inspire us. In nelson-mandela-IVFthe 21st century, we are dealing with some sensitive and complex human rights issues as well. Come take this journey with us to understand what it means to deal with intersex (DSD), immigration, IVF (infertility) simultaneously while being forced to become invisible. The four I’s. One can understand that most people would not know the complications of dealing with the 4 I’s but if educated and made aware they can appreciate and understand why equal rights for intersex and IVF children and families is the right answer. Living in secrecy, living with lies is never the right answer. Because secrecy and stigma are the biggest culprits which may force some people to lie, cheat, fraud, break laws. How do words of Madiba resonate as we fight for equal rights in the 21st century? For those who think is the child happy, the question is can he be happier with his sibling and loving biological family? The question is will truth prevail or will he be “happy” under the guise of secrecy and lies? The question is as an intersex family, we have already witnessed and been victimized what lies do to innocent children – the result is we have two SPLIT siblings, lets NOT repeat lies in the “best interest of the children”. You would have to walk a step in the shoes of an intersex, IVF, immigrant, invisible family first before passing any judgement. Whatever judgement you pass, add a line at the end…”and thats why its OK to abandon a child AND split innocent siblings”. You will get the answer from your heart. 

1) “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

If people can offend someone by wrong words or actions, they can make it right by saying the right words or actions. If people can deny someone their rights including innocent children, they can make it right by respecting their rights. It is sad that prevailing laws require a “genetic link” between a US parent and a child born outside the US meaning an infertile person in the US can never legally bring a child born outside the US. The right answer is to change the laws and bring them in sync with 21st century ideologies. It is wrong to use secrecy, lies, cheating, fraud, breaking the laws, abandoning innocent children, placing innocent children in legal limbo to have a child at any and all costs and denying rights to several people for the sake of one. Fix the laws, dont split innocent siblings under lies – it will never be the right answer. Learn to say the truth instead of learning to lie – a good lesson to also teach our children. If someone can be taught to be selfish, we can also learn to respect all. If someone can be taught to lie, they can also be taught to say the truth because truth comes naturally.

2) “What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.”

Dealing with the 4 I’s in 2000s simultaneously is well a recipe for death. It is the secrecy and lies which will do you in. Thanks to the support of loving family and the fact that “it takes a village” to raise a child where friends and neighbours still help out is why we can cheat DEATH despite being left to die. The second life has been given to make a difference. Before we were making a difference silently and now it’s time to make a difference vocally by spreading awareness and education so that equal rights for intersex and IVF children and families become a reality. Because if these rights existed in 2000s, two innocent IVF siblings would not be growing apart. Innocent IVF siblings are victims of the war on fertility. Lets make it a better world, lets make a difference with truth and respect.

3) “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

For decades, medical professionals, highly educated and possibly the best subject matter experts in dealing with intersex health care relied on a concealment based approach including secrecy, lies, creating fraud medical records claiming it to be in the “best interest of the patient”. After years of objections, they were finally proved wrong despite their highest education and credentials because they had used “lies”. In fact the actions are so bad that the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to such intersex surgeries basically amounting to calling the medical professionals actions for decades as “torture”. While the ones who perpetrated these actions will NEVER be tried, let us learn and never LIE to innocent children. It does NO good. Let us NOT lie to IVF children and repeat the same mistakes. We have evidence of what happens when a system teaches and helps a person lie, they become arrogant and start lying and breaking laws which denies other people their basic human rights like an opportunity for a brother to grow up with his sister he wanted OR a son wanting to grow up with his biological father, his primary care provider OR a daughter who is left abandoned and stranded forcing her father to raise her in exile away from her brother OR ALSO ABANDON her. Education is more powerful and dealing with the 4 I’s in 2000s and is all about CHANGE. 

4) “For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”

For to have the love of a child where laws itself falls short, it is not love when it has come at the price of abandoning their sibling and SPLITTING siblings OR placing both innocent IVF children at risk and in legal limbo. Do they have the freedom to go anywhere in the world and explore? Do they have a legal identity? Is making an innocent child “legally invisible” respecting their rights and freedom? Are there laws to respect the rights of an IVF child when born during a divorce? Why is there an IVF prison for innocent IVF children and families? Is it such a heinous crime to want to build families through IVF that the punishment is to SPLIT innocent siblings and parent?

5) “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

These words have carried us far and will continue to do so. How many people you know who have gone through the trauma of the 4 I’s simultaneously and lived to say the truth? If you fall for the sake of a child, is it really a “fall”? Lets learn and NOT repeat what we did for decades to intersex children by lying and forcing “societal norms”, lets not repeat the cycle with innocent IVF children and expect a different outcome. Let’s end the cycle of secrecy, lying and provide real meaning to the phrase, “best interest of the child”. As a society, let us not fall, let us rise with respect and truth.

Secrecy and stigma are the real cuplrits, lets overcome them with education and awareness while maintaining truth and respect for all.

Let Freedom Ring Free

OMG, how can an IVF father raise an IVF child? Thats the most common reaction for an IVF father living in exile raising an abandoned IVF child. Why is the focus on the “gender” of a parent? This stereotype manifests itself into laws which actually hurts innocent IVF children. And as a parent, that is more than offensive, more than traumatic and it is torturous to see your innocent child being punished for crimes they did not commit and due to their parent’s “gender”. freedom ring free ivfDiscrimination against males and females, mothers and fathers is actually hurting innocent children due to lack of laws. As a parent, all one wants is the best for their children and at the very least provide equal rights for their children. For a mentally and/or physically challenged child, the parent wants the best for their child and laws to support that, for an IVF child, an IVF parent wants the best for their child and laws to support that. Not mother, not father but a parent. While the compassion and concern is appreciated one receives as an IVF father, the real answer is to address the inadequacy of the laws in the 21st century. We want freedom, we want respect and more than anything we want equal rights for our IVF children and families.

It would be nice to see someday the question that how does a “parent” feel? Gay fathers, single fathers, intersex fathers are just parents. Let us not continue the discrimination with innocent children of gay fathers, single fathers, intersex fathers by “classifying” them. They are just innocent children of their loving parents, shouldn’t that be enough? I have a dream that someday it is the character and love of a parent that will count more than the gender of a parent. Dealing with infertility is NOT a women’s issue. Dealing with infertility is a CHILD issue. Dealing with infertility is a HUMAN issue. Let us not PUNISH innocent children due to the war on fertility.

Recently, Indra Nooyi, an accomplished individual and voted one of the top 50 most influential women in the world said that “Women can’t have it all” and it is hard to have a work-life balance. What about IVF fathers, can they have it all when it comes to loving and raising their IVF children together at home? Are the centuries old stereotypes hurting us as a society? If women are trying to break the “glass ceiling” at work, are fathers at home waiting to get equal rights? If a woman is disfranchised at work, someone still gets the job done although the woman still maybe a victim of unequal laws and stereotypes. At home, when fathers are discriminated, it is the innocent child who gets disenfranchised, a living, breathing human being – is this what our society wants moving forward? Let us not continue to give unequal rights to fathers at home which directly abuses the rights of innocent children. If women can’t have it all, can innocent IVF girl have it all? Like a legal identity, a passport to travel freely to visit her brother, see the snow, see the wild animals and explore the world?

In other news, the Indian Supreme Court recently said that women are “misusing” the anti-dowry laws to protect them instead they have turned it into a weapon. Laws are created to protect people. When people “misuse” the law, it fails in spirit of the law and is disrespectful to the legal system and endangers the welfare of innocent children. If you have a little daughter, is this what you would want to teach her which is to place innocent grandfathers and grandmothers in prison under false accusations just so that you can harass your spouse? It begs the question – If women “misuse” anti-dowry laws, what would infertile people do who cannot legally have a child without a “genetic link”? Exactly at what point do we say its enough? Perhaps when innocent children are being abused and placed in legal limbo for the selfish advantage of an infertile adult who happens to lie which breaks laws – is that enough? We all have skeletons in the closet but when those skeletons happen to be of innocent children OR compassionate surrogates rights, someone has to speak up. The TRUTH has to be told so that a change in laws can occur in the best interest of children. Children are NOT the criminals – so why should they be punished by being palced in legal limbo?

If a four year old wants to go to America to see her brother OR a nine year old brother wants to come to India to see her sister- she/he should be able to? Why deny them the right because an adult infertile person wants to break the laws for selfish advantage?

If a four year old wants to go to Canada to see the snow or go to Africa to see the giraffes and zebra – she should be able to? Why deny them the right because an adult infertile person wants to break the laws for selfish advantage?

IVF fathers are tough. Especially, ones who made multiple trips to the IVF clinics by themselves. Regardless of whether they are gay, single, intersex fathers, straight fathers, compassionate fathers, loving fathers, they made the trips alone because they wanted a child. And to ask a parent, an IVF parent to abandon their IVF child because LAWS are inadequate is insane and heartless. It questions every being of humanity within us.  If it does not raise your hairs, it should. If it raises your hairs, raise them more. Because this is a nightmare for any parent – the worst form of casteism. Where the actions of a parent are used against innocent children forever. Let the innocent children have freedom and have their own individual rights – show them true love.

IVF Rights Part of Immigration Executive Order

Recently, US President Obama announced that he will have an executive order for immigration reform. Are IVF rights on the agenda? Here are a few immigration-ivf-reformsimple reasons to have IVF rights on the agenda first and foremost in the best interest of the IVF child and then the intended parents and families. As a society, we cannot knowingly create stateless babies and punish IVF families for wanting to build families through wonders of IVF. It is time to celebrate IVF in the 21st century and not hibernate. If you agree with the change, sign the petition at http://chn.ge/1oltFl5 and support IVF rights.

1) Change the verbiage in the current US Immigration Law (7 FAM 1131.4 and 7 FAM 1131.5 and its sub-sections) that deals with IVF for US citizens: Change the phrase from “biological mother/father” to “parent“.  The “genetic link” requirement discriminates against infertile people (the very folks who are meant to give a helping hand through wonders of technology), punishes innocent IVF children for DNA mismatches, punishes IVF children born during a divorce or born into a LGBTI family or single parent family. 

2) Change the phrase from “child born out of wedlock” to “child born“.  If IVF children are deemed to be “born out of wedlock”, are we implicitly taking away their legal rights of being “born in a marriage”? Frankly, the verbiage is outdated and offensive.

3) The applicable US Immigration law for IVF fathers on US green card: We are asking for a change of one word – from “mother” to “parent” as cited in 9 FAM 42.1 N2.1 and 9 FAM 42.1 N1.1. This would allow an IVF father legally on US green card to bring a child born outside the US though an egg donor and surrogate to meet US law requirements. If a US LPR mother uses her egg and a donor sperm and surrogate abroad can bring that IVF child legally to the US then why discriminate against the IVF father who uses his sperm? Does the innocent IVF child care?

4) Family Laws and Best Interest of an IVF child born during a divorce – If a US couple has an ongoing IVF pregnancy, it must be mandatory to declare the IVF pregnancy to the court like a natural pregnancy in the event of a divorce so that the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD can be ascertained by the court. Suppressing information from the court is a crime. The rights of an innocent IVF child in a foreign country of a US couple are directly placed in a LEGAL LIMBO. Have a law that a US resident (US Citizen or Legal resident) must “pre-declare” for an IVF child if the surrogacy is done abroad which inherently will protect the rights of the innocent IVF child.

5) Left-behind IVF child law – The needs of an IVF child are NO DIFFERENT than a natural born child. An IVF child also needs love, care, clothes, food, shelter, books, toys, education, and so on. If an intended parent abandons an IVF pregnancy or IVF child in a foreign country, they should be held accountable and responsible because the IVF child’s needs are EQUAL. Is an IVF child LESS of a child than a natural born child? An IVF child is not an unwanted pregnancy but a deliberate pregnancy to bring an innocent life into this world. Laws should hold adults accountable and responsible for abandoning an ongoing IVF pregnancy they consented to.

6) Legal recourse for lapses – In cases where the fertility clinic lapses like accidentally swapping samples there should be a legal recourse. In this case, a DNA test would be negative but what if the intended parents still want to bring an IVF child born outside the US back to the US and raise them? It is traumatic enough to deal with infertility and the trauma only continues when there are serious lapses like switching samples of the biological parent. Some of these laws should be retroactive to UNITE innocent IVF children and families.

7) Debate on Parentage – Define clearly on parentage of the child including issuance of legal documents like birth certificate. A valid birth certificate is a fundamental right of the CHILD and not the parents. It is a document that the child carries for life including adulthood. As the technology evolves, (Link Is : “Three-Parent IVF” Up For Public Consultation In Britain : http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/250343.php) it is possible to have a “three parent IVF child” where the DNA is from three parents. What will be the legal impact of this?

8) Public Service –

a) Just like there are public service announcements through radio advertisements, etc. to educate and spread awareness about adoption and its legalities, there should be similar public service campaigns for IVF families.

b) Just like there are travel advisories for US citizens to risky regions, there should be IVF/surrogacy advisories for US citizens of countries that uphold basic IVF child rights and basic human rights of the IVF industry including donors and surrogates.

Love and Compassion Cannot Conquer Secrecy and Lies

Love and Compassion are cornerstones in being human, whether its a relationship between lovers or siblings or parent-child or friends or neighbours or states or countries. When our humanity is at stake, everything we have built around it questions our very ethos of humanity especially when the victims are innocent children. Rather than having a ethical OR moral OR legal obligation to respect a fellow human being, the true question is can love and compassion conquer secrecy and lies?

If you are an adult woman who happens to be infertile, do you get compassion and sympathy from the society if not the laws? But if you are an IVF girl child (a future woman), do you get the same compassion and sympathy from the society if not the laws?Equal IVF Child Rights Tshirt

If you are a victim of female infanticide, clerly you cannot talk. But what if you are an abandoned IVF girl child, do you have any rights as a human being and as a child?

Take the journey of how convoluted our society is in paying lip service when it comes to human rights and child rights of innocent IVF children and families. It is not about who you know, it is about how you are born is where the discrimination begins. As a society, legally, if not socially, we have conquered discrimination based on race, color, creed, gender, sexual orientation but when it comes to IVF children and families, we have some ways to go. Is IVF the new black, the new gay and the new orange?

IVF is a wonderful medical technology to help infertile or dysfertile people. As everyone knows, it takes three things to make a child scientificaly, sperm, egg and womb. But it takes love and compassion to raise a child. Not just as a parent but as a good human being. Secrecy and lies are NOT in the best interest of any child despite what the “experts” claim. Besides, where is the expert to deal with multiple complexities of intersex, IVF, immigration families?

Some IVF families are honest about their traumatic IVF journey. Some IVF families cherish the IVF children including siblings who are allowed to grow up together as a gift of the father. And some people abuse innocents through IVF and placing innocent lives at risk and in legal limbo. If the laws do not allow for biological father’s name on a birth certificate of an IVF child, shouldn’t one fight for their rights with honesty rather than placing innocent children’s lives at risk? How does the law treat non-biological, intersex parent when it comes to placing their name on an IVF child birth certificate? Adding the complexity that when the IVF child is born outside the US, that IVF child is considered as “child born out of wedlock” meaning is there a marriage or not?

There must be a silver lining to the IVF tragedy and travesty. If non-biological parents deserve equal rights, then government should have laws “in sync” with that philosophy rather than imposing that by SPLITTING innocent IVF siblings. And if non-biological parents have equal rights in raising an IVF child through love and compassion, should they also be held equally accountable and responsible in the welfare of an IVF child if either intended IVF parent abandons the IVF child? Why do we have double standards? Does the innocent child care who abused them? The innocent child cares about love, compassion and justice to get their legal rights.

Rather than pontificate on having equal rights for non-biological parents, one should have laws to reflect that also. And how do you justify actions on one side where a non-biological parent has “equal” rights to a child while on the other side abandoning another non-biological child? Do the innocent children as individuals have any rights or are they human chatal? Do the innocent biological siblings have any rights or do they deserve to be punished for crimes they did not commit? Does the innocent “biological parent” deserve to be punished based on the fact they are “fertile”, OR “immigrant” OR “male” OR any other justifiable discrimination in 2009? The question is NOT whether it is discrimination and abuse, the question is whether the “justifications” of 2009 will stand the test of time? Just like slavery, women suffrage, colonialism, apartheid, civil rights, gay rights, “orange rights”, IVF rights is coming and then these false justifications will be exposed for what they are. Stop pontificating and start caring about real human beings – the innocent children. Love and compassion will conquer the mountain of secrecy and lies because that its power, because thats what makes us human. Let the tsunami of love, compassion and truth be unleashed to wash away the mountains of secrecy, lies, crimes for the sake of innocent IVF children.