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The Few, The Proud, The IVFhood

We pay homage and respect to the ultimate pillar of humanity of our times, Nelson Mandela. As millions and possibly billions who have been inspired by him, we continue the fight for equal human rights for all including innocent, defenseless, voiceless IVF children.

In each struggle, numbers count. Sadly, thats our system. Too often as humans in a democracy, we feel we are just a “statistic”. Then there is the mandelaIVFhood. The IVFhood consists of a large IVF ecosystem including the IVF child, donors, surrogates, intended parents, doctors, staff, etc. IVFhood is like being in a marathon where everyone is cheering you on but only the runner knows the truth and has the courage to get to the finish line. Most people do not even know what IVF families go through and what it takes to be part of the IVFhood. All IVF parents are very strong, persistent and determined possibly overcoming several personal, emotional, financial, legal and other struggles. Some who are lucky are blessed with an IVF child, some are not as lucky. Every IVF journey is unique and every IVF parent has an unique story on how they got there and got through with or without an IVF child. We are not just a “statistic”, we are real people with real needs and concerns. We are not asking the government to give every human being a child, we are asking for equal rights so that every IVF child is EQUAL. As an IVF parent, it is one thing to be discriminated against their reproductive rights but to use biology and/or gender of a parent to discriminate against an innocent IVF child takes it to whole another level. It is one thing to stand by quietly when an adult is discriminated and abused but can any parent standby quietly when it is their child being discriminated and abused? We need education and spreading awareness, not secrecy and lies. Let us go through some statistics.

  • As per CDC, 1 in 6 couples (about 15%) experience fertility issues. This does not account for singles or LGBTI couples where 100% need some sort of fertility assistance.
  • As per CDC, about 1% of child births were through IVF. As of 2013, in about 35 years since IVF’s inception, 5 million babies have been delivered via IVF. This number is expected to grow widely in the coming years especially now that “same-sex” marriages are being legalized.
  • With better IVF techniques and increasing demand, the IVF “success ratio” will be optimized resulting in birth of more IVF children and the “numbers” will grow in size.
  • With increasing medical tourism and affordability being a significant factor in IVF rather than just infertility or dysfertility, more IVF children may be born internationally requiring appropriate immigration laws.

The current laws for immigration simply do not go far enough and inadvertently puts innocent IVF children in legal limbo. Why? Are they not human beings who deserve “basic human dignity and respect” if not equal rights?

  • When an innocent child has no legal identity due to no fault of theirs other than to be born via IVF, is it discrimination based on “birth type”? Its the inadvertent effect of lack of laws and is this the kind of society at we want to leave our children with?
  • What are the rights of an IVF child and surrogate when a divorce occurs during an ongoing IVF pregnancy? Does the “intent” of having an IVF child have any significance?
  • If its a crime to abandon an infant, should it be a crime to abandon an IVF child with no accountability or responsibility for the IVF child?
  • When human errors occur due to accidents where samples get swapped and resulting in a DNA mismatch leading to lack of immigration laws for the IVF child, should the IVF child be abandoned, forced to be given up for adoption, or should the intended parents be forced to live in exile outside their home country because their IVF child cannot immigrate with them or should they break the laws and get the IVF child illegally to their resident country?
  • Does a child in legal limbo have any legal rights? Is there a difference when a child is placed in this situation due to no one’s fault Vs. deliberate actions of another human being.
  • The basic question is why are we creating IVF children without proper protection and ensuring their basic human rights if not equal rights? Every human being deserves the right to have a child – fertile or dysfertile or infertile, straight, gay, lesbian, intersex, single – but are the laws reflective of this?

Innovation can only occur when you can breathe free, challenge the government, challenge your teachers, challenge religious leaderssaid US Vice President Joe Biden.

A parent who is poor loves their child just as dearly even though they may not be able to afford education, or a parent who is gay or lesbian loves their child just as dearly even thought they may need to legally adopt or go for IVF or an immigrant parent loves their child just as dearly who may be separated from their child due to immigration laws or an IVF parent loves their IVF child just as dearly, then why SPLIT them in certain cases? We do not need the government to show a parent how to love, we need the government to have laws so that there is an equal playing field. The lack of laws is creating such a desperate situation where IVF parents are forced to just ask for BASIC rights to respect their IVF child as a human being and not even EQUAL rights. It is reminescent of past social justice revolutions like women suffrage, civil rights, apartheid, gay rights where initially one asks for basic human respect and dignity and then equality.

Relentless Secrecy and Stigma

It is one thing to have anti-IVF laws, anti-gay laws, anti-intersex laws but to use them to split innocent IVF brother and sister and place them in legal every-life-equallimbo is a heinous crime against the children. Every human including IVF children deserves basic respect as a human, if not equal. If a person is raped, what are the circumspect effects? As a human being one has to continue to live and how does one go about. Any person can be raped while majority of the rapes are against women. Men or intersex people may get raped but have no laws to protect them or get them justice. While the physical pain is intolerable, there is more to it than just that. Rape also involves secrecy, stigma, taking away a person’s self-worth, mental torture, dehumanizing and so many other things. Due to the secrecy and stigma, a rape survivor may not report the facts for days, weeks, months, even years. There are child sexual abuse cases which go unreported for decades. Does that mean the person who has experienced this horrible situation is hallucinating? And the crimes did not occur? Then there is the long road for justice. The predator is let go because the “statute of limitations” expired, does that mean the crimes did not occur? Does that mean a person will stop fighting for the truth? When a person who has been raped first is a victim, if they do not die or commit suicide, they are a survivor and when a survivor is awakened to be free of secrecy and stigma, they are truly awakened. Whether they are awakened in a week, a month, a year, it may be too “late” for the statute of limitations but if they speak up, just maybe one person, just one person may be inspired to speak up sooner if in the horrid situation they are raped. Secrecy and stigma are the real culprits and they can only be disbanded with truth, inspiration, empowerment.

Now that western culture is catching up to realities and passing laws to legally recognize the “third gender”, hopefully in the near future they will also have laws for marriages of “third gender” and the issues and concerns “third gender” families face including children and immigration. As per intersex organizations, “same-sex” marriage excludes intersex marriage. Why? If intersex are women, then why are there laws for a “third gender”? Are the governments wrong? If the angst of having a child, loving a child, raising a child, the roller coaster rides of infertility, the international trips and related immigration issues and separation from child are only a “woman’s issue”, then how do we explain single dads, gay fathers, intersex families? The right answer is to accept the realities around us and have equal laws so that people can start living and stop being abused, tortured and stranded. Every person has right to feel male, female or otherwise, are the laws in sync with what the person wants? When there is a lack of laws for intersex families, are there inadvertent victims like spouses and children of an intersex family? The answer is change the laws not break the laws.

IVF Children of a Woman and Intersex Person

What if a woman was in a relationship with an intersex person (can they legally marry?), had an IVF child through her egg, sperm donor and a compassionate surrogate, the woman raised the IVF child as the primary care provider, living in secrecy and lies through the abuse, torture from a person undergoing medical treatment and then when asked to split, the intersex person decides to both SPLIT with the woman and SPLIT two innocent IVF siblings. Would there be an uproar and would the laws have allowed the IVF child to be separated from the “biological mother” and the primary care provider? More importantly, what crimes have the innocent children committed to be separated and to be in legal limbo? What about the abuse against the woman and the children? Abuse is abuse regardless in what name it occurs and how one justifies it. What if the woman was silenced one from the abuse, now that she has awakened, should she remain silent or report the abuse? Is the woman’s only fault that she is fertile and showed compassion? And so she and her children must be punished by splitting them? There are several things that LGBTI people still cannot do in 2013 including the fact that LGBTI immigrant families cannot legally bring their IVF children born outside the US and placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo.

You can rape me, you can silence me, you can abuse me, you can torture me but when you do that to my innocent kids, you have given me the courage to stand up and speak the truth. My weakness has become my strength, the lies conquered with truth, you can lie to the court and the rest of society but you cannot lie to the children. Seeking justice for innocent IVF children is a lifelong commitment requiring lot of persistence and patience – virtues that any IVF parent inherently has. Never again another IVF child should have to suffer like this, if its not a crime to abandon IVF children, it should be a crime. We need solutions, we need legal breakouts so that innocent IVF children are not placed in legal limbo. Because a rape is a rape no matter what and an abandoned or an abused child is just that, no matter what.

Intersex Awareness Day For Families

October 26 is intersex awareness day. What is intersex? Here is the medical definition of being intersex. What is the legal definition of intersex?intersex awareness day Regardless of our race, color, birth, gender, caste, religion, sexual orientation, we all have to deal with the laws. Depending on each person’s circumstances, to provide a “complete life”, one needs to understand all definitions pertaining to them. Sometimes lack of laws destroys lives like no other crimes can. As a society, we have a history with social justice issues like gay rights, interracial marriage rights, civil rights, women rights, and so on. Do intersex families have rights? If intersex causes infertility and an intersex family opts for IVF to have children, do IVF families have rights? Do IVF children have rights and deserve compassion also? While October 26 is about intersex awareness day, let us make it complete and also include the issues facing an intersex family which is reproductive rights and IVF children rights and immigration rights. Unless, we as a society think that intersex people do not deserve an equal opportunity to have a family with a spouse and children? Or we as a society think that a person who dares to have a family with an intersex person has committed such a grievous crime that not only he but also his innocent IVF children should be punished by splitting them? With gay rights movement on the upswing, will there be basic human rights if not equal rights for intersex families with IVF children? With the turn of the 20th century, there is lot of continued animosity against an immigrant, IVF father and a spouse of intersex resulting in a thousand lies, defamation and stereotyping. Our motivation is to save IVF children and get basic rights if not equal for IVF children and families of today who may also become IVF parents of tomorrow, whats your motivation for the continued animosity, secrecy and abuse? Like water, truth always finds a way – education and awareness is the right path while secrecy and lies creates only more victims including innocent children – IVF or intersex.

LGBT refers to more of a sexual orientation of a person and should be respected. As per IGLHRC, they added the “I” for intersex in LGBTI to include their human rights also although intersex is not a direct reference to sexual orientation. For most people, due to lack of awareness, they may not discern the difference between “sex” and “gender” at first shot. I was like that. It takes a few discussions and some interest in understanding the difference between “sex” and “gender”. It is ironic that laws do not make the same distinction and as a result there are more inadvertent victims. Asian countries like India, Nepal, Pakistan have long recognized the “third gender” legally and moved away from the colonial British definition of “binary gender”. While human rights may not be great in these countries overall, the fact that they give an opportunity to the “third gender” to be honest and live truthfully is liberating. Maybe in this one area, the west can learn something from the east. Australia started offering the “third gender” as a legal option in 2011 followed by New Zealand. In 2013, Germany will become the first country in Europe to offer the “third gender” as a legal option. Progressive countries like US, UK, Canada and so on are waiting but it is inevitable just like “same-sex” marriage rights eventually have to be granted.

Two things – if intersex people are either men or women, then why a legal “third gender”? Are governments like India, Nepal, Australia, New Zealand, Germany, and so on who make laws wrong or are they doing the right thing? By recognizing the “third gender” legally, is the next logical step to address other issues that specifically impacts intersex families who have lived in secrecy and in lies for years and the issues have never been addressed? A spouse of a gay person is also gay, a spouse of a lesbian person is also lesbian meaning the laws or “lack of laws” impact both individuals the same way. Do the lack of laws for intersex marriages also affect both individuals in an intersex marriage the same way? If an intersex person wants to recognize themselves as a “male”, or a “female” or a “third gender”, it is their choice. However, having no laws for addressing the specific issues of “third gender” is victimizing people. If there are laws for “male”, “female”, then why not equal laws for “third gender”? Do a spouse of intersex and children of an intersex marriage deserve equal rights? Or are their crimes so heinous in supporting an intersex person that they should be ostracized and silenced? Ironically, thats been the traditional way to deal with intersex for centuries and only now in the 21st century, we have truth and transparency. Do the spouse of intersex and children of an intersex marriage have to wait a few more centuries and be victimized before getting basic human rights, if not equal?

A spouse of intersex is not gay but from a legal perspective is treated as “gay” and the anti-gay laws are applicable to a spouse of intersex and his children. We look forward to a time when we will have equal rights for IVF children and families, equal intersex rights, and equal caregiver rights. More importantly, every human will be allowed to live with the truth and freely instead of in secrecy and lies – it is every individual’s basic human right (if not equal) regardless of their religion, race, color, caste, sexual orientation, gender, birth type (natural or IVF) – or is it?

Why is so much importance given to biology between parent-child by laws?

Does biology matter between a parent-child or is it the love for the child that counts? Is it the truth (love) that counts? If child abduction is a crime, is illegalValue-IVF-Children child retention also a crime? More importantly, what is the best interest of the child removed from biological family? With IVF children and its resident lack of laws creates unprecedented situations. Due to a cloud of secrecy and lies around infertility and IVF, there may be false documents created and passed of as “legal” but that does not make the documents valid. Further, it becomes very hard to say the truth because one may have lied several times and broken the laws in the past and by coming clean in the best interest of the child, there may be persecution once the truth is revealed about the fraud. We have to respect the prevailing laws and if we don’t like them, we petition for change in laws, but is breaking laws a crime? Why is so much importance given to biology between parent-child by laws? We need to protect innocent children even if a minority from IVFphiles – a new brand of criminal that places innocent IVF children in legal limbo.

1) Immigration laws in countries across the world are based on requiring a “biological link” between a parent and a child. Laws require biology and gender for immigration and splits families sometimes because the gender or biology may not match with a child. In a case of illegal retention of an Indian citizen IVF child in the US, have laws been followed? IVF procedures in the US give “preference to families that already have children by the same donor”, is that in the best interest of the child?

2) Recently, a worldwide hunt was launched to find a “biological link” with parents of a child. It seems that the only reason for suspicion was the “blonde girl” did not fit in with the parents raising her. Eventually the biological parents were found in Bulgaria based on scientific DNA tests. Is presenting fraud birth documents of an IVF child a crime, especially an IVF child who is illegally retained away from his only known biological family?

3) In another story, an IVF child’s US passport was revoked when it was revealed that there was suppression of facts about the child being born through IVF and there was “no biological link” with the parent. Why are the laws not followed consistently for all IVF children especially for children who are being illegally retained away from their only known biological family?

4) In another story, a US citizen mother was denied US passports for her IVF children because she did not have a “biological link” as she only carried them to term using donor eggs while a mother in the US was determined to be a mother who also had IVF children through donor eggs. Why the difference in the laws? Why is biology made so important?

5) In another story, A US couple was unable to take their IVF child to the US because there was an accident in the IVF clinic of sperm sample resulting in a DNA mismatch between the IVF child and the US Citizen father. The US government followed the laws of requiring “biological link” for an IVF child to immigrate ignoring that “accidents in technology” continue to occur due to no fault of the parents. Is the policy encouraging IVF parents to get fraud birth documents or false DNA tests? US is one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world, they can take a lesson from Madam Curie where accidents in science and technology should be appreciated and move forward, not be used as a tool for punishment due to lack of laws.

6) In another story in the US, a grandmother was arrested and charged because she presented fraud birth documents of her grandchild. She had a biological connection but not as a mother. But there is no legal action against a person illegally retaining an IVF child away from his biological family using false birth documents?

7) In another story in the US, a woman who abducted a child at 19 days old, Ms. Carlina White, discovered on her own of the fraud of her birth documents and led her to find her own biological parents. The woman who abducted the child, Ms. Petite, was charged and convicted admitted she wanted a child at any cost which she did, but what is the best interest of the child? Judge Kevin Castel presiding over the case said,

8) In another story, a US citizen father was united with his biological son from Brazil to live happily ever after as said by then US Secretary of State Clinton, “A child belongs with his [biological] family”. Where is the justice for an IVF child illegally being retained away from his only known biological family without telling him the truth. Where is the best interest of the child?

9) During the baby scoop era, lots of western countries, engaged in forced adoptions of innocent children because their only fault was being born to “single mothers” and its inherent “social inacceptability” at the time. Since then, there have been apologies from the governments and a valid voice from the children and the biological mothers who were coerced and forced to become an accomplice to the abduction of their own child. Is the discrimination being repeated against a different group of IVF fathers because we are in the “transition” of “social acceptance” of some fathers sharing equal parenting activities? Should “gay fathers” be banned parent rights simply because we as a society do think that “fathers” are less as a parent?

10) As a society, we should have every compassion for intersex people and infertile people. What about compassion for IVF children and families including donors and surrogates? The right answer is have equal laws and not break the laws. The right answer is to educate and spread awareness to get equal laws. We cannot go around breaking the laws and placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo. We cannot go around creating IVF children and then abandoning them for personal benefit without any responsibility or accountability for the welfare of the innocent IVF child. The IVF child is an equal human being and deserves and demands basic respect and dignity as  a human if not equal.

Cold War Era Remnants – IVF Era Remnants

“Mr. Gorbachev, Tear Down This Wall” said President Ronald Reagan famously in 1987. In 1989, the Berlin walls were broken thanks to glasnost—tear down this wall ivfopenness and freedom— and perestroika—economic restructuring. A decades long cold war ended just like that – no missiles fired, no guns, no unnecessary loss of lives, no Nazi like torture among others. Change is in the air. We look forward to the day when we “Tear Down This Wall and provide EQUAL rights for IVF children and families” – says an IVF parent. When will we tear down the walls of secrecy and stigma and start solving real issues plaguing IVF children and families?

In 2013, the anti-gay laws were relaxed in the US. Same-sex marriages started to be recognized legally while they were recognized socially before. Spouses of same-sex marriage could sponsor their immigrant spouse. Health care benefits among other things could be given to same-sex couples. In 2009, an intersex family is destroyed using these very same anti-IVF and anti-gay laws in successfully splitting innocent IVF siblings. We are still in a status quo where US does not recognize intersex as “third gender” and legally considers it “same-sex” depending on situations. It is also true that intersex people are infertile and have a very high likelihood of turning to infertility treatments like IVF to have a child triggering immigration laws for IVF children born outside the US. While socially and physically, a spouse of intersex is not gay, from a legal perspective they and their IVF children are treated as being in a “same-sex” marriage since US does not recognize “third gender” yet.

If equal laws existed, IVF children would not be separated from their families. If equal laws existed, parents who are infertile would not have a need to lie and break the laws and place innocent IVF children in legal limbo. If equal laws existed, innocent IVF children would not become “land-locked” or be forced to be abandoned or given up for forced adoption. If equal laws existed, innocent IVF children would be ensured protection of their basic human rights and dignity by treating them as a “equal human being”. If it is illegal to abandon a natural born child, is it illegal to abandon an IVF child? Are the needs for welfare, growth and development of an IVF child same as a natural born child – then why aren’t the laws the same? What matters is the result and the status quo to address the needs and the best interest of the child. The status quo is inaction, continued lies including breaking laws, and placing innocent, voiceless IVF children in legal limbo even if inadvertent. We need to move on…

In 1987, President Reagan said the famous words, “break down this wall”.

In 2009, two IV siblings were deliberately and heinously split on two continents using the anti-IVF and anti-gay laws of 2009.

In 1989, the Berlin wall fell because it was inevitable.

In 2013, the IVF brother and sister have still never met, when will their time come? When will their “Berlin wall” fall?

In 2013, 24 years after the Berlin Wall fell, a unified Germany is one of the strongest economy in the world and one of the most open and free cultures. In 2013, Germany announced it will legally start recognizing the “third gender” for intersex and thus all the secrecy, lying, stigma, breaking the laws can stop.

When will the time come for IVF siblings to unite who are born during a intersex marriage in the 2000s? It is great to see more transparency, an environment that encourages truth but are the IVF siblings not being able to meet a remnant of anti-intersex, anti-immigrant, anti-gay, anti-IVF laws of the 2000s? If so, why avoid and deny the inevitable which is a meeting between the two IVF siblings on compassionate and humanitarian grounds and allow them to grow up together as brother and sister as they were meant to be? Are all “subject matter experts” familiar with issues that come up which are specific for IVF children? There is education and awareness for children with Down’s Syndrome, Cystic Fibrosis, ADD, ADHD, etc. because parents are allowed to talk about it freely. Infertility and IVF are dealt with secrecy, lies and fraud sometimes. Do we as a society have all the information necessary to be “subject matter experts” on IVF child needs and maintain the “best interest of the child”?

Surrogacy in USA

Surrogacy in USA is expensive and not affordable by everyone thus making it inaccessible. Just because one is infertile does not mean they will getfreedom USA affordable surrogacy. Too often the average American who is not a celebrity of sorts or a business tycoon or a huge net worth and just a working class hard working American goes to international places where the dollar travels farther in hopes to create a family through IVF/Surrogacy. Have the laws caught up with technology like IVF? Is it a crime to want to have an IVF child? Was it acceptable for gay fathers or single fathers to have IVF children in 2003? Do the laws also support it in parallel?

As soon as an American goes outside the country to have a child through IVF/Surrogacy to love and cherish for life, immigration laws get triggered because the child is born outside the USA. The immigration laws are different and the laws have to be respected. Just like it is not an excuse to steal, fraud a child by a working class American who cannot afford surrogacy in the USA, not having a “biological link” to a child born outside the US is no excuse to break the laws by claiming as theirs, one has to still follow the laws. Or is it OK to break the laws? USA is a very compassionate country who believes in respecting laws but for an immigrant, intersex, IVF family of 2000s, these words still ring hollow. If one can show compassion to an intersex person, why can’t we show compassion to an innocent, voiceless IVF child?

There are eight different ways parentage can be assigned in an IVF/surrogacy situation which varies from case to case while there is only one way to assign parentage in a natural born pregnancy. Are the (lack of ) laws trying to fit a square peg into a round hole? And if so, what are the effects of these lack of laws when it comes to immigration issues and is it adversely affecting innocent, voiceless IVF children who committed no crimes other than being born through IVF/surrogacy internationally. Is it a crime to be married to an intersex person and wanting to have children which would be either through adoption or IVF since the intersex condition is infertile? It is one thing to want to have a child at any cost but it is another to deny rights to an innocent, voiceless child. There are several families who may not report crimes because of compassion or love for their loved ones, that does not mean the crimes did not occur. Marriages fail all the time but it does not SPLIT innocent siblings where they can never meet, it does not place innocent brother and sister in legal limbo. Do humans [IVF children] who are in legal limbo have any protection of their legal rights and their legal identity?

If an American goes outside the US for international IVF/surrogacy and uses donor eggs and sperm but carries the IVF child to term herself, is she a legal mother who can sponsor her IVF children or not? As per prevailing immigration laws, she is not. Should she abandon the IVF child and return to her life in the US or should she live in exile outside the US and raise her IVF child lovingly as she had dreamed? And yes, the money for the IVF procedure was paid for by income in the US for which taxes were paid in the US. If the IVF child is abandoned due to lack of laws created from money sourced from after -tax US income, whose responsibility and accountability is it for the welfare and well-being of the IVF child?

If an American father goes outside the US for international IVF/surrogacy and uses egg donor and surrogate and his own biological sperm to have an IVF child BUT the IVF clinic swaps the sperm sample accidentally resulting in a DNA mismatch. As per prevailing immigration laws, the IVF child has no legal standing in the US. Again is this the fault of the IVF child, the intended US parents or the IVF clinic? Will it occur again? What will be the legal recourse? What if the IVF child is abandoned by the intended US parents as they may not want to move to another country to live, who is responsible and accountable for the welfare and well-being of the IVF child created by money sourced from after -tax US income?

If an immigrant father goes outside the US for international IVF/Surrogacy and uses egg donor and surrogate and his own biological sperm but a divorce is filed in the US by the infertile spouse with no mention of the ongoing IVF pregnancy outside the US. As per prevailing immigration laws, a biological immigrant father cannot bring his IVF child to the US without a “mother”. Are single fathers or gay fathers or spouse of intersex fathers allowed to love their children equally?  More importantly, what are the rights of the IVF child? The US court also hands out a divorce decree which is enforceable worldwide without taking into account the global scale of the case and welfare of the IVF child who technically and legally is born during the marriage. Whether an intersex marriage is a “same-sex” marriage or whether it is void or legal is a separate discussion. If the same child had been abandoned in the US, it would be a crime and there would be repurcusions on the abandoning parent. Are the rights of the  IVF child LESS? Is the basic, not equal, human dignity and respect for the IVF child less? By denying the rights of the child, are we dehumanizing them to justify the position?

We would have to ask the IVF child about the repurcusions of being in legal limbo. Like when she asks why she cannot get a passport or why is she land-locked? What was her crime? Or when she asks why she can only see her IVF brother on the computer and not in person who is also confined and land-locked and cannot travel outside the US. What is his crime? By denying a legal identity, the result is innocent voiceless IVF children living as slaves to secrecy and lies and being punished for crimes they did not commit even if the intent to enslave is not there.

The crimes here are relentless lying, secrecy and fraud by a person who happens to be intersex, infertile, immigrant and needs a child at any cost. There are several intersex or infertile people in this world but they do not hurt and abuse innocent children. People who abuse innocent children are criminals regardless of your race, skin color, gender, sexual orientation or otherwise. And if a criminal who happens to be intersex, infertile and an immigrant, they have a great story where they achieved all this in 2000s when it was illegal, question is can other intersex, immigrant, infertile people also do the same? Where is the greater good because the lack of laws still exist? Question is could they have achieved this great story without breaking the laws and without splitting innocent IVF brother and sister and placing them in legal limbo? Could they have achieved this in a time when equal rights for gays and IVF children and families exist?

It is hard enough to save up for IVF/surrogacy whether in the USA or anywhere in the world. It is hard enough to find a compassionate donor and a surrogate. It is hard enough to raise an IVF child while the other parent is recovering from their medical treatment with severe trauma and depression. It is hard enough to be frauded, lied, abused, and violently treated in forced silence but to have it repeated on innocent children, it has got to stop. To snatch the freedom from innocent children has got to stop. “Mr./Ms. USA, Tear Down These Walls” [of secrecy, lies and fraud]. We are remnants of an era when anti-gay, anti-IVF laws exist and for as long as the IVF children cannot meet, it is a ongoing reality for us and not something of the past. What we need is truth with compassion and it has to begin with innocent, voiceless children and equal rights for IVF children and families and intersex families.

A Thousand Lies Punishes Innocent Children

There are all kinds of innocent children who get punished for no fault of their own. And parents of each of those innocent children demand for equal truth in action lies in wordsrights. The “punishment” comes due to lack of laws and no relief for victims and in this case it is innocent children. Education and awareness are key to achieving those very same equal rights which requires stating the facts and the truth. Saying a thousand lies to hide one lie only creates more victims and provides no solution for the future. Let us learn from our mistakes and stop the strategy of secrecy and lies at the cost of innocent children. Secrecy and lies breed complexity, live simple with truth and compassion. The challenge is to accept the facts and move forward. Embrace change. Can you and the government do that by passing equal laws?

It’s very nice to be right sometimes.” – said Professor Higgs, winner of Nobel Prize in 2013 for the Higgs Boson Particle for something he discovered over 40 years ago…it took a while to prove him right.

It is true that there are innocent children who may have autism or cystic fibrosis or Down’s Syndrome or other medical conditions. As parents we help our child the best we can and in areas where we need assistance from the government, we petition for laws. That is why we are petitioning for laws for IVF children, petitioning for laws for intersex.

What crime has a lovely four year old committed that she should be land-locked and made stateless? What other crimes have been committed? If you have the guts, look in her pretty eyes and then respond.

  • Infertility is very traumatic. IVF helps alleviate some of that pain by giving the gift of life – a lovely IVF child. Does the IVF child have any rights – the so called “gift”?
  • There are women who abandon a child at birth due to various personal circumstances and reasons. While some women are forced to give up their children at birth like during the “baby scoop era“. By acknowledging the facts and the truth, today we have “safe haven” laws where women can safely leave their child without any repurcusions and the best interest of the child is served. Today we also truth and reconciliation commissions who are bringing some “level of justice” to the victims of the “baby scoop era”.
  • From the perspective of the child, there are several reasons why a “mother” may not be around to raise a child when the child is born. Maybe the mother passed away during child birth or maybe the mother fell seriously ill after child birth which forbid her to be a “traditional mother” or maybe the child is being raised by a single father or gay fathers. We will get into the discussion of “primary care provider” and “mother” later. In 2013, it is important to acknowledge the facts in the best interest of the child. What if an “order” is placed for an IVF child with a surrogate and then the intended parent changes their mind during the pregnancy and abandons the IVF child, what category does that fit into why the IVF child does not have a “mother”? Unlike unwanted natural born pregnancies, IVF pregnancies are deliberate, costly and well planned. Why abandon an IVF child? Just like we have pedophiles in our society, we have even a rarer species called IVFphiles. And as IVF picks up in the coming century, there will be more cases of IBFphiles (strictly due to math), where are the laws to protect and ensure the rights of the IVF children? What if the surrogacy is international and now the IVF child is stateless and in legal limbo due to lack of immigration laws?
  • For over 10000 years, we have a special meaning for “mothers” and it reflects in our cultures, society, laws across the world. We are not going to change the concept of “motherhood” overnight and neither anyone is going to try because all mothers are special. However in 2013, we also have realities of minorities who are single fathers or gay fathers or IVF fathers and so who is the “mother” for the child? More importantly are the “rights of an IVF child” inhibited due to “no legal mother”? From a literal perspective, we need a term like “primary care provider” regardless of a parent’s gender, color, caste, sexual orientation, etc. From a social perspective, the world is not comfortable with that yet. The case of an IVF child takes special meaning in this regard. Legally, when a parent uses an anonymous egg donor and surrogate to have an IVF child, who is the “mother”? Legally one has to complete adoption procedures as per local laws. Emotionally, is the person who is the “primary care provider” for the infant for first 3 – 6- 9 -12 -24 months the “mother”? In the case of single fathers, gay fathers, IVF fathers, is the traditional role of “mother” taken up by the father as the “primary care provider”? More importantly, who does the IVF child identify the most with as the “primary care provider”? 

Dehumanization – IVF Siblings Split Due to Lack of Laws

Anyone who has followed this story of two IVF siblings being split as personal is missing the point. Yes, its personal like every law that has been dehumanizing IVFwritten by humans is also based on someone’s personal experiences. But the point is to have equal laws for IVF children and families. The innocent, voiceless IVF siblings are SPLIT because of lack of laws and someone judiciously and cleverly manipulating the system to their advantage by breaking the laws. It is one thing to claim to love a child but to trample on the rights of another innocent child takes a whole new meaning. How many other IVF children are being affected due to these lack of laws? How many other families of IVF children think this is only “personal” and lack of laws is not an issue? By not giving “equal rights” to IVF children who are also human beings, are we dehumanizing them as some “property” to feel saddened for or feel sympathy for the situation. What we need is compassion AND equal rights so that IVF children are truly treated as humans with a guarantee of protection of their fundamental human rights.

  • Denial of existence of IVF children is “dehumanizing” them like when they are not declared in a divorce proceeding and the best interest of the child is withheld from the court.
  • Denial of state issued legal identity like Passport is “dehumanizing” them. Do people with “no legal identity” have any “legal rights”?
  • Denial of their basic human dignity and respect is “dehumanizing” them.
  • Denial of protection of their fundamental human rights and child rights is “dehumanizing” them.
  • Creating stateless IVF children due to no fault of their own and not providing any legal recourse is “dehumanizing” them.
  • Continued discrimination of IVF children and families without any legal recourse or any relief for victims is “dehumanizing” them.

Empowered girls grow up to be empowered women. They grow up to be empowered mothers, leaders, and innovators. They grow up to move their communities forward and make the world a better place.” – said US Secretary of State John Kerry on International Girl Day 2013

Where are the rights of an IVF girl child? a sister? a daughter? a woman of tomorrow? and a mother of tomorrow? We need the rights today to avail of the tomorrow. How many “dehumanization” events have to occur before criminality kicks in?

  • It is one thing to illegally abduct an IVF child, but to do it at the cost of “dehumanizing” their IVF sibling and denying them their basic human dignity and respect takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be denied basic human rights as an intersex person but to repeat that to an innocent, voiceless IVF children takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be denied equal marriage laws and immigration laws as an intersex person but to use the very same anti-gay, anti-LGBTI, anti-IVF immigration laws to SPLIT innocent, voiceless IVF siblings takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be born infertile and IVF is here to help but to abandon an IVF child and denying their rights takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be “dehumanized” as an intersex person due to lack of laws but it takes a whole new criminality to knowingly and deliberately impose the “dehumanization” on unsuspecting victims.
  • It is one thing to live in secrecy, lies and breaking laws as an individual but to impose abuse and silence under threats to others to also live with secrecy, lies and as a criminal for life takes on a whole new criminality.

The cycle of secrecy, lies and breaking the laws has to end. The cancer of secrecy, lies and breaking the laws eats one up alive seeing their innocent, voiceless IVF children being punished for crimes they did not commit. No more. The right answer is education, awareness and equal laws

Was it wrong to help an intersex, immigrant and infertile person for whom laws itself fall short in extending and protecting their human rights? Is the social conscience misplaced where even laws fall short? If you are in a gay marriage, are both spouses equally affected by the presence or lack of laws and issues of a gay marriage like immigration, IVF children, and so on? Should the lack of laws now extend as punishment in legal limbo to IVF children also? What are the lessons learnt from living in secrecy, lies and relentlessly breaking laws for a decade? Do we repeat the mistakes or do we learn from them? A young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex overcomes a lot of challenges repeatedly in silence and then repeats it as an immigrant IVF parent with lack of laws, why should the IVF children also suffer in silence due to lack of laws? The thought process is the same – equal rights, first it was intersex, then immigration, and now it is IVF children and families. Social justice and social equivalence are the hallmarks of this case – and no one deserves justice more than innocent, voiceless IVF children who have committed no crimes by UNITING them.