Tag Archives: lies

Adoption Vs. IVF

Infertility is very traumatic. There are lot of solutions to deal with infertility. What happens AFTER you have found On-Infertile-grounda solution? What is the best interest of the CHILD? Is the trauma of the infertile person GREATER than the best interest of the child? How many VICTIMS need to be created and be abused and violated to satiate the need of one infertile person? There are plenty of articles and information on whether to ADOPT or go for IVF/Surrogacy? This article will NOT focus on the “pre-decision” making process but rather rights of the “IVF child” and why are there differences in law? The best interest of the child remains the same regardless of whether adoption or IVF/Surrogacy, then why are laws NOT reflective of that? They say a child only knows LOVE and the biological link does not matter YET the laws are based on “biological link”. And when issues arise, the only thing one has to fall back on is LAWS. So it is important to discuss ADOPTION Vs. IVF/Surrogacy from a LAW perspective.

The laws for adoption are made with best interest of the child in mind FIRST. The best interest of the adoptive parents is secondary. Is the same true in IVF/Surrogacy?

0a) Adopted children are natural born and the science behind the natural birth of an adopted child is same as other natural born children.

0b) IVF children are born well through IVF. Scientific studies claim that because of the way IVF children are born, the hormones, the fertility treatments, the frozen samples or embryos, psychological state of parents using IVF (it is a very stressful time), etc. places IVF children at a “third higher risk of cancer” or “65% more likely to have leukemia” or “90% more likely to have brain cancer”.

1a) Adoption is well understood and regulated – both domestically and internationally thus providing a consistent, standardized way of dealing with adoption.

1b) IVF/Surrogacy Laws barely exist – from banned in some countries to allowance in others and there is NO international law for IVF/Surrogacy children creating situations where innocent, voiceless children are LEFT in a LEGAL LIMBO.

2a) If a 5 year old is adopted and taken away from his biological family, his biological family has a RIGHT to tell him the facts.

2b) If a 5 year old IVF son is taken away from his biological family, his biological family has NO rights to tell him the truth and are instead muzzled and silenced under threats.

3a) There is a use of subsidiarity principle in adoption where SIBLINGS are allowed to grow up together even though the parents may be non-biological.

3b) In an international IVF, IVF SIBLINGS maybe deliberately separated with NO legal consequences and there is NO regard for best interest of the children.

4a) In adoption, a homestudy by a licensed MSW or MA in Psychology is a MUST before a non-biological parent can adopt a child.

4b) In IVF/Surrogacy, anyone with MONEY can get a IVF/Surrogate child. There is NO requirement for equivalent of homestudy and somehow a “biological parent” already suffering from trauma of infertility is supposed to POSSESS the knowledge of a licensed MS or MA in Psychology. Even a pedophile can somehow take an IVF girl child legally.

5a) Adoptions typically take months to years and because of the heavy vetting process, a great deal is known about the future parent including any errant behavioral or psychological problems.

5b) In IVF/Surrogacy, MONEY talks. Once you have the money, get donors and surrogate lined up and place your order for a “baby” with NO vetting process. Heck, you could even place an “order for an IVF baby” and then later change your mind and ABANDON the IVF baby with NO legal consequences. What are the rights of the IVF child? What are the rights of the surrogate? What are the rights of the left-behind parent?

6a) Adoptions are highly and tightly regulated. In an international adoption, proper legal documents and paperwork needs to be followed including birth certificate and the corresponding passport and visas.

6b) IVF/Surrogacy has NO regulations and fraud documents can be secured with relative ease. After all, IVF is marketed as a “good thing” for the infertile parent and NOT as a “good thing” for the child. The paying customer for IVF industry is the “parent” and NOT the IVF child. Does the IVF child have a RIGHT to proper legal documents and proper LEGAL STATUS or are they also VICTIMS to their infertile parent’s whims?

In our changing world, it would  be NO longer correct to say that infertility is an issue only for women. How would we resolve gays having children? Even in heterosexual couples, there are cases where men are more caring than women due to various reasons. Are we as a society ready to accept the CHANGE? Then again, IVF/Surrogacy is all about CHANGE and is a 21st century issue, isn’t it?

Natural or Human-Made Trauma?

There are varying degrees of trauma that people face day-in and day-out. The same event also affects each traumaperson differently. What is more traumatic? When trauma occurs for things outside your control or when trauma occurs due to someone else?

For example, being born intersex is not in a person’s control but is lying about it in their control? And what happens when you lie? Lets say you get into an illegal marriage by lying to an unsuspecting, innocent person and then you lie to the government to get immigration as a spouse, then you lie to have a biological child even though medically you are infertile, then you lie and separate the child from his biological family, then you lie and abandon an innocent child, a sister of the child you claim to love so much, then you lie, lie, lie. Do you ever stop and think as to how many other people are HURTING from the lies? how many LAWS have been broken? Are these crimes? And the LIES are great because not only you DUPED an innocent, unsuspecting spouse and got a chance to enslave them but you also FOOLED and BROKE LAWS of TWO GOVERNMENTS with NO RESPECT for RULE of LAW. Does that mean other intersex people can legally marry, does that mean other intersex people can immigrate legally through their spouse, does that mean other intersex people can have a child? What have the LIES and BREAKING the LAWS got you?

There are two types of trauma – natural and human-made. Which is worse? The trauma from natural causes is not a crime but causing human-made trauma to others including breaking laws, violating rights of others including innocent, voiceless children is multiple counts of crimes or is it?

EventNaturalHuman-Made
Being Born Eunuch or Hijra or IntersexYesNo
Infertility Due to being born Eunuch or Hijra or IntersexYesNo
Family CaregiverNoYes
Saying a Thousand Lies to Hide One LieNoYes
Intersex Surgery and Ensuing Treatment and TraumaNoYes
Laws for Immigration of Eunuch or Hijra or Intersex spouseNoYes
Lies Causing to Break Laws and Abuse of ChildrenNoYes
Lies Causing STATELESS IVF ChildrenNoYes
Lies Causing SIBLINGS to be SPLIT DELIBERATELYNoYes

Are We Human Beings with Human Rights?

If gay immigration rights existed in 2009, IVF siblings – a brother and sister would be growing up together. If IVF-Spouse Rights Updated rights for IVF children existed in 2013, the IVF siblings would be growing up together. Because the IVF sister is stranded in India, the IVF father is forced to live in EXILE in India and raise her with DIRECT consequence of NOT being able to participate in his elder IVF son’s life in the US. This is a LEGISLATIVE issue. We have been so VICTIMIZED that we are NOT even asking for EQUAL rights but just “some rights as humans”.

“Become the change you want to see in this world” – Gandhiji

Some days I wish I had NEVER heard of Gandhiji or his quotes but when I see my innocent, voiceless children, its worth it.

Are these the effects of a dysfunctional intersex marriage?

1) Today LGBT marriage is being legalized in the US, immigration benefits among hundreds of other federal benefits like social security, welfare, married benefits, etc. are being provided to LGBT.

a) Where is the immigration benefit for my princess like IVF daughter? Why is she STATELESS in 2013? What is the remedy? How can we move forward in life?

b) Where are the hundreds of other benefits for my IVF daughter she would have had like being able to grow up with her IVF brother, enjoy the kisses and hugs between a brother and sister, be claimed as a dependent on taxes, getting social security, getting child support, etc.

c) Why is my IVF son who waited three years to have a sibling being DENIED to see his sister, his father, his biological family?

d) There are males who have fathered biological children in a heterosexual relationship and years later have come OUT as gay to their children. Have the biological mothers, the spouses of gays, been SEPARATED from their biological children? Have the biological SIBLINGS been SEPARATED from each other? If you can be gay and be proud, can you be IVF and be proud or is that the next “STIGMA” we have to overcome as a society? Its not about being gay or intersex or heterosexual, its about truth and love based on truth.

2) NIH is funding research on LGBTI health in 2013 for the FIRST time in history.

a) Where were these resources in 2002 when a dysfunctional intersex family needed them? How did they survive with lack of resources OR help and support due to secrecy and lies?

b) In 2013, UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP on intersex surgeries. If its torture for an intersex person, what is it for a spouse caregiver of intersex forced into silence?

3) Are we WRONG to give human rights where laws itself fell short? Is it a one-way street when dealing with intersex and its effects on an immigrant family or are there other VICTIMS?

a) Is it wrong to give human rights to an intersex person where highly learned, educated medical professionals fell short?

b) Is it wrong to support an intersex marriage even though it is legally NOT recognized and laws fall short?

c) Is it wrong to have an IVF child internationally and RAISE him as a primary care provider in silence while the medical treatment was ongoing for the intersex person?

d) Is it wrong to want to give a sibling to the IVF son? Is it wrong to keep trying for three years despite several failed IVF attempts? Is there any trauma in dealing with infertility?

e) Is it wrong to live in exile in India to raise the IVF daughter and take responsibility and accountability for her because she is NOT allowed to come to the US? Or should she have been abandoned or given up for adoption?

f) Is it wrong to ask for our rights as a biological father, as a sister, as a brother to be UNITED for the FIRST time? Have we suffered and been victimized enough? 

(Young = inexperienced + Spouse Caregiver = Minority + Male caregiver = Minority within Minority) = NO RIGHTS + IVF Father = NO RIGHTS for IVF children  -> WHY?

Butterfly and Moving Forward

Intersex surgery is very traumatic. Every imaginable change in a person – physically, mentally, emotionally, MRKH IVF Childrenspiritually happens. While medical professionals can provide “academic” opinions and others can only imagine, having witnessed it and managing to stay alive, one can attest it is very traumatic. If there were NO sympathy, one would have left a long time ago, ask any family caregiver. If its very traumatic for the intersex person, what is it for the young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex suffering in silence?

If the intersex person is a butterfly today, we have witnessed the ugly larvae stage and experienced the abuse and violence in silence. The parents of intersex (stereotyped as the caregiver of intersex) did not come to help AND due to secrecy and lies, we were not allowed any help or support, it was a closed door system. Are the spouse caregiver and his IVF children HUMAN BEINGS too?

Its great that going forward LGBTI people will be able to legally marry, be able to legally immigrate, their children will be able to legally immigrate and be together as a family. We are being FORCED to live in the PAST because we are SEPARATED and have NO RELIEF as VICTIMS. Help us MOVE FORWARD.

People like Edie Windsor, Tony Briffa are showing the way that the right path is truth and change the laws, do NOT break the laws. Thats what we want to teach our CHILDREN.

Repeating Lies Becomes Truth?

As the saying goes, to hide a lie you have to say a thousand lies. Or if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth. Is it really worth lying which punishes innocent children? We want answers why our son, an Indian citizen, is not allowed to come to India to meet his family? Why can’t we share and be a part of his growing up? Why is their parental alienation from the biological family? Is this any different than the baby scoop era of taking away innocent children away from their biological mother because her ONLY fault was being a “single mother” which was “socially unacceptable” at the time?

It starts with a small lie and expands until you start believing in the lie yourself as the truth. There are so many similarities between intersex children and IVF children. Respect for Laws, Truth, Compassion have meaning? or are just hollow words? These are values much rather to have in children and the world will be a better place.

It is easy to brainwash innocent children and lie to them while they are young, is it abuse? And what happens when they grow up as individuals and are adults? How will the lies have helped them? As an IVF child or an intersex child, when they grow up and understand the truth and facts, will they advocate for EQUAL IVF rights and EQUAL intersex rights? Our goals are aligned.

1) Voiceless children

Intersex children are voiceless and are forced into sex reassignment surgery at a young age or puberty without their consent by educated elite who think they know what is right.

IVF children are voiceless and used as property with no respect for their basic human dignity just so that an infertile person can have a child. Does the innocent IVF child have their own rights as an individual?

2) Utopia Vs. Reality

There is a strategy of “concealment-based approach” using an elaborate web of secrecy, lies, brainwashes, propagandizing, convincing parents to lie for the “good of the intersex child”.

While socially we are led to believe that biology and gender do NOT matter to being a parent of a child; it is the love you offer. The LAWS and reality are in STARK contrast using ONLY the biology and GENDER to give rights to an IVF child. If the parent’s rights are oppressed, how can their IVF child have EQUAL rights as they are coupled with their parent’s rights.

If believing in Utopis is wrong, then punish the person who believed in Utopia like a spouse caregiver of intersex and an IVF father in early 2000s. Why punish the innocent children?

3) Fraud Legal Documents

When a doctor creates fraud medical records which is a legal document as saying “removal of ovaries” instead of “removal of testes”, what credibility is there? Does a doctor say “removal of kidney” when in fact they did a “liver transplant”? Intersex patient also starts believing they had “ovaries” instead of testes and keeps repeating the lies. It has an adverse effect on their relationships, career, family, children, etc.

When a doctor creates fraud birth documents of an IVF child, it has a lifetime of implications. A birth certificate is a property of the child, an individual, for a lifetime and NOT the property of the parents. False, inaccurate, fraud birth certificate details can have a lifetime adverse effect on the IVF child’s career, job, life, etc.

4) Implications of Fraud Documents

When an intersex patient provides a fraud medical record showing “removal of ovaries” when in fact it was testes to another doctor, or a nurse, or a lactation consultant, is it one crime or multiple crimes of presenting a fraud document. Is it also multiple counts of fraud upon the doctor/clinic who issued the fraud document?

When an IVF child gets a passport, a visa based on fraud birth documents, is that immigration fraud? Living as an illegal immigrant in a  foreign country is stressful and can be deported at any moment. Are their constitutional rights protected as an illegal immigrant in a foreign country? Only the country of citizenship can guarantee that. Does the innocent IVF child have rights to get EQUAL rights?

5) Long-term implications

If an intersex person who is a genetic male, attempts to breastfeed an innocent infant and there is no milk, is it abuse? Or their belief they had a “removal of ovaries” surgery makes them think they can breastfeed? The crime is NOT attempting to breastfeed but attempting to breastfeed with NO lactation and making the hungry infant cry incessantly because you cannot overcome your own lies?

If an IVF child grows up WITHOUT the biological family and falls severely sick and needs genetic data of the biological family, will the fraud birth documents help? What if a crucial piece of genetic history may help the IVF child’s health from less suffering?

6) Primary Care Provider

Having controversial Sex Reassignment Surgery for intersex people is popular among intersex but not during a marriage. Recently the Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to such normalization surgery in intersex. If the Torture department at UN thinks it is torture for the intersex, what is it for the spouse caregiver of intersex? It takes great courage for an intersex person to have to go through this controversial treatment, but are they the ONLY victims when done during a marriage? A person goes through ALL possible changes one can imagine; physical, mental, psychological, emotional, spiritual and it is very traumatic, as a spouse caregiver of intersex one get intimate knowledge which most others only have academic knowledge of.

We are reaching into the UNKNOWN. Intersex people can be good parents, thats NOT The discussion. Can they be a Primary care provider for an infant while their hormonal replacement therapy from male to female is stabilizing?  If an intersex person is a butterfly today, what was the situation during their ugly stage of transition as larvae? Was there any abuse on an innocent IVF child and an IVBF father in the meantime which was hidden again through a web of secrecy and lies?

Is it OK to separate an innocent CHILD from his Primary Care Provider?

7) Lying is second nature

What if an intersex person is so desperate that they start telling people that they had a child from their eggs which were harvested before their “removal of ovaries” surgery which by they way never existed. How many lies one must say to hide one lie? And how many other people are coerced into living a life of lies.

What if there is a chance the IVF child may leave. Will the infertile, intersex person lie to NOT lose a child at any cost including perjury, defamation, blatant lies of abuse, false criminal charges only to drop them later after utilizing them as legal leverage, conspiracy? Worst, abandoning the sister of the child they claim to love? Is this love for the child or for themselves due to infertility?

8) Relationships

A person who lies a thousand times to hide one lie will also lie, cheat, fraud their partner. And wonder why the partner wanted to leave them? Its because of the countless lies which include committing crimes. In any relationship, trust is paramount and no relationship will last on a foundation of lies.

An innocent child who is being raised by a perennial liar and a criminal is in grave danger. Not only will they learn to lie but they will also learn that if you lie, cheat, fraud, perjury, false allegations, criminal conspiracy, nothing will happen and you will NOT pay for the crimes. LYING is what the innocent child will learn and their relationships will be doomed as well.

Let’s keep it simple. Live free, and truth is freedom. No more lies.

Here is a start to a TRUTH:

Even if one intersex person through use of lies, cheating, fraud duped an unknowing, innocent victim and took their child away even though intersex are infertile. Can other intersex people marry legally? Can other intersex people have children legally? What is the greater good? Let us unite to ask for equal intersex rights so intersex families no longer have the NEED to lie, cheat, fraud innocent victims. And wanting “EQUAL RIGHTS” is something politics can help with.

We have shown compassion when fraud was discovered, we have shown compassion when the controversial sex reassignment surgery occurred during marriage and became a silent caregiver, we have shown compassion in having an IVF child, we have shown compassion in raising the IVF child as a Primary Care Provider, we have shown compassion to provide a sibling to the IVF child, we have shown compassion by inheriting the UNEQUAL rights for intersex families, list goes on….As per conventional wisdom, some secrets you take them with you which we were ready to do. We CANNOT stand quiet as our INNOCENT CHILDREN are being punished. We CANNOT stand quiet KNOWING other innocent IVF children and families have UNEQUAL rights. We CANNOT stand quiet at the abhorrent human rights and child rights issue.

We want answers why our son, an Indian citizen, is NOT allowed to meet his family in India? Why can’t we share and be a part of his growing up? As a human being, what possibly more can we have done differently? Maybe reporting the fraud marriage and leaving and thus no children is the right answer?

2101: An IVF Siblings Odyssey

The year is 2101.

Equal rights for IVF children and IVF ecosystem exist. The struggles for equal LGBT rights, same-sex marriage, adoption rights by LGBT has been had. Equal rights for 2101 : IVF siblings odysseyintersex has been had. Intersex marriages are legalized. There is a global recognition of the existence of the “third gender”. It is no longer taboo to discuss the truth. Adoptions by intersex are legalized. IVF/surrogacy by intersex is legalized. We have already LIVED this life of secrecy, lies and fraud in 2000s, maybe a century too early. Living a life of secrecy, lies and fraud and then having your children bear the punishment is too much to bear. Fast forward to 2101. It is common to see gay couples raising children without a “traditional mother”. It is common to see single men raising children without a “traditional mother”. “Social acceptance” of parenthood definitions are changing. Will an IVF father have rights to raise his biological children? More traumatically, will the children of an IVF father who are biological siblings be DISCRIMINATED against because of their IVF father’s gender, a male?

Are spouse of intersex and children in an intersex family in 2013 in same place where Jeanne Manford was in 1972? It is rather ironical that social justice and equality is delivered when someone dies or respect is only earned after death. I was left for dead, however the love for my children helped me survive. IVF children symbolize “GIVING LIFE” and NOT taking life. This struggle for equal IVF child rights and equal IVF family rights which may include heterosexuals, gays, lesbians, intersex is a peaceful struggle. We ask everyone to join us and help us accelerate the inevitable.

Here is a BOLD statement: “SINGLE WOMEN SHOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN AND ARE FORCED TO GIVE THEM UP FOR ADOPTION BY THE STATE”.

If it makes your hair stand up or gives you the churns in the stomach or simply makes you think what a STUPID statement, this is exactly what governments of Canada, Australia and other countries in the 1960s and 70s did because “single mothers” were “socially unacceptable”. It was state-sponsored forced adoption of innocent children from loving mothers whose ONLY fault was they were single and they lived in a primitive time.

In 2013, somehow it is OK to forcibly take a child away from an IVF father who loves his child deeply and the child loves his father deeply.

As the old addage goes, HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF. There is no doubt that in a not too distant future, IVF fathers will be “socially acceptable” and their children will have EQUAL rights as a natural born child and NOT BE DISCRIMINATED against because of their father’s gender. An IVF father can be a loving single father, a gay father or a spouse of intersex. Imagine in the future when looking back and thinking, my what a STUPID thing was it to separate loving biological families.

After World War II, in the US there were forced adoptions of native American children to white American families in an attempt to better assimilate the native Americans with the rest. Diversity was not respected. Today, the same government is conducting TRUTH and RECONCILIATION commissions. The children who grew up SEPARATELY from their biological parents are confused. No words can describe their feelings. We can assume that the white American families who adopted the children gave the best care and love in raising the children but as the innocent children ask, WHY? It is NEVER acceptable to DESTROY and SEPARATE loving biological families.

Sadly in a country like India, female foeticide or infanticide still occurs. But if an IVF girl child is pre-meditatively abandoned and left for dead, there is NO repurcusions. If an egg donor dies during an IVF procedure, does she have any human rights? Are there any legal repurcusions and who should be held liable? If a surrogate dies during an IVF child pregnancy or birth, does she have any human rights? Are there any legal repurcusions? Is IVF being inadvertently used as a “baby making factory” with no respect for basic rights for the innocent IVF child and the IVF ecosystem as a whole?

Social Engineering will always be experimented for the so-called “greater good”. And in doing so, living on the “edge” and taking extreme decisions as a system may seem “normal”. But certain things remain constant, like CHANGE and TRUTH. By placing a human on the moon, the need for OXYGEN does not go away. Even if the human is tethered to an object in space, a lifeline with OXYGEN must be maintained. Do all the “SOCIAL ENGINEERING” you want, NOT MAINTAINING a tether with a loving BIOLOGICAL FAMILY is too risky and with UNKNOWN results for the innocent CHILD who has NO VOICE.

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