Tag Archives: lie

Top 10 Reasons to be unEmotional

10. The justice system does NOT care about emotions. And we as law-abiding citizens have to live with the laws and not with emotions regardless of show-no-emotion-catch-no-feelings-feel-no-pain-ivfhow unfair the laws may seem.

9. The justice system will selectively care about emotions deeming it “best interest of the child” instead of recognizing the facts that sometimes laws fall short and natural justice should take over.

8. If you are emotional, it will take you LONGER than others to think things through…By that time, the opportunity to fight back may expire like the statute of limitations or people may tend to say let “bygones be bygones” without understanding that injustice is injustice – whether delayed or denied.

7. If you are emotional, people may lie, cheat, fraud you including breaking laws and committing crimes and maybe even forcing you to commit crimes.

6. If you harbor a murderer because they are “family” and you get emotional, it is breaking the laws even though you can justify it emotionally. Do not harbor a criminal, the right thing to do for their sake and other innocents in the society is to report them to the authorities for breaking the laws. Worse, do not become a victim of their emotional blackmail and commit crimes too.

5. When one lives in bad company where one partner/friend commits crimes, it rubs off on you and you also start committing crimes and emotions cannot save you from that.

4. Your innocent children can be held hostage and their individual rights are violated including crime against their humanity.

3. When you are emotional, people will try to spin a web from the “real issues” deeming one who is emotional cannot “think” clearly and are clouded. Fine, then let someone “unemotional” deal with the real issues like IVF, intersex, immigration because the issues still exist and someone does need to bring it to attention and provide a solution. What is worse – being emotional and bringing out the truth OR being conniving and brushing the issues under the carpet. What if it happened to you or someone you love (nah, thats emotional again…you see how it works)?

2. Ironically, got too emotional to pen this down.

1. Frankly, NO ONE CARES. The laws, the society, the system – its all lip service  and only you can protect yourself from the emotional trauma of injustice, unfairness, bigotry, hypocrisy. Protect yourself first.

As a survivor, NOT a victim, of IVF, intersex, immigration in the 2000s, there are a lot of lessons to be learnt. The first is DO NOT be EMOTIONAL. What an irony because if one were not emotional then they could have never become a spouse caregiver of intersex OR an IVF parent OR an exiled IVF parent. They could have perhaps earned 6 + figures in salary, have a great, comfortable, luxurious life with everything money can buy AND have a great professional career where their skills are appreciated BUT innocent IVF children would have been abandoned, violated, abused, tortured without a VOICE.

To the naysayers, all we have to say is that emotion is the very fabric of a human being…even animals like dogs, cats have emotions and they show it. Since when did it become OK to NOT be emotional as a human being especially when it comes to dealing with issues like intersex, IVF, immigration – emotions like compassion build such families while lack of laws break up families, innocent siblings.

You Don’t Know Until It Happens To You – Could it be You?

Teach your child to never betray someone they truly love. Whether its your parents, siblings, spouse, children or others, if you truly love them then do not abuse, lie, and force secrecy. Its love, but not for someone else, its love for thyself which is not a crime but breaking laws, abuse, violence, fraud, cheating, lying are crimes. After a continued life of secrecy and lies having to watch your children suffer due to the secrecy and lies; it is not fair to them and the millions of other children like them.

You don’t know until it happens to you. Maybe the age-old saying does have some truth to it after all. Less than 16% of couples IVF mattersexperience infertility while 50% of marriages end up in divorce. So most people may have knowledge about the family law system but far fewer know about fertility in a marriage. Add the secrecy and stigma to fertility issues and there is hardly a chance of the “word getting out”. If we continue to live in secrecy, how will we usher in change? How will we make it a better place for others and our children? Any person who is trying to have a child – straight, single, gay, DSD/intersex, lesbian – this could have been you being separated from your IVF child because of lack of laws.

Most Americans we know are conscientious, compassionate and want to know the truth. USA is a nation of immigrants. But majority of the population has not experienced immigration first hand. And so the “ongoing lot” of immigrants are again a minority and most people would not know the immigration laws until it happens to them. Statistically, there are 1 in 2000 people who are intersex/DSD and people with Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (CAIS) are 1 in 20000 – again another rare minority. Now imagine if a family had to experience all these four minorities combined together? Imagine doing it in silence. Imagine no one being able to understand what it means to go through this and be able to survive and be alive. Imagine the children of such a family and their fate? Where do we even begin to make sense and how many “layers” of lack of laws, human rights, equitable justice, etc, etc etc do we have to go through before people begin to understand the several complications. Not to mention, the secrecy and lies does NO HELP in the education and awareness process.

There is no doubt that people who are CAIS and undergo a surgery (which has been called for a STOP by the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture) are under severe trauma and depression. Do they need time to recoperate? How much time? Can a person under severe trauma and depression enough to be called torture also be a primary care provider for an infant? What about the abuse and violence that was perpetrated on innocent victims during this stabilization process? There are studies, recommendations which are now coming out for people with Disorders of Sexual Development (DSD), are there any studies for spouse and children of DSD who also suffered through the surgery and its treatment in silence? Is there any trauma for them? There is a lack of laws situation for people with DSD including not being able to marry legally, or being able to immigrate as a spouse, or being able to legally have a child through IVF. So does it make it OK to lie, cheat and fraud an unsuspecting spouse into a fraud marriage? get immigration illegally? get a IVF child illegally? Since the laws have NOT changed, other DSD people still cannot repeat this. Since the laws have NOT changed, the innocent IVF children are placed in legal limbo due to the suppression of the facts. Since the laws have not changed, the fertility rights for LGBTI families are non-existant. If there is domestic violence against a male spouse in a LGBTI marriage, are there any laws to protect them?

The right thing is to teach our children to love and show compassion to fellow human beings no matter what. Becoming a family caregiver instead of walking away is a proud moment to be celebrated most importantly for the parents of the caregiver because they raised their child right. It is better than parents who teach children to lie, fraud an unsuspecting spouse. It is better than someone splitting innocent and defenseless IVF siblings just because they cannot have a child. It is better than someone who abandons an IVF child, a deliberate pregnancy. The question is not if someone can become a good parent, the question is WHEN? And how much abuse and violence was endured by others during the ongoing medical treatment under severe depression and trauma?

You don’t know until it happens to you – intersex, immigration, infertility, invisibility. And then to have the same secrecy and lies repeated on your innocent, defenseless IVF children. The actions to support equal human rights never stopped. It was limited to intersex and immigration earlier. Now we have added IVF children and families. And all can benefit by the truth, not secrecy and lies as we have already experienced. In a few years from now, when the IVF children are grown and are adults, maybe we will live in a world where gay marriage is NOT taboo, IVF families are NOT taboo, DSD/intersex is NOT taboo. And so correspondingly there will also be laws to represent the societal needs. What will the IVF children want – truth or lies?

To Lie Or To Say the Truth

As a spouse caregiver of intersex or Eunuchs as they are known in India, what is MORE important – TRUTH or diana careslying? Having to raise a little girl with NO mother, people have questions and one has to live in this community with people around them and sooner or later the Questions have to be answered. Or maybe the father had an affair or maybe the father had an illegitimate child. Legally they are right, an IVF child born to a father where neither the egg donor nor the surrogate is the wife of the father is considered a child “born out of wedlock” or an “illegitimate child”. Why is my IVF child illegitimate due to NO FAULT of their own? What are the consequences of being in LEGAL LIMBO? As a loving parent, one vociferously defends the RIGHTS of a child and say the TRUTH. If saying the TRUTH is a crime, so be it. If asking for rights of innocent, voiceless children is a crime, so be it. The challenge is if you were a parent in my shoes, what would you do?

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

Do we say the TRUTH the child is IVF or do we LIE?

Do we say the TRUTH to get a passport or do we LIE and risk criminal charges?

Does the IVF child deserve a passport or do we LIE and land-lock her?

When laws for short, do we ask for change in LAWS or BREAK the LAWS?

Are siblings IMPORTANT or do they deserve to be separated?

Intersex or Eunuchs have to deal with trauma. A spouse of Eunuch also has to deal with trauma. A spouse of Love-Honesty-Truth-Respect-NothingEunuch also is a victim of abuse, stigma, secrecy, lies, name calling, etc. as much as an Eunuch. There is a lot of hypocrisy in the community, we may not LIKE it but have to deal with the reality and for that one needs to be HONEST with themselves. Then there are people who DO NOT care whether you are Eunuch or NOT, whether you are IVF or NOT, what matters is are you TRUTHFUL and HONEST?

If you truly LOVE someone, a partner, a child, a parent then TRUTH is paramount. One can present FALSE and FRAUD documents to the court and get away with the LIES and CRIMES, how do you LIE and HIDE from a person you LOVE? Maybe you LOVE yourself MORE? Any brainwashing and alienation is short-term and wrecks several lives once TRUTH is revealed. Just ask any intersex child who has been LIED to for years OR a spouse of intersex who has been LIED to for years. Why REPEAT that with an IVF child? 

As Shakespeare pondered, To Be Or Not To Be, That is the Question…

To Say the Truth Or Lie, That is the Question…If Not for yourself then maybe as a lesson to innocent children – the future?

Criminal Intent – IVF Style

When this case sinks in to enough people’s minds and a critical mass is there for them to see that it could have law-and-order-criminal-intenteasily been them. The complex combination of lack of laws for Intersex, Infertility, Immigration, Invisibility – the four “I”s of this case or “effects of intersex family” is wrecking HAVOC and traumatizing innocent, unsuspecting victims. While we WAIT for EQUAL laws to pass, what if laws are broken in the PRESENT with a criminal intent? There are intersex people who are honest, there are gay people who are fighting to get LAWS and RIGHTS (like Edie Windsor)  and helping themselves and others. Their intent is NOT to break the laws but to recognize their circumstances by sharing the TRUTH and getting LAWS changed to reflect their realities and others like them. They are the spark like Rosa Parks – take a stand.

Could This Be You?

“Become the change you want to see in this world” – Mahatma Gandhi

1) In a recent study, nearly 1 in 4 Americans are a family caregiver which is 25% of the population. The actual numbers may be more as NOT every family caregiver identifies themselves.

2) Spouse caregivers of breast cancer or mesothelioma or Alzheimer and others are allowed to share the facts of their issues so they can get help and support. Is the same true for spouse caregivers of intersex? To put it into perspective, in a recent study it was found that 83% of male spouses leave their spouse when diagnosed with a traumatic condition instead of becoming a spouse caregiver.

3) Support for “equal marriage rights” in 2013 in the US is well above 50%, what was it in early 2000s?

4) Support for immigration of gay families to the US is increasing in 2013, what was it in early 2000s?

5) As per CDC data, infertility affects 1 in 6 couples which is accounting for straight couples. In 2013 with “equal marriage rights”, what is the new infertility or dysfertility” rate including LGBTI couples? A study is NOT out yet but logically it seems there will be MORE people affected by it than there were in early 2000s.

6) All these issues lead to a “critical mass” to have LAWS that affect people who may be family caregivers or in a LGBTI marriage or dealing with infertility or dysfertility or immigration of gay families or immigration of IVF children. We are NOT there yet in 2013. We are still WAITING for these realities to kick in.

Unless there was love and compassion, a spouse would NOT subject themselves to this and later to find out they were LIED, CHEATED, FRAUDED knowingly and deliberately all along. The secrecy and lies in dealing with intersex DOES NOT make it easier to get truthful information. Now the secrecy, lies and criminal intent are being USED to CHEAT and ROB innocent, voiceless children out of a CHILDHOOD together. Regardless of whether you are straight, gay, lesbian, intersex, in a relationship where there is LOVE, there is NO ROOM for lies, cheating and fraud – trust and truth are cornerstones of LOVE regardless of how one TWISTS it whether with a partner or with a child. This was true for thousands of years, it is true today and will remain true forever. To claim or suggest that a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex AND a surviving IVF father of victim IVF children participated in the crimes is most OFFENSIVE and IGNORANT. A victim of abuse and violence DID NOT speak up because they were SILENCED under THREATS and NOT because they did not want to. If intersex is a minority then FACTUALLY, spouse caregiver of intersex are even a SMALLER minority of that. Who is helping them deal with EFFECTS of intersex and the lack of laws for it? To suggest they are criminals shows the lack of understanding of intersex families and the reason for UNEQUAL rights of intersex, IVF children and families, and family caregivers.

Criminal Intent

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court

Mr. Rajat Gupta is a very reputable individual with a great story combining BOTH Indian dream and American IVF-Spouse Rights Updateddream. He has also been recognized as a great contributor to the overall good of the community, a philanthropist and uplifting many careers and providing several jobs and allowing families to prosper. But he did LIE. And the LAWS prevailed. The VICTIMS of his LIES received some monetary benefit from the heavy fines imposed upon him. Thats RULE of LAW.

To say this case is about intersex or infertility or immigration or invisibility would be UNTRUTHFUL. These are the “issues” of the case but someone knowingly and deliberately LIED. Criminals LIE. People who LIE make others LIE under secrecy and threats. CRIMINALS use threats and make others ALSO LIE.

1) Till 2013 in the US, gay immigration was illegal. So if someone LIED before then and immigrated to the US, is that valid? Thousands of gays have WAITED to marry legally and help their binational spouses for immigration and NOT committed FRAUD. Some even waited over 40 years instead of victimizing innocent, unsuspecting people because their LOVE was built on TRUTH.

2) Immigration of IVF children born outside the US is strictly on the basis of “biological link” as per prevailing laws, so if an IVF child is in the US with “no biological link” with anyone, were any LAWS broken?

3) It is required to declare an ongoing pregnancy when filing divorce in US so that the court can decide the best interest of the children. What if an ongoing IVF pregnancy in India is NOT declared in a US court divorce filing, how will the “best interest of the child” be protected? Does the US condone such behavior where an adult in the US can place an “order” in foreign countries like India for an IVF child and later change their mind and abandon the IVF pregnancy? What are the rights of the abandoned IVF child? What are the rights of the left-behind IVF parent? How do they move forward?

4) By having false medical records, we cannot even begin to get solutions to REAL problems. First one has to overcome the burden of false, authoritative, legal medical records and if they SURVIVE, they can state the FACTS so that we can work on a SOLUTION for the issues. False medical records is both disrespectful to the patient and the caregiver wanting to live a life of truth and dignity. Especially WORSE if there was ABUSE of innocent, voiceless infants because there was SILENCE under threats. When health professionals make false medical claims, it has reverberating effects on innocents including not getting justice they deserve.

5) Divorces happen, its nothing new. What is the future of LGBTI divorces and more specifically children of LGBTI in a divorce? When there is criminal intent, should an IVF child be separated from his primary care provider? Should the child have ANY rights to grow up with his sibling and family and have an active participation in his life? Has the child abandoned his sister he wanted and requested to be alienated from his biological family? Do the RIGHTS of an innocent, voiceless CHILD trump an adult who happens to LIE with criminal intent? What’s the JUSTICE in ROBBING FROM a CHILD? Even International Adoption laws allow for a subsidiarity principle in the best interest of the child to UNITE siblings to grow up together. Do lack of international laws for IVF/surrogacy children mean VICTIMIZING them? It is the principle and we all know the “right” thing to do which is to NOT PUNISH innocent IVF siblings by forcing them to grow up separately for CRIMES they did not commit. And submit ourselves to working for standard, consistent international legal framework for international IVF/surrogacy so that a HEINOUS act like this IVF holocaust does NOT occur again.