The biggest news story to close out 2014 could be the thawing of ties between US and Cuba. No one knows what it will bring but it shows that as humans one can move ahead. Rather than living with mutual distrust, it is better to have an open dialogue and provide the tools and mechanisms to achieve that. In one of the worst and most gruesome disasters of 2014 is the massacre of innocent children by terrorists in Pakistan. There is no justification for what occurred and may their souls rest in peace. Our hearts go out to the parents who may have never envisioned this when they dropped off their child at school in the morning. And we can imagine the sigh of relief for parents whose children are alive today because their alarm didn’t go off, reminds us of stories we heard after 9/11 on how some people were “lucky” to either be late to work or didn’t go to work that day. I have a friend who didn’t go to work on the fateful 9/11 day and is alive. Now when it seemed impossible to make sense of it all, the silver lining was the announcement of thawing of ties between US and Cuba. It gives HOPE. It gives a silver lining to our otherwise 24 hour news cycle of murder, mayhem, crimes, violence, etc. It’s about moving forward and doing the right thing. In 2014, from the double whammy mystery of Malaysian airlines to Boko Haram kidnapping of innocent girls, we must stand UNITED in accepting truth and helping the innocent, especially children like IVF siblings who have been split or an abandoned IVF child getting justice.
Its the fervor of hope that keeps one asking for equal rights for IVF children and families. We support infertility issues but does it have to come at the cost of splitting innocent IVF siblings and denying their rights? Can’t we find better ways which are inclusive? An IVF father by definition has taken some action to help the cause of infertility, what have the lack of laws and outdated laws done to help infertility? Why are IVF families subjected to lies to circumvent the laws? Why are IVF families subjected to ridicule? Why are IVF families not allowed to be truthful? Is building a family through IVF a crime? Take a long hard look at our innocent IVF children and see the love before making up your mind.
Just like there is “ethical hacking”, just like there are checks and balances to use nuclear technology for good or bad, where are the checks and balances for best interest of international IVF/Surrogacy children and families? If IVF can be used for good or bad, where are the “ethical” protections for international IVF/surrogacy children and families?
It used to be “socially acceptable” for Indians and dogs to be kept out of establishments in their own country, or African-Americans were subjected to sitting in the back of the bus, or apartheid was OK, or women or African-Americans could not vote(meaning no representation of their concerns in a democracy), or gays did not have rights, or women could not both work and be a loving parent, is it “socially acceptable” for an IVF father to be allowed to enjoy and love his IVF children “born out of wedlock”? Is it time to have “representation” in a democracy to address the needs of IVF families? Or are we supposed to stay “underground” and wallow away in the misery of silence and apathy? Socially, we refer to parents as “mother” and “father” while the laws view the same people as “primary care provider” or not. Same laws in case of IVF children also sees the surrogate who gave birth as the “mother” or the egg donor with the genetic link as the “mother” or in some cases, legally there is “no mother” despite a physical presence of the birth mother. Same laws recognize the IVF children as “born out of wedlock”. In all cases, the IVF father is the same person – both socially and legally. Then why separate him and his IVF children deemed as “born out of wedlock”? Is wanting to help infertility a crime? Why offend them using offensive language even if its in the archaic laws? Is it time to be more sensitive to the needs of an international IVF family and give them the basic human dignity and respect they deserve or do they have to suffer more “legalized name calling” and the inherent abuse and separation? Throughout history of humankind, “social acceptance” comes FIRST and laws come later. Are international IVF families socially acceptable?
Should we be saying “PCP 1” and “PCP 2” on birth certificates instead of “father” and “mother” because that’s how the laws see it? As insane and absurd as it sounds, the fact is the archaic laws are creating these situations. The need is to either “update the laws” OR provide relief and justice for innocent IVF siblings, the state of legal limbo and apathy is incongruent and goes against the every being of “humanity” – an irony since “IVF/surrogacy children” are born into this world due to compassion of others in the humanity and are not supposed to be “symbols” of cruelty of humanity and archaic laws.
Recently, a loving husband and a father-to-be was rushing home because his wife and mother-to-be was in labor. They already had an emergency earlier in the week. He may have violated some traffic laws and was asked to pull over by the police but his IMMEDIATE need was to get home to his pregnant wife. The officer did follow “policy” and while the husband and father-to-be may have violated laws, doesn’t every woman wish for a husband and father like him? He was privy to information of the earlier emergency, their ongoing pregnancy and the need to be by his family’s side. Once the officer knew the facts, he called for an ambulance and helped the family out. Where is the HELP for an immigrant, IVF father who had to RUN to his lovely IVF/Surrogacy daughter in India and raise her in India due to her being abandoned and placed in legal limbo?