Tag Archives: legal limbo

Need To Separate Fact from Fiction, Need to Separate Wishful Thinking from Facts

  • A 1 year, 364 days old infant does not need a ticket on the plane but a 2 year old does. It’s the law.
  • truth-shakeThe minimum age is 7 days old for any infant to travel on a plane, an important criterion for an IVF child born to international parents wanting to go back home. Emotions don’t count but laws do.
  • Any infant under 6 months travelling on a plane needs 1 adult with them – particularly important if twins are born to a parent who is travelling alone. More relevant for an international IVF parent who is trying to go home with IVF twins or triplets – higher frequency than natural births. Emotions don’t count, it’s the law.
  • Immigration law requires a biological link between parent and child – emotions don’t count, it’s the law.
  • Immigrant fathers cannot bring their IVF child to US-  emotions don’t count, it’s the law.
  • Alienated parents love their child equally, more importantly, the child loves the parent equally but the best interest of the child does not count.
  • Baby scoop era was detrimental and served no real purpose, existence of single mothers and truth and reconciliation commissions have proved it.
  • The plight of Scottsboro boys is wrong, their pardons prove it. The case spawned new laws for due process and inclusion of African Americans on jury prove their innocence. When will due process and immigrant, IVF jury be allowed for immigrant IVF parents?
  • When I see an abandoned IVF daughter, I see the criminal who did this.
  • When I see an abandoned IVF daughter in legal limbo, I see the criminal who did this.
  • When I see an IVF daughter try to move forward in life but has no legal identity, I see the criminal who did this.
  • When I see an IVF child in legal limbo, I see the criminal who abused before.
  • When I see an IVF infant being starved for food, I see the criminal lying and abusing the child.
  • If breastfeeding by males is so common, why don’t mothers ask the fathers of their newborns to breastfeed?
  • Regardless whether it’s a male or female trying to breastfeed an infant, when there is no milk, is it abuse if you make the infant cry endlessly out of hunger? What else is food for an infant other than milk?
  • Having been diagnosed with interex/DSD condition is very traumatic, being forced to live a life of secrecy and lies, breaking laws, why repeat that on innocent IVF children who are no less dealt with their own secrecy, stigma, lies, breaking laws to deal with?
  • While every human deserves a child, while every parent wishes to breastfeed their child, we still have to deal with science.

There is truth in acceptance and abuse in lies on oneself and others whom you claim to love the most.

Minority Report

This is a unique minority report, however we do not have the “precogs” available like in the movie, Minority Report. In a few years, looking back, the minority reportright thing will have been to unite the innocent IVF brother and sister instead of splitting them. Of course, it will be nice to also have equal rights for IVF children and families in the future so that these inhumane situations are not created. Sadly, infertility and IVF are dealt with lot of secrecy and stigma which means not too many people speak up and suffer in silence. Due to lack of laws and lengthy legal battles, they may even abandon the IVF child unwantingly. What are the rights of the IVF child – whether forcefully abandoned or not? As a human race, why are we “manufacturing” human babies without adequate laws protecting the rights of IVF children and families? Can we do better?

If two IVF siblings are born the same way from a legal perspective, then should both have them have the same legal status? Is it fair to show compassion to one and not the other?

It is a fact that laws have been broken and IVF children have been created who are in legal limbo and land-locked and our only solution as humans is inaction? Should the innocent, voiceless IVF brother and sister be united?

If child trafficking is a crime against humanity, is creating IVF children and placing them in legal limbo thereby denying their rights a crime?

If human trafficking is a crime whereby their basic human rights are violated, is creating IVF children and making them stateless and land-locked a crime?

There are several Nazi guards and soldiers sheltering in the US who may have never committed any crime on US land. However, because of the crime against humanity, they are still prosecuted and deported and brought to justice. Is creating stateless IVF children deliberately a crime against humanity? Do IVF children have rights and do they deserve equal rights as humans?

Nazis created situations where a parent had to pick between innocent children on who to send to the gas chamber. Is creating situation and manipulating the anti-gay, anti-IVF laws to place an IVF parent in a situation to pick between two IVF children on two separate continents?

Minority within Minority

The other minority is intersex people and families. Is the secrecy and stigma only felt by the intersex person or also by the spouse of intersex and children? Are the effects of intersex surgery only felt by the intersex person or also the spouse and children when the intersex surgery is performed during a marriage? Is infertility and lack of laws for intersex families only felt by the intersex person or also by the spouse of intersex and children?

First, we have to get past the “shame and secrecy”. If gays are proud and open, they achieve equal rights. Why can’t intersex families also hope for the same? So are intersex male or female or “third gender”? If intersex are female then why are governments passing laws to have a legal “third gender”? If intersex are female then why are they removing male testes and lying and creating fraud documents about the surgery? If this surgery is “torture” and traumatic for the intersex patient, what are the effects on the spouse of intersex and children of intersex when the surgery is performed during a marriage? Is gay family rights same as intersex family rights?

If an intersex person has a “right to feel female”, does a spouse of intersex have an equal “right to feel” also? Does the spouse of intersex have the “right to feel” what governments and honest intersex people around the world are feeling, the need for “third gender”? This is a specialized “spouse of intersex” who has witnessed the transition of an intersex person in every way possible when they had the intersex surgery during the marriage – an event that does not occur for most intersex marriages. The spouse is as much of a victim and in severe trauma of a different kind as much as the intersex person. Only by recognizing the facts can we move to a solution. We are genuinely missing the “precogs” to offer insight into the future. The spouse and children in an intersex marriage are the minority within a minority and have equal rights too or not?

The issue is not intersex, infertility (IVF) or immigration, these are just the mechanisms used to expose the lack of laws. The issue is secrecy, lying and relentless breaking of the laws with no respect for basic human dignity and respect including innocent children. The silence is offensive and hurting innocent, voiceless IVF children.

Come Together Right Now

As humans there are lot of good and bad things we may come across in our lives. Its all about seeing it from the lies hidden in truthperspective of each individual. Whenever anything traumatic happens, it’s all about how we pick up the pieces and move on. Here is a great inspirational story of how a drunk driver who accidentally killed two innocent people and is now UNITING with the family of the victim on spreading awareness and having laws changed. Its the true human spirit!

Difference between TRUTH and LYING

When one accepts the truth, they start a process of justice for themselves and due to the freedom may end up helping others for a greater good – Edie Windsor is a recent example. When there is denial and lying, it becomes a self-serving selfish proposition with no real solution to provide relief for victims. As humans, we want TRUTH and move on…LIES only slow us down but cannot BREAK us.

What do you think about a couple in an intersex marriage in the 2000s who were also immigrants and infertile and created IVF children who are now in LEGAL LIMBO should do? Should they continue to lie, live in secrecy and hence continue to defend the lies and wild allegations or come together right now and solve the issue of the innocent IVF children – two siblings who are clearly in LEGAL LIMBO. Do the innocent IVF children deserve better? In this one case, there are so many “greater goods” if TRUTH is allowed to be shared. A Canadian couple moved to India for 6 years before they were allowed to bring their IVF child to Canada – power of staying UNITED and saying the TRUTH.

“I’m really frank with the kids. They ask all the time and I jut give them really honest answers because they deserve that.” – said family of the victims in the drunk driving case.

1) What is wrong about spreading awareness about international IVF/surrogacy children and families especially when no laws exist? The first step is to accept the children are IVF both in privacy of the home and in court instead of making false claims including producing fraudulent records. The IVF children deserve the truth and others like them deserve equal rights and laws. Why punish innocent children for crimes of adults?

2) Actions have placed two lovely IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO. Would it be better to UNITE and get them legalized as per laws in their own best interest? Or should we live in continued silence and abuse? Will others benefit from the change in laws for international IVF/Surrogacy?

3) Would it LESSEN the LOVE of a parent if they were to declare the fact their child is IVF? Lies would lessen the love, TRUTH will only strengthen it. Lies both in the privacy of home and lies in the court are detrimental to the child. What would be wrong in having a law to declare all ongoing IVF pregnancies when filing for divorce so that the best interest of the IVF child is maintained? Is an IVF child a LESS of a child?

4) Experts including people in authority who may have never experienced infertility or immigration issues themselves are worried about the “IVF child” and choose to “hide facts” from them like doctors did with intersex children in a failed approach. Why would lying to children be OK especially lies that include breaking the laws? What does a REAL EXPERT think – in the words of an IVF child?

5) IVF is too new a technology (35 years and counting) mostly dealt with secrecy and only now people are speaking up on dealing with IVF and issues – medical, financial, legal, immigration, etc. Now first set of scientific studies are coming out and the effects on behaviour of IVF children and special needs to address it. An IVF child can get the help and support they deserve only if they are told the TRUTH! Do IVF children deserve that for their own mental and physical health? Is it their right as a human being or are they “property”?

6) Angelina Jolie made quite a few points recently. By going public with her double masectomy, she raised awareness to a new level. Her TRUTH empowered so many others also. She revealed that through genetics she was able to deduce the “risk factor” and make an “informed decision”. Do IVF children deserve the same rights to know the biology of their parent when available? 

7) Just like Angelina Jolie revealed her medical diagnosis and her decision, why would it be wrong to say one is intersex or a spouse of intersex and the issues they are dealing with from marriage rights, immigration rights, fertility rights, medical rights, etc. It takes strength and courage to say the TRUTH.

8) If the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP on the controversial intersex surgery, was there any torture if the same surgery is done in secrecy during a marriage? What are its effects? Several intersex people have this controversial surgery, how many of them have done this during a marriage? 

9) What is the check and balance system against the medical experts who send unsuspecting intersex married couples as canaries in the coal mine? And how do medical experts know what is the “right protocol” to follow if there are hardly any instances to follow for intersex surgery during a marriage? There are several medical conditions for which humans do not have answers but LYING is not the solution.

10) If the so called medical experts believe they have done no wrong then what is the need to falsify and fraud on medical records? Do the medical experts who fraud medical records understand the full impact of their actions on unsuspecting victims including innocent children even if inadvertently?

11) If a CAIS person can go around showcasing a medical record stating they had “removal of ovaries”, does that mean we as a humankind have “solved” the CAIS issue? Does that mean all future babies who are born with CAIS will have “ovaries” or “testes”? By lying, are we IGNORING other effects of medical fraud?  Is it better to empower each person with the TRUTH?

The risk of not acting is greater than the risk of acting

The risk of not acting is greater than the risk of acting” – said US Secretary of State John Kerry.Syria-chemical-weapons-victims

Is the same true about the situation of IVF children and families? Especially cases that involve international IVF and the entire IVF ecosystem – donors, surrogates, parents and most importantly, the IVF children. Infertility is traumatic but should a solution come at the price of crimes, lies and denial of rights of other human beings?

When innocent, voiceless children are being hurt, being abused, maybe someone cares enough to take action and do something about it than just paying lip service. The current climate of lack of laws for international IVF/Surrogacy children is dire. There are international laws for child abduction and child adoption but how come there are no international laws for IVF/surrogate children?

In Syria over a period of two years since 2011, more than a 100,000 innocent civilians including children were killed. However, when about 1500 innocent civilians including children were killed in a chemical weapons attack, it calls out to our conscience in a different way, why? What is so heinous about a chemical weapons attack that killed about 1500 people somehow MORE important than the previous 100,000 innocent lives lost? Or is it a culmination of the last two years and the gruesome way in which the last innocent 1500 humans were killed that calls out to our morality and legality? Is it the final straw that broke the camel’s back?

A decade of secrecy and lies can also have a similar effect. When you lie about an intersex surgery and the effects it causes including abuse, when you hurry to have a child not knowing the effects of an intersex surgery, when you lie about the IVF child as being a natural born child, when you break the laws incessantly, when you get abused in silence, it is not the aggregate of all these events but the heinous way in which the innocent, voiceless IVF siblings were SPLIT – does it call out to your morality and legality to take actionIs it the final straw that broke the camel’s back?

If the people responsible for this heinous chemical attack are not held accountable, is the risk they will REPEAT this action or is it a GREATER RISK that someone ELSE will repeat these actions and have no consequences and denial of rights to innocent victims including children? Someone has to speak up and take action even if they are alone. What’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. It calls out to our basic human dignity and respect.

If an IVF child is abandoned causing DENIAL of rights and a state of LEGAL LIMBO, should the perpetrators be held accountable for this heinous act against the innocent, voiceless IVF child? Is the risk they will REPEAT this action or is it a GREATER RISK that someone ELSE will repeat these actions and have no consequences and denial of rights to innocent victims including children? Someone has to speak up and take action even if they are alone. What’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. It calls out to our basic human dignity and respect. Why does an IVF child need to be treated like “property” and go unchecked?

While the innocent civilians including children died an unnecessary and a cruel death – the ultimate crime…the innocent IVF children left in LEGAL LIMBO are living an unnecessary and cruel death – what is worse? Because when someone legal status is in limbo, they have no legal rights and hence no justice and no relief as a victim but instead are forced to LIVE in silence and become invisible. Their basic human dignity and respect as a human being is denied or deleted. Why?

Is the risk of not acting greater than the risk of acting for the sake of IVF children and families?

Three Strikes and Justice?

Three strikes is a general rule of thumb for getting out or speaking up. In the all American favorite pastime, speak up truthbaseball (which I terribly miss going to the games with my son – go Stros’), its three strikes and you are OUT. At a personal level, when someone abuses you, do you speak up after the first occurrence or the second or the third occurrence? When someone slaps you, do you usually hit back after the first slap or the second or the third slap? When someone stabs you, do you react after the first occurrence or the second or the third occurrence? As with each occurrence, the severity goes up and the victim may not wait till the second or third time to react. It may be TOO LATE. Being married to intersex with LESS rights is not the issue, being married to an infertile person with LESS rights is not the issue, being a LEGAL immigrant with LESS rights is not the issue, its someone using ALL this against you for their personal benefit which is the issue. Its THREE STRIKES and you are OUT. An innocent girl had the courage to speak up against her own family – her father because of the constant abuse even though she was met with a “let it be” attitude. She believed in saying the truth and decided enough is enough when it comes to abuse. How long must one wait before reporting abuse against a family member? Is there a “finite limit” every human has to tolerate the abuses? What if the victim is ALSO your innocent child?

Being abused, being lied to, breaking the laws to an adult is one thing, there is forgiveness. That’s STRIKE ONE. Having the secrecy, lies, abuse, violence, breaking the laws repeated on your innocent child is STRIKE TWO. Being lonely and staying silent under threats and not reporting the crimes is the biggest regret. Having the same mantra repeated to make an innocent child STATELESS and SPLITTING siblings takes abuse, secrecy, lies to whole another level. What are the RIGHTS of the innocent IVF child VICTIM? When the victims of the “let it be” attitude are innocent children, would you stay quiet or speak up if it were your own children? Would any parent want their child to have the basic human dignity and respect?

Fighting Stereotypes – Victims of “Let It Be” Attitude

In a complex case of intersex, infertility (IVF), immigration – some things are constant – secrecy, lies, breaking the laws and constantly fighting the stereotypes – there is nothing conventional about it. The right answer is to educate and spread awareness because if that existed before, there would be NO secrecy and lies and stigma. Parents of intersex would not have the urge to LIE about their child because intersex is socially acceptable. What are some of the stereotypes to fight?

1) People may see infertility ONLY as a female issue which is horribly wrong. Infertility affects all those who love children, the way of expression may be different. As an IVF father who is remote, one has worked tirelessly including making trips from the US by himself to India to IVF clinics and depositing the “sample”. If you think its just a “trip”, we welcome you to try the roller coaster ride yourself.

2) People may see a non-biological parent raising an IVF child with care. We see an IVF child ABANDONED and in LEGAL LIMBO due to no fault of hers without whom the non-biological parent could have NEVER got practical sole custody of the IVF sibling they claim to love. If the second IVF child had been declared in the divorce decree, would the court have agreed to SPLIT biological siblings? If the second IVF child were brought to the US and then divorce was filed, would the FACTS have been allowed to be stated in the court? To SACRIFICE an innocent, voiceless IVF child for sake of another child is NOT love for children.

3) People may see showing compassion to an infertile person. We tried that and are left-behind with not one, but TWO IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO. What are the LEGAL RIGHTS of people who are STATELESS? For us its about the IVF children, the RESULT OF SHOWING COMPASSION TO INFERTILITY.

4) People who feel compassion for an infertile person and would like to SILENCE us. First, no more silence; been there, done that. TRUTH with civility, humility, and dignity is the only way forward. Second, we welcome those compassionate people to give their egg or sperm and money and we know of several IVF clinics willing to help. You can have the IVF child and just “donate” or “give” the child to the infertile person. Its easy to preach, try practicing it sometimes.

5) We have tried the secrecy, the lies, the victimization, the abuse, the violence in silence. But a criminal mind never changes. As we were stumbling through each issue, it was a FIRST in so many ways. It is time to celebrate the FIRSTS instead of living in secrecy and lies. 

6) By DENYING the children are IVF, we are doing the biggest disservice to the “it takes a village” people who helped bring the IVF children into the world and raise them. It shows the HUMANITY and COMPASSION still alive in this world. DENIAL would be criminal. In TRUTH, we will be honoring those who have truly helped like the “village” that helped raise the IVF children.

7) People may see a parent with an IVF child. We see an innocent child being lied to and having his rights violated just like an intersex child. How did the LYING and SECRECY help the intersex child? And how will a REPEAT of the LYING and SECRECY help an IVF child?

8) Abuse an adult, stayed silent. Abuse a child, stayed silent. Abuse another child, can we stay silent? The issue is not intersex, IVF or immigration. The issue is only someone with intimate knowledge of the circumstances could have done this heinous act on innocent, unsuspecting victims.

We have more than THREE STRIKES, what should we do? Continue to LIE or start saying the TRUTH?