Three strikes is a general rule of thumb for getting out or speaking up. In the all American favorite pastime, baseball (which I terribly miss going to the games with my son – go Stros’), its three strikes and you are OUT. At a personal level, when someone abuses you, do you speak up after the first occurrence or the second or the third occurrence? When someone slaps you, do you usually hit back after the first slap or the second or the third slap? When someone stabs you, do you react after the first occurrence or the second or the third occurrence? As with each occurrence, the severity goes up and the victim may not wait till the second or third time to react. It may be TOO LATE. Being married to intersex with LESS rights is not the issue, being married to an infertile person with LESS rights is not the issue, being a LEGAL immigrant with LESS rights is not the issue, its someone using ALL this against you for their personal benefit which is the issue. Its THREE STRIKES and you are OUT. An innocent girl had the courage to speak up against her own family – her father because of the constant abuse even though she was met with a “let it be” attitude. She believed in saying the truth and decided enough is enough when it comes to abuse. How long must one wait before reporting abuse against a family member? Is there a “finite limit” every human has to tolerate the abuses? What if the victim is ALSO your innocent child?
Being abused, being lied to, breaking the laws to an adult is one thing, there is forgiveness. That’s STRIKE ONE. Having the secrecy, lies, abuse, violence, breaking the laws repeated on your innocent child is STRIKE TWO. Being lonely and staying silent under threats and not reporting the crimes is the biggest regret. Having the same mantra repeated to make an innocent child STATELESS and SPLITTING siblings takes abuse, secrecy, lies to whole another level. What are the RIGHTS of the innocent IVF child VICTIM? When the victims of the “let it be” attitude are innocent children, would you stay quiet or speak up if it were your own children? Would any parent want their child to have the basic human dignity and respect?
Fighting Stereotypes – Victims of “Let It Be” Attitude
In a complex case of intersex, infertility (IVF), immigration – some things are constant – secrecy, lies, breaking the laws and constantly fighting the stereotypes – there is nothing conventional about it. The right answer is to educate and spread awareness because if that existed before, there would be NO secrecy and lies and stigma. Parents of intersex would not have the urge to LIE about their child because intersex is socially acceptable. What are some of the stereotypes to fight?
1) People may see infertility ONLY as a female issue which is horribly wrong. Infertility affects all those who love children, the way of expression may be different. As an IVF father who is remote, one has worked tirelessly including making trips from the US by himself to India to IVF clinics and depositing the “sample”. If you think its just a “trip”, we welcome you to try the roller coaster ride yourself.
2) People may see a non-biological parent raising an IVF child with care. We see an IVF child ABANDONED and in LEGAL LIMBO due to no fault of hers without whom the non-biological parent could have NEVER got practical sole custody of the IVF sibling they claim to love. If the second IVF child had been declared in the divorce decree, would the court have agreed to SPLIT biological siblings? If the second IVF child were brought to the US and then divorce was filed, would the FACTS have been allowed to be stated in the court? To SACRIFICE an innocent, voiceless IVF child for sake of another child is NOT love for children.
3) People may see showing compassion to an infertile person. We tried that and are left-behind with not one, but TWO IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO. What are the LEGAL RIGHTS of people who are STATELESS? For us its about the IVF children, the RESULT OF SHOWING COMPASSION TO INFERTILITY.
4) People who feel compassion for an infertile person and would like to SILENCE us. First, no more silence; been there, done that. TRUTH with civility, humility, and dignity is the only way forward. Second, we welcome those compassionate people to give their egg or sperm and money and we know of several IVF clinics willing to help. You can have the IVF child and just “donate” or “give” the child to the infertile person. Its easy to preach, try practicing it sometimes.
5) We have tried the secrecy, the lies, the victimization, the abuse, the violence in silence. But a criminal mind never changes. As we were stumbling through each issue, it was a FIRST in so many ways. It is time to celebrate the FIRSTS instead of living in secrecy and lies.
6) By DENYING the children are IVF, we are doing the biggest disservice to the “it takes a village” people who helped bring the IVF children into the world and raise them. It shows the HUMANITY and COMPASSION still alive in this world. DENIAL would be criminal. In TRUTH, we will be honoring those who have truly helped like the “village” that helped raise the IVF children.
7) People may see a parent with an IVF child. We see an innocent child being lied to and having his rights violated just like an intersex child. How did the LYING and SECRECY help the intersex child? And how will a REPEAT of the LYING and SECRECY help an IVF child?
8) Abuse an adult, stayed silent. Abuse a child, stayed silent. Abuse another child, can we stay silent? The issue is not intersex, IVF or immigration. The issue is only someone with intimate knowledge of the circumstances could have done this heinous act on innocent, unsuspecting victims.
We have more than THREE STRIKES, what should we do? Continue to LIE or start saying the TRUTH?