Tag Archives: law

Relentless Secrecy and Stigma

It is one thing to have anti-IVF laws, anti-gay laws, anti-intersex laws but to use them to split innocent IVF brother and sister and place them in legal every-life-equallimbo is a heinous crime against the children. Every human including IVF children deserves basic respect as a human, if not equal. If a person is raped, what are the circumspect effects? As a human being one has to continue to live and how does one go about. Any person can be raped while majority of the rapes are against women. Men or intersex people may get raped but have no laws to protect them or get them justice. While the physical pain is intolerable, there is more to it than just that. Rape also involves secrecy, stigma, taking away a person’s self-worth, mental torture, dehumanizing and so many other things. Due to the secrecy and stigma, a rape survivor may not report the facts for days, weeks, months, even years. There are child sexual abuse cases which go unreported for decades. Does that mean the person who has experienced this horrible situation is hallucinating? And the crimes did not occur? Then there is the long road for justice. The predator is let go because the “statute of limitations” expired, does that mean the crimes did not occur? Does that mean a person will stop fighting for the truth? When a person who has been raped first is a victim, if they do not die or commit suicide, they are a survivor and when a survivor is awakened to be free of secrecy and stigma, they are truly awakened. Whether they are awakened in a week, a month, a year, it may be too “late” for the statute of limitations but if they speak up, just maybe one person, just one person may be inspired to speak up sooner if in the horrid situation they are raped. Secrecy and stigma are the real culprits and they can only be disbanded with truth, inspiration, empowerment.

Now that western culture is catching up to realities and passing laws to legally recognize the “third gender”, hopefully in the near future they will also have laws for marriages of “third gender” and the issues and concerns “third gender” families face including children and immigration. As per intersex organizations, “same-sex” marriage excludes intersex marriage. Why? If intersex are women, then why are there laws for a “third gender”? Are the governments wrong? If the angst of having a child, loving a child, raising a child, the roller coaster rides of infertility, the international trips and related immigration issues and separation from child are only a “woman’s issue”, then how do we explain single dads, gay fathers, intersex families? The right answer is to accept the realities around us and have equal laws so that people can start living and stop being abused, tortured and stranded. Every person has right to feel male, female or otherwise, are the laws in sync with what the person wants? When there is a lack of laws for intersex families, are there inadvertent victims like spouses and children of an intersex family? The answer is change the laws not break the laws.

IVF Children of a Woman and Intersex Person

What if a woman was in a relationship with an intersex person (can they legally marry?), had an IVF child through her egg, sperm donor and a compassionate surrogate, the woman raised the IVF child as the primary care provider, living in secrecy and lies through the abuse, torture from a person undergoing medical treatment and then when asked to split, the intersex person decides to both SPLIT with the woman and SPLIT two innocent IVF siblings. Would there be an uproar and would the laws have allowed the IVF child to be separated from the “biological mother” and the primary care provider? More importantly, what crimes have the innocent children committed to be separated and to be in legal limbo? What about the abuse against the woman and the children? Abuse is abuse regardless in what name it occurs and how one justifies it. What if the woman was silenced one from the abuse, now that she has awakened, should she remain silent or report the abuse? Is the woman’s only fault that she is fertile and showed compassion? And so she and her children must be punished by splitting them? There are several things that LGBTI people still cannot do in 2013 including the fact that LGBTI immigrant families cannot legally bring their IVF children born outside the US and placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo.

You can rape me, you can silence me, you can abuse me, you can torture me but when you do that to my innocent kids, you have given me the courage to stand up and speak the truth. My weakness has become my strength, the lies conquered with truth, you can lie to the court and the rest of society but you cannot lie to the children. Seeking justice for innocent IVF children is a lifelong commitment requiring lot of persistence and patience – virtues that any IVF parent inherently has. Never again another IVF child should have to suffer like this, if its not a crime to abandon IVF children, it should be a crime. We need solutions, we need legal breakouts so that innocent IVF children are not placed in legal limbo. Because a rape is a rape no matter what and an abandoned or an abused child is just that, no matter what.

Dehumanization – IVF Siblings Split Due to Lack of Laws

Anyone who has followed this story of two IVF siblings being split as personal is missing the point. Yes, its personal like every law that has been dehumanizing IVFwritten by humans is also based on someone’s personal experiences. But the point is to have equal laws for IVF children and families. The innocent, voiceless IVF siblings are SPLIT because of lack of laws and someone judiciously and cleverly manipulating the system to their advantage by breaking the laws. It is one thing to claim to love a child but to trample on the rights of another innocent child takes a whole new meaning. How many other IVF children are being affected due to these lack of laws? How many other families of IVF children think this is only “personal” and lack of laws is not an issue? By not giving “equal rights” to IVF children who are also human beings, are we dehumanizing them as some “property” to feel saddened for or feel sympathy for the situation. What we need is compassion AND equal rights so that IVF children are truly treated as humans with a guarantee of protection of their fundamental human rights.

  • Denial of existence of IVF children is “dehumanizing” them like when they are not declared in a divorce proceeding and the best interest of the child is withheld from the court.
  • Denial of state issued legal identity like Passport is “dehumanizing” them. Do people with “no legal identity” have any “legal rights”?
  • Denial of their basic human dignity and respect is “dehumanizing” them.
  • Denial of protection of their fundamental human rights and child rights is “dehumanizing” them.
  • Creating stateless IVF children due to no fault of their own and not providing any legal recourse is “dehumanizing” them.
  • Continued discrimination of IVF children and families without any legal recourse or any relief for victims is “dehumanizing” them.

Empowered girls grow up to be empowered women. They grow up to be empowered mothers, leaders, and innovators. They grow up to move their communities forward and make the world a better place.” – said US Secretary of State John Kerry on International Girl Day 2013

Where are the rights of an IVF girl child? a sister? a daughter? a woman of tomorrow? and a mother of tomorrow? We need the rights today to avail of the tomorrow. How many “dehumanization” events have to occur before criminality kicks in?

  • It is one thing to illegally abduct an IVF child, but to do it at the cost of “dehumanizing” their IVF sibling and denying them their basic human dignity and respect takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be denied basic human rights as an intersex person but to repeat that to an innocent, voiceless IVF children takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be denied equal marriage laws and immigration laws as an intersex person but to use the very same anti-gay, anti-LGBTI, anti-IVF immigration laws to SPLIT innocent, voiceless IVF siblings takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be born infertile and IVF is here to help but to abandon an IVF child and denying their rights takes on a whole new criminality.
  • It is one thing to be “dehumanized” as an intersex person due to lack of laws but it takes a whole new criminality to knowingly and deliberately impose the “dehumanization” on unsuspecting victims.
  • It is one thing to live in secrecy, lies and breaking laws as an individual but to impose abuse and silence under threats to others to also live with secrecy, lies and as a criminal for life takes on a whole new criminality.

The cycle of secrecy, lies and breaking the laws has to end. The cancer of secrecy, lies and breaking the laws eats one up alive seeing their innocent, voiceless IVF children being punished for crimes they did not commit. No more. The right answer is education, awareness and equal laws

Was it wrong to help an intersex, immigrant and infertile person for whom laws itself fall short in extending and protecting their human rights? Is the social conscience misplaced where even laws fall short? If you are in a gay marriage, are both spouses equally affected by the presence or lack of laws and issues of a gay marriage like immigration, IVF children, and so on? Should the lack of laws now extend as punishment in legal limbo to IVF children also? What are the lessons learnt from living in secrecy, lies and relentlessly breaking laws for a decade? Do we repeat the mistakes or do we learn from them? A young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex overcomes a lot of challenges repeatedly in silence and then repeats it as an immigrant IVF parent with lack of laws, why should the IVF children also suffer in silence due to lack of laws? The thought process is the same – equal rights, first it was intersex, then immigration, and now it is IVF children and families. Social justice and social equivalence are the hallmarks of this case – and no one deserves justice more than innocent, voiceless IVF children who have committed no crimes by UNITING them.