Tag Archives: IVF rights

The Link Between Scottsboro Boys and Fertility Rights

The recent news of the “Scottsboro boys” being posthumously pardoned is more symbolic and should be celebrated because we as a society are acceptingfertility rights - ivf our “wrongs” even if too late. It takes great courage. Although the wrongful convictions will not get their lives back or what could have been of being able to have a family, a child, respect and dignity and above all being allowed to LIVE as a HUMAN BEING. The question to answer just like Alabama did by pardoning the last of “Scottsboro boys” even if posthumously is to be on the “right side of history“. Much like in the case of “Scottsboro boys”, the prevailing false stereotypes ingrained in people and the system that failed them, most people do not realize the mistake until it happens to “them”. Fertility affects about 15% of the population, so we are faced with similar false stereotypes and are held hostage until change arrives.

Is history repeating itself in wrongfully abusing others? That was 1933 and now it is 2013. The spirit in which this is written is looking forward, what will be the state of fertility rights in 2084? It is a fact that an infertile human being cannot bring a child born outside the US legally to the US because US laws requires a “biological link” as established by DNA (only sperm and egg counts, carrying a child in your womb does not count) between parent-child. Sadly due to the infertility, they cannot have a “biological child”. Then how does a person who is infertile or intersex or gay or lesbian or straight who cannot have a “biological link” to the child supposed to have a child legally? The right answer is change the laws and not break the laws and we need fertility rights. While the “Scottsboro boys” did not get justice while alive, they have been credited with great strides in the civil rights movement. For example, inclusion of African Americans on juries and adequate legal representation for fair justice and due process.

In a case of immigrant, IVF parent, spouse caregiver of intersex, was a similar person allowed to be on the “jury”, was adequate legal representation provided to ensure due process and fair justice? Or was the truth suppressed to fit the need of the hour?  Does the “average” person understand the life of an immigrant, IVF parent and a spouse caregiver of intersex and the related secrecy, lies and lack of laws and its effects? The secrecy and shame are the biggest culprits. The rights of an innocent child are tightly coupled with the rights of a parent. Is it wrong for an IVF, immigrant father to want children? Or should he be forced and ALSO by association his IVF children be forced to live secretly and become invisible like the “Scottsboro boys”? The link between racism and reproductive rights is to deny the truth and thereby the rights of innocents and making them “legally invisible” only furthering the crimes of continued secrecy, lies and false allegations.

In our zeal to provide a child to an infertile adult, have we forgotten about the rights of an innocent, voiceless IVF child? We have defamation, false allegations, rampant breaking of the laws, abuse and victimization of innocents, intimidation, secrecy, lies and WORST, denial of basic human dignity and respect of innocent IVF children. Welcome to 2004 – lack of fertility rights and waiting for justice…

  • It is a fact that an intersex marriage is illegal – so change the laws but do not break the laws and victimize unsuspecting human beings.
  • It is a fact that intersex person is infertile and cannot have a biological child legally – so change the laws but do not falsely accuse others and victimize innocent children and break the laws. As per CDC, 1 in 6 couples is infertile – how is the “couple” defined – only heterosexual couples? Are LGBTI, single parents included in this “statistic”? Do they deserve fertility rights as human beings?
  • It is a fact that intersex person cannot immigrate based on “marriage” – so change the laws like Edie Windsor did by helping strike down DOMA but do not break the laws and victimize others.
  • It is a fact that caregivers have no rights and further caregivers of LGBTI have no rights at all until recently because they have to live “invisibly and secretly” – so change the laws. There are 65.7 Million family caregivers in the US – are LGBTI caregivers included in this “statistic”?

If a caregiver claims they lost their career, social life, their children, financial resources, etc. because of family caregiving duties – it is OK to glaze over. But if a paid caregiver slips on the floor, they can file for worker’s compensation. How is that equal and fair? As a society we need to encourage family caregivers because it can do wonders for patients but we also need to protect the rights of the caregivers. Or do we want a society where everything is “legal” including the family caregiving relationship?

Somehow discriminating innocent people in the name of “best interest of the child” has become the norm. We look forward to the day when every person is first seen as a HUMAN BEING and then a male or female or intersex or straight or gay or lesbian or black or Asian or white or Hindu or Christian or Muslim and the endless segregation and segmentation we bring in our society to justify “human rights”. The basic human right we need is to recognize every person first as a HUMAN BEING – then everything else.

Our heart goes out to the “Scottsboro boys” in what could have been – the years lost, the lives torn, the wrongful defamation, the loss of basic respect and dignity, the loss of family, the loss of listening to crackling laughter of a child, the loss of lifting your child up in the air, the loss of a child kissing their loving parent, the loss of playing and reading with your child, the loss of seeing your child having a better world than you did, and on and on. The BIGGEST loss is despite the false allegations, false convictions, and loss of several human rights, the innocent had NO shot at justice or to be heard FAIRLY. That breaks a HUMAN BEING down like nothing else can. We salute them for their courage, strength and beliefs forever.

Infertility is very traumatic but does that justify placing innocent, voiceless IVF children in legal limbo? How can you ensure “legal rights” to a person who has “no legal identity”? In many ways, the IVF children and families are invisible like the “Scottsboro boys” – deprived and made invisible.

IVF Parent Wish List…

The lack of laws is creating an impossible mountain to overcome for IVF children and families much like a staircase for a person in a wheelchair. Help us to self-help ourselves. We don’t want pity, just laws for protecting our basic human rights and have an opportunity to be treated equally.

An IVF parent never tires, its ingrained in their DNA. Most people who become an IVF parent have experienced failure before success of  birth of a lovelyIVF-Wish-List IVF child. Every IVF parent’s journey is unique and not giving up is in their DNA. Even after multiple rounds of IVF treatment and failure, an IVF parent continues to find innovative ways to have a child. In every IVF parent is a very strong person overcoming several challenges, sadly, sometimes in silence and isolation due to the secrecy and stigma with infertility or dysfertility. The discrimination against IVF parent based on gender and biology is causing discrimination against IVF children and its time to begin to petition for a change. Stop dehumanizing children for personal benefit and rise above for the greater good. Currently, asking for basic if not equal rights for IVF children and families is the wake before the Brown V. Board of Education or Roe V. Wade or [Interracial marriage] V State of Virginia or the civil rights movement or the latest being DOMA’s revocation. We are beginning an IVF Movement for future rights of IVF children and families.

Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those timid spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live In the grey twilight that knows nether victory nor defeat.

Most people DO NOT know or understand what an IVF parent goes through. Statistically as per CDC data, about 1% of all child births are through IVF. Statistically, only 1 in 3 IVF attempts are successful. By conservative estimate, that would mean about 3% of the parents have experienced and attempted IVF resulting in success or failure. When you extend the number to the general population, the number is even smaller because not everyone is a parent in the general population. So we are talking about a very small minority of total population who actually have the experience of IVF. The medical doctors, the supporting medical staff help with IVF and are integral part of the IVF journey but do not go through the same roller coaster rides of emotions, finance, immigration, laws, etc. The IVF ecosystem is large – donors, surrogates, intended parents, and yes, most importantly the IVF child who physically go through the roller coaster rides of emotions, anxiety, sleepless nights, silence, isolation, keeping a happy face outside but crying on the inside, financial issues, legal issues, immigration issues, etc. Statistically, most people DON’T know or understand what an IVF parent goes through unless truth is allowed to be shared. Is silencing an IVF parent a sophisticated form of white collar crime and advanced child abduction and/or retention for personal benefit? What is the best interest of the child?

We begin the IVF Parent Wish List AFTER the Birth of an IVF child and in the best interest of the IVF child. Its been 35 years since the first IVF child was born, is it time to come out of secrecy and start asking for scientific information and legal rights for IVF children and families. If I had enough money as an IVF parent, I wish to…

1) Move Forward for Change – Advocate and donate huge sums for medical research on IVF children’s health, well-being and long-term needs like Michael J. Fox advocates about Parkinson’s disease.

2) Get a Celebrity Endorsement To Raise Awareness – Advocate for equal laws for IVF children and families by speaking the truth like Magic Johnson did by talking about HIV and changing the course of history in terms of medical funds and research for HIV/AIDS. What we need is more scientific data and research and not secrecy and lies.

3) Human Rights and Child Rights – Expose the inhumane conditions and fraud in the IVF industry where some rogue people have converted into a “baby making factory” with no respect for basic human dignity of an IVF child and others. Children need protection from a new brand of criminal –  IVFphiles. Erin Brockovich, Rosa Parks, Susan Anthony come to mind as inspiration in taking on a flawed system.

4) Scientific Research – Seek to understand the behavioral issues and any other health issues experienced by IVF children due to their unique birth circumstances as studies are now reporting. We need more studies in to help IVF parents and children not more silence and fraud. By accepting the truth and understanding issues if any, we can help innocent children better adjust to life and be all they can be.

5) Better Health – New studies claim that because of the IVF procedure, IVF children maybe at a higher risk of cancer like leukemia. In case an IVF child needs a bone marrow, will the “biological link” help save his life or will the fraud birth documents falsely claiming an intended parent as the biological parent? What is needed is more scientific evidence and not furtherance of secrecy, lies and fraud as it hurts innocent IVF children apart from it also breaking the laws.

6) Best Interest of the Child – There are several parents with children of Down’s Syndrome, ADHD, ADD, cystic fibrosis, Tay-Sachs Syndrome and other medical conditions. As any parent, they are looking for a normal if not better future for their children. They are looking for an environment of basic rights if not equal. Same is true of an IVF parent who wants protection of basic human decency and respect for the IVF children and not to be treated like “property” even if inadvertent. Only sharing of facts and truth can reveal this, silence and secrecy only further victimizes innocents and worse it does not benefit in getting laws changed or passed creating more innocent victims possibly in the future. 

There are several other issues specific to the health and well-being of an IVF child far too complex to go into in 2013. The ethos of USA has been to say the truth to seek change and justice even if spread across decades. Maybe we need to wait a few more years or decades before we are allowed to come out as proud IVF parents facing real issues and challenges instead of being deemed offensive. The bill of rights for IVF children and family has neither been thought of yet nor a priority because it affects a very small minority. Is it OK to continue to victimize the most vulnerable of the vulnerable? For others, a victimized IVF child and denial of their rights and respect as a human being may just be a “statistic”, for an IVF parent the child is their LIFE who deserves basic human dignity if not equal.

Use, Abuse, and Discard – Intersex, IVF, Immigration

There are always TWO sides of the story in any relationship. If the relationship is healthy, there is no break-ups.Fight for truth If the relationship is unhealthy, there are break-ups. How a break-up occurs reveals the TRUTH in an unhealthy relationship. If children are involved in a break-up, it says a lot about the person on how much they love themselves Vs their claimed love for children in the relationship. In a healthy break-up, the children get to see both parents and have the opportunity to live freely. In an unhealthy break-up the abuse continues in the form of parental alienation, secrecy and lying and restricting free will and freedoms of an innocent child. The slavery to secrecy and lies continue. There may be violations of the court order but thats OK. There may be gross violations of laws but thats OK. Depending on which side of the coin you are, you got USED, ABUSED and DISCARDED. Thats OK for an adult (is it?), is it ALSO OK for innocent, voiceless children? Are SIBLINGS important?

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court. For those who support status quo, we did maintain status quo and look what happened – two innocent and voiceless siblings, on two continents, in LEGAL LIMBO. Let us NOT repeat status quo, let us ask for CHANGE and MOVE FORWARD. What is different about an intersex relationship between immigrants who do international IVF to have children? Is it “unconventional” for a male to ask for rights of a child, just wait for a few years now that gay marriages are being legalized, gay divorces will follow and it will become “conventional” (meaning laws will be formulated) but it may be TOO LATE for the innocent brother and sister. This case is from the FUTURE but the strategy of secrecy, lies, fraud, manipulation of systems, breaking laws are consistent with a criminal.

1) Intersex

Lot of complex issues and breaking the laws for starters. One has SPLIT two kids on two continents. Legally there is shared custody of child but NOT practical custody. Ironically, IVF is done due to infertility of intersex and now the biological parent has to deal with legalizing a STATELESS IVF daughter while SPLIT from his son. We have gone beyond USED, ABUSED, and DISCARDED. It is one thing to ABUSE an adult (actually a male) but it is totally different to ABUSE an innocent, voiceless child. It is one thing to SLAP your spouse/partner, it is totally different to SLAP an innocent child and DENY them basic rights as a human being. Legally, intersex are either invisible to less rights to no rights. Does the spouse inherit the same unequal rights by association and dealing with the effects of intersex? Intersex are victims of nature and unsuspecting spouse of intersex are victims of _____? What is worse – victim of nature or victim of a criminal? Any loving relationship (spouse, parent-child, friends) based on a foundation of LIES is not LOVE. It is pretending to get what you want including breaking the laws. US President Obama has no patience for lack of gay rights. What about lack of immigration rights for LGBTI and IVF children and the folks who still have to deal with those effects with two kids on two separate continents? Intersex is very traumatic, wait till you meet infertility.

Even FDA recalls drugs after learning the TRUTH – the same drugs that it once deemed safe and effective when they approved it. That’s the power of truth – it allows an opportunity to fix once truth is known, it offers a SOLUTION.

2) Infertility

Thankfully to some great medical research and work, we have an opportunity to use techniques like IVF to have children and deal with infertility. Unfortunately, IVF is not affordable by everyone and IVF is a journey. First there is the money issue. Next there is the matching of the donors, surrogate issue (depending on your case). In an IVF between two genetic males, one needs both an egg donor and a surrogate – a scientific fact. Then there is the stress, the anxiety, the uncertainty, the ups, the downs, the valleys, the hills, and for some lucky folks, the end of the roller coaster ride blesses you with a lovely IVF child. The first trauma is missing the birth of your child or celebrating it due to secrecy and lies. Despite “conventional stereotypes”, the father becomes the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for the infant because the intersex person is still undergoing medical treatment and is in a transition phase. There is an inseparable bond between the son and the father as a result. Feeding is an issue for IVF children as the surrogate may not be around depending on the case. Formula is a good alternative to breastfeeding. But what if a genetic male wants to take hormones and attempt breastfeeding? How many mothers come home after child birth and ask the fathers of the child to breastfeed their child? huh? How many gay parents bring home an infant and attempt to breastfeed by taking hormones to lactate? Yes, after the roller coaster of IVF, one has to endure watch their innocent, voiceless IVF infant be abused at failed attempts of breastfeeding and going hungry. Intersex is very traumatic, then you meet infertility, now wait till you meet international IVF and immigration laws for immigrants.         (Hint :                     ) <- attempt to show “do not exist”….

3) International IVF and Immigration

We do NOT have consistent LAWS internationally. So an international IVF by immigrants can create some very UNIQUE and RARE circumstances. Only someone with intimate knowledge of the facts can use it to MANIPULATE to their advantage. It is one thing to say that you know better to an immigrant in an intersex marriage, we should NOT have done international IVF because laws do NOT support it. Does that mean infertile immigrants should remain childless including intersex immigrants? However, two lovely IVF brother and sister are BORN, now what? If a building is illegally constructed, either break it down or legalize it assessing penalties. The IVF children are illegal, should we “break them down” or legalize them? This is HUMAN LIVES we are discussing.

Immigrants do NOT have same rights as citizens. Thats a legislative issue. What happens when this is used disparagingly against the male and worse against innocent, voiceless IVF children? And yet go on to claim they LOVE a child? Alienating a child from the parent is abuse yet common. But alienating a child from a sibling takes a WHOLE NEW LEVEL of ABUSE. Moreover, placing the sibling in LEGAL LIMBO for their personal interests takes VIOLATION of human rights and child rights to WHOLE NEW LEVEL. Do you think its a very selfish way to show LOVE for a child? If we are going to allow to have IVF children be born with NO responsibility on the commissioning adult, what’s next? Human cloning for personal benefits?

4) BONUS: Caregiver

Intersex is very traumatic, then you meet infertility, now you have met IVF and immigration. Most intersex people have surgery done to them without informed consent. It is so traumatic and torturous that the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to this. Rarely, the same surgery is done DURING a marriage. Typically the parents are the caregivers of intersex and have help and support. If a spouse has cancer or mesothelioma, a caregiver spouse is allowed to share the truth and get help and support. What about the spouse caregiver of intersex? Should they be forced into SILENCE under threats? Is that abuse? Where were the parents of the intersex after the surgery? Now meet all at the SAME time – intersex, infertility, international IVF, immigration, caregiving. Result is Secrecy and Lies  under THREATS rule while innocent, voiceless brother and sister are being punished for crimes they did not commit. Does not sound like JUSTICE, does it?

The issue is NOT whether an intersex person can be a parent, or a non-biological person can be a parent,

Life dealing with Intersex, IVF, Immigration
Life dealing with Intersex, IVF, Immigration

the issue is when a person is suffering from severe trauma and is undergoing medical treatment, how can they be a PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for an infant? And what about the abuse endured? And when the medical situation has stabilized, they have USED the caregiver, ABUSED the spouse and now DISCARDED the spouse and the IVF child leaving them in LEGAL LIMBO because it NO LONGER SUITS them. We can accept situation is traumatic for which LIES need to stop and TRUTH needs to come out – first for the sake of innocent, voiceless children need RELIEF as VICTIMS if not justice.

Its a fact we need equal rights for intersex, IVF children and families, caregivers. If no one speaks up, we will NEVER get started and NEVER get the equal rights. We did the Intersex, IVF, Immigration journey in secrecy and lies, NOW it is time to ask for equal rights with education and awareness – if not in our lifetime then at least in our children’s lifetime. TRUTH is the solution, secrecy and lies are disastrous – one gets USED, ABUSED, DISCARDED in a whole NEW LEVEL. This is abnormal behavior. There are intersex people who are living with the TRUTH, have legally ADOPTED kids, are good parents. They do not PREY on unsuspecting people and break the laws and commit crimes. These are traits of a criminal regardless of sexual orientation or gender.

Adoption Vs. IVF

Infertility is very traumatic. There are lot of solutions to deal with infertility. What happens AFTER you have found On-Infertile-grounda solution? What is the best interest of the CHILD? Is the trauma of the infertile person GREATER than the best interest of the child? How many VICTIMS need to be created and be abused and violated to satiate the need of one infertile person? There are plenty of articles and information on whether to ADOPT or go for IVF/Surrogacy? This article will NOT focus on the “pre-decision” making process but rather rights of the “IVF child” and why are there differences in law? The best interest of the child remains the same regardless of whether adoption or IVF/Surrogacy, then why are laws NOT reflective of that? They say a child only knows LOVE and the biological link does not matter YET the laws are based on “biological link”. And when issues arise, the only thing one has to fall back on is LAWS. So it is important to discuss ADOPTION Vs. IVF/Surrogacy from a LAW perspective.

The laws for adoption are made with best interest of the child in mind FIRST. The best interest of the adoptive parents is secondary. Is the same true in IVF/Surrogacy?

0a) Adopted children are natural born and the science behind the natural birth of an adopted child is same as other natural born children.

0b) IVF children are born well through IVF. Scientific studies claim that because of the way IVF children are born, the hormones, the fertility treatments, the frozen samples or embryos, psychological state of parents using IVF (it is a very stressful time), etc. places IVF children at a “third higher risk of cancer” or “65% more likely to have leukemia” or “90% more likely to have brain cancer”.

1a) Adoption is well understood and regulated – both domestically and internationally thus providing a consistent, standardized way of dealing with adoption.

1b) IVF/Surrogacy Laws barely exist – from banned in some countries to allowance in others and there is NO international law for IVF/Surrogacy children creating situations where innocent, voiceless children are LEFT in a LEGAL LIMBO.

2a) If a 5 year old is adopted and taken away from his biological family, his biological family has a RIGHT to tell him the facts.

2b) If a 5 year old IVF son is taken away from his biological family, his biological family has NO rights to tell him the truth and are instead muzzled and silenced under threats.

3a) There is a use of subsidiarity principle in adoption where SIBLINGS are allowed to grow up together even though the parents may be non-biological.

3b) In an international IVF, IVF SIBLINGS maybe deliberately separated with NO legal consequences and there is NO regard for best interest of the children.

4a) In adoption, a homestudy by a licensed MSW or MA in Psychology is a MUST before a non-biological parent can adopt a child.

4b) In IVF/Surrogacy, anyone with MONEY can get a IVF/Surrogate child. There is NO requirement for equivalent of homestudy and somehow a “biological parent” already suffering from trauma of infertility is supposed to POSSESS the knowledge of a licensed MS or MA in Psychology. Even a pedophile can somehow take an IVF girl child legally.

5a) Adoptions typically take months to years and because of the heavy vetting process, a great deal is known about the future parent including any errant behavioral or psychological problems.

5b) In IVF/Surrogacy, MONEY talks. Once you have the money, get donors and surrogate lined up and place your order for a “baby” with NO vetting process. Heck, you could even place an “order for an IVF baby” and then later change your mind and ABANDON the IVF baby with NO legal consequences. What are the rights of the IVF child? What are the rights of the surrogate? What are the rights of the left-behind parent?

6a) Adoptions are highly and tightly regulated. In an international adoption, proper legal documents and paperwork needs to be followed including birth certificate and the corresponding passport and visas.

6b) IVF/Surrogacy has NO regulations and fraud documents can be secured with relative ease. After all, IVF is marketed as a “good thing” for the infertile parent and NOT as a “good thing” for the child. The paying customer for IVF industry is the “parent” and NOT the IVF child. Does the IVF child have a RIGHT to proper legal documents and proper LEGAL STATUS or are they also VICTIMS to their infertile parent’s whims?

In our changing world, it would  be NO longer correct to say that infertility is an issue only for women. How would we resolve gays having children? Even in heterosexual couples, there are cases where men are more caring than women due to various reasons. Are we as a society ready to accept the CHANGE? Then again, IVF/Surrogacy is all about CHANGE and is a 21st century issue, isn’t it?

Thank You Edie Windsor

The Supreme Court ruling striking down DOMA came about due to a case filed by Edie Windsor. Its a landmark rulingIVF Parent and Intersex Spouse Rights giving rights to several same-sex married couples and wanting to get married. The right answer is to CHANGE the law, not BREAK the law. Thank you Edie Windsor for showing us that. Sure, it takes time and money but it is the right thing to do. When will we get our dignity?

When will the US recognize the “I” of Intersex in “LGBTI”? Internationally, LGBTI is the norm as per the Yogyakarta Principles. Australia recently added “I” for intersex as a gender identity. Other countries in Asia like India, Nepal have long recognized the third gender. The right answer is to ask for EQUAL rights, not BREAK the laws for personal gain.

“DOMA “humiliates” children” – Supreme Court Justice on June 26, 2013

There are CHILDREN of gay marriages, there are CHILDREN of intersex marriages. When do the innocent CHILDREN get rights? Majority of the times, such children are either adopted or born through IVF. Where are the rights of IVF children? Now that DOMA has been struck down, can we focus on IVF children and families rights? Can we get EQUAL immigration rights for IVF children and families? What is the RIGHT answer? Ask for LEGAL rights or BREAK the LAWS for personal gain? Why should innocent siblings be SEPARATED because human rights of others are being violated? Are the innocent children NOT human? Do they NOT have human rights and child rights?

If spouses of gays are also gays, if spouses of lesbians are also lesbians, meaning both spouses have same rights as an individual, what about spouses of intersex? Do spouses of intersex have ANY rights? Do spouses of intersex have a right to participate practically in their child’s life?

Edie Windsor has shown the right path – challenge the law and ask for a change to reflect the reality and NOT break the law. When will we get our dignity?