Tag Archives: IVF father

Freedom Comes in Decades, Lifetimes, Multi Generations?

Freedom is an elusive word. Some of us forget the ones who fought for our freedom, some of us who havefreedom from shackles freedom do not respect it enough. Most of us are still fighting for freedom in our own ways. Whether it is a spouse who is a victim of domestic violence and abuse fighting for their freedom OR an abducted victim fighting for their freedom OR nations fighting for their freedom OR sexual orientation based freedom OR race based freedom OR gender based freedom OR immigrants fighting for their freedom OR IVF parents fighting for their freedom OR fighting from freedom against secrecy and lies OR fighting for TRUTH.

Historically, all humans who went on to be remembered for their struggles which led into a freedom movement of its own have relied on ONE UNIVERSAL fact – TRUTH. Their demands may NOT be WELCOME at the time but over time even after their death, their demands remain CONSTANT because they were based on TRUTHIf you are LGBT and Black in America, what does freedom mean to you? If you are an immigrant and IVF parent in America, what does freedom mean to you? African-Americans are a minority and a bigger minority than being IMMIGRANT and IVF parent. So at least the mainstream media gets them exposure if no solutions to the issues. As an immigrant and IVF, we don’t even get exposure let alone solutions to our issues caused due to lack of laws. So while we DO NOT want to distract from the ongoing debate on minority RIGHTS in the USA, we want to “take LESSONS” from it. The FACT is IVF brother and sister are SEPARATED because they are IVF and immigrants. If they were NATURAL BORN or were born in the US, they would NOT be SEPARATED. A parent NEVER stops loving his children. And to fight for JUSTICE and a better FUTURE for your children is what every human has been doing for last 10000 years. Being human is NOT about having a career, a great home, a great car, a great status, it IS about building a better FUTURE – thats what humanity is all about or is it?

1) “I consider my nephew’s murder a hate crime,” he told me, his voice laced with bitterness. “They hated his success.” – said US Congressman Elijah Cummings.

Is Vedant, an IVF son, a citizen of India SEPARATED from his primary care provider and his only known biological family under forced silence and threats a HATE CRIME against IVF children and families? Is it because his IVF father is an immigrant and IVF parent? Even if inadvertent, this is the REALITY. What is the solution?

2) “We have famous names of outstanding achievement,” the Rev. Jesse Jackson told me. “We have LeBron. We have Jay Z. We have Barack Obama. But that is not a random sample. What matters is the undercurrent, and it’s pulling our people down.”

We have great names who are following the laws and saying the TRUTH like Edie Windsor, Tony Briffa, Jaclyn Schulz and are an inspiration to us all for their strength and courage to speak the truth. What matters is the undercurrent, and it’s pulling people down. It is what makes people SNATCH away someone else’s freedom to satisfy their personal gains including using secrecy and lies.

3) In June 2013, the US Supreme court issued opinions restricting the reach of affirmative action and the Voting Rights Act. Earlier this month, a jury in Sanford, Fla., acquitted George Zimmerman of all charges, accepting his claim that he had shot and killed a 17-year-old unarmed black youth named Trayvon Martin in self-defense. The 2012 shooting and the 2013 verdict divided the country, but united Black America around the reasonable fear that no black child — especially no black male — is safe from the assumption that he is somehow a threat to the civil order on any street he walks.

In another ruling in June 2013, the US Supreme Court struck down DOMA opening the doors to over a 1000 federal benefits for gay families like immigration for gay families. Also in June 2013, the US Senate passed a landmark immigration reform bill.

What is the validity of spousal LGBTI immigration before 2013 because it clearly shows it was illegal? Is it a crime to LIE and break the laws? Will IVF children of immigrant gay families now be allowed to immigrate to the US regardless of the parent’s gender?

In 2009, SEPARATION of two innocent immigrant IVF brother and sister born in an intersex family and the ONGOING CRISIS of SEPARATION with NO RELIEF for VICTIMS shows that NO IVF child – especially NO IVF child of an IVF father (based on gender) – is somehow a threat to the social order of parenting and should be removed from the father at ANY and ALL costs.

Freedom is elusive. Any loving parent will continue to FIGHT for their children. We fight because we are a parent and also because we are HUMAN. If someone’s human rights are being violated, someone needs to speak up especially if the victims are innocent, voiceless children. Anyone who has gone through IVF understands that IVF is not just a birth or depositing your sample at the IVF clinic, IVF is a JOURNEY. International IVF involving immigration laws (or lack thereof) is a tragedy and the secrecy and lying is abuse and torture because one cannot get relief as a victim without the TRUTH being shared. It’s a roller coaster ride of emotions, finances, upheavals in life, stress, loss of job, and the nail in the coffin is LOSS of the IVF child due to LACK of laws!

It may take weeks, months, years, decades, lifetimes, multi-generations, but it is a FIGHT for TRUTH owed to IVF children and ALL others yet to be born. We need EQUAL rights for IVF children and families NOW. In the interim, we are ready for FALSE accusations, persecution, defamation, injustice, secrecy, lies, a thousand lies to hide one lie, etc. We have already EXPERIENCED this and are somehow still surviving and alive.

It Could Have Been Me – US President Obama

US President Obama: Trayvon Martin Could Have Been Me

Not to distract from the case but instead to “take lessons” from it for other minorities dealing with infertility or acceptancedysfertility. It is about ACCEPTING our realities of today, so we can move forward with a solution for tomorrow.

1) “When Trayvon Martin was first shot, I said that this could have been my son. Another way of saying that is, Trayvon Martin could have been me 35 years ago,” Obama said.

Vedant was separated from his IVF father and only known biological parent because of his father’s gender, a male. When Vedant is 35 years, ALSO a MALE like his father, and if he wants to become an IVF father, will he have EQUAL rights to love and enjoy with his IVF child?

Just like there is “soul searching” to do in race relations, there is “soul searching” to do in “parenting laws” AND true meaning of “best interest of the child”. 

“Become the change you want to see in this world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

2) “I think it’s important to recognize that the African-American community is looking at this issue through a set of experiences and a history that doesn’t go away,” Obama said. “There are very few African-American men in this country who haven’t had the experience of being followed when they were shopping in a department store. That includes me.”

Fathers are DEMONIZED and ALIENATED from their innocent children and this stereotype is USED against them and the children. It is important to recognize the issue of alienated fathers through a set of experiences and a history that doesn’t go away. There are very few ALIENATED children who have not experienced ABUSE at the hands of the ALIENATING parent even though somehow we justify it and NOT take any action against the ABUSIVE parent.

There is NO words to feel or describe the pain of being ALIENATED from your child, NOT even an apology from the government – just ask the mothers AND children from the baby scoop era.

What is alienation DOING to the innocent children?

3) He went on to recount instances when he had heard “the locks click on the doors of cars” as he walked down the street. African-American men are used to getting into an elevator and seeing a fellow passenger “clutching her purse nervously and holding her breath until she had a chance to get off,” he said. “I don’t want to exaggerate this, but those sets of experiences inform how the African-American community interprets what happened one night in Florida,” Obama said. “And it’s inescapable for people to bring those experiences to bear.”

If a woman had used her egg and with help of a sperm donor and surrogate to conceive IVF children, would the SIBLINGS be SEPARATED because of their parent’s GENDER? If a lesbian couple had an IVF child, would the immigration laws affect them adversely in 2009? If a gay couple or an intersex couple had an IVF child in 2009, are the immigration laws the SAME for them? No need to exaggerate this point, but the innocent IVF brother and sister are SEPARATED because of their biological parent’s GENDER and it’s inescapable for fathers to bring these experiences to bear regardless whether you are single father, gay father, intersex father, straight father.

Why FORCE innocent IVF brother and sister to grow up separately? Is it their “fault” to be born IVF? The lack of laws even if inadvertent are resulting in that REALITY.

Rosa Parks was TIRED of racism and she took a stand. A spouse caregiver of intersex was first LIED and CHEATED into a fraud marriage and now his IVF children are being LIED and CHEATED out of their innocent childhoods together. Sometimes we all need a SPARK like Ms. Parks in our lives to have the courage and strength to stand up against wrong and let TRUTH prevail even though it may not be “acceptable” at the time.

4) More generally, Obama lent support to the idea of creating a coalition — of business leaders, elected officials, celebrities, athletes — to address the need for African-American men to feel that they are “a full part of this society.”

IVF fathers regardless of sexual orientation also want to be a “full part of this society” and a “full part of their IVF child’s life”.

Will it take a powerful business leader, a celebrity, athlete, elected official to HIGHLIGHT the issues of IVF children and families? Or intersex families?

5) “If we’re sending a message as a society in our communities that someone who is armed potentially has the right to use those firearms, even if there’s a way for them to exit from a situation, is that really going to be contributing to the kind of peace and security and order that we’d like to see?” asked Obama.

If we are saying that if an intersex and infertile person can fraud unsuspecting, innocent victims, commit marriage fraud marriage, commit immigration fraud, abuse the spouse and child, abandon an IVF child making them STATELESS and placing them in a LEGAL LIMBO, and refuse the two siblings to meet and HAVE NO LEGAL REPURCUSIONS for the secrecy, lying and flagrant violations of multiple laws, is that the kind of society we want for our children? To teach them to lie and violate others’ rights? Instead isn’t it better to be someone like Edie Windosr and FIGHT for your RIGHTS and all others in the process? Or be like Tony Briffa and say the TRUTH and EARN the respect? Or be like Ms. Schulz, an openly MRKH woman inspiring others to be strong and have courage to say the TRUTH. Isn’t it better to live freely with truth than in secrecy and violating laws?

Intersex is a naturally occurring condition meaning more intersex children will be born. Do we want to raise them as a society with truth and respect or secrecy and lies?

Regardless of which side of the debate you are in – pro-life or pro-choice, pro-IVF or natural born children only, pro-LGBTI (Lesbian, Gay, Biexual, Transgender, Intersex) or against, pro-IVF or adoption or remain childless, and so many other variations. The FACT is the IVF child is BORN, now what, do they deserve EQUAL rights as HUMANS or not?

6) “I just ask people to consider if Trayvon Martin was of age and armed, could he have stood his ground on that sidewalk? And do we actually think that he would have been justified in shooting Mr. Zimmerman, who had followed him in a car, because he felt threatened? And if the answer to that question is at least ambiguous, it seems to me that we might want to examine those kinds of laws,” he added.

There was every INTENT to provide a sibling and it was a joint consent to have a second IVF child. If its a crime to ABANDON a natural born child, why is it NOT a crime to abandon an IVF child? Are the needs and rights of an IVF child LESS? What if there was NO second IVF child on the way, could Maulik have ENJOYED watching his IVF son grow up? What if the second IVF child had been declared in the US divorce filing and been ALLOWED to enter the US in 2009 and that way Maulik was NOT SPLIT into raising one child over the other. If there was no IVF Holocaust and if BOTH IVF children were in the US, could Maulik have defended himself and presented the FACTS to the court due to NO mitigating circumstances? Is this a case of fait accompli? Has the “best interest of the children” been honored?

If the answer is at least ambiguous, it seems that we ought to examine non-existence of laws for IVF children and families, intersex families.

Let us HOPE that we do NOT have to wait till 2039 (when Vedant turns 35) to get EQUAL rights for IVF children and families. I have faith our society can do better. In 2013, the US Supreme Court allowed gay marriage and federal benefits like immigration for gay families was allowed. If these laws existed in 2009, would Maulik have been able to UNITE his IVF children and NOT be separated?

What is it like living as an African American and LGBT in the US in 2013? What is it like living as an immigrant and IVF parent in the US? The answer to the latter is you live in EXILE outside the US because your IVF child is NOT welcome to the US or an IVF parent after all the struggles of infertility or dysfertility can ABANDON or give up the IVF child for ADOPTION outside the US and live a luxurious life in the US without their IVF child. What are the rights of the IVF child?

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Living in the Present

After living a decade of secrecy and lies, there is nothing we wish than to move forward. The trauma and live in the presenttragedy will NEVER be able to be captured in words. In order to move on, we need a PRESENT and a FUTURE. Having a STATELESS child is our present. Having a brother and sister who have NEVER met is our PRESENT. Being able to LIVE FREE and WITH TRUTH is our PRESENT and FUTURE. After being left for dead in an IVF holocaust, it is a miracle to have survived through the love and support of family.

Continuing to live in secrecy and lies is NOT going to get our STATELESS children their RIGHTS. Continuing to suffer in SILENCE is NOT going to arouse CHANGE for the FUTURE. Continuing to live as a VICTIM is NOT going to breed HOPE for the future. Some intersex parents have been taught to teach their intersex children to LIE which BREAKS laws and violates human rights of others is NO way to achieve SOCIAL JUSTICE. In a few years when the IVF brother and sister are adults and meet, instead of sharing their childhood pictures and videos of growing up separately, we would like them to be together in the same pictures and videos.

The PRESENT

One man, two IVF children, six women – thats our PRESENT. International IVF, immigration laws, invisible in the eyes of the law – thats our PRESENT. All marriages (whether legal or illegal) have issues and quite a few end up in divorce but they DO NOT SPLIT siblings – brother and sister. Thats our PRESENT – SEPARATED SIBLINGS. Does a son have a right to grow up around his only known biological family? His primary care provider? His sibling he dreamt of? His fast-aging grandparents? Does he have ANY rights? Will the son, a MALE, learn to be compassionate, truthful, loving, caring, etc? And what are the BENEFITS of it – like his father, be separated from his son? There are fathers who do NOT have primary custody of the children but at least have practical joint custody and can actively PARTICIPATE in their child’s life after a divorce. Living in forced EXILE on a DIFFERENT continent with NO ACTIVE PARTICIPATION in our child’s life – thats our PRESENT. Good fathers do NOT have primary custody because they LIED, CHEATED their spouse. Do LIARS, CHEATERS, FRAUDSTERS get primary custody of CHILDREN? During the “baby scoop era”, double standards were used against “single mothers” to SPLIT their BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN from them. Today of course, single motherhood is celebrated. Is there a REPEAT of double standards of SPLITTING BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN from their IVF parents – if not deliberately then inadvertently due to lack of laws? What is definition of CHILD ABDUCTION?

If you consent to international IVF as a couple, are BOTH responsible and accountable for the IVF child? And what are the rights of the IVF child if the IVF pregnancy is ABANDONED midway when one person changes their mind? Does that mean an existing IVF brother LOSES the RIGHT to have a sibling? What are the human rights and child rights of the IVF child? Should the IVF child be condemned to become STATELESS because of an abandoning adult? What about the DREAMS that the IVF father and son SHARED to enjoy a sibling together and kept trying for three years? Are IVF children humans with basic human rights and same needs as traditional born children? Is the ONLY way to ensure IVF child has ANY rights in an international (immigration) IVF if your egg, womb or sperm is used in an IVF cycle? Sadly, children inherit RIGHTS from PARENTS and IVF fundamentally changes this basic assumption of “LEGAL PARENT” – thats our PRESENT.

The FUTURE

We want to MOVE FORWARD. Being stuck in several episodes of “Twilight zones” combined into one, it is IMPOSSIBLE to move forward. Witnessing the rights of innocent, voiceless children being violated with NO relief for VICTIMS and NO DUE PROCESS makes it IMPOSSIBLE to move forward.

The bigger question is what is the future of rights for IVF children and families? Is the strategy to use secrecy and lies which has failed in dealing with other traumatic conditions? We are already seeing glimmers of EQUALITY when in 2013 gay immigrant families are allowed in the US. If this were true for IVF children and families in 2009, the innocent IVF brother and sister would NOT have been separated.

During the baby scoop era, mothers were coerced, lied to, and forced to give up their child for adoption only for governments to apologize later. In dealing with intersex for decades, a concealment based approach was used with a complex web of secrecy and lies including fraud medical records. Both have been REJECTED and dealing with TRUTH is accepted. Is history repeating with IVF children and families where a complex web of secrecy, coercion, lies, fraud legal documents, breaking the laws is being FORCED? Like other cases, truth will prevail and secrecy and lies including fraud records and documents to SEPARATE children from biological families is a failed approach. 

Intersex Family Rights

Does a “F.A.M.I.L.Y” when two genetic males are parents have same rights? Are their equal rights for gay families? Intersex families are different than gay families BUT from a legal perspective they are treated the same including immigration and marriage rights and thus rights of innocent children and siblings.

If intersex family rights existed, two innocent, voiceless IVF children -brother and sister would be growing up together.FAMILY

If intersex family rights existed, a victimized IVF father would NOT have to face the IVF Holocaust (a thorough destruction) of picking between two children.

If intersex family rights existed, all daughters and sons would be EQUAL and not made STATELESS.

If intersex family rights existed, a traumatized IVF father would not have to choose between ADOPTION, ABANDON or raise his IVF daughter in EXILE. What would you do?

If intersex family rights existed, an IVF son would still be continuing to enjoy his life with his IVF father and vice versa.

If intersex family rights existed, an IVF brother could have his dreams come true of wanting a sibling. An IVF brother could enjoy “tea-time” with his loving IVF sister, play hide and seek and enjoy voices of laughter crackling together, teach alphabets and numbers to each other, jive to the favorite music and songs, dance like its 2113 (maybe equal IVF child rights by then?) but above all learn to hug and kiss and have a sibling bond that ONLY siblings can share.

If intersex family rights existed, there would be NO need for a spouse caregiver of intersex to ask for his rights or his children’s rights. Only through education and spreading awareness can we get rights. If intersex family rights existed, domestic violence and abuse against spouse caregiver and children would be accounted for.

If intersex family rights existed, medical professionals would have NO need to create fraud medical records, a crime.

If intersex family rights existed, what about the torture perpetrated on an intersex family before 2013, the year when UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP on coerced intersex surgeries.

If intersex family rights existed, there would be NO forced silence and there would be NO FORCE to LIE and live in SECRET.

When an individual tries to give human rights to someone where laws itself falls short, what is the outcome? Should other humans including innocent, voiceless children also be punished?

Sometimes in life when we start our journey there are things we experience which we never envision. For the sake of children, it is important to speak up now and secure EQUAL rights for IVF children and families, EQUAL rights for intersex. The difference between the journey in SILENCE Vs TRUTH is the goals and objectives are well established.

Are We Human Beings with Human Rights?

If gay immigration rights existed in 2009, IVF siblings – a brother and sister would be growing up together. If IVF-Spouse Rights Updated rights for IVF children existed in 2013, the IVF siblings would be growing up together. Because the IVF sister is stranded in India, the IVF father is forced to live in EXILE in India and raise her with DIRECT consequence of NOT being able to participate in his elder IVF son’s life in the US. This is a LEGISLATIVE issue. We have been so VICTIMIZED that we are NOT even asking for EQUAL rights but just “some rights as humans”.

“Become the change you want to see in this world” – Gandhiji

Some days I wish I had NEVER heard of Gandhiji or his quotes but when I see my innocent, voiceless children, its worth it.

Are these the effects of a dysfunctional intersex marriage?

1) Today LGBT marriage is being legalized in the US, immigration benefits among hundreds of other federal benefits like social security, welfare, married benefits, etc. are being provided to LGBT.

a) Where is the immigration benefit for my princess like IVF daughter? Why is she STATELESS in 2013? What is the remedy? How can we move forward in life?

b) Where are the hundreds of other benefits for my IVF daughter she would have had like being able to grow up with her IVF brother, enjoy the kisses and hugs between a brother and sister, be claimed as a dependent on taxes, getting social security, getting child support, etc.

c) Why is my IVF son who waited three years to have a sibling being DENIED to see his sister, his father, his biological family?

d) There are males who have fathered biological children in a heterosexual relationship and years later have come OUT as gay to their children. Have the biological mothers, the spouses of gays, been SEPARATED from their biological children? Have the biological SIBLINGS been SEPARATED from each other? If you can be gay and be proud, can you be IVF and be proud or is that the next “STIGMA” we have to overcome as a society? Its not about being gay or intersex or heterosexual, its about truth and love based on truth.

2) NIH is funding research on LGBTI health in 2013 for the FIRST time in history.

a) Where were these resources in 2002 when a dysfunctional intersex family needed them? How did they survive with lack of resources OR help and support due to secrecy and lies?

b) In 2013, UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP on intersex surgeries. If its torture for an intersex person, what is it for a spouse caregiver of intersex forced into silence?

3) Are we WRONG to give human rights where laws itself fell short? Is it a one-way street when dealing with intersex and its effects on an immigrant family or are there other VICTIMS?

a) Is it wrong to give human rights to an intersex person where highly learned, educated medical professionals fell short?

b) Is it wrong to support an intersex marriage even though it is legally NOT recognized and laws fall short?

c) Is it wrong to have an IVF child internationally and RAISE him as a primary care provider in silence while the medical treatment was ongoing for the intersex person?

d) Is it wrong to want to give a sibling to the IVF son? Is it wrong to keep trying for three years despite several failed IVF attempts? Is there any trauma in dealing with infertility?

e) Is it wrong to live in exile in India to raise the IVF daughter and take responsibility and accountability for her because she is NOT allowed to come to the US? Or should she have been abandoned or given up for adoption?

f) Is it wrong to ask for our rights as a biological father, as a sister, as a brother to be UNITED for the FIRST time? Have we suffered and been victimized enough? 

(Young = inexperienced + Spouse Caregiver = Minority + Male caregiver = Minority within Minority) = NO RIGHTS + IVF Father = NO RIGHTS for IVF children  -> WHY?

Butterfly and Moving Forward

Intersex surgery is very traumatic. Every imaginable change in a person – physically, mentally, emotionally, MRKH IVF Childrenspiritually happens. While medical professionals can provide “academic” opinions and others can only imagine, having witnessed it and managing to stay alive, one can attest it is very traumatic. If there were NO sympathy, one would have left a long time ago, ask any family caregiver. If its very traumatic for the intersex person, what is it for the young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex suffering in silence?

If the intersex person is a butterfly today, we have witnessed the ugly larvae stage and experienced the abuse and violence in silence. The parents of intersex (stereotyped as the caregiver of intersex) did not come to help AND due to secrecy and lies, we were not allowed any help or support, it was a closed door system. Are the spouse caregiver and his IVF children HUMAN BEINGS too?

Its great that going forward LGBTI people will be able to legally marry, be able to legally immigrate, their children will be able to legally immigrate and be together as a family. We are being FORCED to live in the PAST because we are SEPARATED and have NO RELIEF as VICTIMS. Help us MOVE FORWARD.

People like Edie Windsor, Tony Briffa are showing the way that the right path is truth and change the laws, do NOT break the laws. Thats what we want to teach our CHILDREN.

Fairy Tales and Best Interest of the Child

Throughout history, we have had our shares of horror step-parenting tales like “Cinderella” or “Snow White” or UglyHeart-PrettyFace“Hansel and Gretel” or “Rapunzel” and the list goes on. The typical fairy tale is about the “best  interest of the child” and how these stories help them navigate through the world WITHOUT their birth parents. Most are written where the victim is a child, typically a girl child and the perpetrator is a stepmother. How do we reconcile this in a world of in vitro fertilization (IVF)? Who is the mother? Is it the egg donor, the surrogate or the intended mother? In a case where the IVF is commissioned by two genetic males, who is the “mother”? As times are changing, we have to change with it. Just like the marketing powers to be slowly started making adverts which included African Americans and the related toys like African American “doll”, books, movies, shows with positive African American characters followed. Not that there were no good role models in the African American community before the adverts or the shows but it needed to be highlighted. Sometimes thats how we learn TRUTH and FACTS.

With changing times, should we be changing our “fairy tales”? Should we have fairy tales for gay parenting or lesbian parenting or intersex parenting? Obviously, such parents are NOT even accepted widely and neither are there LAWS to support such parenting everywhere, how can we talk about making it “mainstream”? So if a fertile straight guy has a child with an intersex person through IVF, is that a symbol of something good or bad in our society? Should others be encouraged to do the same or should the intersex people continue to be oppressed? Ironically, intersex children are abused as per UN Special Rapporteur on Torture in a complex web of secrecy and lies at the hands of the medical professionals and sometimes parents. Why REPEAT this failed approach of secrecy and lies on IVF children?

The Fairy Tales

Like Hansel and Gratel, should the brother and sister be discarded? And will the spineless father go along with the “stepmother’s” wish? Thankfully, our life is NOT as cruel and such wishes of a stepmother cannot be entertained. Or are they? Should innocent IVF siblings never have a chance to visit each other in childhood? What is the Child’s Best Interest?

Like Rapunzel, should the child be locked up from rest of the world with NO travel outside the US? Travel is a key learning and development tool, especially in the world of globalization. Should the rest of the world be forced to LIE to the innocent child? How will the child know the TRUTH and fight for his OWN rights? And eventually when he does find out the TRUTH, what will he feel like? What is the Child’s Best Interest?

Should the IVF father be spineless like the father of Cinderella, Rapunzel and Hansel and Gratel? Or should he be HONEST and RESPECT the laws and seek justice for both his IVF children? Or should he abandon the IVF children? What is of utmost importance is NOT intersex or infertility but the TRUTH and respect for law. If justice is based on truth and prevailing laws, then how do we reconcile SPLITTING IVF children from biological family of a binational immigrant dysfunctional intersex family? What is the Child’s Best Interest?

Reality in the 2000s

Mothers are great and are the primary care provider in every way. It is NOT the meals they serve or the clothes they dress up a child with or the books they provide for the child or thousands of other things but it is the loving and caring nurture of the parent that defines “primary care provider”. Above all, it is done with unconditional love and with TRUTH. Lying is NOT utilized and lies are NOT repeated to hide one lie. Ann Pettway kidnapped a girl child at the tender age of 19 days only for the child to figure out the TRUTH eventually. Assuming Ms. Pettway loved the innocent girl child and provided her food, clothes, toys, home, education, development, but does it make it right? David Goldman was reunited with his son after 5 years even though he was being raised by his maternal biological grandparents with love who provided clothes, food, shelter, education, and other development needs. Wasn’t that enough? Freedom is critical. And TRUTH provides freedom. That is the Best Interest of the Child.

Let us HOPE and PRAY that TRUTH prevails and the “happy ending” for the children in this case is like their counterparts in the fairy tales. Punishing the innocent is worst form of injustice. Being “invisible” in the eyes of law creates an uphill path to seek justice. Let us hope a “prince charming” or “the dying of the witch” or the “truth” comes to the rescue of innocent and voiceless IVF children.

An IVF Father

While the IVF father has been conveniently FORCED out from his IVF son’s life with a Nazi like choice as in the Hollywood depicted movie, Sophie’s choice of having to choose one kid Vs. the other. He is a proud IVF father meaning someone who used their sperm and had an IVF child with help of egg donor and surrogate much like a woman who  would use her egg to have an IVF child with help of a sperm donor and surrogate. The IVF father hopes that even though he is “dead” to his IVF son, like Cinderella planting a tree on her mother’s grave granting her wishes, maybe the IVF father can convey his love, values and care for his IVF son. When he grows up, if he wants to marry an infertile and/or intersex person and have an IVF child, there should be honesty between the two and respect for the laws. Lying and breaking the laws will lead to the current situation.

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