Tag Archives: IVF child

Criminal Intent – IVF Style

When this case sinks in to enough people’s minds and a critical mass is there for them to see that it could have law-and-order-criminal-intenteasily been them. The complex combination of lack of laws for Intersex, Infertility, Immigration, Invisibility – the four “I”s of this case or “effects of intersex family” is wrecking HAVOC and traumatizing innocent, unsuspecting victims. While we WAIT for EQUAL laws to pass, what if laws are broken in the PRESENT with a criminal intent? There are intersex people who are honest, there are gay people who are fighting to get LAWS and RIGHTS (like Edie Windsor)  and helping themselves and others. Their intent is NOT to break the laws but to recognize their circumstances by sharing the TRUTH and getting LAWS changed to reflect their realities and others like them. They are the spark like Rosa Parks – take a stand.

Could This Be You?

“Become the change you want to see in this world” – Mahatma Gandhi

1) In a recent study, nearly 1 in 4 Americans are a family caregiver which is 25% of the population. The actual numbers may be more as NOT every family caregiver identifies themselves.

2) Spouse caregivers of breast cancer or mesothelioma or Alzheimer and others are allowed to share the facts of their issues so they can get help and support. Is the same true for spouse caregivers of intersex? To put it into perspective, in a recent study it was found that 83% of male spouses leave their spouse when diagnosed with a traumatic condition instead of becoming a spouse caregiver.

3) Support for “equal marriage rights” in 2013 in the US is well above 50%, what was it in early 2000s?

4) Support for immigration of gay families to the US is increasing in 2013, what was it in early 2000s?

5) As per CDC data, infertility affects 1 in 6 couples which is accounting for straight couples. In 2013 with “equal marriage rights”, what is the new infertility or dysfertility” rate including LGBTI couples? A study is NOT out yet but logically it seems there will be MORE people affected by it than there were in early 2000s.

6) All these issues lead to a “critical mass” to have LAWS that affect people who may be family caregivers or in a LGBTI marriage or dealing with infertility or dysfertility or immigration of gay families or immigration of IVF children. We are NOT there yet in 2013. We are still WAITING for these realities to kick in.

Unless there was love and compassion, a spouse would NOT subject themselves to this and later to find out they were LIED, CHEATED, FRAUDED knowingly and deliberately all along. The secrecy and lies in dealing with intersex DOES NOT make it easier to get truthful information. Now the secrecy, lies and criminal intent are being USED to CHEAT and ROB innocent, voiceless children out of a CHILDHOOD together. Regardless of whether you are straight, gay, lesbian, intersex, in a relationship where there is LOVE, there is NO ROOM for lies, cheating and fraud – trust and truth are cornerstones of LOVE regardless of how one TWISTS it whether with a partner or with a child. This was true for thousands of years, it is true today and will remain true forever. To claim or suggest that a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex AND a surviving IVF father of victim IVF children participated in the crimes is most OFFENSIVE and IGNORANT. A victim of abuse and violence DID NOT speak up because they were SILENCED under THREATS and NOT because they did not want to. If intersex is a minority then FACTUALLY, spouse caregiver of intersex are even a SMALLER minority of that. Who is helping them deal with EFFECTS of intersex and the lack of laws for it? To suggest they are criminals shows the lack of understanding of intersex families and the reason for UNEQUAL rights of intersex, IVF children and families, and family caregivers.

Criminal Intent

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court

Mr. Rajat Gupta is a very reputable individual with a great story combining BOTH Indian dream and American IVF-Spouse Rights Updateddream. He has also been recognized as a great contributor to the overall good of the community, a philanthropist and uplifting many careers and providing several jobs and allowing families to prosper. But he did LIE. And the LAWS prevailed. The VICTIMS of his LIES received some monetary benefit from the heavy fines imposed upon him. Thats RULE of LAW.

To say this case is about intersex or infertility or immigration or invisibility would be UNTRUTHFUL. These are the “issues” of the case but someone knowingly and deliberately LIED. Criminals LIE. People who LIE make others LIE under secrecy and threats. CRIMINALS use threats and make others ALSO LIE.

1) Till 2013 in the US, gay immigration was illegal. So if someone LIED before then and immigrated to the US, is that valid? Thousands of gays have WAITED to marry legally and help their binational spouses for immigration and NOT committed FRAUD. Some even waited over 40 years instead of victimizing innocent, unsuspecting people because their LOVE was built on TRUTH.

2) Immigration of IVF children born outside the US is strictly on the basis of “biological link” as per prevailing laws, so if an IVF child is in the US with “no biological link” with anyone, were any LAWS broken?

3) It is required to declare an ongoing pregnancy when filing divorce in US so that the court can decide the best interest of the children. What if an ongoing IVF pregnancy in India is NOT declared in a US court divorce filing, how will the “best interest of the child” be protected? Does the US condone such behavior where an adult in the US can place an “order” in foreign countries like India for an IVF child and later change their mind and abandon the IVF pregnancy? What are the rights of the abandoned IVF child? What are the rights of the left-behind IVF parent? How do they move forward?

4) By having false medical records, we cannot even begin to get solutions to REAL problems. First one has to overcome the burden of false, authoritative, legal medical records and if they SURVIVE, they can state the FACTS so that we can work on a SOLUTION for the issues. False medical records is both disrespectful to the patient and the caregiver wanting to live a life of truth and dignity. Especially WORSE if there was ABUSE of innocent, voiceless infants because there was SILENCE under threats. When health professionals make false medical claims, it has reverberating effects on innocents including not getting justice they deserve.

5) Divorces happen, its nothing new. What is the future of LGBTI divorces and more specifically children of LGBTI in a divorce? When there is criminal intent, should an IVF child be separated from his primary care provider? Should the child have ANY rights to grow up with his sibling and family and have an active participation in his life? Has the child abandoned his sister he wanted and requested to be alienated from his biological family? Do the RIGHTS of an innocent, voiceless CHILD trump an adult who happens to LIE with criminal intent? What’s the JUSTICE in ROBBING FROM a CHILD? Even International Adoption laws allow for a subsidiarity principle in the best interest of the child to UNITE siblings to grow up together. Do lack of international laws for IVF/surrogacy children mean VICTIMIZING them? It is the principle and we all know the “right” thing to do which is to NOT PUNISH innocent IVF siblings by forcing them to grow up separately for CRIMES they did not commit. And submit ourselves to working for standard, consistent international legal framework for international IVF/surrogacy so that a HEINOUS act like this IVF holocaust does NOT occur again.

Fairy Tales and Best Interest of the Child

Throughout history, we have had our shares of horror step-parenting tales like “Cinderella” or “Snow White” or UglyHeart-PrettyFace“Hansel and Gretel” or “Rapunzel” and the list goes on. The typical fairy tale is about the “best  interest of the child” and how these stories help them navigate through the world WITHOUT their birth parents. Most are written where the victim is a child, typically a girl child and the perpetrator is a stepmother. How do we reconcile this in a world of in vitro fertilization (IVF)? Who is the mother? Is it the egg donor, the surrogate or the intended mother? In a case where the IVF is commissioned by two genetic males, who is the “mother”? As times are changing, we have to change with it. Just like the marketing powers to be slowly started making adverts which included African Americans and the related toys like African American “doll”, books, movies, shows with positive African American characters followed. Not that there were no good role models in the African American community before the adverts or the shows but it needed to be highlighted. Sometimes thats how we learn TRUTH and FACTS.

With changing times, should we be changing our “fairy tales”? Should we have fairy tales for gay parenting or lesbian parenting or intersex parenting? Obviously, such parents are NOT even accepted widely and neither are there LAWS to support such parenting everywhere, how can we talk about making it “mainstream”? So if a fertile straight guy has a child with an intersex person through IVF, is that a symbol of something good or bad in our society? Should others be encouraged to do the same or should the intersex people continue to be oppressed? Ironically, intersex children are abused as per UN Special Rapporteur on Torture in a complex web of secrecy and lies at the hands of the medical professionals and sometimes parents. Why REPEAT this failed approach of secrecy and lies on IVF children?

The Fairy Tales

Like Hansel and Gratel, should the brother and sister be discarded? And will the spineless father go along with the “stepmother’s” wish? Thankfully, our life is NOT as cruel and such wishes of a stepmother cannot be entertained. Or are they? Should innocent IVF siblings never have a chance to visit each other in childhood? What is the Child’s Best Interest?

Like Rapunzel, should the child be locked up from rest of the world with NO travel outside the US? Travel is a key learning and development tool, especially in the world of globalization. Should the rest of the world be forced to LIE to the innocent child? How will the child know the TRUTH and fight for his OWN rights? And eventually when he does find out the TRUTH, what will he feel like? What is the Child’s Best Interest?

Should the IVF father be spineless like the father of Cinderella, Rapunzel and Hansel and Gratel? Or should he be HONEST and RESPECT the laws and seek justice for both his IVF children? Or should he abandon the IVF children? What is of utmost importance is NOT intersex or infertility but the TRUTH and respect for law. If justice is based on truth and prevailing laws, then how do we reconcile SPLITTING IVF children from biological family of a binational immigrant dysfunctional intersex family? What is the Child’s Best Interest?

Reality in the 2000s

Mothers are great and are the primary care provider in every way. It is NOT the meals they serve or the clothes they dress up a child with or the books they provide for the child or thousands of other things but it is the loving and caring nurture of the parent that defines “primary care provider”. Above all, it is done with unconditional love and with TRUTH. Lying is NOT utilized and lies are NOT repeated to hide one lie. Ann Pettway kidnapped a girl child at the tender age of 19 days only for the child to figure out the TRUTH eventually. Assuming Ms. Pettway loved the innocent girl child and provided her food, clothes, toys, home, education, development, but does it make it right? David Goldman was reunited with his son after 5 years even though he was being raised by his maternal biological grandparents with love who provided clothes, food, shelter, education, and other development needs. Wasn’t that enough? Freedom is critical. And TRUTH provides freedom. That is the Best Interest of the Child.

Let us HOPE and PRAY that TRUTH prevails and the “happy ending” for the children in this case is like their counterparts in the fairy tales. Punishing the innocent is worst form of injustice. Being “invisible” in the eyes of law creates an uphill path to seek justice. Let us hope a “prince charming” or “the dying of the witch” or the “truth” comes to the rescue of innocent and voiceless IVF children.

An IVF Father

While the IVF father has been conveniently FORCED out from his IVF son’s life with a Nazi like choice as in the Hollywood depicted movie, Sophie’s choice of having to choose one kid Vs. the other. He is a proud IVF father meaning someone who used their sperm and had an IVF child with help of egg donor and surrogate much like a woman who  would use her egg to have an IVF child with help of a sperm donor and surrogate. The IVF father hopes that even though he is “dead” to his IVF son, like Cinderella planting a tree on her mother’s grave granting her wishes, maybe the IVF father can convey his love, values and care for his IVF son. When he grows up, if he wants to marry an infertile and/or intersex person and have an IVF child, there should be honesty between the two and respect for the laws. Lying and breaking the laws will lead to the current situation.