Tag Archives: intersex rights

What Does Equal Intersex Rights Mean and Would You Teach Your Child That?

Its 1999. You are Intersex. Legally, you cannot marry. Biologically, you are infertile and cannot have a child. What does one do? Being intersex is a Shared parentingnaturally occurring condition meaning it is not the intersex person’s fault. However due to secrecy, stigma, lack of laws the situation is made worse. If you are a parent of an intersex child, what would you teach your child – to lie or say the truth? If you are a parent of a non-intersex child, what would you teach your child – to respect all or to discriminate? Every murderer is someone’s child, brother or sister, uncle or aunt, father or mother but they are still murderers. A murderer can be straight, gay, lesbian, intersex or different races, different genders – none of it matter, they are first a criminal then everything else. Every criminal who lies and breaks the laws is a criminal. Every criminal who coerces others to lie and break the laws is still a criminal. The question is what do we do as a society with criminals? Because when criminals get away with one crime, they tend to repeat their crimes creating more innocent victims.

As a parent, what will you teach your child about intersex rights? Will you say that all humans are created equal? Will you say that anyone should have the right to marry anyone? Will you say that despite being infertile, if a human has means to adopt or do IVF, they should be allowed to raise and love a child? Will you say that it is the love and character of a parent with a child which is more important than biology or gender of the parent? Most people would agree with this in 2014 despite the laws not in agreement. What do we do when a person who has followed all these tenants but still ends up being abused, victimized, persecuted for raising the voice and saying the truth? Worse, the children of that person are punished for crimes they did not commit.

It is a fact that up till 2000s, an intersex family who is also an immigrant and IVF family do not have rights and have to live in secrecy. In 2014, some things have changed but have a long way to go. More importantly, what protection does the government provide to victims who tried to give human rights to intersex people where laws itself fall short? Victims can be both innocent adults and children. Do they also have their own human rights? Or are they slaves of the lack of laws for intersex rights? And the strategy of secrecy and lies which has been used for decades/centuries in dealing with intersex will now be repeated on innocent immigrant, IVF families and children? How is that a solution of any kind? Are you on the right side of history?

Once the laws have conquered the human rights issues of today – race relations, disability relations, sexual orientation, marriage equality for all, gender relations, there is the NEXT – equal rights for IVF children and families. As victims of a triple whammy (intersex, immigrants, IVF) – what legal recourse do such victims have? When a death row victim who has been incorrectly convicted is exonerated based on DNA evidence, what do they feel like? The state gives them some compensation but can they restore the lost years of human dignity, the missed hugs and kisses of their little children, the missed opportunities to get an education and have a decent shot at a decent life? No amount of money can replace this and it is plane WRONG. One has to wonder what is worse – convicting an innocent human being and then exonerating them or just wrongfully killing them under the pretense of “law”.  The basic assumption why legal systems work is the notion of “fairness”. If the laws are anti-intersex then should people petition to change the laws or should people break the laws? And where is the “fairness” for immigrant, IVF families who are also part of an intersex family and its lack of laws?

With history on our side, regardless of what laws are enacted in future for equal intersex rights, equal IVF children and families rights, SPLITTING innocent IVF siblings due to lack of laws will still remain WRONG – just like wrongfully convicting an innocent human being for death row. Simple DNA evidence can prove the facts in accordance with the laws, why not use it?

Thank You Edie Windsor

The Supreme Court ruling striking down DOMA came about due to a case filed by Edie Windsor. Its a landmark rulingIVF Parent and Intersex Spouse Rights giving rights to several same-sex married couples and wanting to get married. The right answer is to CHANGE the law, not BREAK the law. Thank you Edie Windsor for showing us that. Sure, it takes time and money but it is the right thing to do. When will we get our dignity?

When will the US recognize the “I” of Intersex in “LGBTI”? Internationally, LGBTI is the norm as per the Yogyakarta Principles. Australia recently added “I” for intersex as a gender identity. Other countries in Asia like India, Nepal have long recognized the third gender. The right answer is to ask for EQUAL rights, not BREAK the laws for personal gain.

“DOMA “humiliates” children” – Supreme Court Justice on June 26, 2013

There are CHILDREN of gay marriages, there are CHILDREN of intersex marriages. When do the innocent CHILDREN get rights? Majority of the times, such children are either adopted or born through IVF. Where are the rights of IVF children? Now that DOMA has been struck down, can we focus on IVF children and families rights? Can we get EQUAL immigration rights for IVF children and families? What is the RIGHT answer? Ask for LEGAL rights or BREAK the LAWS for personal gain? Why should innocent siblings be SEPARATED because human rights of others are being violated? Are the innocent children NOT human? Do they NOT have human rights and child rights?

If spouses of gays are also gays, if spouses of lesbians are also lesbians, meaning both spouses have same rights as an individual, what about spouses of intersex? Do spouses of intersex have ANY rights? Do spouses of intersex have a right to participate practically in their child’s life?

Edie Windsor has shown the right path – challenge the law and ask for a change to reflect the reality and NOT break the law. When will we get our dignity?

If You Are Gay and Proud, Can you be IVF and Proud?

Over the years, more gays are coming out. It used to be that “coming out of the closet” (do not like that term buIVFRights gets the point across) was an “event”, nowadays, it more of a non-event. In fact, fighting for EQUAL rights for gays is still an “event”. One can be certain that in a few years, once EQUAL rights for gays have been had, even the “event” of today will become more like non-events, suppose something like interracial marriages of today. Slowly we moved from different “time periods” of the struggles of being gay from being secretive to coming out to asking for EQUAL rights to feeling proud and in the near future, HAVING EQUAL rights. In the same vein, can IVF parents feel PROUD and be honest? Can IVF children feel PROUD with the truth? How can secrecy and lying help?

Social injustice is a terrible thing and has shown itself in differing ways from slavery to women suffrage to right to vote to civil rights to apartheid to freedom from colonialism to the ongoing struggles of the LGBTI movement. Can we have EQUAL rights for IVF families in parallel or they can only be asked AFTER equal rights for gays has been had? There are so many similarities between the gay rights movement and IVF movement. One of the big similarity is gays may also be IVF parents and therefore are ALSO affected by the IVF rights movement. If a gay father can be honest and truthful with his child, can an IVF parent ALSO be truthful to his IVF child? or should they be forced to LIE? What is in the best interest of the child – truth or lies?

Looking for an Erin Brockowich or “Pam Landy” from the movie “The Bourne Ultimatum”. Anyone willing to give it ALL to uncover the TRUTH and provide relief to the VICTIMS?

IVF and PROUD

So is it OK for an IVF parents to ask for EQUAL rights? In a democracy, a minority (like IVF families) can only get EQUAL rights with help of the majority because the votes count. How can you have help and support from the majority without education and awareness of IVF families’ issues? Since most people are not IVF families, how do they know the LEGAL struggles and issues that IVF families face? Is it OK to be IVF and be proud?

History repeats itself. Initially when gays started coming out, there was a section of the society who claimed it can be cured and some may still believe that. It may have been classified as a “medical condition” to be cured by “medicine”. Oppression, silencing their voices, other abuses followed. After years, just like water, truth found a way out. Then what was the point of all those years of struggle? Today IVF parents are silenced, abused, oppressed. Innocent, voiceless IVF children are being victimized. When will they get justice?

I Have A Dream…

I have a dream that someday IVF children and families will have EQUAL rights and NOT be a slave or hostage to Nazi Intersex IVF Historyinfertility. Infertility is very traumatic, why continue the burden onto innocent, voiceless IVF children after they are born due to unequal laws?  

I have a dream that someday a child’s rights is NOT based on their parent’s gender.

I have a dream that someday what will matter MOST is the love for the child as a parent and NOT a parent’s gender. 

I have a dream that someday IVF parents are able to say the TRUTH to their IVF children without any stigma or REQUIRING a court order to say the TRUTH.

I have a dream that someday IVF families will be allowed to CELEBRATE IVF with their IVF children instead of SUPPRESSING the FACTS and LYING and CENSORSHIP.

I have a dream that someday the ONLY thing that matters is TRUTH.

Do gays need to seek permission when announcing them being gay and asking for EQUAL gay rights? Then why a different set of rules for IVF parents and spousal caregivers of intersex?

If its OK to be the world’s first IVF child or world’s first IVF parent or world’s first gay IVF father, is it OK to feel proud as an IVF parent to give the world its FIRST IVF child in an intersex marriage? It transcends the social justice on multiple levels and shows social acceptance on multiple levels of an intersex individual. Is it OK to feel proud as a spouse caregiver of intersex? One becomes a spouse caregiver when the intersex person has the controversial intersex surgery DURING a marriage. If the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture calls for a STOP to such surgeries without consent, is their any torture and/or trauma on an unsuspecting spouse of intersex when its performed DURING a marriage? Does the forced silence and secrecy further VICTIMIZE the spouse? How does secrecy and lying help? Is forcing silence upon someone same as abuse?

Ironically, the world’s second IVF child and India’s first IVF child was delivered just 67 days after the world’s FIRST IVF child in 1978. Dr. Mukherjee, the pioneering Indian IVF doctor received humiliation and horror instead of  acceptance for his novel research. Incidentally, his innovative techniques went on to become most popular and copied. However, he committed suicide without any recognition and was forced to live in secrecy and lies. While, Dr. Robert Edwards, the first IVF doctor in England went on to receive a Nobel Prize for his pioneering work in IVF. What a difference TRUTH and HONESTY makes. How does secrecy and lies help anyone?

US is a forebearer of human rights and child rights. Will its system help the minority within the minority? Will it move forward with TRUTH and FACTS or Secrecy and Lies? History will be the TRUE TEST. Lies cannot be held forever. Truth prevails.

March Ahead

We hope to teach our children to say the truth and when something is unfair, demand to change the laws, NOTMarch Forward BREAK the laws at the cost of ruining others’ lives. Do CRIMES pay?

Dealing with TWO MINORITIES – IVF and intersex is a question of survival and lack of support and awareness. Demanding EQUAL rights is a few decades away and probably past our lifetimes. Change begins with education and spreading awareness.

We cannot wait to see EQUAL RIGHTS for IVF CHILDREN because then their EXISTENCE will be recognized along with LEGAL RIGHTS.

We cannot wait to see LAWS based on LOVE of a parent rather than BIOLOGICAL LINK and GENDER.

We cannot wait to see the day when there are equal intersex rights. Will it come at the cost of SPLITTING innocent IVF siblings?

We cannot wait to see the day when same-sex marriages are legal. Will it be based on lying, cheating and fraud OR two men or women happily and honestly in love with each other?

With a pragmatic approach, sadly with marriages there are divorces. Will “same-sex” divorce hold the BEST INTEREST of the CHILDREN?

We cannot wait to see two males raising their lovely children because then fathers will get social acceptance as as the primary care provider and NOT used as a weapon against them.

We cannot wait to see a STOP to “normalization surgery” in intersex as demanded by us and as a Special Rapporteur on Torture at UN also stated so unequivocally. The difference is we demanded it based on first-hand experience while the UN did it based on academic expertise and so their voice is MORE POWERFUL and is heard. 

We cannot wait to see global reconciliation of “third gender” legal rights for binational third genders. While countries allow LEGAL recognition of third gender, other countries only recognize a binary gender. When a “third gender” person from such a country immigrates to a “binary gender” country, how will it be reconciled legally? And what about the basic human rights of the “third gender” person wanting to be recognized as “third gender”? Will they have to “give up” their legal recognition in order to immigrate to a “binary gender” country?

We JUMPED through SEVERAL HOOPS and answered the gut-wrenching questions in our own way, be human. Sadly, the approach of secrecy and lies is being used as a WEAPON against our innocent children. No parent would remain silent. Punish the criminals, punish the one who failed to report the crimes, but why punish the innocent children? Bestowing HUMAN RIGHTS as an individual where the LAWS fall short is WRONG because it PUNISHES innocent CHILDREN. Demand for change in LAWS, we look forward to the healthy discussion with TRUTH and FACTS.

Oppression, persecution, suppression of facts, and so on historically have been used when dealing with rights of minorities and social issues. Over time, all the tactics fail and LAWS are passed to give equality and sometimes even recognizing the people who fought for it, albeit posthumously. Is that hypocrisy? Avoiding the inevitable and punishing the innocent is a failed approach, let us try something different. TRUTH maybe? Let us see what the future brings. We are hopeful its a ray of sunshine glistening with TRUTH and EQUALITY.

Cannot Wait To Get Gay Rights Soon Enough

As a spouse of intersex, cannot wait to have gay rights be legalized soon enough. Not as a spouse of intersex but equal gay rightsfor the innocent children of a dysfunctional intersex marriage. Had the IVF children been born in a time when equal gay rights existed, they would be growing up together as they were meant to be. Even though I am an optimist but life has taught me to be a realist. With that in mind, I do not think in my lifetime, we are going to get equal rights for spouse of intersex, let alone if we first have a discussion about the issues that affects spouses of intersex and more importantly, the children of an intersex marriage.

Being intersex is a natural condition meaning it is not in the intersex person’s control but choosing to lie about it is in their control. Sometimes, lies can be crimes like lying on legal documents or immigration fraud or perjury or other kinds of abuse. Despite all the philanthropy of a astute and respected person like Mr. Rajat Gupta, at the end of the day, he is serving jail time for crimes he committed. White collar crime but still crimes. Are the blatant lies, fraud documents by intersex and the supporting medical community crimes? The issue here is NOT can intersex person be a parent, the issue here is the relentless, blatant lies by the intersex and the medical community with no respect for laws or basic rights of other unsuspecting, innocent people including the voiceless, innocent children. Do other victims including innocent, voiceless children have human rights or ONLY intersex people deserve human rights? If such abuse is allowed to go unchecked, there will only be more innocent victims including the voiceless, innocent children.

Before this century is over, marriage equality for all, equal rights for IVF children and families and legal recognition of third gender in civilized nations will be a reality. By NOT allowing equal rights to people, are we creating a new class of unsuspecting, innocent VICTIMS? 

1) Being gay and intersex are two separate things. Just like for ages, the “social acceptance” was being gay can be “medically corrected”, similarly,  “gender” can be “medically corrected” approach is false.

2) In a gay relationship, both partners are gay and are in a gay relationship by mutual consent. In an intersex relationship, where one partner may be heterosexual or gay or lesbian is NOT in an intersex relationship with mutual consent because the truth was hidden from them. In any relationship, trust and love counts and fraud is not love.

3) In a gay relationship, both partners are male. In an intersex relationship, both partners are genetically male. Will gay parents, both genetic males, be allowed to breastfeed without proper medical supervision? Can gay parents, both genetic males, lactate? In an intersex relationship, both genetic males, will there be lactation and should they be allowed to breastfeed? If there is NO milk in genetic males, and the parent imposes upon the voiceless, crying, hungry infant to “breastfeed with NO milk”, is that child abuse?

4) When two males are in a relationship, there are certain issues that come up for which our legal framework is simply not ready yet. For example, domestic violence and abuse laws for protection between two males, rights of a child in a marriage between two males, “social acceptance” that males can raise a child just as lovingly and so on.

5) In a relationship between two males, one parent will always be a “non-biological” parent meaning the biological parent has taken up the JOB equivalent to that of an ADOPTION regulator who approves of adoptive parents. This may work in a “mutual consent” relationship like lesbians or gays but what about an intersex relationship where the relationship itself was based on fraud?

6) Just like the intersex person has a RIGHT to feel “male”, “female”, or “both” or “neither”, their spouse and child who was lied, cheated and frauded has every RIGHT to feel the same about their intersex spouse, its their human rights too. The discussion here is about the TRUTH. People like Tony Briffa and Imogen Callaway who have both publicly identified as intersex have more respect because they are being honest. They are the real leaders.

7) The “social acceptance” theory is that a child cannot be taken away from a “mother”. Then should gays be allowed to have a child since there is NO mother in the relationship? Governments today are apologizing for their wrong behavior during the baby scoop era to take away innocent children from their biological mothers because they were single and “single mothers” were “socially unacceptable” at the time. It is wrong TODAY to take away child from his “father” because it is “socially unacceptable” to have children growing up with only fathers.

8) The real question we should be asking is it wrong to take a child away from their “PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER” whether the person is male or female or third gender or heterosexual, gay, lesbian, intersex, how does it matter?

9) As a spouse caregiver of intersex, the “normalization surgery” in its current protocol of an adult intersex person during a marriage is WRONG. If you have to lie on medical records and create fraud documents, that should be the FIRST SIGN, you are doing something wrong. What is worse is that they have NOT thought about the overall implications of creating fraud documents and helping intersex families to lie, cheat, and fraud victims including innocent, voiceless children.

10) Recently, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture confirmed our demands that the “normalization surgery” of intersex should STOP. It is interesting that the Torture department made this statement, if it is torture for the intersex person, is there any torture for the spouse caregiver of intersex if surgery is done during the marriage? Someday, they will also release a report to call for a “waiting period study” between the time an intersex person has this controversial “normalization surgery” and is stabilizing from the treatment to when they can become a primary care provider for an infant.

11) IVF is a technology that presents opportunities for the first time where children may be born with “NO LEGAL MOTHER”. Do such children have EQUAL rights?

12) We are convinced as time moves forward and equal rights for gays are granted, our demand for equal rights for intersex, equal rights for IVF children and families will also be met. As spouse of intersex, we are just not the right messengers but that does not mean our message (demands) is incorrect.

13) The right answer is to have a REPEATABLE SOLUTION. This means that an intersex person should be able to repeat what has happened in this case which is have a LEGAL marriage, have a LEGAL CHILD, be a TRUTHFUL PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER based on actions and NOT looks, and have LEGAL custody of the child in the child’s BEST INTEREST. By legalizing an illegal intersex marriage does not help other intersex people who want to marry or have children. If LAWS are followed and if TRUTH is used, it is not possible to REPEAT this. So the right answer is to have laws for equal intersex rights and equal rights for IVF children and families.

14) To Maulik, his biggest jurors are his two innocent, voiceless IVF children. As a loving, passionate parent, he will continue to fight for them and all IVF children and families. Maulik realizes that in 2013, if a woman had experienced the same TRAUMA instead of him, her CHILDREN would not be SPLIT. Maulik understands he is fighting for IVF children, IVF parents, spouse of intersex, gays, lesbians, intersex, single parents, heterosexuals.

15) In the root cause analysis, this case is about saying a THOUSAND lies to hide one LIE. Had this case occurred when equal gay rights existed, equal IVF child rights existed, the innocent IVF children would NOT be SPLIT. Even if equal IVF child rights or if spouse caregiver of intersex rights DO NOT happen in our lifetime, by having gay rights, we will also be inadvertent BENEFICIARIES.

The point is to have the right for siblings to grow up together. Whether these rights are guaranteed through their own individual rights or they come through as gay rights, we will take it either way because the innocent, voiceless victims will be happy either way to have an opportunity to grow up together. Secrecy, lies, stigma are the real culprits and it is time to speak the TRUTH for the sake of innocent, voiceless victims.