Its a great year in 2013 if you are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender (LGBT). When will it be turn for Intersex – the “I” in LGBTI? When will it be turn for “I” as in IVF children and families? When will it be turn for spouse of Intersex? When will it be turn for not “I” but “F” for family caregivers? Is it all about the “individual” and NOT the family then why all the big ruckus over “EQUAL” rights for marriage?
“This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court
Only people with a sense of sincerity who will take time to understand the facts of the case will see the number of social injustices involved in just this one case. The worst is the innocent siblings are being punished for crimes they did not commit. Ironically, history is repeating itself. The strategy of secrecy and lies used with intersex children is now being repeated with IVF children. The lesson learnt is do NOT try to give human rights inside the four walls of your home. If Gandhiji would have gone on Satyagraha inside the four walls of his own home, would India have got its independence? Probably yes but not through Gandhian means.
Lying, cheating, and using fraud to break the laws is selfish. Instead saying the truth and fighting for your own rights and others like you is a better option. Change may not be INSTANT unlike when one lies, they get what they want even if it breaks the laws. But one can have the satisfaction of standing up for truth. They are more of a role model for their children because they stood up for truth. Just ask the gay and lesbian parents or Edie Windsor or Tony Briffa.
How does an intersex couple build a family in 2000s when you are immigrants in the US?
Understand facts so we can CHANGE the future:
1) One has to live in secrecy and lies which creates a multitude of other issues including fraud in a love marriage. Secrecy and lies are the biggest culprits and we need to provide an environment including equal laws so that intersex people can be truthful to their non-intersex spouses to have a meaningful relationship.
2) Intersex is the cause for infertility. Adoption is great but NOT an option for immigrants because of the laws.
3) IVF is around but as first-generation immigrants, it is NOT affordable. Insurance does NOT cover it. In 2013, there is political favor, there are bills in progress, there are insurance companies who will cover all or part of IVF treatments. This was unavailable in early 2000s.
4) In 2002, countries like India offer commercial surrogacy in an unregulated industry. If intersex is traumatic, wait till you meet infertility. More secrecy, more lies, more breaking the laws, more violations of human rights of others. If you violate someone’s human rights in a “closed loop system” where everyone lies, did you violate anyone’s human rights? We can all pontificate on morals, ethics, laws but the reality is in our hearts we all know the “right thing to do” and will justify the behavior as we see fit. The “behavior” is about the “INFERTILITY” of an ADULT. What about other adults in the IVF process? What about the IVF children and their RIGHTS?
5) Without MONEY, there is NO IVF – bitter but true. Without LOVE and COMPASSION of donors, surrogates (depending on each individual case), there is NO IVF. The latter can be overcome if you have MORE MONEY. Sad but true, are we in the business of treating HUMANS as property? As a proud IVF parent, the lack of laws and controls is more REPULSIVE because of the few bad apples.
“As long as a marriage has been performed in the jurisdiction that recognizes it, then that marriage is valid under U.S. immigration laws” – announced US Secretary of State John Kerry in August 2013.
6) In 2013, what is the official legal stance of intersex in the US? Other countries like India, Nepal, several other Asian countries, Australia, New Zealand legally recognize the “third gender”. Does the US believe it is appropriate to recognize MORE than two genders? Or must everyone FIT into binary gender causing an environment of secrecy, lies, stigma and breaking of the laws?
7) Is intersex marriage LEGAL in the US and India in 2013? The question is NOT whether an intersex marriage in 1999 in India is valid or not and the resulting US Immigration? The question is do OTHER intersex people have the EQUAL rights to marry and have children? “Shoving under the carpet” attitude is why this case exists, the LIES have caught up. It may not be very “appropriate” or “valuable” to others but for us, it is about OUR TWO INNOCENT CHILDREN and that’s OUR WORLD. It is VERY APPROPRIATE and VALUABLE. And we are just tired of living in secrecy and lies. Are we humans too with human rights? If we do NOT get equal rights for intersex families AND equal rights for IVF children and families, we RISK more victims. And these are DUAL or TRIPLE victims – first a VICTIM of intersex OR INFERTILITY or BOTH.
8) US is a world leader and we expect nothing less than leadership and support to get to the next frontier. Intersex rights and rights for IVF children and families. After all, if these rights existed then two innocent, voiceless siblings would NOT be growing up separately for crimes they did not commit.
Any LOVE based on a foundation of LIES is NOT LOVE. As a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex, this is a lesson very well learnt. The hope is this is NOT REPEATED upon innocent, voiceless IVF siblings.
Discrimination exists in all forms, it was Rosa Parks who refused to move to back of the bus to gay couples asked to move to back of the bus in 2013 to lesbians getting thrown out of a cab on a highway. There are immigrant IVF fathers who are SEPARATED from their IVF children. When will IVF children and families get equal rights? There are spouse caregivers of intersex who are DENIED truth. When will family caregivers get equal rights? The hope is to rise above all kinds of discrimination and put children AHEAD.