Tag Archives: international IVF

Need To Separate Fact from Fiction, Need to Separate Wishful Thinking from Facts

  • A 1 year, 364 days old infant does not need a ticket on the plane but a 2 year old does. It’s the law.
  • truth-shakeThe minimum age is 7 days old for any infant to travel on a plane, an important criterion for an IVF child born to international parents wanting to go back home. Emotions don’t count but laws do.
  • Any infant under 6 months travelling on a plane needs 1 adult with them – particularly important if twins are born to a parent who is travelling alone. More relevant for an international IVF parent who is trying to go home with IVF twins or triplets – higher frequency than natural births. Emotions don’t count, it’s the law.
  • Immigration law requires a biological link between parent and child – emotions don’t count, it’s the law.
  • Immigrant fathers cannot bring their IVF child to US-  emotions don’t count, it’s the law.
  • Alienated parents love their child equally, more importantly, the child loves the parent equally but the best interest of the child does not count.
  • Baby scoop era was detrimental and served no real purpose, existence of single mothers and truth and reconciliation commissions have proved it.
  • The plight of Scottsboro boys is wrong, their pardons prove it. The case spawned new laws for due process and inclusion of African Americans on jury prove their innocence. When will due process and immigrant, IVF jury be allowed for immigrant IVF parents?
  • When I see an abandoned IVF daughter, I see the criminal who did this.
  • When I see an abandoned IVF daughter in legal limbo, I see the criminal who did this.
  • When I see an IVF daughter try to move forward in life but has no legal identity, I see the criminal who did this.
  • When I see an IVF child in legal limbo, I see the criminal who abused before.
  • When I see an IVF infant being starved for food, I see the criminal lying and abusing the child.
  • If breastfeeding by males is so common, why don’t mothers ask the fathers of their newborns to breastfeed?
  • Regardless whether it’s a male or female trying to breastfeed an infant, when there is no milk, is it abuse if you make the infant cry endlessly out of hunger? What else is food for an infant other than milk?
  • Having been diagnosed with interex/DSD condition is very traumatic, being forced to live a life of secrecy and lies, breaking laws, why repeat that on innocent IVF children who are no less dealt with their own secrecy, stigma, lies, breaking laws to deal with?
  • While every human deserves a child, while every parent wishes to breastfeed their child, we still have to deal with science.

There is truth in acceptance and abuse in lies on oneself and others whom you claim to love the most.

Be The Change You Wish To See In This World

Let us celebrate Mahatma and his teachings on this Gandhi Jayanti day. Like another great leader and a follower of Gandhiji, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, we have a dream that one day there will be equal rights for IVF children and families.gandhi-king-respect

IVF siblings are in legal limbo because we lied about intersex, IVF, and immigration. IVF siblings are in legal limbo because we tried to give rights to intersex and related issues in secrecy where government itself falls short. Intersex have been dealt with secrecy and lies in a failed approach and now repeat a similar strategy of secrecy and lies on IVF children and families and expect different results? How will it help the greater good?

When life gives you lemons, you can make lemonade. When life throws a curve ball, you can hit it out of the park or go out trying hard.  When someone makes you break laws, you can speak up for a better future especially for innocent children. Dealing with secrecy and lies helps no one. Education and awareness and empowering people with truth is far better. Dealing with issues like intersex, infertility (IVF), immigration in 2000s is a challenge for anyone let alone dealing with any one of these issues individually – to deal with all of them together and remaining invisible is creating innocent, unsuspecting victims. These are not separate issues, because in an intersex marriage, they also have to deal with infertility, and because they went for affordable IVF outside the US unlike mega-rich folks in the US, they also have to deal with immigration. The starting point is secrecy and lies with intersex and certainly the end will NOT be continued lies and breaking laws. Its a new dawn and we want equal rights for IVF children and families and intersex families. So, lets march ahead! Will you join us?

In 2013, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to unnecessary intersex surgeries. Yet we were made to go through it in 2002 during a marriage with no proper protocol, is it torture? What if we had been allowed to be open about it like a breast or testicular cancer, could we have got better help? Could the education and awareness have helped a greater good sooner?

The claim is that there is a risk of testicular cancer in intersex patients if they do not remove the testes. What is the risk profile? In IVF children due to the fertility treatments, hormones, the induced egg harvesting, the frozen samples, a study claims IVF children are a third more likely to have cancer, they are at 65% risk of having leukemia. If an IVF child needs a bone marrow to live and is forcibly separated from his biological family using fraud documents, who will save his life? What is in the best interest of the IVF child?

In 2013, a first of its kind legal case was filed in the US for unnecessary intersex surgery. The current protocol of misinformation, secrecy, lies, fraud medical records in dealing with intersex surgery during marriage in 2002 is a disservice to both and should be stopped immediately in its current form.

In 2013, people are still struggling to have insurance companies pay for these unnecessary intersex surgeries because they are being honest about it. What if they instead lie and lie on medical records and fraud the insurance company into paying for the surgery? How has lying helped the greater good?

In 2013, Germany will become the first country in the “western nations” to legally recognize intersex as the “third gender”. Earlier in 2011, Australia and New Zealand also allowed a legal recognition of “third gender” while several Asian countries have legally recognized the “third gender” for some time now. By having “legal recognition”, one can get legal rights and more importantly have issues addressed like intersex rights, infertility rights and immigration rights.

In 2013, US started allowing “same-sex” couples to legally sponsor their partner’s immigration and thus not breaking families or forcing them to live in exile or secrecy. What if someone lied and got their US Immigration before 2013 by hiding their “same-sex” condition – they got a personal benefit but how did it help others like them? Empower with truth like Edie Windsor or lie for individual benefit?

In 2013, US Citizens and residents still cannot bring an IVF child born outside the US with “no biological link”. Some people may have lied, created fraud records and got an IVF child illegally into the US by breaking the laws, they got an individual benefit, how did it help other infertile people or other immigrants or other intersex people? How did it help the IVF child by being in legal limbo? What does the UN Special Rapporteur on Human Rights and/or Child Rights have to say on this?

In 2013, surrogate and intended mothers are fighting to get rights for maternity leave when the IVF child is born. What if someone lied and frauded the FMLA system in 2004 for an IVF child but did not disclose it? By lying, they got an individual benefit but how did it help the greater good and other intended and surrogate mothers? Does this mean that gay fathers or single fathers or fathers who are primary care providers for IVF children do not deserve leave when child is born? Or are we just ignoring them and pretend they do not exist?

There are people who are looking for insurance coverage today to help with their infertility which requires saying the truth. Since we lied about IVF and infertility, we could not avail of this and more importantly we could not join the voice of others asking for fertility rights. Ironically, it is the lack of fertility rights which is the cause for splitting the IVF siblings.  By staying silent we cannot help a greater good and it is important to speak up for oneself and others.

In 2013, what happens to IVF children who are born either due to an accident in the IVF clinic or a commissioning parent abandoned the IVF pregnancy and placing them in legal limbo and causing them to be stateless. What are the rights of such IVF children? Maybe we are asking too many questions too soon and should wait a few more years until we get a critical mass of “stateless IVF children” and left-behind parents. Punishing innocent, voiceless children that we “create” is not why we brought them into this world, right?

We are sympathetic to an intersex, infertile, immigrant – let our actions speak louder than words who were sent as canaries in the coal mine. But we also have issues due to lack of laws around intersex, infertility, and immigration and have a right to be heard – especially for innocent, voiceless IVF children. Our IVF children are SPLIT due to lack of laws, we cannot continue to bear and endure the torture and trauma in silence. We cannot see other IVF children, other infertile people, other immigrants just continue to be victimized and suffer just for speaking the truth. What we need is a legal framework and allow us to live in harmony with equal rights. Keep marching ahead.

In this generation, people who thought and looked ahead are punished and worse innocent IVF children are punished including abuse, silence, defamation, breaking the laws at any cost to steal a child away from his loving, caring biological family and the primary care provider. Let us hope in the future that people who look and think ahead if not rewarded are at least not punished and at the very least, their children are not punished for crimes they did not commit.

Living in the Present

After living a decade of secrecy and lies, there is nothing we wish than to move forward. The trauma and live in the presenttragedy will NEVER be able to be captured in words. In order to move on, we need a PRESENT and a FUTURE. Having a STATELESS child is our present. Having a brother and sister who have NEVER met is our PRESENT. Being able to LIVE FREE and WITH TRUTH is our PRESENT and FUTURE. After being left for dead in an IVF holocaust, it is a miracle to have survived through the love and support of family.

Continuing to live in secrecy and lies is NOT going to get our STATELESS children their RIGHTS. Continuing to suffer in SILENCE is NOT going to arouse CHANGE for the FUTURE. Continuing to live as a VICTIM is NOT going to breed HOPE for the future. Some intersex parents have been taught to teach their intersex children to LIE which BREAKS laws and violates human rights of others is NO way to achieve SOCIAL JUSTICE. In a few years when the IVF brother and sister are adults and meet, instead of sharing their childhood pictures and videos of growing up separately, we would like them to be together in the same pictures and videos.

The PRESENT

One man, two IVF children, six women – thats our PRESENT. International IVF, immigration laws, invisible in the eyes of the law – thats our PRESENT. All marriages (whether legal or illegal) have issues and quite a few end up in divorce but they DO NOT SPLIT siblings – brother and sister. Thats our PRESENT – SEPARATED SIBLINGS. Does a son have a right to grow up around his only known biological family? His primary care provider? His sibling he dreamt of? His fast-aging grandparents? Does he have ANY rights? Will the son, a MALE, learn to be compassionate, truthful, loving, caring, etc? And what are the BENEFITS of it – like his father, be separated from his son? There are fathers who do NOT have primary custody of the children but at least have practical joint custody and can actively PARTICIPATE in their child’s life after a divorce. Living in forced EXILE on a DIFFERENT continent with NO ACTIVE PARTICIPATION in our child’s life – thats our PRESENT. Good fathers do NOT have primary custody because they LIED, CHEATED their spouse. Do LIARS, CHEATERS, FRAUDSTERS get primary custody of CHILDREN? During the “baby scoop era”, double standards were used against “single mothers” to SPLIT their BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN from them. Today of course, single motherhood is celebrated. Is there a REPEAT of double standards of SPLITTING BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN from their IVF parents – if not deliberately then inadvertently due to lack of laws? What is definition of CHILD ABDUCTION?

If you consent to international IVF as a couple, are BOTH responsible and accountable for the IVF child? And what are the rights of the IVF child if the IVF pregnancy is ABANDONED midway when one person changes their mind? Does that mean an existing IVF brother LOSES the RIGHT to have a sibling? What are the human rights and child rights of the IVF child? Should the IVF child be condemned to become STATELESS because of an abandoning adult? What about the DREAMS that the IVF father and son SHARED to enjoy a sibling together and kept trying for three years? Are IVF children humans with basic human rights and same needs as traditional born children? Is the ONLY way to ensure IVF child has ANY rights in an international (immigration) IVF if your egg, womb or sperm is used in an IVF cycle? Sadly, children inherit RIGHTS from PARENTS and IVF fundamentally changes this basic assumption of “LEGAL PARENT” – thats our PRESENT.

The FUTURE

We want to MOVE FORWARD. Being stuck in several episodes of “Twilight zones” combined into one, it is IMPOSSIBLE to move forward. Witnessing the rights of innocent, voiceless children being violated with NO relief for VICTIMS and NO DUE PROCESS makes it IMPOSSIBLE to move forward.

The bigger question is what is the future of rights for IVF children and families? Is the strategy to use secrecy and lies which has failed in dealing with other traumatic conditions? We are already seeing glimmers of EQUALITY when in 2013 gay immigrant families are allowed in the US. If this were true for IVF children and families in 2009, the innocent IVF brother and sister would NOT have been separated.

During the baby scoop era, mothers were coerced, lied to, and forced to give up their child for adoption only for governments to apologize later. In dealing with intersex for decades, a concealment based approach was used with a complex web of secrecy and lies including fraud medical records. Both have been REJECTED and dealing with TRUTH is accepted. Is history repeating with IVF children and families where a complex web of secrecy, coercion, lies, fraud legal documents, breaking the laws is being FORCED? Like other cases, truth will prevail and secrecy and lies including fraud records and documents to SEPARATE children from biological families is a failed approach.