Tag Archives: hijra

What If…There were Eunuch Rights

What If we lived in a time when there were Eunuch rights. Eunuch or Hijras in India and Asia are known as Equal Human Rights - FatherIntersex in western cultures. Galileo knew he was RIGHT when he said that Earth is NOT the center and that we revolve around the sun. No one believed him and instead used traditional beliefs to defame, torture and undermine the TRUTH. It was NOT the TRUTH itself but the RESISTANCE TO CHANGE which Galileo was a VICTIM of. If the TRUTH were NOT accepted even today, we would still ALL believe that Earth is the CENTER.

We know CHANGE will come, people will begin to understand the issues of Eunuch rights, what Eunuch families go through, what Eunuch surgeries do during a marriage, the effects of Eunuch marriage like dealing with infertility, the effects of on innocent children and immigration. Will the CHANGE come before the innocent childhood of the siblings EXPIRES?

Dr. Subhash Mukherjee, a doctor who gave India’s FIRST IVF child, just 67 days AFTER the first IVF child in the world, committed suicide due to defamation, lies, and humiliation instead of recognition and admiration for his innovative work. What will be the fate of India’s FIRST IVF Eunuch family? Secrecy and lies or truth with compassion? Is it WRONG to give human rights as an individual where laws itself fall short?

We hope in the future there are equal rights for Eunuchs, there are equal rights for IVF children and families but LIES will still remain LIES. Fraud documents will still remain FRAUD documents. Brothers will still love their sisters, sisters will still love their brothers, sons will still love their fathers, and fathers will still love their sons. Such is the beauty of truth, it prevails through everything, even the worst of LIES. 

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, two innocent IVF siblings in 2013 would NOT be growing up separately.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, an innocent, voiceless IVF son would have a father around while growing up.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, innocent children and spouse of an Eunuch family would ALSO have rights instead of being INVISIBLE.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be discussion about the EFFECTS of an intersex surgery during a marriage instead of false records of the surgery. Why LIE when you are right and if NO laws have been broken?

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, Eunuchs and families would have no need to LIE and live in SECRET and be comfortable about their infertility instead of claiming “false biological link” with innocent children.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, Eunuchs and families would have no need to LIE and fraud innocent, unsuspecting victims to enter into an ILLEGAL marriage.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, Eunuchs can immigrate legally to the US instead using an illegal marriage.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of the torturous intersex surgery as for the first time in 2013 the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to such coerced surgeries.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of the EFFECTS of a torturous intersex surgery during a marriage and the abuse of caregiver spouse and innocent children.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of the EFFECTS of the severe trauma on a dysfunctional intersex family.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of EFFECTS of NO milk when trying to breastfeed by genetic males. Do MOTHERS ask the FATHERS of their children to breastfeed when the infant comes from the hospital?

IVF – What A Mess For An IVF Child

Laws for IVF are clearly lacking. While clinics around the world are offering IVF services, it seems the discussionTruth of One about bioethics and proper legal framework in the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD is lost. What does that say about us as a community? In the 21st century, we will be seeing legalized same-sex marriage, which may lead to increase of IVF children, where are the RIGHTS to protect them? Do children who have NO LEGAL MOTHER as in certain IVF cases have EQUAL RIGHTS as other children?

IVF and Divorce

Case 1) Heterosexual Divorce, Roman V Roman

In a case in Texas, a heterosexual couple divorced (which is normal) but had frozen embryos from their individual DNA. What should we do about the frozen embryos? The husband wanted them destroyed as per the contract both husband and wife had signed. The wife wanted to have a child and there we had a court case to decide. The attorney for the wife claimed that the wife thought she would at least get one chance to inseminate even though the contract made NO mention of it. The Texas Supreme Court upheld the contract and so did the US Supreme Court and the frozen embryos were destroyed.

Case 2) Same-sex Split (Cannot call it divorce because same-sex marriage is not legal yet)

In a case in Kansas, a lesbian couple wanted to have a child for which they needed sperm. They put up an ad on Craigslist and got a response from a man who gave them his sperm with full understanding from ALL that he would have NO paternal responsibility or accountability. A lovely child was born. Legally at the time of the case, same-sex marriage is illegal in Kansas and at the time of this writing, it still is. So we cannot call it a “divorce” but the lesbian couple split and one of the mother decided to get support from the state for the child. The state ordered the “sperm donor” to pay child support. Whoa!

Case 3) Ex-wife tricked husband and had IVF children AFTER divorce from frozen sperm

In a case in the UK, a husband was tricked by his ex-wife who had two IVF children AFTER They divorced from his frozen sperm. The “father” only found out when one of the children had a hole in the heart and needed genetic history and financial support. A UK court ordered the “father” to pay 100,000 pounds to children he never knew he had.

In another case in Abu Dhabi, another ex-wife tricked the ex-husband by having an IVF child AFTER the divorce from his frozen sperm. Later she filed for child support and the court ordered the ex-husband to pay child support.

Case 4) Intersex Divorce – Legally intersex marriage is not legal yet, so how can a divorce be?

In a case in Texas, an intersex person filed for divorce while an ongoing IVF pregnancy in India without declaring the IVF pregnancy to the court. The court did NOT find the innocent IVF child to be of the marriage and therefore receives NO child support from the intersex person. Again, an intersex marriage is not legal in Texas and so what is the legality of the divorce AND the decree of the divorce? Legally, it’s a void marriage. More importantly, is the life of an IVF child LESSER than that of a natural born child? Is the child support for the “child” or the “parent”? If the child is born to a spouse of intersex, a male, is the respect and dignity of the innocent human being LESS? Ironically, its a repeat of what intersex people feel, lack of dignity and respect as a human being. By passing it onto others, especially innocent children, DOES NOT make it right.

Side note to intersex : Stop lying, start living with the truth. It will save a lot of stress and lives. Tony Briffa and Imogen Callaway are leading by example.

Should sperm donors and egg donors be responsible for child support? Is the current system scaring potential donors away? How will gays, lesbians, intersex people have children without donors? Regardless of your sexual orientation or gender, if you are fertile and altruistic, you may consider donating your sperm or egg. Are there risks you have not thought about? Are the laws there to protect you as fertile donors? As per current laws, an intersex person who can neither donate egg or sperm to have a child and therefore does not have to pay any child support. Seems fair?

5) In another case, an IVF clinic was not found liable for “accidentally” swapping the sperm samples. What is appalling is that if a medical doctor/hospital operates on wrong part of your body like working on the left knee Vs. right knee or left finger Vs right finger then they are held liable for medical negligence. But if you “create” an entire human being “mistakenly”, then there is no liability or culpability? What about the legal rights of the IVF child? Sad to say but a human finger or a pet has more “value” than an entire IVF child. If a child has autism or cystic fibrosis or any of the “rare conditions”, their needs are recognized and dealt with then why not the same equal treatment for an IVF child?

The most appalling thing is no one cares and somehow no one see the “dehumanization” of the IVF child. Immigration is just one of the issues but for people to somehow think “infertility” is a personal problem are dead wrong. Once the IVF child is born, they are a human being with a guarantee to basic human dignity and respect for human life in its entirety.  I have a dream that some day my IVF children and ALL other IVF children in the world will have equal rights and be recognized as a equal human being both in spirit and in practice.

Hit the REVERSE – Gender Bias

If an egg donor gives her egg to a gay couple to have a lovely child, and then later the gay couple gets divorced, will the courts demand the egg donor to pay child support?

If a woman (who is in an intersex marriage) uses her eggs, donated sperm and a surrogate to have IVF child, will she be able to claim child support from the sperm donor?

Is IVF for only women and should gays and spouses of intersex stay away from IVF? Should an IVF child be discriminated against based on their parent’s gender?

For far too long, children have been thought to ALWAYS have a “LEGAL MOTHER”. IVF presents some unique cases where there is “NO LEGAL MOTHER”. As a result, child support laws need to be updated so that inadvertently, gay couples, or sperm donors to lesbian couples, or spouse of intersex are NOT inadvertently DISCRIMINATED against.

As we move into the 21st century, let us have EQUAL laws for ALL regardless of your sexual orientation, gender, or your birth type in addition to the standard anti-discrimination language of the 20th century like race, religion, color, etc. If we are going to have laws in favor of minority like intersex who can neither donate eggs or sperm (and therefore dont have to worry about child support), then the spouse of intersex is a far smaller MINORITY within a MINORITY and his children are in greater need of help.

We are pro-EQUALITY for ALL.

If You Are Gay and Proud, Can you be IVF and Proud?

Over the years, more gays are coming out. It used to be that “coming out of the closet” (do not like that term buIVFRights gets the point across) was an “event”, nowadays, it more of a non-event. In fact, fighting for EQUAL rights for gays is still an “event”. One can be certain that in a few years, once EQUAL rights for gays have been had, even the “event” of today will become more like non-events, suppose something like interracial marriages of today. Slowly we moved from different “time periods” of the struggles of being gay from being secretive to coming out to asking for EQUAL rights to feeling proud and in the near future, HAVING EQUAL rights. In the same vein, can IVF parents feel PROUD and be honest? Can IVF children feel PROUD with the truth? How can secrecy and lying help?

Social injustice is a terrible thing and has shown itself in differing ways from slavery to women suffrage to right to vote to civil rights to apartheid to freedom from colonialism to the ongoing struggles of the LGBTI movement. Can we have EQUAL rights for IVF families in parallel or they can only be asked AFTER equal rights for gays has been had? There are so many similarities between the gay rights movement and IVF movement. One of the big similarity is gays may also be IVF parents and therefore are ALSO affected by the IVF rights movement. If a gay father can be honest and truthful with his child, can an IVF parent ALSO be truthful to his IVF child? or should they be forced to LIE? What is in the best interest of the child – truth or lies?

Looking for an Erin Brockowich or “Pam Landy” from the movie “The Bourne Ultimatum”. Anyone willing to give it ALL to uncover the TRUTH and provide relief to the VICTIMS?

IVF and PROUD

So is it OK for an IVF parents to ask for EQUAL rights? In a democracy, a minority (like IVF families) can only get EQUAL rights with help of the majority because the votes count. How can you have help and support from the majority without education and awareness of IVF families’ issues? Since most people are not IVF families, how do they know the LEGAL struggles and issues that IVF families face? Is it OK to be IVF and be proud?

History repeats itself. Initially when gays started coming out, there was a section of the society who claimed it can be cured and some may still believe that. It may have been classified as a “medical condition” to be cured by “medicine”. Oppression, silencing their voices, other abuses followed. After years, just like water, truth found a way out. Then what was the point of all those years of struggle? Today IVF parents are silenced, abused, oppressed. Innocent, voiceless IVF children are being victimized. When will they get justice?

I Have A Dream…

I have a dream that someday IVF children and families will have EQUAL rights and NOT be a slave or hostage to Nazi Intersex IVF Historyinfertility. Infertility is very traumatic, why continue the burden onto innocent, voiceless IVF children after they are born due to unequal laws?  

I have a dream that someday a child’s rights is NOT based on their parent’s gender.

I have a dream that someday what will matter MOST is the love for the child as a parent and NOT a parent’s gender. 

I have a dream that someday IVF parents are able to say the TRUTH to their IVF children without any stigma or REQUIRING a court order to say the TRUTH.

I have a dream that someday IVF families will be allowed to CELEBRATE IVF with their IVF children instead of SUPPRESSING the FACTS and LYING and CENSORSHIP.

I have a dream that someday the ONLY thing that matters is TRUTH.

Do gays need to seek permission when announcing them being gay and asking for EQUAL gay rights? Then why a different set of rules for IVF parents and spousal caregivers of intersex?

If its OK to be the world’s first IVF child or world’s first IVF parent or world’s first gay IVF father, is it OK to feel proud as an IVF parent to give the world its FIRST IVF child in an intersex marriage? It transcends the social justice on multiple levels and shows social acceptance on multiple levels of an intersex individual. Is it OK to feel proud as a spouse caregiver of intersex? One becomes a spouse caregiver when the intersex person has the controversial intersex surgery DURING a marriage. If the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture calls for a STOP to such surgeries without consent, is their any torture and/or trauma on an unsuspecting spouse of intersex when its performed DURING a marriage? Does the forced silence and secrecy further VICTIMIZE the spouse? How does secrecy and lying help? Is forcing silence upon someone same as abuse?

Ironically, the world’s second IVF child and India’s first IVF child was delivered just 67 days after the world’s FIRST IVF child in 1978. Dr. Mukherjee, the pioneering Indian IVF doctor received humiliation and horror instead of  acceptance for his novel research. Incidentally, his innovative techniques went on to become most popular and copied. However, he committed suicide without any recognition and was forced to live in secrecy and lies. While, Dr. Robert Edwards, the first IVF doctor in England went on to receive a Nobel Prize for his pioneering work in IVF. What a difference TRUTH and HONESTY makes. How does secrecy and lies help anyone?

US is a forebearer of human rights and child rights. Will its system help the minority within the minority? Will it move forward with TRUTH and FACTS or Secrecy and Lies? History will be the TRUE TEST. Lies cannot be held forever. Truth prevails.

Repeating Lies Becomes Truth?

As the saying goes, to hide a lie you have to say a thousand lies. Or if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth. Is it really worth lying which punishes innocent children? We want answers why our son, an Indian citizen, is not allowed to come to India to meet his family? Why can’t we share and be a part of his growing up? Why is their parental alienation from the biological family? Is this any different than the baby scoop era of taking away innocent children away from their biological mother because her ONLY fault was being a “single mother” which was “socially unacceptable” at the time?

It starts with a small lie and expands until you start believing in the lie yourself as the truth. There are so many similarities between intersex children and IVF children. Respect for Laws, Truth, Compassion have meaning? or are just hollow words? These are values much rather to have in children and the world will be a better place.

It is easy to brainwash innocent children and lie to them while they are young, is it abuse? And what happens when they grow up as individuals and are adults? How will the lies have helped them? As an IVF child or an intersex child, when they grow up and understand the truth and facts, will they advocate for EQUAL IVF rights and EQUAL intersex rights? Our goals are aligned.

1) Voiceless children

Intersex children are voiceless and are forced into sex reassignment surgery at a young age or puberty without their consent by educated elite who think they know what is right.

IVF children are voiceless and used as property with no respect for their basic human dignity just so that an infertile person can have a child. Does the innocent IVF child have their own rights as an individual?

2) Utopia Vs. Reality

There is a strategy of “concealment-based approach” using an elaborate web of secrecy, lies, brainwashes, propagandizing, convincing parents to lie for the “good of the intersex child”.

While socially we are led to believe that biology and gender do NOT matter to being a parent of a child; it is the love you offer. The LAWS and reality are in STARK contrast using ONLY the biology and GENDER to give rights to an IVF child. If the parent’s rights are oppressed, how can their IVF child have EQUAL rights as they are coupled with their parent’s rights.

If believing in Utopis is wrong, then punish the person who believed in Utopia like a spouse caregiver of intersex and an IVF father in early 2000s. Why punish the innocent children?

3) Fraud Legal Documents

When a doctor creates fraud medical records which is a legal document as saying “removal of ovaries” instead of “removal of testes”, what credibility is there? Does a doctor say “removal of kidney” when in fact they did a “liver transplant”? Intersex patient also starts believing they had “ovaries” instead of testes and keeps repeating the lies. It has an adverse effect on their relationships, career, family, children, etc.

When a doctor creates fraud birth documents of an IVF child, it has a lifetime of implications. A birth certificate is a property of the child, an individual, for a lifetime and NOT the property of the parents. False, inaccurate, fraud birth certificate details can have a lifetime adverse effect on the IVF child’s career, job, life, etc.

4) Implications of Fraud Documents

When an intersex patient provides a fraud medical record showing “removal of ovaries” when in fact it was testes to another doctor, or a nurse, or a lactation consultant, is it one crime or multiple crimes of presenting a fraud document. Is it also multiple counts of fraud upon the doctor/clinic who issued the fraud document?

When an IVF child gets a passport, a visa based on fraud birth documents, is that immigration fraud? Living as an illegal immigrant in a  foreign country is stressful and can be deported at any moment. Are their constitutional rights protected as an illegal immigrant in a foreign country? Only the country of citizenship can guarantee that. Does the innocent IVF child have rights to get EQUAL rights?

5) Long-term implications

If an intersex person who is a genetic male, attempts to breastfeed an innocent infant and there is no milk, is it abuse? Or their belief they had a “removal of ovaries” surgery makes them think they can breastfeed? The crime is NOT attempting to breastfeed but attempting to breastfeed with NO lactation and making the hungry infant cry incessantly because you cannot overcome your own lies?

If an IVF child grows up WITHOUT the biological family and falls severely sick and needs genetic data of the biological family, will the fraud birth documents help? What if a crucial piece of genetic history may help the IVF child’s health from less suffering?

6) Primary Care Provider

Having controversial Sex Reassignment Surgery for intersex people is popular among intersex but not during a marriage. Recently the Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to such normalization surgery in intersex. If the Torture department at UN thinks it is torture for the intersex, what is it for the spouse caregiver of intersex? It takes great courage for an intersex person to have to go through this controversial treatment, but are they the ONLY victims when done during a marriage? A person goes through ALL possible changes one can imagine; physical, mental, psychological, emotional, spiritual and it is very traumatic, as a spouse caregiver of intersex one get intimate knowledge which most others only have academic knowledge of.

We are reaching into the UNKNOWN. Intersex people can be good parents, thats NOT The discussion. Can they be a Primary care provider for an infant while their hormonal replacement therapy from male to female is stabilizing?  If an intersex person is a butterfly today, what was the situation during their ugly stage of transition as larvae? Was there any abuse on an innocent IVF child and an IVBF father in the meantime which was hidden again through a web of secrecy and lies?

Is it OK to separate an innocent CHILD from his Primary Care Provider?

7) Lying is second nature

What if an intersex person is so desperate that they start telling people that they had a child from their eggs which were harvested before their “removal of ovaries” surgery which by they way never existed. How many lies one must say to hide one lie? And how many other people are coerced into living a life of lies.

What if there is a chance the IVF child may leave. Will the infertile, intersex person lie to NOT lose a child at any cost including perjury, defamation, blatant lies of abuse, false criminal charges only to drop them later after utilizing them as legal leverage, conspiracy? Worst, abandoning the sister of the child they claim to love? Is this love for the child or for themselves due to infertility?

8) Relationships

A person who lies a thousand times to hide one lie will also lie, cheat, fraud their partner. And wonder why the partner wanted to leave them? Its because of the countless lies which include committing crimes. In any relationship, trust is paramount and no relationship will last on a foundation of lies.

An innocent child who is being raised by a perennial liar and a criminal is in grave danger. Not only will they learn to lie but they will also learn that if you lie, cheat, fraud, perjury, false allegations, criminal conspiracy, nothing will happen and you will NOT pay for the crimes. LYING is what the innocent child will learn and their relationships will be doomed as well.

Let’s keep it simple. Live free, and truth is freedom. No more lies.

Here is a start to a TRUTH:

Even if one intersex person through use of lies, cheating, fraud duped an unknowing, innocent victim and took their child away even though intersex are infertile. Can other intersex people marry legally? Can other intersex people have children legally? What is the greater good? Let us unite to ask for equal intersex rights so intersex families no longer have the NEED to lie, cheat, fraud innocent victims. And wanting “EQUAL RIGHTS” is something politics can help with.

We have shown compassion when fraud was discovered, we have shown compassion when the controversial sex reassignment surgery occurred during marriage and became a silent caregiver, we have shown compassion in having an IVF child, we have shown compassion in raising the IVF child as a Primary Care Provider, we have shown compassion to provide a sibling to the IVF child, we have shown compassion by inheriting the UNEQUAL rights for intersex families, list goes on….As per conventional wisdom, some secrets you take them with you which we were ready to do. We CANNOT stand quiet as our INNOCENT CHILDREN are being punished. We CANNOT stand quiet KNOWING other innocent IVF children and families have UNEQUAL rights. We CANNOT stand quiet at the abhorrent human rights and child rights issue.

We want answers why our son, an Indian citizen, is NOT allowed to meet his family in India? Why can’t we share and be a part of his growing up? As a human being, what possibly more can we have done differently? Maybe reporting the fraud marriage and leaving and thus no children is the right answer?

March Ahead

We hope to teach our children to say the truth and when something is unfair, demand to change the laws, NOTMarch Forward BREAK the laws at the cost of ruining others’ lives. Do CRIMES pay?

Dealing with TWO MINORITIES – IVF and intersex is a question of survival and lack of support and awareness. Demanding EQUAL rights is a few decades away and probably past our lifetimes. Change begins with education and spreading awareness.

We cannot wait to see EQUAL RIGHTS for IVF CHILDREN because then their EXISTENCE will be recognized along with LEGAL RIGHTS.

We cannot wait to see LAWS based on LOVE of a parent rather than BIOLOGICAL LINK and GENDER.

We cannot wait to see the day when there are equal intersex rights. Will it come at the cost of SPLITTING innocent IVF siblings?

We cannot wait to see the day when same-sex marriages are legal. Will it be based on lying, cheating and fraud OR two men or women happily and honestly in love with each other?

With a pragmatic approach, sadly with marriages there are divorces. Will “same-sex” divorce hold the BEST INTEREST of the CHILDREN?

We cannot wait to see two males raising their lovely children because then fathers will get social acceptance as as the primary care provider and NOT used as a weapon against them.

We cannot wait to see a STOP to “normalization surgery” in intersex as demanded by us and as a Special Rapporteur on Torture at UN also stated so unequivocally. The difference is we demanded it based on first-hand experience while the UN did it based on academic expertise and so their voice is MORE POWERFUL and is heard. 

We cannot wait to see global reconciliation of “third gender” legal rights for binational third genders. While countries allow LEGAL recognition of third gender, other countries only recognize a binary gender. When a “third gender” person from such a country immigrates to a “binary gender” country, how will it be reconciled legally? And what about the basic human rights of the “third gender” person wanting to be recognized as “third gender”? Will they have to “give up” their legal recognition in order to immigrate to a “binary gender” country?

We JUMPED through SEVERAL HOOPS and answered the gut-wrenching questions in our own way, be human. Sadly, the approach of secrecy and lies is being used as a WEAPON against our innocent children. No parent would remain silent. Punish the criminals, punish the one who failed to report the crimes, but why punish the innocent children? Bestowing HUMAN RIGHTS as an individual where the LAWS fall short is WRONG because it PUNISHES innocent CHILDREN. Demand for change in LAWS, we look forward to the healthy discussion with TRUTH and FACTS.

Oppression, persecution, suppression of facts, and so on historically have been used when dealing with rights of minorities and social issues. Over time, all the tactics fail and LAWS are passed to give equality and sometimes even recognizing the people who fought for it, albeit posthumously. Is that hypocrisy? Avoiding the inevitable and punishing the innocent is a failed approach, let us try something different. TRUTH maybe? Let us see what the future brings. We are hopeful its a ray of sunshine glistening with TRUTH and EQUALITY.

Blame Game or Solution?

Here are two sensitive, complex cases about innocent children. As good natured humans, we try our level best toInside Matters do the right thing, but what happens when something goes awry like a bad science fiction story? Do we resolve to BLAME GAMES or look for a SOLUTION?

Case 1 : IVF Child Stranded

In a recent case of in vitro fertilization (IVF), a US couple was having a child in India through IVF and surrogacy. As per media reports, the plan was to use the husband’s sperm, an anonymous egg donor and surrogate which would mean the only DNA connection is with the father. As per US immigration laws, a child born outside the US must have a “biological link” to one parent in order to be allowed to come to the US immediately. As it were, there was an accident and a happy moment turned into a horror story. The IVF clinic accidentally swapped the samples and therefore rendering the innocent IVF child with NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION with the US couple. They would fail a DNA test and the innocent child is stranded. Whose fault is it? Is it the innocent IVF child’s fault? Is it the loving commissioning parent’s fault? Is it the IVF clinic’s fault? Is it the medical professionals fault?

Instead of playing the BLAME GAME, it is important to recognize that to err is human. And accidents happen. Now we must move forward, provide a solution and a legal recourse in the best interest of the child. Or is it?

Case 2: IVF Child Abused

In another case, an IVF child also born in India, was taken to the US and attempted breastfeeding by a genetic Male Breastfeedingmale while on female hormonal treatment. The issue is there was no lactation and the innocent IVF infant was left to cry incessantly as he was hungry. The issue is not the “attempt to breastfeed” by a genetic male, the issue is refusal to feed a hungry infant through alternative means. Is that child abuse? Is it the innocent child’s fault? Is it the genetic male’s fault for trying to breastfeed? Do we blame a group of the society at large who place too much importance on motherhood = breastfeeding? Should gay couples be allowed to breastfeed their children? Is it the medical professionals fault for not taking scientific facts into account of the competing effects of female hormonal treatment AND lactational hormones?

Instead of playing the BLAME GAME, it is important to recognize that to err is human. And accidents happen. Now we must move forward, provide a solution and NEVER subject another voiceless infant to hunger just to satisfy a genetic male under medication wishlist of breastfeeding.

Case 3 : IVF Debate – Personal or Public Policy Issue?

Being gay is a personal issue but gay rights is a public policy issue. Opting for IVF is a personal issue but IVF child rights is a public policy issue.

The perils of IVF are many. The perils of HUMAN CLONING are many. As a society, while we run to help infertile people to have a child through IVF, have all different scenarios been accounted for and appropriate LAWS been passed protecting the basic human rights of ALL? Or are we just moving the cheese?

We look for SOLUTIONS as we go to the next frontier, where no human may have gone before. We bring with us our heart, our mind, and all sum of our knowledge as a humankind to put our best foot forward.

Gay Marriage and Divorce

While most places in the world do NOT allow legal gay marriage yet, what will it look like when gay marriage isIntersex Gay Lesbian Rights legalized? And then there will be gay divorce. What will a gay divorce look like? And what about the children in a gay marriage if any? Since there is NO mother in a gay marriage, will the children be SPLIT when divorced? Or will the BEST INTEREST of the CHILDREN come FIRST?

In a gay marriage, are trust and love equally important or is lying and cheating allowed?

In a gay marriage, will the spouse have EQUAL access to medical records as a caregiver?

In a gay marriage, will the spouse be protected by law for domestic violence and abuse?

For a bi-national immigrant gay couple, will they be allowed to immigrate to the US legally?

In a gay marriage, if they do not ADOPT,  only one spouse will be a biological parent if they have a child through IVF. Will the child be allowed to immigrate legally to the US if the child is born outside the US to an immigrant bi-national gay couple?

In a gay marriage, does the child call anyone a “mother”?

In a gay marriage, does the child have a “mother tongue” or a “primary care provider tongue” or a “father tongue”?

In a gay marriage, will either male try to breastfeed the infant? What if there is no lactation, will they allow the infant to cry incessantly and suffer while hungry?

In a gay marriage, what traditional stereotype will be used to assign “primary care provider” role since there is no mother?

In a gay marriage, does the child have a right to have a sibling?

In a gay marriage, what if it takes a few years and repeated failed IVF attempts and perseverance to keep trying to provide a sibling for the child? Will the biological parent make all the efforts and trips to have a second child? What support will the non-biological parent provide?

In a gay divorce, what if the non-biological parent files divorce with NO mention of ongoing IVF pregnancy, how will the court look after the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN of a gay marriage?

In a gay divorce, what if the biological parent is EXILED from the US as the second IVF child is NOT allowed to immigrate to the US without a mother?

In a gay divorce, has DUE PROCESS been allowed without intimidation and threats of saving a little infant girl’s life half a world away?

In a gay divorce, what if the non-biological parent takes no accountability or responsibility for raising the second child and abandons the innocent child and is not required to pay any child support as the information was suppressed from the court.

In a gay divorce, what about the rights of the first IVF child who wanted a sibling? What about the rights of the first IVF child who wants his biological father around while growing up?

In a gay divorce, what about the rights of the second IVF child for being abandoned and endangering their welfare? Do they get any rights in the US? Is it a crime against humanity?

All this has already happened in an intersex marriage and divorce between two genetic males. And neither gay marriage or intersex marriage is LEGAL yet which means, yes LAWS have been broken, not once but multiple times. The key difference is in a gay marriage, both spouses know and understand they are gay and have same rights – equal or unequal. In an intersex marriage, the unsuspecting non-intersex spouse is a VICTIM and is unaware of the unequal rights for intersex but inherits them. And sadly, the victimization and abuse continues to the innocent children and not being allowed to grow up together. In a gay marriage, both spouses may be fertile but in an intersex marriage, the intersex person is infertile. The temptation and bias for a child Vs their own selfish interests present a severe conflict of interest.

Cannot Wait To Get Gay Rights Soon Enough

As a spouse of intersex, cannot wait to have gay rights be legalized soon enough. Not as a spouse of intersex but equal gay rightsfor the innocent children of a dysfunctional intersex marriage. Had the IVF children been born in a time when equal gay rights existed, they would be growing up together as they were meant to be. Even though I am an optimist but life has taught me to be a realist. With that in mind, I do not think in my lifetime, we are going to get equal rights for spouse of intersex, let alone if we first have a discussion about the issues that affects spouses of intersex and more importantly, the children of an intersex marriage.

Being intersex is a natural condition meaning it is not in the intersex person’s control but choosing to lie about it is in their control. Sometimes, lies can be crimes like lying on legal documents or immigration fraud or perjury or other kinds of abuse. Despite all the philanthropy of a astute and respected person like Mr. Rajat Gupta, at the end of the day, he is serving jail time for crimes he committed. White collar crime but still crimes. Are the blatant lies, fraud documents by intersex and the supporting medical community crimes? The issue here is NOT can intersex person be a parent, the issue here is the relentless, blatant lies by the intersex and the medical community with no respect for laws or basic rights of other unsuspecting, innocent people including the voiceless, innocent children. Do other victims including innocent, voiceless children have human rights or ONLY intersex people deserve human rights? If such abuse is allowed to go unchecked, there will only be more innocent victims including the voiceless, innocent children.

Before this century is over, marriage equality for all, equal rights for IVF children and families and legal recognition of third gender in civilized nations will be a reality. By NOT allowing equal rights to people, are we creating a new class of unsuspecting, innocent VICTIMS? 

1) Being gay and intersex are two separate things. Just like for ages, the “social acceptance” was being gay can be “medically corrected”, similarly,  “gender” can be “medically corrected” approach is false.

2) In a gay relationship, both partners are gay and are in a gay relationship by mutual consent. In an intersex relationship, where one partner may be heterosexual or gay or lesbian is NOT in an intersex relationship with mutual consent because the truth was hidden from them. In any relationship, trust and love counts and fraud is not love.

3) In a gay relationship, both partners are male. In an intersex relationship, both partners are genetically male. Will gay parents, both genetic males, be allowed to breastfeed without proper medical supervision? Can gay parents, both genetic males, lactate? In an intersex relationship, both genetic males, will there be lactation and should they be allowed to breastfeed? If there is NO milk in genetic males, and the parent imposes upon the voiceless, crying, hungry infant to “breastfeed with NO milk”, is that child abuse?

4) When two males are in a relationship, there are certain issues that come up for which our legal framework is simply not ready yet. For example, domestic violence and abuse laws for protection between two males, rights of a child in a marriage between two males, “social acceptance” that males can raise a child just as lovingly and so on.

5) In a relationship between two males, one parent will always be a “non-biological” parent meaning the biological parent has taken up the JOB equivalent to that of an ADOPTION regulator who approves of adoptive parents. This may work in a “mutual consent” relationship like lesbians or gays but what about an intersex relationship where the relationship itself was based on fraud?

6) Just like the intersex person has a RIGHT to feel “male”, “female”, or “both” or “neither”, their spouse and child who was lied, cheated and frauded has every RIGHT to feel the same about their intersex spouse, its their human rights too. The discussion here is about the TRUTH. People like Tony Briffa and Imogen Callaway who have both publicly identified as intersex have more respect because they are being honest. They are the real leaders.

7) The “social acceptance” theory is that a child cannot be taken away from a “mother”. Then should gays be allowed to have a child since there is NO mother in the relationship? Governments today are apologizing for their wrong behavior during the baby scoop era to take away innocent children from their biological mothers because they were single and “single mothers” were “socially unacceptable” at the time. It is wrong TODAY to take away child from his “father” because it is “socially unacceptable” to have children growing up with only fathers.

8) The real question we should be asking is it wrong to take a child away from their “PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER” whether the person is male or female or third gender or heterosexual, gay, lesbian, intersex, how does it matter?

9) As a spouse caregiver of intersex, the “normalization surgery” in its current protocol of an adult intersex person during a marriage is WRONG. If you have to lie on medical records and create fraud documents, that should be the FIRST SIGN, you are doing something wrong. What is worse is that they have NOT thought about the overall implications of creating fraud documents and helping intersex families to lie, cheat, and fraud victims including innocent, voiceless children.

10) Recently, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture confirmed our demands that the “normalization surgery” of intersex should STOP. It is interesting that the Torture department made this statement, if it is torture for the intersex person, is there any torture for the spouse caregiver of intersex if surgery is done during the marriage? Someday, they will also release a report to call for a “waiting period study” between the time an intersex person has this controversial “normalization surgery” and is stabilizing from the treatment to when they can become a primary care provider for an infant.

11) IVF is a technology that presents opportunities for the first time where children may be born with “NO LEGAL MOTHER”. Do such children have EQUAL rights?

12) We are convinced as time moves forward and equal rights for gays are granted, our demand for equal rights for intersex, equal rights for IVF children and families will also be met. As spouse of intersex, we are just not the right messengers but that does not mean our message (demands) is incorrect.

13) The right answer is to have a REPEATABLE SOLUTION. This means that an intersex person should be able to repeat what has happened in this case which is have a LEGAL marriage, have a LEGAL CHILD, be a TRUTHFUL PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER based on actions and NOT looks, and have LEGAL custody of the child in the child’s BEST INTEREST. By legalizing an illegal intersex marriage does not help other intersex people who want to marry or have children. If LAWS are followed and if TRUTH is used, it is not possible to REPEAT this. So the right answer is to have laws for equal intersex rights and equal rights for IVF children and families.

14) To Maulik, his biggest jurors are his two innocent, voiceless IVF children. As a loving, passionate parent, he will continue to fight for them and all IVF children and families. Maulik realizes that in 2013, if a woman had experienced the same TRAUMA instead of him, her CHILDREN would not be SPLIT. Maulik understands he is fighting for IVF children, IVF parents, spouse of intersex, gays, lesbians, intersex, single parents, heterosexuals.

15) In the root cause analysis, this case is about saying a THOUSAND lies to hide one LIE. Had this case occurred when equal gay rights existed, equal IVF child rights existed, the innocent IVF children would NOT be SPLIT. Even if equal IVF child rights or if spouse caregiver of intersex rights DO NOT happen in our lifetime, by having gay rights, we will also be inadvertent BENEFICIARIES.

The point is to have the right for siblings to grow up together. Whether these rights are guaranteed through their own individual rights or they come through as gay rights, we will take it either way because the innocent, voiceless victims will be happy either way to have an opportunity to grow up together. Secrecy, lies, stigma are the real culprits and it is time to speak the TRUTH for the sake of innocent, voiceless victims.

2101: An IVF Siblings Odyssey

The year is 2101.

Equal rights for IVF children and IVF ecosystem exist. The struggles for equal LGBT rights, same-sex marriage, adoption rights by LGBT has been had. Equal rights for 2101 : IVF siblings odysseyintersex has been had. Intersex marriages are legalized. There is a global recognition of the existence of the “third gender”. It is no longer taboo to discuss the truth. Adoptions by intersex are legalized. IVF/surrogacy by intersex is legalized. We have already LIVED this life of secrecy, lies and fraud in 2000s, maybe a century too early. Living a life of secrecy, lies and fraud and then having your children bear the punishment is too much to bear. Fast forward to 2101. It is common to see gay couples raising children without a “traditional mother”. It is common to see single men raising children without a “traditional mother”. “Social acceptance” of parenthood definitions are changing. Will an IVF father have rights to raise his biological children? More traumatically, will the children of an IVF father who are biological siblings be DISCRIMINATED against because of their IVF father’s gender, a male?

Are spouse of intersex and children in an intersex family in 2013 in same place where Jeanne Manford was in 1972? It is rather ironical that social justice and equality is delivered when someone dies or respect is only earned after death. I was left for dead, however the love for my children helped me survive. IVF children symbolize “GIVING LIFE” and NOT taking life. This struggle for equal IVF child rights and equal IVF family rights which may include heterosexuals, gays, lesbians, intersex is a peaceful struggle. We ask everyone to join us and help us accelerate the inevitable.

Here is a BOLD statement: “SINGLE WOMEN SHOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN AND ARE FORCED TO GIVE THEM UP FOR ADOPTION BY THE STATE”.

If it makes your hair stand up or gives you the churns in the stomach or simply makes you think what a STUPID statement, this is exactly what governments of Canada, Australia and other countries in the 1960s and 70s did because “single mothers” were “socially unacceptable”. It was state-sponsored forced adoption of innocent children from loving mothers whose ONLY fault was they were single and they lived in a primitive time.

In 2013, somehow it is OK to forcibly take a child away from an IVF father who loves his child deeply and the child loves his father deeply.

As the old addage goes, HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF. There is no doubt that in a not too distant future, IVF fathers will be “socially acceptable” and their children will have EQUAL rights as a natural born child and NOT BE DISCRIMINATED against because of their father’s gender. An IVF father can be a loving single father, a gay father or a spouse of intersex. Imagine in the future when looking back and thinking, my what a STUPID thing was it to separate loving biological families.

After World War II, in the US there were forced adoptions of native American children to white American families in an attempt to better assimilate the native Americans with the rest. Diversity was not respected. Today, the same government is conducting TRUTH and RECONCILIATION commissions. The children who grew up SEPARATELY from their biological parents are confused. No words can describe their feelings. We can assume that the white American families who adopted the children gave the best care and love in raising the children but as the innocent children ask, WHY? It is NEVER acceptable to DESTROY and SEPARATE loving biological families.

Sadly in a country like India, female foeticide or infanticide still occurs. But if an IVF girl child is pre-meditatively abandoned and left for dead, there is NO repurcusions. If an egg donor dies during an IVF procedure, does she have any human rights? Are there any legal repurcusions and who should be held liable? If a surrogate dies during an IVF child pregnancy or birth, does she have any human rights? Are there any legal repurcusions? Is IVF being inadvertently used as a “baby making factory” with no respect for basic rights for the innocent IVF child and the IVF ecosystem as a whole?

Social Engineering will always be experimented for the so-called “greater good”. And in doing so, living on the “edge” and taking extreme decisions as a system may seem “normal”. But certain things remain constant, like CHANGE and TRUTH. By placing a human on the moon, the need for OXYGEN does not go away. Even if the human is tethered to an object in space, a lifeline with OXYGEN must be maintained. Do all the “SOCIAL ENGINEERING” you want, NOT MAINTAINING a tether with a loving BIOLOGICAL FAMILY is too risky and with UNKNOWN results for the innocent CHILD who has NO VOICE.

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